Who's Who in the Parodyverse?
Version 15.4 @ 12th May 2008
(Untold Tales #326)
The Parodyverse is a shared fictional universe which forms the backdrop for many of the stories on the Parodyverse Message Board, where many of the posters have created superheroes of the same name as their internet handles and write of their adventures. Some people choose to tell largely serious stories, others are humorous. This Who’s Who features most of the recurring characters who appear in various stories.
Fast Reference for the Heroes: Go to The Lair Legion, Currently Common Heroes, Heroic Groups and Organisations, Lair Legion Staff, Other Supporting Characters, Semi-Active or Retired Characters, Currently Dead Characters.
Fast Reference for the Villains: Go to Poster Villains, Non-Poster Master Planners, Corporate Villains, Villain Teams, Other Villains, Currently Dead Villains.
Miscellaneous References: Go to Supernatural and Occult Characters, Aliens, Cosmic Characters, And Finally…, and Links and More.
Popular References: Go to The Junior LL, SPUD, The League of Regulars, EEE, The Abandoned Legion, The JBH, Purveyors of Peril, Caphans
Link to the Where's Where of the Parodyverse companion directory.
Links to Previous Versions of the Who’s Who:
Who's Who version 7 for reference to older tales (before Untold Tales #58, August 2000)
Who's Who version 9 for reference to not-quite-so-old episodes (Untold Tales #59-103, December 2003)
Who's Who version 11 for stories before Untold Tales #150, May 2004
Who's Who version 13 for more recent material up to Untold Tales #300 or so.
This is useful for re-reading older stories as they feature the then-present line-ups and status quo ante.
Note: Principal poster characters' names are shown in blue, supporting characters are shown in green, and teams are shown in red. Names marked q.v. (quod vide) indicate a fuller entry about that character elsewhere in the text.
The Lair Legion
The main heroes of the Parodyverse are the Lair Legion, a team based on Parody Island just off Paradopolis. All the members of this team are "poster characters". The current line-up (as of just after Untold Tales #326) consists of Hatman (leader), Visionary, CrazySugarFreakBoy!, the Manga Shoggoth, the Librarian, Mr Epitome, Al B. Harper, and Yuki Shiro.
The Field Team Members:
Hatman (Jay Boaz, leader) gained the ability to take on the powers and abilities of any hat he wears after exposure to a radioactive drug containing the primal substance Serious Matter. Really. He mainly uses sports' team caps to take on the abilities of Bulls, Steelers etc, using headpieces from his Hatility Belt. With the right hat he can be pretty powerful. He is the team nice guy, and this probably makes people underestimate his potential. He often teams up with CSFB! (q.v) (mimicking the Green Lantern/Flash relationship). He has recently been romantically entangled with Rabid Wolf (q.v), a superheroine from the nation of Candia. More on Hatty and More still on the capped crusader and Notes on the Hatility Belt
CrazySugarFreakBoy! (Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove, deputy leader) is a hyperactive college student whose Impossibilityium silly suit enhances his own sugar-powered athletic abilities, strength and speed. His encyclopaedic knowledge of comics and movies and a massive enthusiasm for the super-hero lifestyle creates a perspective that somehow keeps him alive. His wife Alice April Apple is a comic-book writer. His daughter by Pelopia (q.v), daughter of his archenemy, the Word (q.v) is Iris Paintbrush Foxglove. His mother, Meggan Foxxx (Melanie Hastings a.k.a. "Action Figure") is a radio-chat-show-hosting porn queen stripper. Meggan is devoted to her son and often narrates CSFB!'s adventures. His father is Louis Laughing Fox, a Native American shaman police officer. He's also an occasional member of the Globetrotting Gangbusters (see attached note), and their former leader, before giving the position to the Lesbian Liberator. He previously sidekicked Sydney St Sylvain, the former superheroine Fashion Fairy(q.v.). More on the wired wonder (equipment, cast, timeline etc), Notes on Meggan Foxxx. Here are some Notes on Glitch, a future CrazySugarHero autobot. Finally, descriptions of ally and enemy respectively Jingo Belle (q.v) and Aryan Ideal.
The Manga Shoggoth is a Lovecraftian creature of protoplasm from the dawn of time. Lurking in his cyclopean many-angled fortress in the icebound Antarctic, the Manga Shoggoth guards his prized collection of Japanese animation. But one fragment of the Shoggoth was contaminated in a previous adventure is now quarantined from the main biomass and has joined the Lair Legion until it can be cleansed and returned. The Shoggoth is served by his High Priestess Ebony of Nubilia (q.v) and is rumoured to have a wife, Sh'Ron, and an offspring, Cthandra . Who’s Who of the Manga Shoggoth
Mr Epitome (Dominic Clancy), the Paragon of Power, uses his enhanced physical and mental attributes to protect America from the forces that threaten it. He is partnered with his super-powered dog Glory (q.v), the mutt of might. His abilities include x-ray vision and other advanced senses. He was previously romantically involved with his former enemy, the puzzle-solving genius The Idiom (q.v), but she used the M/ELTZER ray to remove the last fifteen years of his memory to prevent him from committing acts she felt would be atrocities. Mr. Epitome is a man so devoted to his job he had his own family retconned out of existence, and formerly headed the Epitome Division of the Office of Paranormal Security for the mysterious Grey Eminence (q.v). He is currently “seeing” fabrics designer Katarina Allen He’s heard the rumours that he is part of a conspiracy and would tell you they are unfounded. Trust him: he's with the government. Who’s Who - Epitome Edition
Yuki Shiro is a private detective who lost her human body in a fire after being trapped by her enemies. To save her life she was outfitted into a synthetic body with purple hair and eyes designed by Al B. Harper (q.v) and Bautista Enterprises, manufactured by the latter and a Japanese electronics giant who prefers to keep the project secret. Her synthetic cyborg body, containing a titanium alloy skeleton, has an on-board conceptual computer, satellite/radio/cellular transmission equipment, dual kinetic (self-charging) batteries, and electronic, thermal, and optical camouflage. Her synthetic body gives her accelerated movement and perception, strength greater than a man twice her size, the durability to fall about three stories without injury, and the ability to access the information infrastructure. She has recently become associated with youthful practitioner of Chinese elemental magics Liu Xi Xian. More on Liu Xi Xian and Yuki
Visionary is basically a normal, unpowered human who gets into terrible messes with superheroes. Often accused of being a fake man or synthezoid, Visionary insists this is untrue, and due to strange cosmic coincidences his true nature can now never be determined lest the Parodyverse end. Vizh lives in a geographically unstable lighthouse with his legal ward (and now sister), the troubled probability arsonist Kerry Shepherdson (q.v.), and his twin 11-year old children, the fairy princess Magweed and techno-ghost Griffin, and plays host to a wide variety of visiting friends, including micro-robot companion Fleabot (q.v.). Against his will or better judgement, good-hearted hapless Visionary has become the headmaster of the LL’s Junior Hero Training Academy (qv).
The Librarian (Lee Bookman) is Librarian at the Lunar Public Library, an institution located on the dark side of Earth’s moon, assisted by artificial intelligence D.D. and the robotic major domo A.L.F.RED. His abilities include being able to absorb and transmit knowledge from any book or database, to translate any written language, and the capacity to survive in outer space.More on Lee Bookman and his Library, Other MPL Helpers, and some notes on previous Librarians
Al B. Harper is a brilliant and eccentric theoretical (and sometimes almost practical) physicist who works to bring about a better world and accomplish really huge explosions. In pursuit of these goals he has also become the Lair Legion’s scientific advisor. He was previously the fiancée of Miss Framlicker (q.v.), with whom his is a business partner Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises. Al is a slightly nerdy-looking black man with a goatee, and he smokes a bubble pipe. His time-displaced teen children by the temporal villainess of Kinki the Conqueress are Cody Harper (gifted with understanding any language) and Kara Harper (gifted with understanding any mathematics). He lives in a cabin in the woods up near Shyminsky Falls in Upstate Gothametropolis.More on Al
For a list of the Lair Legion’s Supporting Characters scroll down or go here.
Honorary Members include Amazing Guy (q.v., absent from Parodyverse) and Premiere (q.v., deceased)
The Junior Lair Legion is a training programme run by Visionary for new heroes. The current class includes Kerry Shepherdson, Harlagaz, and Fashion Accessory; Glory is the new teaching assistant; alumni include spiffy, Ham Boy, and Hacker 9 (all described below, or click here.).
Former members of the Lair Legion include Jarvis (deceased, founder), NTU-150 (founder, absent from Parodyverse), Lisa Waltz (founder, cosmic office holder) spiffy (founder), Fin Fang Foom (absent from Parodyverse), the Dark Knight (absent from Parodyverse), Banjoooo (absent from Parodyverse), Messenger (expelled, presumed dead), Starseed (ascended), Space Ghost (expelled, absent from Parodyverse), DarkHwk (comatose), Rocket Racoon (eaten), Sersi (absent from Parodyverse)), Goldeneyed (absent from Parodyverse), Exile (off-plane), Troia 215 (now queen of the Amazons, absent from parodyverse), Sorceress, Trickshot (absent from Parodyverse), Ziles (offworld), Dancer (lost her powers),Sir Mumphrey Wilton (retired), Cressida (absent from Parodyverse) and Nats (lost in strange dimension). Probationary members who never made it to full membership include The Man Who Wasn't There (transformed and retconned), Magnetic Techbird (deceased), Avatar (deceased), Pegasus (deceased), Falcon (currently hidden by the Hooded Hood), and De Brown Streak (absent from Parodyverse), ManMan (lost his powers), and Citizen Z (expelled when revealed as Baroness von Zemo).
For the origins of the Lair Legion, read Lair Legion: Year One.
In this version of the Who’s Who, we’re subdividing this section into Currently Common Heroes, who seem to be around a lot, and Retired Heroes (who are gone until their posters want them back).
Currently Common Heroes:
The Carnifex (Mark Carnifex) is the most important and greatest hero of the Parodyverse. Appearing from nowhere with his high black-iron Esqualine Tower he has quickly become the most popular champion of Earth. Loved by all he advises and maintains vigil over the world he has been sent to attend to. He is wonderful. More on the Carnifex
Donar (Donar Jones or Gavan Carstensen) is a Thor variant, the son of Oldman the Big Daddy, husband of Queen Annj and brother of Hoki, God or Goddess of Betrayal and Guile. With his enchanted baseball bat with a nail in it, Mjalcolm, Donar hails from the land of Ausgard, an antipodean version of Asgard. Donar speaks with a mangled Shakespearean speech, like Liefield's Thor if Thor had a broad Australian accent. He is a little more down-to-earth than Marvel's Thunder God, and he is well hard. He has very little patience and less tact, but he would defend his friends to the death. Donar's mother is the Earth-Spirit Gail. His wife is Queen Annj. He has a son, Harlagaz (q.v)., by an old lover Freyda. Donar is currently deputing as ruler of Ausgard. More on Donar, Even more on Donar, and Donar’s retirement
The Sorceress (Whitney Darkness), was bred and trained to be a nature-controlling magic-wielder , a wise woman with gifts of transmutation and other magical abilities. Scion of an ancient line of sorceresses, she is the grand-daughter of the witchHagatha Darkness, granddaughter of Sir Mumphrey Wilton (q.v.), daughter of Xander the Improbable (q.v.), and cousin to the actress Lania(q.v.) and the troublemaking Ruby Weaver(q.v.). She was previously romantically linked with Hatman (q.v).
Dancer, (Sarah Shepherdson) is a mild-mannered waitress by day at Mr Papadopopolis' Bean and Donut Coffee Bar in Paradopolis Plaza (and lives in a flat above the café), but secretly fights crime as the Probability Dancer, the dashing, confident, probability-altering herald of Galactivac the Living Death that Sucks (q.v.). She is quite possibly the nicest human in the Parodyverse and rarely fights her enemies when she can talk them out of being horrible instead. Her adversaries include Magenta St Evil (q.v), Holy Wedlock (q.v), and Carlsbad Carl the Albino Probability Cowboy. Her seventeen year old pyromaniac sister Kerry Shepherdson (q.v) has come to stay in Paradopolis as the ward of their adopted brother, Visionary. More on Shep
spiffy (Mark Hopkins) has a symbiotic fern from the extradimensional Unhappy Place attached to his head which gives him mysterious, um, fern powers (actually these include the fern’s sudden growth and attack capabilities, energy absorption, and the fern but not spiffy being able to become invisible). spiffy has recently become the President for Life of rogue Pacific rim nation-state Badripoor, a sinkhole of vice and corruption; so his former tenure as omni-mayor of almost everywhere in the USA except Paradopolis, and especially of Gothemetropolis York, has prepared him quite well for it. He even died and spent some time in Hell, Nebraska before being resurrected and was the Hooded Hood’s (q.v.) son, although that seems to be currently retconned. He is currently romantically involved with his secretary Beverly Campbell, a mutate who can make people fail to notice her. A standing joke is that spiffy is responsible for everything. spiffy is associated with the Abandoned Legion (q.v.) and the League of Regulars. More on spiffy
ManMan (Joe Pepper) was just a regular guy when he was covered in "experimental chemicals" (McDonalds secret sauce) and he was granted all the superpowers of a man! Along with sentient knife of unknown and ancient origin, Knifey he fought crime in all its forms, no matter what the cost (although the white leather Elvis jumpsuit chafes in the most "intimate" of places). He is probably not currently dating wannabe supervillain The Widget (Alice White) - no really, they’re just argument buddies - but is caring for his Aunt April. His most persistent enemy is the bizarreThighmaster (q.v.). After Knifey was lost during the final battle of the Parody War Joe is currently retired.More on ManMan
Sir Mumphrey Wilton is a genial old English gentleman, the managing director of Wilton Enterprises, and the possessor of a pocketwatch which can manipulate time. Mumph has recently returned to heroics after a thirty year absence, and has hired Asil (q.v.) as his amanuensis. Mumphrey is courteous, stuffy, kindly, decent, and absolutely dependable. He looks to be in his late fifties; he is considerably older, and was a member of the League of Improbable Gentleman, an eighteenth century forerunner of the Lair Legion. Formally he is the Keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity, a minor cosmic office. His late wife was Madge (q.v.). More on Mumph, a few more details, some history of his military career and a guide to Mumphspeak.
Indiana Gnome and Gunther are a pair of mismatched mythological creatures loose in the world today. Indy’s a swashbuckling explorer gnome. Gunther’s a former barbarian warrior transformed into an animated gargoyle.
Alcheman (Michael Wooster) gains his ability to transform into combinations of elements from the tattoos on his arms. The schoolteacher’s eccentric family do not agree with his superhero career choice. Alcheman is methodical, polite, and honourable. How has he survived this long? The Wooster family includes matriarch Agnes Wooster and Michael’s trouble-making socialite sisters, the twins Jenny and Trudi Wooster. His interfering ex-fiancée is adventurous archaeologist Dr Honoria Sesselby. Michael has recently opened his home to outcast superteam The Joy Corps Alcheman’s Who’s Who CHARACTER GUIDE? JOY CORPS?
Grace O’ Mercy, the Night Nurse is the greatest asset of the Phantomhawk Memorial Hospital’s Emergency Room, and she works the graveyard shift. She’s also the Parodyverse’s nicest vampire, refusing to drink the blood of the living (even animals) and subsisting on plasma from the hospital’s blood bank until here recent encounter with a powerful master-vampire that may have changed things. Grace’s status quo ante is illustrated in Night Nurse #2: Blood Will Tell.
Champagne Cacciatore is known to the world as socialite and amateur detective but is secretly an international jewel thief. Her family are Sicilian mafia.
The Psychic Samurai (Chiaki Bushido) is a modern-day Japanese warrior, formerly in the service of crimelord Akiko Masamune (q.v.) and now acting freelance. She is known for her extraordinary intuition and her proficiency with a katana.
Ham-Boy (Fred Harris) can control assorted meat by-products, but not meat in it's natural form, has a Ham Sense, which tells if evil is somewhere around him, and possesses Meat Vision, which makes meat appear when he stares at something long enough. What’s most recognizable about his costume is his cowl that looks like a ham. He drives around on his Ham-Scooter. He is from Piney Oaks, Iowa but is currently living in Goth Haven, a city near Paradopolis. He is going to college at Goth Haven University as Fred Harris and recently graduated from the Junior Lair Legion as Ham-Boy. More on Ham-Boy and his allies and enemies, and some more on Ham-Boy.
Silicone Sally (Sally Rezyliant) was a career supervillain mercenary in service to Baroness von Zemo (q.v), latterly using her flexible plastic body to serve as the Baroness’ Citizen Z disguise. However, she broke with the Baroness after von Zemo’s world takeover and has since sought adventure of the kind she enjoyed whole secretly observing the Lair Legion.
Semi-Transparent Lad (Ben Hermes) has the power to become mostly invisible, completely invisible when viewed in the right light. Ben currently works at the convenience store, Gulp N' Go in the Ballard District of Goth Haven, but is also an inductee in to the Federal Metahuman Resource Program (q.v) in their C-Class. More on Semi-Transparent Lad and Even More About STL.
Lara Night is a visitor from another multiverse. She is an elemental, having control over energy to accomplish a wide range of feats. A well-known hero on her own world, Lara has preferred to keep a low profile in the Parodyverse.
Vinnie De Soth, exorcist for hire, disowned white sheep of the De Soth occult family (his father is in the Inner Circle of the Heck Fire Club (q.v.). From his walk-in office under the staircase in Alto Tumour’s Used Occult Book Store in Gothametropolis Vinnie tries to scrape a living with his online tarot reading and Feng Shui lifestyle consultancy.
Tom Black, former British intelligence analyst, was suffused with evil Kaos Energy from the mysterious Judas Box and now has the ability to spawn semi-sentient will-o-th’-wisps which can possess mechanical or magical apparatus and via which he can remotely spy. He is mistrusted because his ancestor was the murderer Erskine Black responsible for the death of Mumphrey’s sister, daughter, and son-in-law; and because he’s a sarcastic bastard. He has recently employed ex-demon temptress Regret Kiskilla (q.v) as his secretary and mistress.
Jingo Belle (Josephine Simon), PR-spawned US military superhero poster girl. More on Jingo Belle
Artemis (Charlotte Ouk) was a young Cambodian immigrant orphaned by one of Mr. Epitome’s (q.v) old foes. He helped raised the young girl, training her to fight crime. Charlotte and Epitome became estranged at one point and at the age of 16 set off to Paradopolis, using her skills and high tech archery gear to work as a vigilante.
Liu Xi Xian is an orphaned Asian girl with elementalist abilities over the five traditional Chinese elements. Shy and unused to other people, Liu Xi is gradually coming to understand her abilities and herself. More on Liu Xi Xian and Yuki
Heroic Groups and Organisations***
The LL Junior Hero Training Program
Visionary is currently tutoring the following young would-be heroes:
Kerry Shepherdson is the seventeen-year-old pyromanic troublemaking sister of Sarah (Dancer) Shepherdson (q.v), sent to Paradopolis after burning down her school in Bogall, County Mudd, Ireland. She remains Visionary’s (q.v) ward following his legal adoption by the formidable Ma Shepherdson, and lives in his lighthouse. Her ability to cause improbable fires and explosions has only been magnified since she gained some of her sister’s probability powers.
