|Who's Who in the Parodyverse?|
Version 13.2 @ 4th January 2005
(Untold Tales #201)
The Parodyverse is a shared fictional universe which forms the backdrop for many of the stories on the Parodyverse Message Board, where many of the posters have created superheroes of the same name as their internet handles and write of their adventures. Some people choose to tell largely serious stories, others are humorous. This Who’s Who features most of the recurring characters who appear in various stories.
Link to the Where's Where of the Parodyverse companion directory.
Link to the Who's Who version 7 for reference to older tales (before Untold Tales #58, August 2000) Who's Who version 9 for reference to not-quite-so-old episodes (Untold Tales #59-103, December 2003) and the Who's Who version 11 for more recent stories (before Untold Tales #150, May 2004). This is useful for re-reading older stories as they feature the then-present line-ups and status quo ante.
Link to The History of the Parodyverse, a chronology of events by Amazing Guy.
Fast Reference for the Heroes: Go to The Lair Legion, Currently Common Heroes, Rare Heroes, Heroic Groups and Organisations, Lair Legion Staff, Other Supporting Characters, Semi-Active or Retired Characters, Currently Dead Characters.
Fast Reference for the Villains: Go to Poster Villains, Non-Poster Master Planners, Corporate Villains, Villain Teams, Other Villains, Currently Dead Villains.
Miscellaneous References: Go to Aliens, Cosmic Characters, And Finally…, and Links and More.
Popular References: Go to The Junior LL, SPUD, The League of Regulars, EEE, The Abandoned Legion, The JBH.
Note: Principal poster characters' names are shown in blue, supporting characters are shown in green, and teams are shown in red. Names marked q.v. (quod vide) indicate a fuller entry about that character elsewhere in the text.
The Lair Legion
The main heroes of the Parodyverse are the Lair Legion, a team based on Parody Island just off Paradopolis. All the members of this team are "poster characters". The current line-up (as of just after Untold Tales #201) consists of Lisa, Visionary, Yo, CrazySugarFreakBoy!, Hatman, Nats, Trickshot, Dancer, the Manga Shoggoth, the Librarian, Al B. Harper, and De Brown Streak, led by Sir Mumphrey Wilton.
The Field Team Members:
Yo (possibly occupying the human Dr Pilar Alarcon) Deputy-Leader of the Lair Legion, is an energy thought being from Yo-planet, a genderless, playful, childlike being who loves bunnies and dressing up as Zorro. S/he mangles English into a very distinctive speak pattern and terms most things cute or uncute. S/he has a simplistic approach to problems which is often effective. Yo is as powerful as Yo believes s/he is, with the gift to manifest whatever abilities are appropriate to the person Yo decides to be (pilot, teacher etc.) and a fundamental link to the extradimensional Happy Place. However there are limits to this ability for an individual of Yo's people; the entire of Yo-Planet united are powerful indeed. Yo is often associated with a cute purple thought bunny, Rabito. Yo in his/her own words, additional Yo-comments, more on Yo-beings , and more on Rabito.
Hatman (Jay Boaz) gained the ability to take on the powers and abilities of any hat he wears after exposure to a radioactive drug containing the primal substance Serious Matter. Really. He mainly uses sports' team caps to take on the abilities of Bulls, Steelers etc, using headpieces from his Hatility Belt. With the right hat he can be pretty powerful. He is the team nice guy, and this probably makes people underestimate his potential. He is the Lair Legion’s Liaison Officer to the armed forces and emergency services. He often teams up with CSFB! (q.v) (mimicking the Green Lantern/Flash relationship). He recently ended a long-term romance with the Sorceress (q.v.). More on Hatty and More still on the capped crusader and Notes on the Hatility Belt
CrazySugarFreakBoy! (Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove) is a hyperactive college student whose Impossibilityium silly suit enhances his own sugar-powered athletic abilities, strength and speed. His encyclopaedic knowledge of comics and movies and a massive enthusiasm for the super-hero lifestyle creates a perspective that somehow keeps him alive. His current girlfriend, Alice April Apple is a comic-book writer. His mother, Meggan Foxxx (Melanie Hastings a.k.a. "Action Figure") is a radio-chat-show-hosting porn queen stripper. Meggan is devoted to her son and often narrates CSFB!'s adventures. His father is Louis Laughing Fox, a Native American shaman police officer. He's also an occasional member of the Globetrotting Gangbusters (see attached note), and their former leader, before giving the position to the Lesbian Liberator. Recently he has been sidekicking Sydney St Sylvain, the former superheroine Fashion Fairy. He is not yet aware that he has fathered a child upon Pelopia(q.v), daughter of his archenemy, the Word (q.v).