Harlagaz Donarson is the son of Ausgardian hemigod of thunder and the goddess Freyda. Although several centuries old he has the maturity and sensibilities of a teenager coupled with his father’s strength, endurance, and ability to take major blows to the head. He may have some control over weather systems. He is brash, loyal, overconfident, and heroic.
Fashion Accessory (Samantha Bonnington) is a young model gifted by the Hooded Hood with the ability to transmute any fabric to other fabric, and with cut-down powers of a member of the Austernal race of human offshoots (Samantha is fully human though, a California blonde from Beverly Hills). Vain, and self-absorbed she still has a heroic streak that interferes with her social life and she therefore works as part of the Junior Lair Legion.
Glory is a young border collie given super powers by the same energies that created Mr. Epitome (q.v). She has vastly enhanced physical and mental abilities, including above human intelligence. The Mutt of Might is a member of the Office of Paranormal Security. After graduation from the Juniors she stayed on as T.A.
Denial (Danny Lyle) is not an official member of the programme but tends to hang around because he’s dating Kerry. A self-confessed supervillain with the ability to deny events that have just occurred, Danny affects a rebel-without-a-cause look and attitude. He is the son of the Hooded Hood (q.v) and Madame Symmetry of Synchronicity (q.v).
Previous students include spiffy (q.v) who flunked by becoming President-For-Life of a third world nation-state, Ham-Boy (q.v) who graduated, and Hacker Nine (q.v.) who dropped out.
Other young heroes known to hang out with the Juniors include Glitch (q.v), Kid Produce (q.v), Falconne (q.v), Captain Courageous (q.v), Fetish Lad (q.v), and Uuukelele, Princess of the Sea Monkeys (q.v).
Glitch is a female Autobot from a distant galaxy, sent to monitor and protect life on Earth. She’s just discovering a fetish for human boys.
Falconne (Belinda “Lindy” Wilson) is younger sister of the missing-in-action legionnaire Falcon and has inherited his combat flight suit.
Captain Courageous (Kip Kipling) is a young British agent of Project: Pendragon, gifted with enhanced physical abilities and cursed with an absolute sense of morality.
Kid Produce (Jasper Stevens) was a member of the JBH (Justa Bunch of Heroes) until tragedy struck and the love of his life Jackie Rabbit was taken from him. Now he is a morose, brooding loner who retains the ability to generate any kind of enhanced fruit or vegetable from his magic apron.
Hacker Nine(Zach Zelnitz) a.k.a. "That Little Punk" (© Visionary 2004) is an urban anarchist from Technopolis, a futuristic city in another dimension. Unlike his peers however, young Zelnitz has few violent tendencies, but rather a mischievous anarchistic streak that expresses itself in social disorder and bizarre artistic creations. Given H9’s ability to interfere with any kind of computer system this can be rather disruptive in a quiet, well-ordered society. Able to hack into any kind of computer system with ease, H9 amused himself and spawned a whole subculture with his acts of artistic outrage. After a time in the Junior Lair Legion (q.v.) and a period apprenticed to the Hooded Hood Hacker 9 has decided to explore the stars.
SPUD, the Super-Menace Principal Undercover Directorate is the Parodyverse’s best-known secret organisation, an international UN-backed task force mandated to anticipate and respond to threats of a metahuman, alien or otherwise atypical nature. Operating from their Helicarrier base and outposts across the globe they have jurisdiction during planetary emergencies. And of course there are lots of secret cabals and hidden factions and plots to overthrow the current leadership and so on.
Dan Drury, Agent of SPUD, a tough-talkin' hard-cussin' cigar-chompin' ornery one-eyed sonofab*tch what don't take no crap from no turkey-smoochin' government desk jockeys and gets the job done. His longevity from starting out in World War II leading his Whooping Commandos of Sleazy Company has not yet been explained.
Contessa Natalia Katarina Romanza , is a former Soviet espionage agent turned freelance spy. She married the main reality Parodyverse’s Carl Bastion (Trickshot) as part of an undercover scheme to betray him – but instead fell in love. When Heinrich Zemo (q.v) murdered the hero, the widow was devastated and surrendered to Drury, agreeing to work for SPUD. She had a complicated relationship with the Trickshot from "Earth Tricky" who has joined the Lair Legion.
Silver Aegis (Scott Scoggins) was plucked from a destroyed reality by The Plot Hole. This shield flinging hero from another time and place currently works for SPUD (q.v.) fighting threats both domestic and foreign.
Anna is a sophisticated android created by an unrevealed SPUD science programme. Created to be self-aware, Anna fled her SPUD creators and is currently learning about life in the wider world.
NTU-150 and Al B. Harper have both done contract technical work for SPUD, and Messenger worked as an occasional operative.
Sentinoids are government-issue mutate-hunting battle robots. However, they’re not averse to blowing apart the occasional non-mutate from time to time as well, so that’s alright.
Office of Paranormal Security (OPS) is the American government agency with the mandate to investigate and prosecute all forms of "metacrime." Key members of the group include Director Aaron Soames, and Special Agents Lester Dawes and Abby St. Germain. Mr Epitome (q.v) and Glory (q.v) are former agents of the OPS. During the Parody War the OPS was responsible for the Terminus Team programme, using convicted supervillains in military applications. It is not known whether the programme continues and whether it is still under OPS jurisdiction.
The League of Regulars (more affectionately known as the LoR), were all originally members of the LL before leaving to make room for the new crowd. This team was very lazy and didn't answer their hotline, unless of course if Yo was by the phone. They previously operated out of either Visionary's late lamented Condo or Donar's castle. The LoR was Lisa, Visionary, NTU-150, Yo, Donar, spiffy (by law), and (formerly) Cheryl, supported by their friends Asil, Fleabot, and Zebulon.
Fleabot is a robotic flea originally created as part of Baron Zemo’s weapons programme but long since turning his awesome powers of sarcasm and cynicism to the task of observing Visionary. He has useful scientific skills and can occasionally change size.
Zebulon is an elf from Santa’s grotto on secondment to the outside world to find an outlet for his unconventional technical skills. He has worked at the Lair Mansion and with NTU-150.
Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises is a weird science company based out of the old Sixways firehouse in Gothamatropolis York dedicated to scientific business and pure research . The staff of this table-top venture are Al B. Harper (q.v), Miss Framlicker, and Amy Aston, with interns Cody and Kara Harper.
Miss Framlicker (Muffy Framlicker, but very few people know her Christian name) was the college fiancée of Al B. Harper before they were torn apart by memory alterations. She has since become somewhat cold and ruthless, channelling her energies into becoming first Operations Manager at ITC then Business Manager at EEE. She remains prickly and defensive on non-work subjects.
Amy Aston is known for her fiery temper and her penchant for working in nothing but overalls. She’s immune to heat. She was formerly known as Amy Racecar before being traumatised by a psionic villain’s attack and leaving her post as the LL's mechanic. Old notes on Racey
The JBH (Just a Bunch of Heroes) was a free-wheeling team of superheroic adventurers founded by Amazing Guy. The membership changed over time but was mostly of (writer) AG's characters. Some of the more regular JBH members included Amazing Guy, Kid Produce and Jackie Rabbit. They also included a monthly representative from the Lair Legion in their ever-changing line-up.
Federal Metahuman Resource Centre (FMRC) is a government-sponsored superhuman training and deployment agency. FMRC Writers’ Guide and Cast List.
Special Protocols Against Metahumans (SPAM) is a clandestine U.S. government agency that answers directly to the Grey Eminence (q.v.). Its purpose is to gather information on the world's superhumans and design contingency plans (one of which is the black ops unit the Deathwish Detail) to sanction them if they become a threat to the conspiracy. It is led by portly black lady Dr. Harmanda Barriere.
The Abhumans This long-lived reclusive people dwell in Atticland, the Great Relief, a technologically-advanced city in the Tibetan mountains. They use the Plot-Enhancing Mists originated with that ever-popular Celestian technology to artificially mutate each one of them into a unique super-powered lifeform at puberty. The Abhuman Royal Family is known to consist of:
Brown Blot, the silent and powerful manipulator of gastric energies
Maximess the Manic, a.k.a Maximess the Slightly-Mad, a.k.a. the Expediter, his mind-controlling nasty younger brother
Sylverkrin, of the tangled hair, Brown Blot’s queen
Uhunalura, Sylverkrin’s youngest sister, a health-transferor (exiled) (q.v)
Toadton the amphibiahuman, a water-dwelling hybrid
Krakus, chief of security, whose mighty boots can stomp earthquakes
Garglon, high priest, whose skilled hands can offer fatal Chinese burns
Aphasia, a.k.a. Spandex Lass, Sylverkin’s other sister, now sadly retconned (see The Hooded Hood Chronicles #5: the Death of a Legionnaire (This Issue… Someone Dies))
Other Abhumans include Suresnout, the pig-monster-teleporting-thing, and the Searcher, a kind of scary Abhuman sheriff.
The Glorious People’s Crime Apparatchik (GlopCrap) are the premiere heroes of the nation-state of Candia, an alternate version of Canada which co-exists in a slightly parallel geography with the more well known country north of the United States of America. Their members include:
Captain Mud (Dmitri Dobusski) is the living national symbol of Candia. Able to transform at will into oceans of mud he leads the GloPCrAp team. By state fiat he divorced his beloved wife and left his two children to marry Rabid Wolf.
Rabid Wolf, Zvestri Zdrugo in her native tongue, (Zdenka Zarazoza), was raised by the state party after being found as a baby one night when the Northern Lights played, the goddess of the North can shift her shape to become any beast that lives or has lived on her native soil. She also makes the corn grow and the animals wax fertile. She was married to Captain Mud for propaganda purposes and in the hopes of breeding metahuman children. Later she was sent to Paradopolis in the hopes that she might be impregnated by Hatman (q.v.). Latterly she has caught the eye of the Carnifax (q.v.).
Party Animal (Masha Marikova [last name unrevealed]), Zdenka’s team mate and confidante.
Other members include Party Line (Party Animal’s brother), The Dialectic, Cold Warrior, and Hard-Working Man. Nuclear monster Dr Roentgen (q.v.) was previously a member before turning rogue. Comrade Vladimir Borin is GloPCrAp’s political officer and handler.
Giant Robot Six are six young people driving interlocking and transforming battle machines designed by their mentor/mad scientist Professor Tofu
Bishounen (Pretty Youth, in the blue armour): Shingo Kimura called 'KimuShin' by the press and his legion of fans. (A combination to the names of two of the pretty boy singers in J-Pop band SMAP)
Aka Tombo (Red Dragonfly, in the red armour): Goman Hashimoto. (Goman is "arrogant")
Cho-Cho Futago (Butterfly Twins, in the pink and lilac armours): Cute girl twins Teiko and Makiko Yamasaki (or Tei-chan and Maki-chan)
O-Zuno (Big Brain, in the green armour): Hideo Otakutani. (otaku - Japanese "nerd")
Moyashi (Beansprout, in the yellow armour): Masa Nishimoto (or Masa-kun)
Maverix are a slightly-illegal radical young superhero team concerned with social issues. More about Maverix.
The Detonator Hippos are belligerent genetically-engineered lifeforms with the ability to explode ands reform at will. They are commanded by Captain Hector MacHarridan and Sergeant Grievous McRabble. of Sergeant Argus MacHarridan (q.v.) is seconded to the Lair Mansion as security chief. The Hippos have old ties to Sir Mumphrey Wilton (q.v). More on the Detonator Hippos.
Lair Legion Supporting Characters***
Lair Legion staff include:
Flapjack (Yeoville Simonise Edric Flapjack) is the Lair Mansion's butler, a mis-shapen and disgusting hunchback formerly in the service of the Hooded Hood and virtually every other master-criminal. His hobbies include lurching, grovelling, sniffing underwear and trying to photograph superheroines showering.Flapjack's CV
Hallie is an artificial intelligence (a heuristic Artificial Life Learning Intelligence Entity) originally created by Dr Ernst Vishnar at the behest of Baron Zemo (q.v) from the engrams of dead computer scientist Helen MacAllistair. She later relocated to LL headquarters where she acts as their occasional resident computer. Using the notorious Movie Gun technology she can pass objects and people back and forth between the Parodyverse and the Virtual world. She developed Holographic Emitter Drones that allow her to travel and project hard-light holograms. Hallie gestated Visionary’s twin children. More on Hallie
Amber St Clare, efficient and aloof government liaison officer.
Sergeant Argus MacHarridan, security chief to Parody Island and the Lair Mansion, a kilt-wearing hard-drinking Detonator Hippo (q.v.).
Asil Ashling is a cloned version of Lisa (q.v) created by the diabolical Dr Moo (q.v) and possesses the ability to become any age. Innocent and devoted to Visionary (q.v), Asil has latterly been serving as Mumphrey's (q.v) amanuensis and sometimes acts as the LL’s secretary.
Marie Murcheson was a banshee who haunted the Lair Mansion, rarely manifesting (except when G-Eyed was showering) unless supernatural evil threatened her home. She howled all night when a member of the Legion died (she hiccuped all night if they subsequently came back to life). In the Parody War she was resurrected as a young Victorian lady and is having to come to terms with a world 150 years advanced from her own sheltered upbringing.
Other Supporting Characters***
There are far too many incidental characters to list anything like all of them. As a general policy this list only includes the ones that appear in more than one posters’ stories. Apart from the various supporting cast mentioned elsewhere, other people who keep popping up are:
Arnie J Armbruster (Arnold J Flying Hippopotamus Armbruster) is occasionally a cynical alcoholic investigative attorney and more recently a grizzled private eye, assisted by his secretary, Snookie (Ashley Takashi), but he also seems to appear in other times and places in other guises too. More on AJA
Lee O'Callaghan is a hard-boiled former FBI forensics specialist turned private detective who has recently been swept into the world of superhero mysteries. More on Lee
Bernice Teshmaker is an earnest young investigative journalist, a friend of CrazySugarFreakBoy!
Bethany Shellett was a teacher at Hells Bathroom’s St Jude’s Orphanage. The estranged daughter of Commissioner Graham shared an apartment with Lisette (q.v). but vanished after she turned down a marriage proposal from Goldeneyed.
Big Thick Eddie is an intellectually and dimensionally challenged bouncer at The Fatal Toilet Bar.
Caveguy is a savage caveguy. He says "Hooga!" a lot. He is Lord of the Savage Park, an Antarctic area of dinosaurs.
Chad & Ronnie (Chadwick L. Swiss & Ronald Arnold Gerrimoto Beeslyhuxtoy) are two individuals of a differing point of view then most people (most people would consider them "odd", to put it nicely.) The duo's homebase is an apartment in Parrodiopolis and they have had various adventures around the world. Ronnie owns a hamster, Little Cat, and has a ex-girlfriend, Jane Tarzania. Chad owns an accordion. They also associate with cool morgue attendant of Catherine Gillespie. Description of Chad and Ronnie
Commissioner Don Graham is the ageing but honest Paradopolis Chief of Police. He’s the father of Beth Shellett (q.v) and a childhood friend of Reverend Mac Fleetwood.
Con Johnstantine is a trenchcoat-swathed smooth talking and mysterious Englishman who appears to have occult connections and a knack of getting people into trouble.
Ebony of Nubilia (Most Holy Ebony) is the current high priestess of the Shoggoth Cult, assisting the Shoggoth by administering his Lemurian sanctuary and finding innocent anime DVDs to slake his awful lusts. More on Ebony
Elsqueevio is the Greek god of small waters. He sometimes hangs around with Banjooooo or spiffy. He is enraged by the colour purple and can fight his own weight in beavers. He was head of the Olympian pantheon by default for a while.
The Fashion Faerie (Sydney St Sylvain) is a retired size-shrinking superheroine who runs an exclusive fashion house, including a strong line of designer superhero gear. But she is also of fey blood and can pass in faerie for one of their own if she so chooses. Leonard Day Vincent is one of the most brilliant minds in the Parodyverse and was formerly Sydney’s husband and partner in adventure.
Harold Hogglet is the swinish Paradopolis deputy police commissioner.
Herbert P. Garrick is the Presidential Advisor on Superheroes and leader of the anti-mutant campaign. He is rabidly opposed to superheroes, so that doesn't help really. "Bad News Herb" is the man who controls the robotic Sentinoids, hero-hunting automatons. His assistant is Special Agent Rupert Holcombe, to whom he delegates oversight of the FMRC (q.v)
Icy is a walking snowman with cold generation powers who has struck up a friendship with Magweed and Griffin (both c.f)
J. James Jerkson is the publisher of the Daily Trombone, the second best selling newspaper in Paradopolis (after the Paradopolis Times). He is a cigar-chomping, hero-hating, self-aggrandising loudmouth.
Joan Henry is a heavy-duty industrial robot imprisoned for assault upon a human who really deserved assaulting.
Sir John de Jaboz is son of the High Commander of the Knights Improbablar of the alternate reality Swordrealms. His parents were his reality’s versions of Jay Boaz and Grace O’Mercy. He is travelling through time with Princess Lileblanche (q.v) on a quest set by Hagatha Darkness (q.v.)
Lania, soap star and actress, was formerly the Lair Legion’s PR advisor and a friend of Fin Fang Foom (q.v).
Princess Lileblanche of Elsinore is the daughter of one of the Ruling Council of Esperine, the alternate reality recently tangled with the Swordrealms into one plane. Lileblanche is the most powerful ESPer of her generation. Some call her a witch. She is travelling through time on a quest set by Hagatha Darkness (q.v.)
Lisette (Laurie Leyton) was Bry "Goldeneyed" Katz’ former lover. She concealed her pregnancy by him for fear it would destroy her relationship with him and giving up the child to the Order of the Observing Eye (q.v.) to be raised in another time and place. When G-Eyed finally discovered the truth he was horrified and the subsequent arguments ended their romance. Unhappy and alone, Laurie fell prey to an unscrupulous new lover who got her hooked on drugs, led her to prostitution, and finally arranged for her auctioned death in a video snuff movie. G-Eyed, discovering her plight at the last moment, saved her and helped her recover from her addiction. Lisette has took an interest in the care and reform of troubled teenager Gloria (q.v), and met the mysterious monster Wangmundo (q.v). Lisette’s identity was stolen by Baroness von Zemo and she was taken away as part of some occult deal. Since then she may have reappeared as the memory-wiped girl Amnesia in the history of the sinister Herringcarp Asylum.
Mr Limpqvist Lundqvist was the Manager of the Interdimensional Transportation Corporation (ITC), a very unusual delivery firm founded by Dame Jana, last of the Janus, a race of dimensional guardians from before time. However, since ITC’s board changed and became less benevolent after fiscal difficulties Mr Lundqvist quit for other employ.
Princess Uhunalura (Uhunalura Amalandriana Excelsior!) is the youngest of the Abhuman royal family, with the ability to shift injuries and illnesses between people. She came to visit Paradopolis with her teleporting war-pig, Suresnout, her first time away from Atticland, the Great Relief, but was permanently exiled because of her dalliance with Nats. She has also been romantically linked to De Brown Streak.
Nanny Chastity Greenwood was nanny to Mumphrey (q.v.), his father, his daughter Felicity, and latterly to his grand-daughter Samantha (q.v.), as well as to many other children. She's not Mary Poppins. Empowered by the Creation Crystals of the Shaper of Worlds (q.v.) she has the ability to draw on immense forces to protect children in her charge.
Professor Weed Writchards is a brilliant scientist in the fields of robotics, physics, and interdimensional travel, rivaled only by Al B. Harper (q.v) and Dr. Leonard Day-Vincent (see under CSFB! notes) in his genius. He created first the quirky Mechanical Men then later the Robo-Americans who are in existence today. Writchards is part of the team of explorers known as the Four Challengers of the Fantastic Unknown. Until recently they have been trapped in the Negativity Zone. The team consists of his wife Kate Frost Writchards (a.k.a. Mist) , her kid brother Jacky Frost (a.k.a. Frosty) and Weed's best friend from college Brick Laird (a.k.a. Lump) .
Rabito is Yo’s (q.v.) purple thought bunny, as originally thought up by Visionary (q.v.) as a birthday present for the pure thought being.
Reverend Mac Fleetwood is pastor of the Zero Street Mission in Hell's Bathroom, the worst part of Slumtown, in a besieged and battered old mission church run by Fleetwood and his dedicated volunteers (including Hatman and CSFB!). Down by the docks Fleetwood also runs the soup kitchen for Homeless Seamen (with help from volunteers such as Sarah (Dancer) Shepherdson). The Reverend also occasionally offered sanctuary to hunted mutates such as De Brown Streak and those rescued by him.
Tandi 3000 was created by Professor Pervo as a sexbot, but has now decided to better herself. She is a friend of Hallie’s.
Samantha Featherstone is Sir Mumphrey Wilton’s teenaged grand-daughter, who after witnessing the murder of her parents vowed to devote her life to fighting crime – and is now in training. She most often associated with Magweed and Griffin (q.v.), but also hires Champagne (q.v.) via an adult alias (Barbara Wayne). She had been trained by most of the major superheroes on the planet.
The Urban Robots (some prefer Robo-Americans) are self-determinative self-replicating machines originally designed by Dr Weed Wrichards.
Dr Maximillain Valium is administrator and chief psychiatrist at the Herringcarp Facility for the Mentally Troubled
Uuuukelele is Princess of the Sea Monkeys, ruler of their undersea kingdom in the Sargasso now that her cousin Banjoooo (q.v.) has departed.
Violet the Part-Time Cat is the last of her kind, a human-feline hybrid. She aspires to act and perform but currently waits tables at the Bean and Donut coffee bar.
Woopsa the Rakshasa is the new Supreme Conceptual Entity of Amalgamated Pantheons, Inc, a retirement home for old deities. He is actually an elephant-headed creature of Indian myth and former towel boy.
Yi is a pure thought being from Yo-Planet. S/he is most often encountered in the Happy Place, being the sworn protector of that plane of existence.
Semi-Retired and Inactive Characters
A number of heroes have been sidelined for the real-world reason that their poster creators are no longer around. A number of the characters vanished in a narrative bomb explosion at the end of the epic Parody War, propelling their to happy endings after from the Parodyverse. It remains to be seen if any of them will struggle back home. Heroes lost in this way include:
Fin Fang Foom (Andrew Deanformer leader of the LL, is a dragon, based upon a comics character of the same name. Originally shipwrecked on Earth from the planet Makluos, the original ancient wyrm merged with the consciousness of young Andrew Dean to become the draconic crusader active today. He can shapechange and do all the usual draconic stuff. He uses both a humanoid dragon form and the full wyrm shape, and in the latter he is immensely powerful. He is one of the most professional of the heroes, and one that regularly takes on cases independently of the Legion (often with Dark Knight). Foom takes a lot of stick for his shyness around women, although he has previously been seen often in the company of actress and Legion PR agent Lania.
Dark Knight (now “outed” as crime reporter Greg Burch, amongst other aliases), is a Batman/Crow type character taken one step further going around hiding in shadowed corners and scaring the crap out of villains after the murder of his one true love by the Crime Clown. His membership of the LL was not public knowledge. DK was a mystery even to the other Legionnaires, most of whom regard him with a little awe and some suspicion, especially since he now appears to be clinically dead. A great detective, his attempts to bring down the Lynchpin of Crime (q.v) and the machinations of his returned-from-hell wife Sharon Rogers led to him being discredited and becoming a wanted murderer. His former resources such as the Pluto Knitghtcave and the Knightjet have been destroyed, and DK himself has vanished, unstable and dangerous. The Dark Knight is an alternate future for the person who also became the cosmic office-holder Chronicler of Stories (q.v.); this relationship has yet to be fully defined.
NTU-150 (Jamie Bautista) wears high-tech full body (Iron Man style) battle armour to give him mobility after a crippling accident. He is the Lair Legion's technologist. He is polite, caring, and dangerous to be allowed near an arc-welder. There are a number of running jokes about his inventions going wrong or exploding. His lab assistant is the elf Zebulon (q.v), picked up from an early adventure. NTU-150 is currently in semi-retirement until he can find a way to overcome his life-threatening heart condition.
Goldeneyed (Bry Katz) has the ability to transport across time and space, and into other parallel universes. He's a light-hearted hero who does the right thing because with great power comes… etc, but who hasn't quite got it right yet and is misunderstood when he does. In his own adventures he was previously accompanied by his sidekick Frog-Man, who had constant need of his superpower of coming back from the dead. Frog-Man (now depowered) is currently far better known and more popular than G-Eyed himself. G-Eyed's arch-foe is Dr Norm (Enormoidstein), a mad scientist. Goldeneyed was monitored by a mysterious group called The Observing Eye, )q.v.) whose role was to watch over the universe's potentially most powerful beings. He has no memory of his life before the age of 15. G-Eyed works at Lisa's law firm, along with Lisette (q.v.), ex-girlfriend and mother of his missing child. Recently Bry proposed to schoolteacher Beth Shellett(q.v.) but she turned him down and disappeared away from his life. More on G-Eyed
Trickshot (Carl Bastion) was an amazing archer who uses a variety of gimmicked shafts to fight crime. He was also the world's biggest bigmouth. Formerly from ‘Earth Tricky’, where he was a Legion member much earlier in their history, Tricky is actually a seasoned veteran crimefighter who re-established his reputation in his new world. One complication was that his this reality self was murdered, leaving behind a beautiful widow, masterspy Natalia Romanza. He lost his father a few years back and his home Earth was destroyed during the Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses. He retired to a happy ending back in time in a wild west show with his girl, Pretty Bird .
Banjooooo was king of the Sea Monkeys, those little creatures that are grown from crystal packets which are much advertised in comics and were genetically engineered by the Abhumans millennia ago to guard against the escape of the long-imprisoned Deviates. A former member of the Lair Legion, Banjoooo can grow to around Godzilla size, and also has a number of other abilities which his genetically-pliable form can evolve in line with his reason for being created. He is usually an easy-going fun-loving character, but can get touchy when his royalty isn't acknowledged or when his ego is bruised. He's a bit cocky and is likely to come up with one-liners at friends' expenses. He and spiffy formerly ran a detective agency together. He was romantically involved with the human girl Elyse. and ultimately became a human to be with her.
Amazing Guy (name unknown at this time), The Protector of the Parodyverse, Amazing Guy answered to Eggo, the Living Waffle (now destroyed). AG was tied to the multiverse as he tapped starfield-glowing multiversal energy to fly, gain super strength, project force blasts, create starfield-glowing multiversal energy constructs like fists or bubbles and shield himself, or open portals through space, time and dimensions. He lives in the universe-hopping country town of Littlesmallville with his wife and their super-powered children, the Amazing Bunch.
De Brown Streak (Josh Clement) [LL probationary member] was a super-fast mutate with the ability to manipulate speed. Since the death of Magnetic Techbird (q.v.) he became the most prominent mutant rights campaigner in the Parodyverse, and is wanted in connection with a number of illegal acts in defence of mutates. Josh was also something of a ladies man, and in particular seemed to have a strong attraction to Sorceress, which brought him into conflict with her former boyfriend Hatman, and to Princess Uhuna, which brought him into conflict with Nats. His "terrorist" activities as a civil rights protestor also caused friction between him and Mr Epitome, Goldeneyed, and Falcon. He battled his father, the villainous Morbido the Magnificent (q.v.) and the Botherhood of Evil Mutates , (q.v.) including his twin sister the Vermillion Vex (q.v.)(Priscilla DuBois).
dull thud (Davie) and Cressida, the Worm Wonder - well, technically Cressida’s the member and thud’s just along for the ride. dull thud was a sound technician in the musical underground of Paradopolis. His own powers of vertically teleporting and falling any distance without harm are eclipsed by those of Cressida, the matter-rearranging telepathic mutant tapeworm who lives in his stomach and advises him. dull thud has also been an occasional member of Captain Astounding's group of heroes (qv). Before vanishing in the narrative bomb wave thud and Cressida were making themselves scarce to avoid a summons from ZOXXON Oil who claim intellectual proprietorship of the transmuting tapeworm.More on thuddy
Other Heroes Who Have Been Absent for an Extended Period Include:
Messenger (Zaurius Angelheart) is the last of an ancient line of fallen angelic envoys (with a postal motif). Equipped with letters which are razor-tipped, exploding, etc., the postman's former wise-cracking acrobat façade fell away after the death of his lover Poisyn to reveal a shadowy and murderous borderline-insane vigilante who was hunted by the law for his serial killings of criminals. Messenger's greatest enemies included Mailman, Disco Hitler, and the Puritan, who are all dead, and the mysterious and diabolical Mr Lucifer. After freelancing for SPUD (q.v), Messenger declined into an alcoholic stupor. His current whereabouts are unknown. More on the postman
Yo (possibly occupying the human Dr Pilar Alarcon) is an energy thought being from Yo-planet, a genderless, playful, childlike being who loves bunnies and dressing up as Zorro. S/he mangles English into a very distinctive speak pattern and terms most things cute or uncute. S/he has a simplistic approach to problems which is often effective. Yo is as powerful as Yo believes s/he is, with the gift to manifest whatever abilities are appropriate to the person Yo decides to be (pilot, teacher etc.) and a fundamental link to the extradimensional Happy Place. However there are limits to this ability for an individual of Yo's people; the entire of Yo-Planet united are powerful indeed. Yo is often associated with a cute purple thought bunny, Rabito. Yo in his/her own words, additional Yo-comments, more on Yo-beings , and more on Rabito.
Nats (Bill Reed) possesses telekinetic and pyrokinetic gifts and has recently accidentally become the ruler of a vast tract of Hell, assisted by his personal temptress Regret . The fiery haired, fiery-tempered flying supertype used to work as a delivery guy with Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises (q.v), and as a copy boy at the Planetary Bugle. His romances include Betty Grant, the secretary for Bugle Editor-In-Chief Vincent Crappola, Ruby Waver (q.v), and Princess Uhunalura of the Abhumans (q.v). More on Nats
Xander the Improbable, Master of the Mystic Crafts, is the Parodyverse's current sorcerer supreme by default. He operates out of a seedy shop in the Hell's Bathroom ghetto of Paradopolis. He is like a younger, grumpier Obi Wan Kenobi. He tends to shuffle about in dusty red robes, and has a stone hamster familiar (Medusa accident) called Harry. He is magically linked with exiled swanmay Cleone. Xander has an extensive network of occult contacts and seems to know lots of things about what is going on.
Wangmundo is a hairy ancient monster, one of the “fen-born”, a troll. His voice is cursed and can kill. Few know he exists. Only Xander, the Hooded Hood, and maybe a few cosmic guys are aware of his presence, except for Lisette (q.v), who has somehow befriended him. He can take on human shape and walk abroad but does so rarely. He lives (or lived) in the Paradopolis Municipal Library. And he has really big teeth.
Jack Rabbit (Jack Roberts), has the proportional skills and feet of a rabbit. His principle weapon is his carrot gun. He had a twin sister Jackie Rabbit who was a member of the JBH. (q.v.). After some hard times during the Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses, Jack retired as a hero and lives in Central California. More on Jack
Captain Astounding, self-appointed guardian of all those who can be protected by his mighty ability of keeping his hand at about shoulder-height for extended periods of time, has gathered around him a company of similarly powerful individuals; belligerent ninja geriatric-rights activist Granny Fang, the imperturbable calming influence of Sister Marie (aka Nun More Black) , telepathic mutant tapeworm Cressida, with the ability to transform nearby objects into things that rhyme with them, and her host dull thud, emaciated master of vertical teleportation and falling great distances without injury.
Fetish Lad (Warren Kennedy-Rockefeller-Hearst-De Sade IV) is an outrageous Las Vegas-based crimefighter who has previously teamed with ManMan and Trickshot, using his eccentric apparatus and unusual combat skills to tackle vice and corruption. More on the Perverted Knight
Dead Boy is a walking corpse who acted as a special agent for a mysterious government agency which may or may not have actual ties to the government. He was last seen in hell.
Justin Tyme is a time traveller from the year 2462. He has been stuck bouncing from through the various time periods of the Parodyverse. He has been credited as the first inventor of time travel. An older, more experienced Professor Justin Tyme has set up an institute for chronal studies so we know that at some point he will master his device. Justin was last seen in the Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses and it is unknown at this time what has happened to him.
Niobe was apparently was a scientist at Red Right Hand, an evil science organization, and has bio-energy knives of some sort that protrude from her skin. She's on the run from them after betraying them and escaping from their custody.
Joey Z is an alien from the peaceful, logical, and highly advanced planet Naicluv Prime. After some... trouble... he was sent to Earth where it was hoped he'd be discovered and dissected. Joey possesses many natural abilities, intelligence and knowledge that are common to his species. He has pointy ears that can pick up some of the smallest sounds (a flea on a dog's back) and even most earth radio signals, and to create a psychic link through physical contact. More on Joey Z
Mr Suit, a violent vigilante with a full PR and legal team behind him, using an experimental force-field harness embedded in a sharp business suit to fight his enemies, no matter the collateral damage.
Keiko (Keiko Takashi) is a highly trained assassin hiding out from the Intelligence Agency and trying to get used to a civilian existence. She it human and has no special abilities, but she is expert in hand-to-hand techniques, Ninjitsu (specifically the art of stealth and deception), and can use nearly any type of bladed weapon. She earned "World Class" status as an assassin because of her skill and intelligence. Keiko is not normally a resident of the Parodyverse except under special circumstances, but has previously slipped dimensions due to the manipulations of the Hooded Hood. [Note that poster Jason requests anyone who's unfamiliar with the character to contact him first as the character's primarily for World Class use and he'd like to avoid too much divergence in the character development.] More on Keiko, from Jason’s website
Nihilist (Szandor Anton), was "upgraded from the flaws of humanity" by demon genotype graft by his well-respected businessman father Nicholae Anton. The two have been at odds since. More on the Antons
The Men Team are a trio of unlikely superheroes banded together to fight evil in every form. They are Burly Man, Girly Man, and Multiple Personality Man Most people are so stunned at their appearance, that they laugh at them. This often gives The Men Team the upper hand! More on the Men Team
Michael McKinley, star of the Progeny series and offspring of the late supercriminal Royale, is a codenameless vigilante who has inherited his father's fortune and technology, including a black suit of high-tech armor, complete with taser, grenade launcher, and assorted gadgets, but has been using them to fight crime instead of cause it. He is also a black ops agent for an obscure branch of the government, and his major contact from said agency is a man only known as DuPlis. Michael is also owner of KinLabs and other related companies of his father's, and occasionally partners with the Dark Knight (q.v.) and Messenger (q.v.). He's not afraid to kill to get the job done.
Horizon is a hero from another dimension (Earth RGA), son of one of that universe's premier super heroes, Sun Man. John got his solar based powers from his father, who got his during a science accident. John was transfered over to Parodyverse-Prime by a crazed demigod, after the thought to be destruction of Earth RGA (John still believes it to be destroyed. After quitting as an artist at a Goth Haven newspaper,he was recommended by fellow Earth RGA-er Patriot, to join the JBH (q.v). During a mission with them & a fight with a creature, Horizon became a being of pure light. He currently lives aboard Vessel, the JBH's HQ.
Nitz the Bloody (Shawn Griffon) is the latest in a long line of Priests of Zeku, shamans wielding magic derived from an ancient world-god that takes the form of an ethereal rhinoceros. The magic spells are accessed through spoken words ending in the suffix " Eku ". Nitz has had several misadventures since acquiring his power, including turning his friends into magical freaks, getting romantically involved with a robot, and joining a team of post-human commandos called the Commission ( think the Authority ), devoted to saving the world by ruling it. Nitz attended classes at Parodopolis University before being trapped with his superteam The Authority in a happy silver age comics parody.
Space Ghost (David Garett) was tossed out of the Legion because of his drink problem. His main weapon is his Spank Ray, although he has minor Gaaahhh! abilities under the tutelage of Starseed (q.v.). Space Ghost's unique perspective, including his ability to be ten minutes behind a conversation or to make massive leaps of logic, and the ability to wander off into entirely parallel storylines, are actually important parts of his character. When sober SG is formidable. When drunk his is often pantsless. Space Ghost was also an occasional member of the Scourge of the BZL (q.v.). He was eventually revealed as one of the Family of the Pointless (q.v.). He spent many years living in the Lair Legion's broom closet, but recently retired to London under a secret alias to become a writer.History of Space Ghost Where is S Ghost Now?
Starseed was once archaeologist Manuel. He encountered a Gah! event in a hidden cave and was infused with its power to become the first Gah! master for many generations. An early member of the Lair Legion, he was distinguished by his low tolerance for tomfoolery and his linear professionalism. Strangely he was closest to Space Ghost of all the Legionnaires and taught the pantsless paragon some Gah! abilities. After two apparent deaths from which he returned more powerful each time he left Earth to explore his increased abilities on a galactic level, and recently permanently ascended to be one with the Gah!. There is (or perhaps was, since we haven't heard of them for a while) an order of Gah! Acolytes. There were also followers of the Dark Side of the Gah!, led by the sinister, hissing Dirth Vortex (q.v).
DarkHwk (Zane) had an enchanted amulet which transfers him into a powerful, agile, flying android body with claws and forceblasts. He was a tryer, and he wouln't give in no matter what. He was sometimes a bit moody and gloomy, and was reluctant to allow even friends like NTU-150 and Yo to get close since the death of his brother. He was an occasional guest at the Lair Mansion and helped out in NTU-150's lab. However, at the moment his humanoid form lies in a coma, and a form similar to his armoured one appeared on the rampage until destroyed by the Lair Legion.More on DarkHwk and
more on DarkHwk's History
Troia 215 is an Amazon school dropout turned secretary/administrator then member of the Lair Legion. She has now ascended to the throne of Amazon Island. She is the daughter of the archvillain the Hooded Hood (q.v.) and the former (now deceased) Amazon queen Rigantona, and the former twin sister of spiffy (q.v.) before that was retconned. She tends to giggle. She had an alternative-universe self, the evil, continuity-warping Kumari. More on the Amazon administrator
Ziles is a beautiful mood-altering alien previously exiled from her planet Xnylonia for untranslatable crimes, but now returned there. She wears a skin-tight silver suit which somehow conceals her equipment, including Relaxor Crème and other healing and mood-altering unguents, and a range of advanced stealth, sensory and burglary devices. Her robot servant is Roboti. She uses a stealth-equipped space cruiser. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac to Xnylonians. More on Ziles
Cheryl, the Duchess of Lake Superior was Visionary’s wife and the long-suffering Public Relations Officer for the Lair Legion and the LoR, before reluctantly ascending to a higher plane to become the Goddess of HTML.
The Abandoned Legion formerly operated out of Gothametropolis York, across the river from Paradopolis, but mysteriously vanished a couple of years ago. Its previous members were:
Cap, the team's reluctant leader, a triangular-shield wielding crimefighter, who is reserved and sensitive in private life and a combat machine in battle. Cap has a penchant for giving people peanuts.
Paste Pot Pete (um, Peter?), glue-gun wielding adventurer, who may be somewhat unstable after a recent near-death injury. He hasn't spoken since.
Cobra (Christine McBurney), an aggressive, combat-loving ninja martial artist whose instinct is to kill her opponents and whose main weapons are the banana gun and sink plunger. It has been hinted that the Cobra may be the last survivor of the ancient Egyptian Sect of Buto, and may even have inadvertently led to its downfall.
Hunter Victorious(Stephen Bloom), a precocious, brash but talented teenager who may be a new incarnation of the now-deceased Hollywood V (q.v.) and a whole lineage of other mysterious characters through history sharing the same initials. He manifests as yet undefined tactile control over matter and energy.
Former members include Sorceress, Sersi (q.v.) Messenger (q.v.), Banjoooo (q.v) and Hollywood V (q.v.) (the latter is deceased). spiffy was also associated with this team.
Baron Heinrich Zemo, a hideously-scarred and therefore masked archcriminal Nazi mastermind, plotted to rule mankind from his well-known secret castle. His wife Heike is frozen in a slab of ice and many of his plots were based around her rejuvenation. He was served by a band of supervillians called the Scourge of the BZL(see below). Many of these characters were also occasional posters at some time. Zemo was also occasionally served by other minions such as his genetically-created son Millenium Bug , the nightmare-haunting Dream Demon, the possessed Kelsey Grammar Hellfrasier and the Nazi scientist Dr Vishnar. Zemo and nearly all of his followers (and even his castle) have mysteriously vanished due to the manipulations of the sinister Hooded Hood. Zemo's wayward artificial daughter Contessa Imke Ilse Zemo (Zemette) was murdered by the Grim Reaper.
The Scourge of Baron Zemo's Lair were a team of super-villains kept on retainer by Zemo. They included Pegasus (qv), the Late Great Donald Blake, The Man Who Wasn't There, Venom, Wonderbooster, Substitute Grim Reaper, Jam, and Uatu. All of these except Pegasus and Uatu have recently disappeared with Zemo due to the Hooded Hood’s intervention. Uatu has returned to his people, the Observers, but the Pegasus remained at large and joined the Lair Legion. More on the Scourge Recently a newer, possibly temporary, version of the Scourge has also been active. More on the New Scourge
Pierson's Porter was an exiled alien from the sinister race of Puppeteers, abandoned on Earth after the death of his master (Pierson) and the collapse of the Puppeteers' plans for the moon. PP, already outcast as an inferior in his own society, became intrigued by humans and armed with a series of high-tech alien gadgets is learning about life on Earth; after his romance with the villainess Dr Moo (q.v.) ended and he had been elected Mayor of Paradopolis he mysteriously vanished into a Hooded Hood retcon. More on PP
The Paradox Stranger is an enigmatic meddler in the affairs of the Parodyverse to the irritation of many cosmic powers. Amongst other things he is responsible for the various imitations of the Lair Legion dotted throughout history. He is currently encased in a shard of null-time to try and keep him out of mischief.
Sersi is an Austernal (an Australian Eternal, a race of advanced super-powered beings, transplanted into the outback). She has the ability to manipulate matter and change one thing into another, as well as being ageless, super-strong, and almost indestructible. More importantly Sersi is a party girl with a keen fashion sense and an opera singer's ego. She is not a person to tick off. In some stories her clothes fall off a lot. Sersi and the Austernals are all currently regenerating in their gestalt Omni-Mind after a recent attack upon them.
Tina Cabanez runs the charitable Bautista Foundation and until recently had telepathic powers.
The Grim Reaper a.k.a. the Enemy is an extradimensional entity chosen by the mysterious Void Spectre to intervene in various realities from infernal invasion by conquering those worlds. He became active in the Parodyverse, based in his lunar fortress, until he too mysteriously vanished into a time loop back to his origins. He should not be confused with the substitute Grim Reaper in the Scourge of the BZL (q.v.) More on Reaper and More on the Reaper’s plots
Exile (Derek Foreman) is a mutant possessing energy-controlling abilities which also give him enhanced strength and speed, and the power of flight. After accidentally temporarily becoming Lord of the Dreary Dimension, a place of exile created by the gods, he was embarrassingly gifted with a tribute slave in the form of the beautiful and brave Valeria of Carfax, actually princess and high priestess of her people. Exile is currently aiding her to help her people adjust to life in the Mythlands after escape from the Dreary Dimension. Goldeneyed's cousin, Exile is another alumni of the Observing Eye. Exile tends to be direct, almost in-your-face in his approach to problems, a good-hearted hothead. He and Goldeneyed share a third evil cousin, the sinister Bambi Bacall, the matter-manipulating Suicide Blonde (q.v) More on Exile
Dynamite Boy, (Jeremy "Jimmy" Wick) had the ability to explode at will , plus his Explosion Sense®, which senses hot dog vendors. His archnemesis is at Dr. Hammond Sterr, who was recently revealed to be a member of the notorious Heckfire Club (q.v.) themselves a front for the extraplanar parasite Hero Feeders (q.v.). He also fought a bunch of telekinetic frogs. His powers have not yet returned after a heroic nuclear level explosion.More on Dynamite Boy, Yet more on DB, and Notes of DB's family.
Balefire (Jeremiah Frost), A child prodigy in electronics and software, who created a brilliant telepathic video-game interface which, when he experimented with it, opened up the full power of his mind. Tapped into a strange cosmic force he dubs "The Power" or "The Source," he developed an ability to fully absorb a human into said cosmic force through enveloping them in flames generated from his hands. He became a regal armoured maniacal super-villain and resided in his birth place of Romania in a high-tech castle, and had his own nameless team of super-villains including Quake, Grrl, Turbo Treesloth, Birthday Bandit, Jean-Pierre, Canadian Nightmare, and the Florist. He was last seen lost in the dimension of Corposant Fire.
The Falcon (Joe Wilson) inherited and adapted a flying armour to include razor-sharp wingtips and missile-firing capacity. Drafted as an operative of SPUD, the Super-menace Principal Undercover Directorate (q.v.), he served as their primary superpowered field operative for several years and was assigned to undercover work on their behalf. Due to the manipulations of the villainous Hooded Hood he has was been reunited with his long lost sister Lindy Wilson (Belinda; q.v. Falconne). And then lifted out of future continuity. He has previously acted as a trainer of his own team of heroes and has sometimes been partnered with Pigeon, a young female superheroine. Who’s Who – Falcon Edition
Pigeon (Julia Thompson), is a SPUD trained agent, expert at martial arts and espionage. She has an untutored mutate ability to control marble. She is involved in a tempestuous occasional relationship with Falcon but has been lifted out of futire continuity with him by the Hooded Hood. More on Pigeon and yet more
Phantom, an as-yet-unexplained apparent avatar of death who has recently begun murdering criminals in Gothametropolis York. More on Phantom
Deathstar Druid has shown up in numerous round robins and cameo appearances. Little is known about him. What we do know is that he was created from Skree tech on the moon, and sent to Earth. He has encountered several heroes, but he has the strange power to be forgotten about. This might be a retcon by the Hooded Hood until DD can join the Parodyverse properly.
Visible Boy (Glenn Ross) is, um, a boy that is visible. He can be visible to some, invisible to others. He has great agility, he's able to slip into any crowd and be lost, he can fly, and he can shoot little spikey lasers that taste like bananas from V on shirt. More on Visible Boy and his cast
Infrequent Aardvark is a physical manifestation and avatar of the principal of Loonacy which has incarnated in the Parodyverse to rectify a cosmic imbalance. What this means is yet to be revealed.
Shifter is an unexplained character who occasionally appears to use his control of the very strands of reality it self. As a result, his power causes the outline of his very form to shift, blur and waver. This distortion makes him nearly impossible to hit and, even more so, detect. He can "shift" realities. He has not appeared for a considerable time, and his role within the Parodyverse remains nebulous. More on Shifter
Saint, (Kyle Runner) received enhanced physical abilities and the power to merge into smoke, fog, or steam after an accident with a VR program, 100,00+ volts of electricity, and some holo-particles. These days he gets his orders via disconnected telephone from the mysterious Maverick, who works for a yet more mysterious government agency.
The Green Ninja is a recent addition to the crimefighters of Paradopolis and Gothametropolis. Little is yet known about him.
Paris Stavanger is an alien martial arts specialist whose purpose on Earth remains as yet unrevealed. More on Stavenger
Lynx, a vigilante survivor of the mysterious "Project Apothecary" for an American NSA operation. More on Lynx
The Surgeon General, (Professor Garrett Gale) was a tenured academic at Paradopolis University, and starred in Adversarius’ Scrubs series. His current location is unrecorded.
Currently Dead Characters***
Jarvis, (Tim Butelier) a butler, former leader of the Lair Legion, and currently dead (although it might take a while for a few storylines to catch up with this); a dashing young man trained by aliens in their attempt to breed warrior-slaves on Earth, and imbued with telekinesis, teleportation and other powers. In character he was quick on the uptake, responsible, and heroic, but with a temper and a mean streak if he's irritated. Jarvis the poster got married, and real Jarvis' wife Melissa was dragged into the writings as fictional Jarvis' widow. Melissa gained probability-altering abilities from Galactivac (see below) and was currently apprenticed to the witch Hagatha Darkness, but these powers have now been passed to Dancer and Melissa has retired.
Hollywood V appeared as an old, staff-wielding magus. Acting as both hero and villain at different times he was instrumental in sending spiffy to Hell and later gave up his life to rescue the fern-wielder. HV may have been the Lord of Hell, forced to return to his demesne. A number of equally mysterious HV figures have appeared throughout history, such as Hastings Vernal in the late nineteenth century, and of course Hunter Victorious (qv) in the present.
Rocket Racoon was a racoon with a rocket pack, emissary of the, um, the Racoon People. A swashbuckling racoon, and spent a lot of time trying to get close to Sersi. He was apparently killed and eaten in his last adventure, but keeps popping back for encore performances.
Avatar(Al Vaetar) is a biologically-armoured blue-skinned noseless ex-minion of the Parody Master (q.v) wielding an Avatar-Sword and possessing the gifts of flight and intangibility. Effectively a newly self-determining entity, Avatar spent some time with the Lair Legion and slowly learned humanity. He was last seen as the new Dread Lord of the Dreary Dimension, a distant other reality.More on Avatar
Premiere (Victor Brooke), first of the successful first generation of genetically-modified Science Heroes from the alternate dimensional nation-state of Technopolis, gifted with phenomenal strength, speed, endurance, invulnerability, enhanced senses, and thermal projection powers. A whole generation of citizens of the Technoverse has grown up knowing about his exploits. Premiere is nigh-invulnerable, super-strong, super-fast, and has enhanced senses and a thermal blast. Who's Who in the Technoverse
Pegasus (Penny Christopoulos) is a shape-changing legendary immortal creature from the Mythlands. Sometimes an auburn-haired women, sometimes an angel-winged warrior, sometimes a winged centaur and sometimes the mythical beast from which she takes her name, Pegasus can also project comet-like cosmic bolts which gain in power the longer she takes to form them. In her winged forms she can fly, and outside a planetary gravity field she can fly at faster-than-light speeds (she’s immune to vacuum and cold). Proud, passionate, and professional she was previously a mercenary in the villainous Scourge before gaining a Presidential pardon. Pegasus gains her cosmic powers from and serves a mysterious organisation known as the Constellation. She cannot remain in physical form for more than 24 hours at a time, and must spend at least an hour thereafter as a disembodied mass of cosmic energy communing with the Constellation (but she tries to keep this a secret).
The Bog Thing is – or was – a guardian created out of muck and slime to be the guardian of the nexus of Unrealities that is currently located in Florida’s Wookiegetlucky Swamp. It is the Nexus’ presence on Earth that makes Earth the current focal point of this reality, just as it is this reality’s closest current proximity to the core of the Interdimensional vortex that makes it the principal plane. These things have never been explained more fully than that. The Bog Thing is currently destroyed (by permission of his poster-creator) but I suppose he or a replacement might rise again if required. He was an occasional member of the JBH.
Art Corben, former Evil monkey minion, served a probationary sentence as LL intern, had a complicated life dating robot girl Mindy Pyrite(q.v), and was murdered by the Hellraisers (q.v).
Randy Robinson, Art’s friend and fellow minion didn’t have a robot girlfriend, but he did have a collection of ray guns hidden in his closet. He was also was murdered by the Hellraisers (q.v).
Mindy Pyrite, one of the new generation of sentient urban human-looking robots, worked as the LL’s mechanic and dated intern Art Corben. She was also murdered by the Hellraisers (q.v).
Woodbend Windyway was the Keeper of the Interfaces, an eccentric scarecrow-like cosmic office-holder who was killed by the Parody Master.
George Gedney was the part-time curator of the Willingham Museum while he worked on his incredibly boring doctoral thesis. He had a desperate affection for Asil Ashling (q.v.) and became the Keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity for a while. He died heroically in single combat with the Parody Master.
The Rogues Gallery***
The Hooded Hood is a resident at Herringcarp Asylum, from which he plans his own domination of the multiverse. The Hood's power it to "retcon", a comics fan's usually derisive term for a comics writer who rewrites or writes off other older stories which don't suit his own artistic vision. Effectively the Hood can make small changes in past continuity to affect the present. The Hood is obsessed with forging the continuity of the Parodyverse into "a single pristine whole" which he controls, and with overcoming and destroying the powers that created the Parodyverse for their own ends and amusement. He never lies. The cowled crime czar has occasionally used minions, including the Purveyors of Peril (q.v.), and the now-defunct Fearwalker. The Hooded Hood worked his way through a list of major powers he needed to irritate as part of some grand celestial plan for multiversal domination, died to further his goals, got better, and is currently off plotting something complicated and cosmic as usual. The Hood's complicated family includes his disowned son spiffy (q.v) and daughter Troia 215 (q.v). and children by Madame Symmetry of Synchronicity, including Danny Lyle (q.v). The Hooded Hood’s Writer’s Guide More on the Hooded Hood and the Purveyors of Peril
Chronic is a confused undead wannabe supervillain or reluctant antihero (depending on who you ask) with an indestructible Satanic telepathic guitar called Steve which reinforces his strong rebellion against any kind of authority. Steve’s sounds can manifest as devastating sonic effects with a supernatural component. Chronic’s strength and healing powers are said to be drug-fuelled. More on Chronic and the Devil’s Music
The diabolical Dr Moo (Daio Waltz), a cow-masked bio-engineer villainess with the ability to control dairy products, is actually Lisa's older sister. Dr Moo has a pet female rat called Davidowicz who has manifested a number of human-like traits including the ability to take photographs and talk.More on Davidowicz
Baroness Von Zemo (Her Excellency Baroness Elizabeth Sweetwater Dewdrop Zemo von Saxe-Lurkburg-Schreckhausen) is the grandniece of the infamous Baron Heinrich von Zemo (q.v.) and the granddaughter of his older brother Baron Ottokar Attila Kublai Tamerlane von Zemo (q.v.) Formerly a mild-mannered graduate student in psychology at the University of Michigan, she rapidly exploited the mad-scientific riches of her great-uncle’s papers and has since launched a number of schemes which have propelled her into the first ranks of villainy, including one world takeover. In the guise of superhero Citizen Z she infiltrated the ranks of the Lair Legion and lived amongst them for many months. More on the Baroness and Von Zemo cast summaries and additional biographical information
Killer Shrike (Simon Maddicks) originated from another reality where he first donned his costume and weapons and used his implanted anti-grav generator to become the mercenary assassin. He has now permanently moved his pony-tail-helmeted act to the Parodyverse. He become entangled in the plots of untrustworthy occultist Con Johnstantine whom he owed a lien debt, then became enmeshed in the plots of the Hooded Hood. He died saving lives and was memorialised as a hero. He returned but lost his costume and is currently eking a living as bodyguard to Cody and Kara Harper (q.v.) at Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises.
CyberVenom is a mercenary-for-hire with a cybernetic symbiote grafted onto him. He was last seen on the alien world of Apocalyspe.
Evil Monkey is, well, this monkey who is really evil. Or at least really annoying.
Canadian Nightmare is a villain from, obviously, Canada, who has many Canada-related powers. He has the combined strength of all Canadians, he can control the minds of all and any Canadian, and he can fly. He dresses himself in the Canadian flag, complete with flag-cape and Maple Leaf mask. He probably also has some beef with Candia.
Non-Poster Master-Planner Type Villains:
Wilbur Parody, founder of Paradopolis and arch-manipulator of the destiny of the Parodyverse. The only being to have ever held all three offices of Shaper of Worlds (q.v.), Chronicler of Stories (q.v.) and Destroyer of Tales (q.v.) he preserved his knowledge in three Books of Prophesy which he later used to prepare the way for his as-yet-unrevealed masterplan for the heroes of the Parodyverse.
The Carnifex is an agent sent by eternal sentiences who wish to see the Paropdyverse destoryed before it can fulfil the purpose for which it was created. The function of the Parody Master (q.v.) was to keep the Carnifex away. He failed. Now the Carnifex has arrived but is taking his time in unfolding a plot to destroy the Parodyverse. He’s a pro, so he’s not rushing in to anything. In the meantime, his massively high black iron Esqualine Tower looms over Paradopolis on the bay island where Exile previously had his HQ and nobody thinks there is anything amiss about his sudden appearance or his assumption of some authority in the affairs of the world. He is served by agents such as Mister Skinner and Mr Flay, and by Miss Peel who advises the U.S. President, but has also used pawns such as The Moderator (q.v.). he has recently shown a romantic interest in Rabid Wolf (q.v.).
Peter von Doom is a villainous amalgam of Dr. Doom and Spider-Man. He's, um, evil, was the LL's first enemy, and is somewhere out there now. Waaay out there. He has previously worked through the New Tomorrow Foundation. He is sometimes served by his minion, The Minion.
Magenta St Evil is a European crimelord with an obsession for transforming things into mid-90’s Image-style comic situation s– such as the time she transformed the LL into the Liefield Legion, a plot so hideous that Dancer (q.v) had to marry ManMan(q.v) to stop her.. She has used her super-science and cosmic connections to try and transform the world into a post-apocalyptic wasteland to better suit her tastes, but has been constantly thwarted by her archenemy Dancer. She was briefly the ruler of Candia.
Kink the Conqueror / Wang the Conqueror, was the purple-clad time-travelling warlord tyrant who keeps on invading contemporary Earth, especially every time there’s a Round Robin story. He has since vanished into Comic-Book limbo to become the inscrutable Void Scholar. His former future-realm of Starcross is now under the rulership of his daughter Kinki the Conqueress.
Dark Thugos, Ruler of Apoclayspe, Tyrant of the Sol Empire, master of the Entropy Eyebeams, a the craggy-countanced alternate-reality son of the Hooded Hood and brother to the equally-sinister Kumari. After being forced from his original reality, Thugos conquered a sizeable portion of the prime Parodyverse, including the Skree Empire (q.v.) before being killed and recruited as the new Destroyer of Tales. After rejecting his office he returned to rule his brutal homeworld Apocalyspe. He is served by a cast of thousands of undead, necro-priests, and stormtroopers. He is has also persued Death (q.v.) (who doesn't fancy him).
Thighmaster, sovereign ruler of Bovoria, has come within a gnat's wing of greatness on several occasions - ruling the Universe was a particular highlight - but has been thwarted by his arch-nemesis, ManMan, each time. With his faithful manservant, Browning, the Thighmaster continues to plot his way into the annals of villain history!
Evil Organisations and Corporate Villains:
HERPES (the Hero Elimination Revenge Project Extermination Squad), a bucket-headed band of high-tech criminals who dream of a secret world empire. Their motto is, "Hail HERPES! Apply Penicillin and another rash shall come forth within six weeks!" they were led by Count Wolfgang Fokker, a monocle-wearing Teutonic villain, but the reigns of power have now passed to his offspring Hansel and Greta Fokker.
Jethro Screwdriver is an underworld financier, although so far nobody has been able to pin any criminal charges on him. He’s often a broker or middleman for supervillain activity.
Akiko Masamune is Head of the Parodyverse's organised crime cartel, and of the Yakuza mob specifically, Masamune is somewhere between an ally and an adversary of the Lair Legion. Like much of the population of Mangatown, she has large eyes and a small nose. Unlike most anyone, she has a tendency to dress entirely in pink, just because she's powerful enough to do so.
Boss Deadeyes (Antony Vendredi), a 1930s gang racketeer, has been raised from the dead and has reclaimed his place as “boss” of Gothametropolis York’s criminal underworld. He possesses the supernatural ability to kill with touch, but can delay the effect for as long as he likes. With his reanimated comrades-in-crime, dapper hit man Emilio Cacciatore, accountant Ishmael Levi, and nightclub singer Myra Mason, and with modern-day henchman Carlos “E-Razor” Kauffman, the Boss is seeking to reunite the fragmented GMY mobs. This has not made him popular with corrupt city Mayor Velma Klein and he allies who have recruited specialist help to “resolve” the situation.
The Lynchpin of Crime (Harry Flask) was the biggest crimelord on the Eastern seaboard in all senses of the word. Above the law he ruled the criminal underworld with a pudgy grip of iron. Although he resembles a massive lard bucket he is phenomenally strong and well trained in combat. However he rarely resorts to battle, given the massive legal and financial powers at his disposal and the cadre of enforcers that work for him. His base was a skyscraper towering over Gothametropolis York. However, he overextended his reach during the preliminaries of the Parody War and was finally toppled by the Lair Legion and imprisoned in the alternate reality of the Swordrealms. He is due for extradition soon and may seek to reclaim his lost position from Boss Deadeyes (q.v). Don’t get between him and his food.
Roni Y. Avis claims to be the innovator of electronic spam, Avis built an empire out of pyramid schemes and other junk mail. A surprisingly lucrative field, Avis quickly became a multi-billionaire largely due to his complete lack of morals. He tends to accidentally poke himself with the steel hook which replaces the hand Zemo once chopped off. While socially inept to the extreme (like most billionaire geeks), Avis has a sly mind for scams and illicit dealings. His buffoonish exterior hides the mind, heart and soul of a truly exploitative weasel.
B.A.L.D., formerly the power-base of the late Erskine Blofish (q.v.) is now becoming the illegal super-weapons supplier for the entire Parodyverse criminal underworld. It is rumoured that they have some strange Machine Organism Designed for Exterminating Meddlers (M.O.D.E.M.) in charge now.
ZOXXON Oil, led by their sinister and scheming CEO Montiver Hole, do all the nasty things expected of big multi-national energy consortiums. Montgomery Hole, Montiver’s wastrel son, is Vice President (Alternative Projects Resolution) – he gets to take out the trash.
Ultizon is the final generation iteration of a sentient computer virus composited from various unpleasant sources and based on the brainwaves of a range of criminal geniuses and housed in an indestructible adamantite body. Having previously masqueraded in the guise of EDWIN as the Lair Legion’s resident AI, Ultizon is well versed in the strengths and secrets of the Legionnaires and has had access to a range of advanced technologies. He has an agenda to destroy all organic life.
The Word of Logos (Gideon Book) conceals his true identity. Few know him as the philanthropist, sponsor of CrazySugarFreakBoy! and his Global Gangbusters. In actuality Book is the unquestioned master of the Order of Order, and amoral ancient cult dedicated to promoting the rule of Order in the Parodyverse. The Word has the power to command obedience from those with whom he speaks, but is photosensitive to colour so dwells in monochrome surroundings in his penthouse office in Seattle. His daughter Pelopia is the cult’s High Priestess of Logos and principal agent, and the mother of iris Foxglove (q.v.). Founder and CEO of Odyssey Enterprises and its many subsidiaries, Book is sensitive to bright colours, and dwells in seclusion in a monochrome office. CSFB! first gained his Impossibilitium silly suit and equipment during an incident at a Book facility, and Dreamcatcher Foxglove continues to see Book as a mentor and friend. He is unaware that Book is also his archenemy, the Word.
The Grey Eminence, (Aldrich Grey), Texas billionaire and super-patriot, has used his vast economic and political powers to influence United States’ foreign policy for the past fifty years. A remarkably spry 97, Grey’s greatest asset in his quest to protect America’s interests has been the metahuman known as Mr. Epitome (q.v). The Grey Eminence is the creator and secret power behind the Office of Paranormal Security (q.v).
The Apostate is a villain with the power to alter the beliefs of others, the Apostate is a dangerous adversary of the LL, and Visionary and Yo especially. The source of his hatred of Vizh, and his admiration of Cheryl, seems to be the belief that Visionary's life was meant for him. The Apostate can only exist in the Parodyverse when Visionary is deleted from it.
Factor X, (Dr. Gregor Vassilych) the greatest foe Mr. Epitome never faced, former Soviet spymaster used his KGB connections to build himself a profitable practice as a middle-man between different criminal groups. If someone needs an army of cyborg mutants, Factor X would be the man to go to. If a cyborg mutant is looking for work, Factor X would be the man to call. Vassilych is suave, brilliant, and ruthless, so of course he looks like Vincent Price. X’s key advisor is a powerful telepath known as The Mind’s Eye (Nadezhda "Nadya" Prokofiev).
Camellia of the Fey is a rogue dark faerie, last of her fallen house previously who run their business of glamour and drugs from the exclusive waterfront nightclub the Willow, managed by the late Mr Oxalis. After an encounter with Magweed and Griffin, whom she tried to exploit and destroy, she is now magically disfigured beyond magic’s ability to disguise. Amongst her many servants is Auntie, a child-eating hag. She has sometimes allied with Mahssus, a she-troll under the Englehart Bridge. More on the Fey
Blackbird was Finny’s most persistent and distinctive enemy from the days when there was a regular Fin Fang Foom series. A brilliant criminal mastermind he remains incarcerated in the Safe for reasons of his own.
Rape Ape is more or less what his name implies, and has served a term as a Republican senator. Ask Kirk Boxleitner. More on the Rape Ape
The Little Sisters of Discipline, led by Mother Whipcord, are a devastatingly kinky group of sado-nuns who kidnap children to train in their order. Lisa and Moo are two such alumni. The Order may currently be defunct.
Obediah Blott is the millionaire arms dealer owner of Turrets, Inc. Alcheman (q.v.) is dating his daughter Constance.
The Purveyors of Peril, a collection of some of the nastiest villains on the planet, who nominally work for the Hooded Hood but also freelance. Their most recent line-up includes:
VelcroVixen (Vicki Vee), (q.v.) dexterous and seductive field leader
Anvil Man (Brendan MacGillicuddy) (q.v.) unstoppable armoured juggernaut with remote detonation powers.
The appalling Appendage Man (Milton Freebish), able to generate spontaneous monstrous limbs
Brass Monkey (Gorilla Grott), evil ape scientist with the touch that transforms things to metal
Grit the Granulated Man (Brick Basalt), mercenary looter composed of sand
Gromm the Living Flatulence, sentient Deviate gaseous entity
Dr Roentgen (Stanislaus Roentgen), Candian nuclear physicist transformed to living radiation
Voodoo Vicaress (LeVeau M’Tumbe), (q.v.) zombie-controlling houngan
Razor Ballerina (Mindy Kovkoski), psionic blade generating dancer whose touch and cut steel
Clonar, an imperfect clone of Donar with a limited vocabulary and psychotic tendencies
El Futbalista Atomico (Xatroc) Mexican footballer able to generate explosive charged-particle balls and kick them
UltiMAX-tremeMan (Martin Lillard) drug-fuelled superman related to CrazySugarFreakBoy!
HAGGIE (Heuristic Accelerated Genius Generated Intelligence Entity) started out as a prototype computer sentience created by Baron Zemo and now occupied a powerful if defaced robot body in the form of Hallie
Suicide Blonde, (Bambi Bacall), beautiful but deadly carny performer with the ability to transmute matter into other materials; cousin to Goldeneyed and Exile.
Their ever-changing membership has also included Indigo Impostor, PsychoAcidPervGirl! (q.v.) HeadCase, Huntingjustice Deathmarrow (q.v.) Professor Manyarms, General Roxx-Hoff (q.v), Gamona the Assassin, Onslaughter, Dr Loveray, Savagetooth, Spacewarped, Huntmaster, Expired Warranty (deceased), Wyrmfood, Mary Prankstar, Hacker Nine, , and others. Deceased members include Partycrasher (deceased), Thunderstroke (deceased), Rottweiler and the Terrier (both deceased), Hellfrasier, and Voodoo Vicar (deceased). More on the most recent line-up
The League of Losers a.k.a the Frightsome Four are a quartet of mercenary supervillains. They are: English Man the sophisticated but often foolish leader of the group, dressed in a blue suit and bowler and has monocle. Obviously he's English, and carries a cane around that projects a spike from the bottom and an umbrella that projects poison gas. Marker Man wears in orange armour, carries explosive crayons around and likes to colour people with markers (don't ask...). Garbage Burner is a bald fat slob who wears a gray garbage man uniform and hat, and sets things on fire with a set of flame throwers resembling Pyro's (except he doesn't have a silly fire tank on his back). And Dr. Teeth is an insane dentist who uses dentist tools as weapons. He is a total psycho. Teeth dresses in a white lab coat and wears one of those straps with the reflective spheres attached to them on his head.
The Machine Shop is a radical alliance of criminal robots, hiring themselves as mercenaries and supervillain muscle while preparing to enslave all humans. The robots of the Machine Shop include:
Master Machine, their mysterious leader
Mean Machine, a razor-wielding psychopath
Weighing Machine, who manipulates gravity
Fitness Machine, agile combatant
Speed Machine, who moves very fast
Sex Machine, who manipulates certain hormones
Death Machine, with the anti-life scythes
Media Machine, controlling broadcast transmissions
Sewing Machine, uses needles in unpleasant ways
Kidney Machine, powers undisclosed
X-Ray Machine, projects X-Rays and manipulates radiation
Mystery Machine, powers and nature undisclosed
Dream Machine (f), casts illusions
Industrial Machine, credited with creating many of the others
Wind Machine, manipulates air pressure to create high winds
Threshing Machine, a massive combat robot
Diagnostic Machine, a walking sensor array
Flying Machine, a fast dexterous aerial combatant
Political Machine, abilities unknown
Copy Machine (f) , produces duplicates of herself (and she’s blue)
Karaoke Machine, with sonic attack capabilities and maybe more
Slot Machine, shoots high-velocity coins
Vending Machine, abilities unknown
Ghost in the Machine, an insubstantial creation of neon pixels
Adding Machine, abilities unknown
Popcorn Machine, fires incendiary grains
Ice Machine, manipulates temperatures
Smoke Machine, generates choking black fog
Answering Machine, abilities unknown
Coffee Machine, abilities unknown
Time Machine, manipulates time in a local area
Fax Machine, teleports others and sends messages
ATMachine, abilities unknown
The Heck-Fire Club a.k.a. The Knights of Heckfire, are an ancient association for the rich and powerful to meet and play, retaining the trappings of the orgiastic revels of the eighteenth century rake’s gatherings. However, an Inner Circle also use the club and its contacts as a power base for their political and economic machinations – to rule the world. The Paradopolis branch of the Heck-Fire Club is an extensive estate in exclusive Pierce Heights.
The Club is ruled by a Black Emperor and a White Empress, Simonides Slaughter,
and Anna Salem, who have secretly held those positions since the group’s foundation. Slaughter has the gift of reflecting back metahuman powers upon their wielders. Salem is a high-end psionic with telepathic and telekinetic abilities. Unknown to even some of the Inner Circle they are both powerful and ancient Hero Feeders, extradimensional entities who devour humans out of the narrative of the Parodyverse.
Other inner circle members include scientist Professor Hammond Sterr, (also a Hero Feeder), millionaire porn baron Leonard Lodestone, and warlock Asteroth DeSoth,
The Heck-Fire Club also runs a private School for Privileged Youngsters (colloquially termed Young Heckfire), where metahuman teenagers are groomed for a future life of power and domination.
Young Heck-Fire is the trainee academy of the Heck-Fire Club. It’s elite ranks include:
Black Princess (Stacy Royale), presumably one of the Royale crime family, is an elitist beauty with the ability to cast psychic illusions. She is grooming herself for the day when she can assume power in the Heck-Fire Club’s Inner Circle.
Alpha Dude (Jason Conner), son of a Massachusetts senator, is super-strong, super-fast, and almost indestructible. He’s also confident, arrogant, and shallow, but this makes him on of the more likeable and down-to-earth members of Young Heckfire.
Blatant Genius (Rupert van Meer) is a brilliant artificer, able to derive inventions from first principal and always equipped with many lethal instruments of his own design. He fully expects to take over the world before he is thirty, by right of being that much smarter than everyone else on the planet.
Privilege (Lucy DeSoth), the youngest member of the group, of the DeSoth cult-clan, has the ability to generate psychic gold coins which infuse those they touch with specific different relationships to physical laws. For example, a coin might make somebody immune to gravity, or conversely susceptible to its crushing weight, or immune to inertia, or whatever.
Proctology are a super-villain team consisting at various times of Swingy, Master of the Swinging Arts, the Living Statement!, Pudu Lad, Star-Fish, the undead Mr Ed, Spleen Splitter, spiffy2, The Cactus Chef and Hobo Volvo. They have worked with a variety of patrons including Thighmaster (q.v).
The Outcasts are a band of sinister sewer-dwelling cannibals led by the bizarre Sgt Snail. Other members include The Human Grenade, Oaf, Dung Beetle, the Unpossible Man, The Gunsman, Demon Fish, the Man with Two Chins, Devo, Man-Hamster, and Smellhound. More on the Outcasts
The Destiny Carnival is a sinister interdimensional show that teleports from reality to reality on its equally sinister business of recruiting suitable new attractions for its cruel performances. Known headliners include Colonel Destiny, Dr Loveray, Enormous Irma, Mystic Morgana, the Mirror Murder, Endgame, Suicide Blonde, Hotstuff, and Vasto the Wonder Frog .
The Zoot Suit Gang is a criminal organisation modelled on the age of prohibition, operating out of “speakeasies” and gambling dens. Their leader is the stylish Frankie.
The Botherhood of Evil Mutates were a gang of, well, evil mutates. All of them are currently depowered (but that means nothing, right?)
Morbido the Magnificent – has the ability to use the powers of any dead mutate he’s touching. He’s the leader of the Botherhood.
The Vermillion Vex - Pricilla DuBois – has the ability to make the most annoying thing possible happen to people. She’s also got a hot tight red PVC costume. Oh, and she’s Morbido’s daughter and De Brown Streak’s twin sister. The Vex sent out the anti-mutate wave that depowered nearly all mutates and appears to have wiped herself from existence. Probably for the best, since she was dating visionary (q.v)
Obo the Indestructible – has this big-ass forcefield round him that protects him from pretty much everything and enhances his strength.
The Slob – he’s big, he’s fat, he makes Roseanne Barr look like a superwaif, and he’s pretty much unmoveable if he wants to be. He also eats far too much pastrami for a man who sweats that much.
The Slug – he’s a small, fawning man with slimy fingers. In fact his slime has all kinds of powers, from being an adhesive to being addictive to being narcotic to being hallucogenic. Slime really sums this character up, basically.
Flame-O – he’s able to control fires and he can make things explode. He’s kind of a much less cute and interesting version of Kerry Shepherdson, and probably finds the same people cute as she does.
Miragemind – he makes people see things that aren’t there. His ambitions include growing a moustache and finding a hot redhead telepath to exploit.
Fatale – she’s the obligatory shape-shifting hottie espionage expert, and in deference to Al B. Harper’s sexual preferences she’s naturally blue, okay?
Turbulence – He can makes things shake, rattle, and roll, just like any good ol’ boy never meanin’ no harm.
The Jumbuck – Rupert Oliver – An adamantine-skeletoned Aussie who strikes terror into the hearts of his enemies by dressing as a giant killer rabbit.
The Wailer – has a sonic shriek that can make people burst into tears. He’s also got a bad Irish accent that’s probably a second mutation since he’s from Chile.
Kismet – because every team need a nonagenarian blind prophetess to warn about upcoming issues.
The Camorra Macchina are a bionically-enhanced European crime guild.
The Church of the Apostate is a new cult which has collected many of the followers left bereft by the destruction of the Parody Master. It is a legal charity. It’s spokesperson is Mother Bartok.
The crew of the Cruel Deceiver, the last Dimensional Dreadnaught in existence. Under the command of Captain Kahn Vaantagion Khaur this powerful city-sized warship is the most powerful military arsenal in the stars. Kahn has previous worked with the Hooded Hood and Baroness von Zemo.
Interdimensional Transportation Corporation (ITC) used to be a fairly benevolent firm, formed with technology bequeathed by its founder Dane Jana, one of the dawn-of-time race specialising in dimensional physics. Fronted by the effete Mr Lundquist Limpquist and based in a skyscraper overlooking Off-Central Park but hidden behind perceptional barriers (it could only be found by certain people), ITC gained a reputation for getting the job done, done well, and done properly. However, after an attack by the villain Balefire (see UT#145-150), the company suffered serious financial setbacks. A new Board was appointed, with a new and mysterious Chairman. The company hired Roni Y Avis (q.v.) (famed inventor of internet spam) as their new Marketing Director and began serious attempts to put their rival EEE out of business – including hiring an arsonist to torch EEE’s headquarters. The villainous Baroness von Zemo and Ultizon were revealed to be the secret manipulator. ITC was an early casualty of the Parody War and we haven’t yet established if it’s been rebuilt and if so under whose control.
The Westminster Necropolis Company is a sinister occult organisation specialising in gathering intelligence from the dead. It masquerades an international undertakers firm. It had long been under the control of Madame Symmetry of Synchronicity (q.v.).
Other Non-Poster Villains:
Anvil Man (Brendan McGillicuddy) is trapped inside indestructible rusting armour which makes him unstoppable. Apart from being strong and untiring, Anvil Man’s most dangerous power is the ability to make inanimate objects explode by looking at them. He can launch grenades and other missiles from his body or simply cause things to explode by concentrating on them for a short while.
Appendage Man (Milton Freebish) is a horribly mutated experiment of the Devil Doctor’s, a writhing mass of limbs and other body parts that can expand and replicate at will to become a massive sprawling wiggling groping squeezing entity of rage and lust. At full growth he can be hundreds of feet across.
Argh!Yle, Evillest of Socks claims to be a CrazySugarFreakBoy! villain. I shouldn't be surprised.
Atomic Bumpkin (Nermy Tullis) was an Ozark Mountain Boy who drank moonshine accidentally made from "hard water." This gives him the powers to generate and release massive amounts of heat and radiation. First Appearance: Mr. Epitome/Dancer: Shattered Worlds, Part Three.
Biohazard is a living toxic accident, able to create high levels of pollution through some kind of psionic matter manipulation. He may have been human once but now he’s just sentient sludge. In his native dimension the Technoverse he depopulated the whole of South America.
Blast Zone (Rupert Yeadon) can cause detonations on touch, using a localized molecular agitation similar to that employed by Anvil Man (at range). The former Technopolitian Science Villain got a bad attitude but his unprofessional behaviour makes it easy to take him down.
Brokenface (Rory Murdoch) has extendible cybernetic jaws and an "indestructible stomach". He once managed to rip Donar’s arm half off before he was taken down. The former Technopolitian science villain enjoys fighting just for the sake of it.
Crosshairs is a noted assassin in the Bullseye/Deathstroke vein. He wields a variety of high tech weapons and wears a protective body suit. He came to Paradopolis months back in order to participate in the Contest of Killers, a tournament to determine who the Parodyverse’s Greatest Assassin is now that the Confiscator is dead. First Mention: Mr. Epitome #29
Crosshairs is an up and coming assassin-for-hire, out to prove himself the best in the world.
Dimensionweaver (Ulana Oboru) links together any two planes, points, or surfaces, either in the same or different dimensions. She can therefore open a gateway to the heart of a volcano or to the Mythlands, can drop an enemy through a gate beneath their feet into the planet’s core or to the Negativity Zone, and so on. This former Technopolitian Science Villain is highly dangerous, and was last seen being examined by the Manga Shoggoth in his Antarctic lair.
Dr Mango, fruit terrorist, was one of the villains behind the Lair Legion’s reversion to pregnant teenage girls in the Dancer/Fin Fan Foom Limited Series.
Dr Spankenstein offered bodily assault to various members of the Lair Legion during their world tour.
Doorman (alternate-reality Jay Boaz) is a cruel killer gifted with the ability of linking together any two doorways. He was salvaged from oblivion and set against the Earth by the Void Scholar (q.v).
Dreamripper (Drusilla Onassis) is a high-end mind-reader specializing in people’s subconscious. She can literally turn your dreams against you. She can use her powers to craft realistic illusions. The former Science Villain once fooled a victim into believing her face had been dissected.
Eddie is an trouble-causing extradimensional imp, responsible amongst other things for the Follies of Youth adventures.
Expired Warranty (Z. X. Sinclair) is the reanimated corpse of a former computer nerd raised as an undead after killing himself when even a desperate blood hungry vampire wouldn't give him a hickey, He possesses the ability to cause any technology to malfunction simply by admiring it.
Flashfry (Buddy Wahooni) wields high-energy plasma shapes. Think about the kinds of structures Amazing Guy can form with his energies, but made from searingly hot proto-matter. It’s a good job this former Technopolitan Science Villain has a limited imagination.
Fleshcrawler (Nugent Linnerman) is a spooky creep who can control people’s skin on touch, either to force them to be his puppets or to restructure it into something more to his somewhat perverted tastes. This former Technopolitan Science Villain died at least once and come back from it.
Gamona is the last survivor of an alien race wiped out by Dark Thugos, who trained her from infancy to be the perfect assassin. The mesh tattoos on her body also act as armour plating, making her hard to harm with energy, percussion, and slicing attacks. She is one of the most skilled martial artists on the planet. Abandoned on Earth after Dark Thugos ascended to be Destroyer of Tales, Gamona has found employment as the Lynchpin’s premiere assassin and bodyguard.
Genetwist (Dr Reynard Bouvier) was a top Technopolitan scientist before one of those inevitable lab accidents. Now he can mess people’s DNA to give them powers or change them however he wants. He’s a cold-hearted researcher with no ethics.
Grit, the Granulated Man (Brick Bassalt) was a noted tomb robber who broke a mystical hourglass hidden in one of the lost temples of Egyptian necromancer Ku Ku Ka Chu, granting him the power to transform himself into living sand. First Appearance: Mr. Epitome #14.
Gromm, the Living Flatulence is one of the last surviving Deviates, one of the species created by the cosmic Celestians (see below). He is basically a terrible, powerful, smell, with caustic and toxic properties. Banjoooo and his Sea Monkey race were created to battle him and his comrades. For more details see the Purveyors of Peril entry.
Grrl is a fierce telepathic warrior-woman.
Harvester is a rogue heavy duty combat robot built along acricultual lines. He’s tough, strong, and virtually indestructibe and he comes with a variety of threshing and cutting impliments.
Hat Kid (Ben Grover) is an overweight mutate with the ability to transform people and objects into hats. He talks like a surfer, dude.
Holy Wedlock is the minor cosmic office holder with the ability to cause any two people to become married.
HuntingJustice DeathMarrow (Kylytta Bloodwyrm) is a gun and blade-wielding barely-clad macho woman in the Liefield tradition, whose grudge against the Lair Legion in general and Trickshot in particular is derived from not being offered a place in their ranks. She has the usual super-strength, near-invulnerability, healing factor etc, but also has an unlimited supply of razor-toothed cutting weapons despite having nowhere to carry them in her costume (except the thigh pouches) and impossibly vast laser cannons. She is immune to all common sense, and her breasts are immune to gravity.
Huntmaster (real name unknown) has no superhuman powers as such, except for a sixth sense talent where tracking prey is concerned. He's loaded with all kinds of hunter/forester themed weapons, from his quarterstaff to his hunting knife and cross bow, to his pouches of exploding power that knocks out the opposition (read: game) and simple choking dust that gives him a chance to escape. An expert tracker with above average fighting and trapping skills, he can blend into any surroundings with excellent camouflage abilities.
Indigo Impostor (real name forgotten) is a mutate who can take the shape of any humanoid creature he has come into contact with. If the target is a metahuman then the Impostor gains any physical abilities they possess but not any of their more esoteric powers.
Jean-Pierre possessed the powers of the French nation.
Krotch is a chat room joke made somewhat-rancid flesh.
L’il Buttie was raised on Apacalyspe by Granny Grimness (q.v.) as one of her favourite protégés. When he was the only survivor of an experiment by Torkemahda (q.v.) to infuse children with the Jarvis Cosmic he escaped to Earth and unsuccessfully sought to become Jarvis’ sidekick. He still wears a black waiter’s suit.
Mary Prankstar (Mary Pfeffercorn) ADD ENTRY FROM VIZH
Mood Swing (Jaques LeRouge) controls emotions around him. He’s shown signs of being able to "program" effects too, such as triggering homicidal mania when certain factors are met even when he’s no longer present. Another former Technopolitian Science Villain, LeRouge enjoys using his abilities to humiliate and embarrass his victims.
Musk Ox (Bovus 18) is an animal/mutate hybrid bred by eccentric geneticist the Low Evolutionary to possess enormous strength and the ability to generate a powerful strength-sapping pheromone that can affect even Mr. Epitome (q.v). He looks and smells just like his namesake. He has served as a mercenary for such villains as Factor X (q.v) and Count Armageddon (q.v).
Onslaughter, Onslaughter was created on a distant world, a final experiment of the Second Oldest Race in the Parodyverse. He was revived millennia later by the Killmasters of Choord who then became extinct at his hands. Two tons and nine foot six of super-dense killing machine, ridged with razor spiked that could slice through titanium, possessed of Yurt-class strength and gifted with high-level psionic abilities, Onslaughter rose to rule the travelling Deathworld for Dark Thugos (q.v) before it was destroyed by the heroes of Earth. Eventually defeated after a killing spree that trekked across a thousand miles of Canada, he has since gone toe-to-toe with Donar, the Yurt, and Premiere, all of whom he has been able to match strength for strength.
Pain Hook (Gunther Vermold) can psychically stimulate nerve endings to wrack his victims with agony. The former Technopolitan Science Villain could make them feel other things too, but so far he seems to limit himself to pain.
Pelopia, Priestess of Logos is the daughter of Gideon Book (q.v), the man who is CSFB!’s mentor and secretly his archenemy, the Word (q.v). CSFB! is aware that the Word has a daughter trained to kill him (they’ve met), and that Gideon Book has a daughter (Dream’s never seen her as far as he knows), but has never connected the two. Pelopia is disciplined to have perfect control over her mind, body, and emotions, but still managed to become pregnant by CSFB! and birth Iris Paintbrush Foxglove.
Professor Manyarms was a nuclear scientist before the accident that gave him his additional arms. Now he controls much of the criminal activity on the US East Coast. See Purveyors of Peril entry for more information.
PsychoAcidPervGirl! (Gwendolyn "Wendy" Leslie, a.k.a. Cinnamon Raven), CSFB’s! long-lost younger sister, is the front woman for the underground gothic-punk alternative rock band Seduction of the Innocent, the ringleader of the Wicked Pixies girl gang of costumed criminals, and a high school student at the Hestia House private boarding academy for "Girls Gifted by the Graces." Because she aided CSFB! in his accidental discovery of Impossibilitium, she has a cherry red and grape purple Silly Suit of her own, which is fuelled by her excessive ingestion of various and sundry illicit chemical substances, including copious doses of drugs and alcohol. PAPG! has recently begun to show signs of rehabilitation, and has even assisted the Lair Pegion on occasion.
Pudu Lad one of the original line-up of the villain team proctology, was canned after its takeover by the even more villainous Thighmaster. Pudu Lad has, well, the powers of a pudu.
Quake is a villain from the future who terrorised the descendants of the Lair Legion before finding his way to our time. Quake is a very tall, muscular man dressed in a black shirt, black pants, black gloves, and black boots and mask. He has glowing eyes. He's super strong, can blast heat and energy beams from his eyes and hands, and can project sonic sound waves at his opponents. He also has a nasty temper and kicked Donar's ass, so he deserves credit!! He was last seen returned to his own uncertain future. He sometimes has a knife throwing, tuxedo wearing henchman called Jack Knife.
Razor Ballerina (Mindy Kovkolski) was a world-famous ballerina before being kidnapped and tortured by the shadowy villain Fearwalker for the better part of a year. What remains is the soulless cruel monster able to generate razor-sharp blades from beneath her flesh and hurl them at her opponents with amazing dexterity. She can cut through any substance by touching it, making her a bad person to grab hold of. She has been given a specific resistance to being affected by probability alteration, being able to cut to the most likely result in any case.
Razorbarb (Mickey Spiroletti) is a brash arrogant punk kid, survivor of twins with identical powers. The former Technopolitan Science Villain can generate molecule-thick strands of indestructible wire which can tangle and slice. They vanish if he’s rendered unconscious.
Rikka Ulz Hagen is the world’s foremost specialist in artificial intelligences and how to break them. She and Hallie don’t love each other.
Rimshooter (Yasud Al-Kamara) can metamorphose his body into weaponry. The former Technopolitan Science Villain has generated missile percussion weapons, lasers, gas guns, sonics, and tranquilliser needles. Who knows what else he’s trained for?
Rodney, the Patronising Git, is an English supervillain with the ability to patronise people so much it hurts.
Spinoid has a bony razor-sharp carapace and can fire explosive spines from his exo-skeleton. He’s experienced at close-in fighting. The former Technopolitan Science villain has no known real name and may not even be of Earth origin.
Spring Loaded Man (Armand Braithwaite) is a metallic villain whose neck, limbs, and torso have been replaced by powerful coils. He has super strength and the ability to stretch his springs long distances. First Appearance: Welcome to the Lair Legion, Mr. Epitome: Springing Into Action.
Tech Spectre (Henry St. Ides) was an industrial spy with a suit that allowed him to become invisible and intangible. When he was finally captured he was given an offer: work for the Grey Eminence (q.v) or be beaten to death. He’s opted for the former.
Technovore is a sentient computer program with the metahuman ability to mould technology around it. Inhuman, merciless, and sadistic, Technovore was classified as a Level 10 threat in Technopolis.
The Birthday Bandit is an improbable villain who tries to steal heroes' powers by stealing their birthdays.
The Captor is a professional hunter who has killed hundreds of dangerous animals, including tigers, bears, snakes, and genetically altered mutants. Regarded as the best hunter in the Parodyverse because of his persistence and reputation of never failing to capture his foe in a hunt, sinister by nature, the Captor's trademark weapon is a gun that launches grenades that explode upon hitting their target, unleashing nearly unbreakable black coils that wrap around the target and send electric shocks through it to render it unconscious. To match his name, the Captor dresses in old fashioned hunting attire, including a pith helmet covering his bald head, khaki pants and shirt, and black boots. He has a hunting scar on his cheek.
Edward Cromlyn (a.k.a. Edward Gramayre) was previously an emissary of the mysterious uber-conspiracy the Shadow Cabinet. He fell from grace after the Cabinet’s agenda was usurped and Cromlyn himself was possessed by the Resolution Prophecy, and more permanently when his pans to eliminate the current generation of superheroes went awry. Cromlyn has been active for at least a century and a half, and he has psychic abilities to control people. He previously ordered Amy Aston (q.v.) to return to the Lair Mansion and slash her wrists to distract the team, for example, and she did. Cromlyn is a permanent prisoner in the holding cells beneath the Lair Mansion for his own safety.
The Florist has the ability to make plants do bad things.
The Hole Man is a stunted underground-dweller who commands the beasts of Monstrous Island. A deformed human who fled to ancient tunnels carved long ago by the Deviate sub-species, there he gained control of or created the Holeoid slave race and mastered some of the abandoned technology he found. This allows him to shift landmasses around, to create vast holes in the planet, and to transport substantial bits of real estate across the world. Of course, the Lair Legion hits him then.
The Idiom (Letitia Gallagher) is a problem-solving genius who has previously fought Mr Epitome on ethical and political grounds and later became his lover. A fugitive from the US criminal system she took refuge in rogue nation-state Badripoor before being pardoned for her assistance in the Parody War.
Jonathan Staang was the founder and former leader of the radical post-human adventurers the Commission, and is currently serving time in the maximum security wing of the Safe despite being a legal minor.
The Low Evolutionary (a.k.a. The Intelligent Designer) is a mysterious master geneticist who rules a subterranean kingdom of animal/mutate hybrids all created with his genius. It may be doing him an injustice to list him as a villain, since he is actually an idealist whose ideals often place him in the position of antagonist.
The Omni-Competent, (Dominic Clancy, but a different reality version thereof) destroyed his own Earth then escaped. His own body destroyed he now occupies the reanimated flesh of Exemplary (q.v.) formerly agent and enforcer of Edward Gramayre’s faction of the secret Shadow Cabinet. In addition to his own formidable mental abilities he can therefore use his host body’s control of bio-fields, the aura of organising energy that surrounds all living beings, to hurt people or control them. He can use the same gifts to ramp his own strength and other physical abilities to Epitome-class levels.
Third Degree is an insanely powerful flame-generating mutate punk who enjoys burning people.
Turbo Treesloth is a rocket-powered Treesloth. Honestly. More details in the Purveyors of Peril entry. He may recently have been eaten by his former teammates.
Turbo Treesloth is a rocket-pack powered love mammal.
Ultraninja (real name unknown) is an extremely skilled martial artist, enhanced with strength, speed, and endurance, invisible to mechanical detection, and able to merge into shadows through some technique we’ve not been able to identify. This former Technopolitan Science Villain is a very dangerous opponent, good enough to down Ziles (q.v) in single combat. She betrayed the Purveyors of Peril to the Parody Master.
Uncle Bob is a super-powered over-the-hill drunken party clown.
VelcroVixen (Vicki Vee) is a svelte, supervillainous deputy-leader, known for her fetishwear and athletic abilities. For more details, see the Purveyors of Peril.
Wyrm Bait (Tina Drummond) is a savage draconic/human hybrid . She can fly short distances by growing vestigial wings and can breathe fire. Having been disfigured by Fashion Accessory (q.v.), a former team-mate in the New Battlers (q.v.) she hates all beauty and enjoys destroying it.
The inconceivable Yurt (Vlastimock Bogoff), was once a humble glorious worker in the People's Potato Collective, Commieslavia, before a radioactive accident gave him the proportional strength and intelligence of a small peasant hut. He's basically a twenty foot high pile of indestructible rocks. The stupider he gets the stronger he gets. More on the Yurt
Supernatural and Occult Characters:
Baroness Ulrika Morbo is the daughter of the late human-demon hybrid Baron Morbo, and like her father is a sorceress of some distinction. Her appearance is marred by a hugely swollen scaly head-bulb.
Asteroth De Soth is the head of the De Soth Cult, an interbred family of sorcerers and witches with links to the darker gods. Other family members include his wife Omerta, Uncle Belial, Golgotha, Thenody, Styxus, Scabeous, and the disinherited Vincent de Soth (q.v.). One daughter, “Lucy” (Lucifera) , is enrolled in Young Heckfire (q.v.).
Cleone Swanmay, one of thirteen daughters of the King Under the Mountain in the Mythlands, is a swanmay (a woman gifted with the ability of transforming into a swan through a mystic mantle). After being captured and bound by a cruel sorcerer she was rescued by Xander the Improbable (q.v.) and then saved his life in turn by sharing her life-force with him. This has bound them intimately. Although now exiled from her mythlands home, Cleone still has the gift of perceiving truth and knowing people’s hearts. She is currently in hiding with Xander
Crapsack (Gnudier Lokotowicz) is the new guardian of the interdimensional nexus, and can manifest his sentience through any kind of organic waste product. He was formerly thought destroyed by Kerry Shepherdson.
Daimon Soulshredder is an incubus, a demon who takes pleasing male shapes to seduce and damn women. He has made quite a niche for himself in the occult underground as a pimp and purveyor of forbidden substances. He has long sought congress with Urthula Underess. But who hasn’t?
Graf Werner Hertzog is a vampire of some vintage, going back at least three hundred years. He came to prominence serving the Nazi regime in World War II until he was foiled and seemingly destroyed by Sir Mumphrey Wilton and Miss Canterbury. He encountered his nemeses again in 1949. He converted Grace O’Mercy into a vampire around the time of Untold Tales #68. Hertzog has developed many ways of returning from the grave, giving him longevity unlike that of most other vampires. Mumphrey annoys him by terming him “Count Chompula”.
Hagatha Darkness, the witch of Covenant House, conceived a child by Mumphrey Wilton in the late nineteenth century but never told him. She thwarted the Demon Lover who had impregnated women of her household for millennia and concealed the pregnancy through temporal trickery so the child was born many years after. Sorceress (Whitney Darkness) is the grand-daughter of Mumphrey and Hagatha.
Koo Koo Cha Choo is an ancient Egyptian sorcerer who gradually unfolds his sinister plans in North Africa.
Lady Morgosa le Fey has been mentioned but never described. Now we know she uses rotting ravens, but we have not yet established that she was once a Chronicler of Stories.
The Necromancer General (Bogdan Vlastivock) is the world’s foremost practitioner of the magics of the dead. While not technically undead himself he has a cadaverous appearance and a penchant for the grand guinol. He is a powerful sorcerer but his spells tend to be ritual rather than spontaneous. Vlastivock converted his young niece Urthula into a ghoul long ago.
Penny Blood is a mysterious occult being who can write night horrors into being. The Flensing Man and Hoodman Blind are two of her creations.
The Picnic of Doom is a deadly psychic phenomenon.
Regret of the Damned (Regret Kiskilla) is a demon temptress, specialising in the seduction of the innocent and their corruption to damnation. Regret claims to have once been a human Catholic girl who died in a car crash unshriven after having sex with her boyfriend and therefore bound for hell. Demon Lord Sage Grimpenghast (q.v.) selected her as the most likely of all his billions of souls to transform as a temptress to use in his plot against Nats (q.v). When Regret betrayed Grimpenghast for Nats she expected eternal torment in the deeper levels of hell but was actually cast back to Earth. After some time bound by the Heck-Fire Club (q.v.) she accepted a position with Tom Black (q.v.), in whom she sees many possibilities. Regret has the ability to appear in the shape of anyone the people around her desire. More on Regret in her debut story, Untold Tales #226
Voodoo Vicaress (LeVeau M’Tumbe) is the latest in the line of villainous houngan who use the power of the dark loa to do bad voodoo things.
Vrykoulakos is an elder consulting vampire. Amongst his other work he has arranged for Boss Deadeyes’ (q.v.) return from the grave and for Lisette’s (q.v.) removal to realms of horror.
The Ghouls are undead creatures who devour the brains and flesh of the dead. The more advanced amongst them can absorb the memories, skills, and knowledge of those whose brains they devour, and sometimes even take on the personalities of those they absorb.
The Abyssal Greye is the senior scholar amongst the Ghouls Under Gothametropolis, a scholarly band of undead civic fathers who shuffle beneath the cemetery in their carpet slippers researching from ancient tomes. The Abyssal Greye and the Scholar-Ghouls of Gothametropolis have long dwelled beneath the All Saints Cemetery that occupies much land between the city and Sheldon River. Some of them claim to be founding fathers of Gothametropolis. These undead can integrate the memories and personalities of those whose brains they eat, and over the centuries have carefully preserved a fine selection of great thinkers. The Abyssal Greye is their Dean. The Scholar-Ghouls are some of the least intrusive of the shadow-denizens of the old city, and have even assisted in its defence on occasion, such as during the invasion from Technopolis.
The Abyssal Rasputatious more or less commands the Ghouls Under St Petersburg, who include Chompvski, Chompvski, Fingers, and Lumpkov. These less-than-competent night horrors are somewhat bumbling villains with minor occult knowledge – just enough to be dangerous.
The Abyssal Luminosus of the Ghouls Under St Petersburg glows in the dark. He’s eight feet tall, covered in stitches, and he has a rather direct approach that involves shredding any opposition.
Urthula Underess is a free-spirited party ghoul, much pursued by the occult underworld. She previously dated Visionary (q.v) but turned down Rasputatious and Luminosus. She was made into a ghoul by her uncle The Necromancer General (q.v).
Mr Lye’s Laundry of Doom is a mysterious 24 hour cleaning establishment off Toenail Alley in the dark labyrinth of old Gothametropolis York. It washes stains both physical and spiritual. It’s known staff are:
Mr Lye, an ancient pigtailed Chinaman who seems to hold some kind of authority for his work.
Tanner, an Bogartesque unaging Irish werewolf.
Shadrack a tireless unspeaking golem who hates evil.
Mr Boilface, whose name describes his appearance.
Legumo, a nervous man who is cursed to see people’s life destinies and can only speak the truth.
The Calliach (a.k.a. Callie), a terrible old woman who stitches things together and knows what threads to pull or break.
Ruby Waver is a fast-healing, fame-grabbing, fortune-hunting somewhat sleazy possibly jailbait distant cousin of Sorceress’ (q.v), now seeking unlikely redemption at the Laundry of Doom. She was formerly a secretary at the Lair Mansion before scandal caught up with her. More on Ruby
Gamma Ray Gary is the last Equinnite, a cyborg champion working with his vast sopacefacing vessel Ship and suffused with Ausgardian power. His war-hammer is Ljouis. Gary has often travelled with adventuring companions D’Ur Acell of the Yellow Flashlight Corps (q.v.) and Gamona the Assassin (q.v.).
Shazana Pel is an exiled Pigeon-Warrior from the destroyed world of Thonnagar, outcast for allowing her sacred gravity-manipulating Z-allow wristbands to be used by an outsider to save lives. An expert aerial combatant able to channel g-force through metal weapons, Pel is a rough, brutal adversary. After a stay at the Moon Public Library she went on to aid the Caph resistance movement against Thonnagarian occupation, allied with Vaahir of Viigo (q.v). She has had affairs with De Brown Streak and the Hooded Hood.
The Skree Empire is a fallen intergalactic militaristic race, led until recently by the fascist Dronon, the Public Accoster, wielder of the Rod of Authority and his fiancée Prime Mistress Oma . The empire was previously controlled by The Supreme Interference (q.v), a manipulative supercomputer amalgam of the brain patterns of long-dead Skree. Our heroes have also been troubled by Commander Rox-Hoff of the Fifth Skree Armada. The Skree are ancestral enemies of the shape-shifting Skunks.
The Skunk Confederacy, a race of shape-shifting conquerors, including the multi-powered Super-Skunk (a new one, since the last one got mulched). Princess Annar was their figurehead before she was taken as a bride of the Parody Master and destroyed.
The Z’Sox, a race of arachnid assassins commanded by Arbiter S’Trakk.
The Shee-Yar Empire, is a galactic empire founded by an avian civilisation and ruled by an Empress; their high priest is the Eyrie-Father.The Shee-Yar Imperium Guard are super-powered champions of the Parodyverse's other avian-themed galactic civilisation, but the Shee-Yar are now a polyglot empire of many races, of each which contributes a champion to the Imperiators to act as the ultimate enforcers of the Shee-Yar. Gladeater was acknowledged as the strongest of these, and usually served as their Praetor, or leader. Since the Parody Master’s conquest of the Empire it is not clear how many, if any, of the Guard remain alive.
The Thonnagarians, a fierce race of Pigeonpeople lost their homeworld during the recent Crisis. Their main combat capacities come from their warrior fierceness and the sacred Z-Alloy they use in their artificial wings and wristbands that allows them control over gravity to fly and fight. Formerly ruled with an iron talon by Ancient Shadara, last survivor of the Great Eyrie, the now look to her grand-daughter Shazana Pel (q.v) for their survival and their future.
The Reptiloids of Frammistat Eight are a vicious merchant race, led by theSlimy Slaver Lovetoad, an intergalactic slaver. His name says it all really. The Hierophant is their religious leader, Renowned scholar and archaeologist Dr Blargelslarch is a native of their world but is now exiled to Earth for bringing down the previous regime and erasing the records of all slave-holdings.
Anihillatus, Lord of the Negativity Zone, is a bioengineered creature of immense destructive power with an instinctive link to and control of the mysterious otherdimensional Negativity Zone. He rules all the realms from the Queasy Zone to the Blistering Fields, leading armies of marauders in their space-faring Locustships, and dreams of the day he will conquer all the dimensions of the Parodyverse.
The Heralds of Galactivac are the space-bending Crimson Cyclist, the fear-manipulating Undermind Obscura, and the bone-controlling Terrorox. The fourth herald is the Probability Dancer (q.v).
Clan Klayhog, nomads from the Eridani cluster, are led by Clan Elder Broto, his son Argo and daughter-in-law Seeress Yesmin. Other family members include gool ol’ boys Zo and Quke. The Clan have recently been joined by self-willed Austernal exploration ship Aunt Sally and young escaped slave and high-range psychomancer D’Rothy..
The Crystaxians are a crystal-based tripedal life form recently displaced from their homeworld and seeking a new life on a barren new world under the guidance of the last of their world’s Matrix Guardian heroes, Selinda Saxmendim.
The Naicluv are a peaceful, logical, and highly advanced race of scientists and philosophers. More on the Naicluv
The Caphans are a green-skinned desert race from the Andromeda nebula. Slave ownership is a fundamental part of their culture and several Caphans have found refuge on Earth. Prominent Caphans include:
Prince Kiivan, Emir of All Caph, is the rightful heir to the Caliphate and liberator of his homeworld. He escaped when Caph was invaded by Thonnagarians, trained in different times and places, and returned just over an Earth year later having grown to adulthood to save his people.
Ohanna of Raael is Kiivan’s constant companion, and as the Caphans would put it “his heart’s desire and best beloved”. She is younger sister to the exiled Caphan Miiri (q.v), and arguably the most extensively offworld-trained woman of Caph. Although Caphans have no such custom she is now Kiivan’s fiancée.
Vaahir of Viigo is Caph’s greatest warlord, Prince Kiivan’s mentor and right-hand man in retaking Caph. Vaahir’s passion for the Lady Kaara of Jaaxa (q.v) is celebrated in song and story.
The Lost Flowers of Caph:
Nine Caphan pleasure slaves sold offworld to the Slimy Slaver Lovetoad and liberated by the Lair legion during the Transworlds challenge, now finally returned to the world of their birth. The nine are:
Deeela, a daughter of Chieftain Ytirar by Iliia the Fair, She and her triplet siblings are sometimes called the Lost Jewels of the House of Kelinda after their abduction by raiders on the occasion of their vina drea (ceremony of bonding) to Laamis of Laamis. Deeela dreams of becoming a bard like her tent-sister Losiira (q.v).
Sayaana, also one of three daughters born to the Chieftain Ytirar out of Illia the Fair. She is the best weaver and needlewoman of the group, and most accomplished at performing kelanath-sto.
Philaana, younger sister to Sayaana and Deeela. She bears a child of Prince Kiivan, Emir of All Caph.
Noona of Portaa, the older of two sisters sold offworld to the Slimy Slaver Lovetoad from the marketplace of Luutan. She is Losiira’s lover.
Miiri of Earth, daughter of Prince Kiivas out of Ekooria of Damaar, is the most liberated of the Caphan exiles. When she was no longer owned by Visionary (a fiction anyway for the comfort of the rescued slaves) she returned to him as a lover and bore him twin children, Magweed (Naari) (q.v) and Griffin (q.v). Miiri no longer wishes to be owned by anyone save herself.
Odoona of Portaa, Noona’s younger sister, a romantic dreamer; she has an unspoken crush on Lord Visionary (q.v).
Losiira of the Nine Songs is the oldest of the nine Caphan exiles, and the only one accredited by the bardic college. She had now been accredited as a slave-mistress and house mother, and has been awarded the rank of mistress of the House of the Emir. She also carries a child of Prince Kiivan.
Luuma Swiftheels, famed for her athletic prowess, also carries a child of Prince Kiivan.
Kaara of Jaaxa, last daughter of a murdered House, was ravaged and sold into slavery. The youth who strove to own her was Vaahir of Viigo, and his exploits to escape and save her are chronicled in the Tenth Caphan Saga in Untold Tales #202-212.
Other High-Status Slaves:
Guildmistress Keroon of the Leman's Guild is one of the most powerful slaves on Caph, heading the order which trains and accredits women of the leman class. In the absence of an appointed Vizier it is her role to manage the proceedings of the Caliphate Court, of whom collectively she is the chattel.
Koodi of Jathaar is a drudge, one of the menial class of slaves who form the majority of Caph’s population. Her master is Lord Khuufal and she lived most of her young life in domestic service in the deserts of Urendiir. When her Master joined Vaahir’s rebellion Koodi came to Alcaphia as a runner bringing arms and supplies to the warriors. While camped outside the city Koodi encountered the outcast seeress Vespiir and made a fateful decision that she knew would destroy her life.
Vespiir is an outcast slave, masterless and unprotected, for the crime of being a seeress. Only males may possess the gift of Raathi, and so Vespiir is evok-hai, fair game for any who would harm or kill her. She bears the Outcast Brand on her forehead, proclaiming her shame to all who see her.
Kriije of Raael, formerly of Aarixus, is a Caphan leman – personal assistant and bodyslave – who clawed her way to the top of her profession in service to the traitorous would-be Emir Aarmus of Aarixus. Trained in espionage, assassination, and manipulation Kriije supported her Master’s domination attempts but was badly wounded in combat with Ohanna of Raael. With Aarmus’ fall Kriije became the property of his slayer, Prince Kiivan, who in turn sold her to his lover Ohanna for virtually nothing. Kriije is to be exiled to Earth.
Situation overview in A Caph Recap, Glossary of Caphan terms in The Caph Lexicon
The Apocalyspians are brutal survivalists from Dark Thugos’ (q.v) stronghold world. Apocalyspe is a place of doom and gloom, where nothing nice happens and if anything does, those responsible are tossed into the Fever Blisters of Apocalyspe, mile deep lakes of plasma that power the planet’s machinery of destruction. In addition to Dark Thugos himself, the ruling caste of the planet includes:
Splendiferous Stuart who looks and dresses like a televangelist. Using his awesome powers of persuasion, he has earned the role of ruling as Dark Thugos’s proxy.
Torkamahda Minister of Torment, was the chief vizier of Dark Thugos before being destroyed by the heroes of Earth. A vat-clone replacement may now be installed.
Kwatrain don’t let the Ren Fest Wear fool you, this Machiavellian assassin type is a dangerous adversary.
Steppenstoat aged uncle to Dark Thugos, the Harrier of a Thousand Worlds has seen better days. With his Galactic Glaive and Ermines of Destruction he seeks to regain past glories by serving Dark Thugos.
Granny Grimness, responsible for training children into the next generation of sadistic Ferret Soldiers and Vengeance Valkyries in her Innocence Factories.
Kambyon the Cruel, is Thugos’ brutal son, chained away for thousands of years but now loosed upon the Parodyverse.
The Hive Mindis an alien hive culture led by their queen, the Honey Bee. More on the Honey Bee
The Broob are a parasitic race of savage insectoids.
The Maxellians were a super-powered race of expansionist adventurers but are now all assumed to be dead at the hands of Dark Thugos during the Parody War.
The Yellow Flashlight Corps are an ancient intergalactic peacekeeping force. More on the Flashlights
The Reticulum Matrix is a gestalt electronic civilisation. Nexus 935 is one of their primary code nodes, a former bride and victim of the Parody Master
The Astrovids were a communications and entertainment-obsessed alien race eradicated by the Parody Master
The Joad Majanu, a hologram species.
The J’Minti, hippy space monks.
The Shankaru, pirate monkey denizens of the smuggler havens of the Coalsack nebula.
The Observers, ancient watchers of events in the Parodyverse.
The Jodlar, a race of galactic hauliers and teamsters
The Plxtragarians fell victim to devastating war and have been victimised by powerful spacefaring races ever since. The purple-skinned humanoids are now under the protection of Vaahir (q.v) warlord of Caph, and of the Thonnagarian Mercenary Flight. Plxtragar’s spokesperson is Citizen Yedo.
The Dramaatis are space-faring troupes of entertainers. One such is Mircandalee Tremensalor, spacefaring actress and now proprietor of a Travelling Vaudeville and Burlesque show based upon the former Avawarrior training ship.
The Cosmic Characters
The Triumverate are the three most powerful “cosmic office holders”, entities appointed to uphold some aspect of the Parodyverse. The comprise:
The Shaper of Worlds, who initiates new narrative strands in the many parallel timelines of the Parodyverse. The newest Shaper is Madame Symmetry of Synchronicity, formerly keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity and Chairwoman of the Westminster Necropolis Company (q.v). and an old enemy of the Lair Legion. She is the mother of Danny Lyle (q.v.).
Previous Shapers include Carrington and Jury.
The Chronicler of Stories (Greg Burch) is a celestial office bestowed upon one who monitors and records the events of the Parodyverse. The current Chronicler was split off from the destiny line of the man who also became the Dark knight, but they are now to all intents and puirposes different entities. The Chronicler is given to morose brooding, coffee, alcohol, and plotting. The job also seems to involve a lot of talking ravens of destiny including Nevermore, Pallas, and Quoth.
The Destroyer of Stories, is the third cosmic office-holder, charged with bringing all things to an end. The new incumbent is Lisa (Lisa L. Waltz), a defence attorney; the First Lady of the Lair, formerly keeper of the Booke of the Law. She uses a dimension-slashing lash in combat. There are a great many jokes made at the expense of Lisa's allegedly infinite sexual capacity, but Lisa is also the most caring of the team and the first to want to help somebody in trouble. Most of the team would do anything for her. She has an indestructible ginger cat of disreputable character and is mother to Christopher Waltz, a child safely ensconced from harm in the Silver Age Dimension.
Former office holders include the horror-fraught Samhain, the tyrant Dark Thugos (q.v), and (briefly) Sir Mumphrey Wilton (q.v.)
The Celestian Space Robots are mile-high incomprehensible and nigh-omnipotent entities tasked with maintaining the mechanisms of the Parodyverse by their unknown creators. They never speak, but creatures drawing near them may be overwhelmed by the sheer power of their massive thoughts. The entire LL once managed to chip a small dint in one of the Space Robot's boots. Despite this many of the Celestians have recently been put out of action as part of some larger and more sinister plot.
Exu the Doomherald formerly served the Parody Master (q.v.) as his principal emissary but then defected to the other side because of the influence of Liu Xi Xian (q.v.). Exu was previously the god of murder of the almost-forgotten Second Oldest Race and may be linked with the great betrayer of the Janus race, and much of his story remains unrevealed.
The Family of the Pointless are powerful anthropomorphic representations of fundamental forces in the Parodyverse. They are Coincidence, Lusting, Whinging, Glamour, Death, Temporary Death, and Space Ghost. Common Sense has abandoned his office. The Family have recently withdrawn from all contact with sentient beings in the Parodyverse.
Galactivac, the Living Death that Sucks, is a planet-hoovering, world-cleansing entity of immense power which moves across the galaxy sucking planets bare of all life. Galactivac's heralds include the speed-manipulating Crimson Cyclist, the death-manipulating Terrorox, brain-shredding Undermind Obscura, and the Probability Dancer (see under LL).
The Hero Feeders or Lurkers Behind, are parasites that infest the interdimensional vortex between realities in the Parodyverse, and occasionally break through to prey upon weak narratives, erasing them and the people and events contained in them from reality. In short, they feed on legends and can devour a hero and all memory of them. Some Hero Feeders are mindless instinctive beasts, while others are cunning and subtle. The Hero feeders sometimes creep into the Parodyverse proper, taking on human shapes to indulge in their hedonistic revels. They have manifested as the Heckfire Club, an exclusive and powerful gentlemans' association in Paradopolis' ritzy Pierce Heights. Inner circle members include Simonides Slaughter, the Black Emperor, Anne Salem, the White Empress, Frederick Scarfe and Professor Hammond Stein. They occasionally harvest heroes from the city they farm. Other Hero Feeders have appeared as transsexual trandimensionals, as gothic vampires, and as galactic estate agents. All modern Hero Feeders are mere shadows of the powerful creatures that once moved through the vortex though. Those terrible beings were spilled out into reality by unwise experiments of the Second Oldest Race, and were only contained by the creation of the Psychostave that Nats once wielded and by a destruction of the Second Oldest Race so complete that even their name is lost.
The King of Stories appears as a burning skeleton on a throne of blood. He claims to be the first Chronicler of Stories and to personify all the dark urges of Chroniclers through time.
The Constellation were a race of energy beings spread across space feeding on stars, whose purpose is to bring about the eventual return of the Fairly Great Old Ones (q.v.). they were formerly Pegasus’ sponsors, but they may now have been destroyed in a war with the Celestian Space Robots.
The Fairly Great Old Ones are entirely alien elder gods who invaded the Parodyverse at the moment of its creation but were eventually sent to "sleep" until "the stars are right" by the intervention of the Celestian Space Robots and Lord Resolution. These ancient beings infiltrated the Parodyverse like a virus and rewrote its rules to become its rulers before being overthrown and made to "sleep" – shorthand for being carved from reality until they were able to reset the laws of physics back to how they need them to be to fully exist. They were overthrown on Earth through the rebellion of their slave race the Shoggoths (see Manga Shoggoth). At least one Fairly Great Old One sleeps on Earth. Shabba’Dhabba’Dhu, the Groper Out of Grossness (q.v) dwells beneath the Lair Mansion in uneasy slumber.
Shabba’Dhabba’Dhu, the Groper Out of Grossness is a loathsome elder thingie that Man Was Notte Meant to Know. Originally attracted in pre-history to the hidden power of the cosmic cube once concealed beneath Parody Island, the thirty-mile wide tentacular being slept when the stars changed (at the time of the Shoggoth uprising) – or at least dozed and watched daytime soaps on cable. It’s worshipped by the albino Morshlock cult, stirs in its sleep occasionally enough to devour the odd sacrifice or redecorate an outlying village with gore and devastation, but mostly just sits there forgotten until the stars are right.
Yog-Frothoth is another of the Fairly Great Old Ones who bear some resemblance to Lovecraftian elder beings of other fictional universes that take themselves more seriously. Yog-Frothoth is one of the few elder beings still to have vestigial elements in the modern and it is believed that he is the gateway through which many others may one day return.
Nyarlurkhoptep is the herald of the elder gods, a shape-shifting schemer who manifests terrible occult powers and works to bring the stars right for the return of his masters. He has previously been thwarted by Visionary (q.v), the Lair Legion (q.v), and Xander the Improbable (q.v).
Azafroth is the mindless galaxy-sized god of the elder gods, attended by billions of howling space-borne sybarites at the centre of the Parodyverse.
The Faerie Queene has many names, but seems to prefer the name Meg just now. The ruler of the Many Coloured Land (Faerie) is fey and unpredictable, and has recently had a failed relationship with the villainous Hooded Hood. She has little reason to like Magweed (q.v), who is rumoured to be a fairy princess and a possible eventual replacement.
Mad Wendy is a world-class psionic from the Technoverse. She has massive reality-warping abilities and can suck people into her own private mental worlds, and a fairy-tale fixation. She now rules the dreamlands formerly controlled by the destroyed villain Frightmare. She is good friends with the Yurt (q.v.).
Sage Grimpenghast, Master of Ignorance and Teacher of Depeptions is a scholarly lord of one of hell’s domains, rising to prominence in the current abyssal power gap along with some other nasty netherworld types such as Belaziel, Lord of the Moral Wastes, and Vesperine, Lady of Torments.
Currently Dead Villains***
The Confiscator was a professional assassin. Clad in dark padded battlesuit, strong and usually with concussion grenades strapped across his chest armour, the Confiscator carried a laser pistol with him at all times and had other artillery to work with as well, depending on the importance of the job he took on. His performance level depended on how much he got paid. He was completely covered and hence no one knows what he looked like. His real name and past are also mysteries. Amongst his other achievements, he shot Baron Zemo's wife Heike.
The Cowled Criminal (also called the Cowled Crook) was a strange crimson-cloaked archvillain who sat at the end of time plotting revenge upon the Hooded Hood (qv). His plots led to the near destruction of the Infinite Parodyverses. He often worked through servants, including the shape-stealing Spaced Fandom
Count Armageddon (Count Belasco Medici), once absolute ruler of the independent Pacific basin state of Badripoor, was suffused with and possibly now composed of evil kaos Energy, livid green tendrils that give him massive strength and invulnerability and can corrode souls. Armageddon was originally a science villain from the world of Technopolis.
Desmond Djinn was a fanatical human slayer of supernatural beings. He took his name from the skinned being he wore as a shield against magic.
The Devil Doctor was an undead Makluan dragon, the geneticist responsible for unlocking the shapeshifting abilities of his people. As such he has engineered in them the vulnerability to be possessed by his undead spirit. After the Makluans refused his rulership he called down Galactivac, the Living Death that Sucks (q.v.) to destroy their world. The Devil Doctor enjoyed taking the identity of an inscrutable Oriental mandarin. A genius with chemicals, poisons, and mutations, the Devil Doctor commanded a fanatical following of biologically enhanced ninjas, bizarre monsters, and other Fu Manchu trappings. He was responsible for the creation of villains such as Appendage Man and Rottweiler and the Terrier. He was destroyed when he lost his previous draconic host form in battle with Fin Fang Foom.
Deus Et Machina (Hel Rotwang) was the cybernetic leader of the Citizens of Cybernation, a cult dedicated to the improvement of the race through cybernetics.Known in Nazi Germany as Futura, the Woman of Tomorrow, and known today as Deus Et Machina, was a 1920’s political escapee from the Technoverse who settled in the Reich. A robot-supremacist who believed that mankind’s destiny was to improve itself through transplant cybernetics, Rotwang herself was a human-looking cyborg at the time of this story. It was only when she was later forced into the furnaces of a concentration camp when she sought to quit the Fuhrer’s service that her external coverings were burned away leaving the art-deco robot to wreak terrible vengeance on her captors. Deus et Machina’s advanced robotics knowledge probably made possible, directly or indirectly, most of the other androids, cyborgs, and robots manufactured since on Parody Earth.
Dirth Vortex, a tattooed, asthma-breathing warlord, worked his mystic plots and leads his acolytes in preparation for some unspecified upcoming event where he intended to be on the winning side. He is currently scattered across the cosmos. Dirth Vortex is a dark-side master of the Gah!, a primal force in the Parodyverse released by practitioners shouting "Gah!" very loudly. He and his disciples have attempted a variety of mystical-type conquests. After this little setback he’s going to need to find a new body before trying again. Dirth Vortex bears no possible resemblance to Darth Vader should Lucasfilm lawyers happen to ask.
Commander Erskine Black, a Victorian bounder of the first order, seduced and destroyed Mumphrey’s sister, gained immortality, was buried for a century and a half by Mumph, escaped and murdered Mumphrey’s daughter and son-in-law, attempted to torture and kill Mumph’s grand-daughter Samantha (q.v.), got thoroughly beaten, and then got dropped in a black hole. Good riddance.
Erskine Blofish, the bald headed, hamster loving master of the terrorist organisation B.A.L.D. was the one who hired the Confiscator to off Zemo's wife after the two had an unpleasant brush with one another. Blofish later got his head ripped off by Samhain (according to DK it survived) and was thrown into Zemo's castle, later to be rescued by Membraine. Blofish's head was later put on a robot body where it planned and plotted until a final encounter with the Purveyors of Peril, where Suicide Blonde transformed the indestructible adamantium exo-skeleton into tapioca..
Exemplary, formerly agent and enforcer of Edward Gramayre’s faction of the secret Shadow Cabinet, was a confident bastard in a near grey business suit. He controlled bio-fields, the aura of organising energy that surrounds all living beings, which means he can use it to hurt people or control them. He could use the same gifts to ramp his own strength and other physical abilities to Epitome-class levels. He once worked for The Grey Eminence (q.v).
Hämmerblade was an alternate universe variant of Donar, but with much more nicely coiffured hair. For more details see the Purveyors of Peril entry.
The Hellraisers were a band of very evil interdimensional marauders:
Sir Lucian, the Chain Knight was a great paladin of light who was corrupted by long torture and evil sorceries to become a thing of torture and evil himself. Appearing as a bloody armoured knight with dozens of living chains growing from his ruptured flesh, Sir Lucian had the gift of binding and breaking of bonds and locks. He even murdered the personification of Death and took her power and authority.
Nosferos the Undying wass a gaunt, pale, bald, ancient elder-vampire, possessing all the legendary abilities of the undead. He could command lesser creatures of the night (and that includes most other undead as well as rats, bats, wolves and slimy things), summon foul weather and famine, smell fear, and hypnotise. He was also an accomplished black magician. The Night Nurse consumed his blood.
Phleglethor the Pestilent was a huge corpulent red-skinned plague-demon with the gift of all diseases. His vast bulk regenerates almost instantly from any wound, and most of his disgusting bodily processes can be used offensively. His effluvia was toxic and flammable, his vomit caustic, his phlegm acidic, and he had a whole range of things he could fart. He could cause any disease at will, and even tailor special illnesses for special occasions.
Maladomini, mistress of pain, was a former Guardian of the Booke of the Law (a cosmic office currently held by Lisa), stripped of her office for dark debauchery and sin. She became a succubus, immune to all harm from men and wielder of a lash that can tear through dimensions.
The Bloodreaper, last surviving member of the extradimensional marauder Hellraisers (q.v), was a sadistic super-strong scythe-wielding killing machine has deity level strength, speed, stamina, and invulnerability. Murder made him stronger, and his scythe drank the spirit of those he slaughtered. He enjoyed carnage. It was his hobby.
Lord and Master (Drugo Lodestone), son of Heckfire Club Inner Circle Member Lionel Lodestone, has inherited abilities from his father to secrete a psychotropic sweat that magnifies beyond reason any human urge or emotion. Lord and Master was ranked as leader of the current class of Young Heckfire before being murdered by Danny Lyle (q.v.) to protect Kerry Shepherdson (q.v.).
Lord Resolution was the personification of an ancient prophesy that the Parodyverse would end in a terrible conflict, the Resolution War, which would resolve some cosmic question for which the Parodyverse had been originally created. Resolution’s close association with the Celestian Space Robots gives him immense powers including the ability to absolutely dominate almost any life form that has been touched by the Space Robots (including the human race). After two defeats and a period as captive of the Dead Lords of Hell (q.v) he retired from the field to rethink his strategies and was later absorbed by the Parody Master.
Magnetic Techbird was a mutant terrorist (and, like virtually all the Parodyverse's poster villains, a former Lair Legion candidate) with abilities to control magnetism, create solid-sound constructs via a mechanical vocal carapace, and manipulate technology. He wore a red and purple costume and has long blonde, red, and white hair. MT was really an anti-hero, a rebel without a cause, as likely to do good as ill. He was desperately unlucky with women. He died spectacularly at his trial and became a mutate martyr, although many believe that “Magnetic Techbird lives”.More on Magnetic Techbird
Membraine was a green skinned, bald headed, red eyed mutant created by Zemo and some scientist. When Membraine was brought to life, he was very dull witted. Somehow his mind evolved and turned Membraine into a genius. Membraine escaped from Zemo's castle and decided to destroy the human race, and went to Europe to destroy Zemo and his army as he hated his creator for making him look so ugly. Creating an army that resembled himself with a cloning machine he took control of Zemo's empire. Just before he could kill Zemo, however, explosives in his castle went off and he was crushed by stone and Zemo's throne. More on Membraine
The Moderator (an alternate-reality Danny Lyle) exploited a cosmic loophole and used the stolen energies of many realities’ Kerry Shepherdsons (q.v) to power a takeover of the Parodyverse. He was overthrown by a ragtag ad-hoc group of heroes and villains, but his attempt at domination set in motion many events which had consequences long after his passing.
The New Battlers gained their abilities in an early Hooded Hood (q.v.) plot and formed a kewl and radical alliance of young hot metahumans. They were finally destroyed in a murderous clash with the Junior Lair Legion (q.v.). Of their roster at that time only Wyrmbait, L’il Buttie, and Hat Kid survived, the former being horribly disfigured and the latter two being incarcerated for their crimes. Lisette (q.v), E-Male I (deceased), and Fashion Accessory (q.v.) were earlier members of the team.
Deceased members from their final line-up are:
Lounge Lizard (Donny Drummond) gained the powers of a humanoid dragon after he and his sister mainlined Makluan DNA. He’s immune to fire, can generate nuclear flame-breath, has enhanced senses and physical abilities, and can sense virgins.
Boy Wonder (Tim Grimson) saw his parents murdered before his eyes by Crime Clown and dedicated his life to being that good at killing people. He has now abandoned his original short pants for a dark blue body stocking and domino mask. He has no powers but uses a variety of gadgets to supplement his formidable athletic and deductive abilities.
Thunderstroke (Ludo Donger) is an Australian lout who was granted similar powers to those of Donar by the Enthrallress using the Horn Stones. He has somehow come back from the dead several times. He is immensely strong, immensely stupid, and able to control bad weather. He scorns using archaic language patterns.
E-Male II (Rico Torino II) is the clone of the New Battler’s deceased original leader. Cruel, inventive, and powerful, E-Male can transform into a being of electricity, able to travel along communications mediums, to control electronic systems, and to discharge lethal amounts of energy. His original self was formerly Lisette’s abusive boyfriend back when she was a member of the team. E-Male II has all the memories of his original self up to the point of his cloning, around six months before the original reformed and died.
Ripper, an Apocalyspian warhound, appears as a horse-sized mixture of dog, pig, and lizard, with razor spines and jaws that can bit through steel. He’s not got a very good attitude.
The Obliterator was a giant alien organic/robot being who has battled the Legion many times. Though he often seems loud, foolish, and oafish, the Obliterator was actually very smart and had knowledge and access to advanced technology, making him a very formidable foe to the Lair Legion and the residents of the Parodyverse. There are indications that the Obliterator was an important, ancient and powerful being of cosmic significance who was condemned to his current existence after betraying the Celestian Space Robots (q.v.). More on the Obliterator
The Order of the Observing Eye were a monk-like sect who gained access to one of the three Books of Prophecy written by Wilbur Parody (the only person to have held all three of the cosmic offices of the Triumverate at various times). Learning of the coming Resolution War they set out to identify, train, or even create the protagonists mentioned in the volume. They have worked with the late Professor Xalter to create a School for Gifted Young Ones, with the Amazons to find homes for abandoned female children with potential to be warriors, with the Little Sisters of Discipline, with Granny Grimness’ Orphanage of Joy, and with many other groups who hone the skills of the next generation of metahumans. Amongst their alumni are Goldeneyed (q.v.) and his cousin Exile (q.v.), and Exemplary (q.v.). The monks had access to advanced technology including dimensional and time travel.
Partycrasher is a renegade Austernal, with the special additional ability of grasping women with his prehensile chest hair. For more details see the Purveyors of Peril entry.
The Parody Master was one of the Lair Legion’s oldest enemies. In the real old days the LL’s rogues gallery was pretty much Baron Zemo, Peter von Doom, various comic-book creators, Mr T, and the Parody Master, and PM was the one to really watch out for, their first truly serious threat. Something between a renegade primal force and homicidal conqueror, he has pretty much do-anything abilities, limitless endurance and strength, the ability to reorder time and space to his liking, and an infinite army of tough drone Avatar Warriors. His only weakness was that he had to manifest by possessing a host body, and sometimes strong-willed hosts were able to influence his motives and methods and weak hosts have caused him to imperfectly incarnate. His role within the cosmic order was to defend the Parodyverse against the coming of the Carnifax (q.v), but was also summoned to uphold the edicts of the Triumvirate and the Celestian Space Robots (q.v.). The fully-powered Parody Master is a match for really major cosmic forces like the Triumverate (Shaper of Worlds, Chronicler of Stories, Destroyer of Tales), Galactivac, or the Celestian Space Robots. However, his more human motives and sometimes petty villainy often left him more vulnerable to being thwarted than other cosmic beings.
All of that changed with the Parody War. Gaining the abilities of the Resolution Prophesy and forging the Infinity Forge to melt down powerful artefacts such as the Cosmic Cube, the Parody Master raised an army which almost conquered the Parodyverse. Supported by his Doomwraiths, his Avawarriors, his Parody Cultists and a massive fleet of dimensional dreadnaughts he raised the conceptual plane, overthrew the Celestians (q.v) and the Triumvirate (q.v), subdued all the mighty empires of space, ravaged the Mythlands, and finally brought his might to bear against Earth. He died after a lengthy, brutal, and costly conflict with the Lair Legion at the end of a months-long war.
The Supreme Interference was the repository of composite brain-patterns of all the finest brains of the Skree Star Empire, before it arranged for the Skree Homeworld to be destroyed by the star-eating Galactivac, the Living Death that Sucks, in an attempt to jump-start Skree evolution once more. Since the Interference’s attempts to rewrite human genetic codes as next-generation Skree were thwarted by the Legion, the computer was imprisoned and isolated here on Earth. It may recently have been wiped for good by the Librarian.
The Wilde Hunt was a cosmic force for vengeance that was invoked by any being powerful enough to demand vengeance on a deity. The Wilde Huntsman debuted in Dancer/Donar #7and #8, wherein it was revealed that he was an ancient and cruel force –possibly a cosmic office holder – that could be dispatched by beings of immense power (on that occasion the Ausgardian All-Pappy Oldman) to hunt down and destroy those who had offended them. He could draw upon the power of his summoner to increase his own abilities, which is how he pounded Donar within an inch of his life. The Huntsman and his hounds were destroyed in combat with Pegasus.
The Dead Lords of Hell are a coalition of evil extraplanar conceptual entities gathered together by Frightmare using the power of the captive Lord Resolution(q.v.) to pull them from the edge of deserved oblivion. The Hell Lords include Mr Lucifer, Messenger’s oldest foe, Mefrothto, Prince of Fibs, a hated adversary of the Hooded Hood, Blackhurt, Other Prince of Fibs Mefrothto’s son, and Dread Dormaggadon, once ruler of the now-defunct Dreary Dimension.
The League of Irregulars or the Anti-League was a force gathered from various realities and lead by the evil Anti-Jarvis, whose ambition was to conquer the multi-verse. Not truly opposites of their Parodyverse counterparts, but merely variations on them. An early challenge for the League of Regulars who became the Lair Legion. More on the League of Irregulars
A number of stories set in other times have been told. Characters from other eras include The Improbable College (16th Century), The League of Improbable Gentlemen (18th Century),
the World War II heroes, the Lair Knights (Arthurian), and the Lair Legion of Super Heroes (the future).
There’s also a potential future group of next-generation superheroes in the year 2020, Prodigy. More on Prodigy
And while we're on bizarre alternative Legions, Space Ghost insists that there is also a Parodyverse 2, where the Lair League, an octogenarian organisation begun in World War II is to the Lair Legion, as the Justice League is to the Justice Society. The Lair League consists of Jarvis-2,Lisa-2, Dr.Chronicler, the Shaper, Sea Monkey, Dragon Man, Space Ghost-2, and many others. More on Space Ghost's Parallel Parodyverses
Having survived all that you might now want to attempt Jarvis' History of the Parodyverse or take a look at the (now in-need-of-updating) plans for the Lair Mansion. Or, if you're in a writing mood, there's always Hatman's list of common cognomens for BZL characters.
Links and More:
The History of the Parodyverse, a chronology of events by Amazing Guy.
Links and Archives
Lair Legion Livingroom chat room
Parodyverse Frequently Asked Questions
Character Summaries from the early Parodyverse.
The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom, containing well over three hundred tales of the Parodyverse and lots of other goodies.
The History of the Parodyverse is Amazing Guy's magnum opus chronology of events since the beginning, and an essential reference tool.
I'd be happy to include more sites and more character information as people tell me about them.
12th May 2008
Contact the Hooded Hood at HH@chillwater.freeserve.co.uk
Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2008 reserved by their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. All rights reserved.