More on the wired wonder (equipment, cast, timeline etc), Notes on Meggan Foxxx. Here are some Notes on Glitch, a future CrazySugarHero autobot. Finally, descriptions of ally and enemy respectively Jingo Belle (q.v) and Aryan Ideal.
Trickshot (Carl Bastion) is an amazing archer who uses a variety of gimmicked shafts to fight crime. He is also the world's biggest bigmouth. Formerly from Earth Tricky, where he was a Legion member much earlier in their history, Tricky is actually a seasoned veteran crimefighter who has now re-established his reputation in his new world. One complication is that his this reality self was murdered, leaving behind a beautiful widow, masterspy Natalia Romanza.
Nats (Bill Reed) possesses telekinetic and pyrokinetic gifts. The fiery haired, fiery-tempered flying supertype has an occasional job working as a delivery guy with Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises (q.v), which takes him to all kinds of bizarre destinations across the Parodyverse. Bill has also been a copy boy at the Planetary Bugle for an extra few bucks. His romances include Betty Grant, the secretary for Bugle Editor-In-Chief Vincent Crappola, Ruby Waver (q.v), and currently Princess Uhunalura of the Abhumans (q.v). More on Nats
Dancer, (Sarah Shepherdson) is a mild-mannered waitress by day at Mr Papadopopolis' Bean and Donut Coffee Bar in Paradopolis Plaza (and lives in a flat above the café), but secretly fights crime as the Probability Dancer, the dashing, confident, probability-altering herald of Galactivac the Living Death that Sucks (q.v.). She is quite possibly the nicest human in the Parodyverse and rarely fights her enemies when she can talk them out of being horrible instead. Her adversaries include Magenta St Evil (q.v), Holy Wedlock (q.v), and Carlsbad Carl the Albino Probability Cowboy. Her sixteen year old pyromaniac sister Kerry Shepherdson (q.v) has recently come to stay in Paradopolis as Visionary’s ward. More on Shep
The Manga Shoggoth is a Lovecraftian creature of protoplasm from the dawn of time. Lurking in his cyclopean many-angled fortress in the icebound Antarctic, the Manga Shoggoth guards his prized collection of Japanese animation. But one fragment of the Shoggoth was contaminated in a previous adventure is is now quarantined from the main biomass and has joined the lair legion until it can be cleansed and returned. The Shoggoth is served by his High Priestess Ebony of Nubilia (q.v) and is rumoured to have a wife, Sh'Ron, and an offspring, Cthandra . Who’s Who of the Manga Shoggoth
De Brown Streak (Josh Clement) [probationary member] is a super-fast mutate with the ability to manipulate speed. Since the death of Magnetic Techbird (q.v.) he has become the most prominent mutant rights campaigner in the Parodyverse, and is wanted in connection with a number of illegal acts in defence of mutates. Josh is also something of a ladies man, and in particular seems to have a strong attraction to Sorceress, which brings him into conflict with her former boyfriend Hatman. His "terrorist" activities as a civil rights protestor have also caused friction between him and Mr Epitome, Goldeneyed, and Falcon.
Lisa (Lisa L. Waltz), a defence attorney; the First Lady of the Lair, keeper of the Booke of the Law, has the power to subpoena anybody to her presence. She uses a lash in combat. There are a great many jokes made at the expense of Lisa's allegedly infinite sexual capacity, but Lisa is also the most caring of the team and the first to want to help somebody in trouble. Most of the team would do anything for her. She has an indestructible ginger cat of disreputable character and gave birth to baby Christopher in February 2000.
Visionary is basically a normal, unpowered human who gets into terrible messes with superheroes. Often accused of being a fake man or synthezoid, Visionary insists this is untrue, and due to strange cosmic coincidences his true nature can now never be determined lest the Parodyverse end. Vizh lives with his micro-robot companion Fleabot 9Q.V) and his legal ward, the troubled probability arsonist Kerry Shepherdson(Q.V). Against his will or better judgement, good-hearted hapless Visionary has become the headmaster of the LL’s Junior Hero Training Academy (qv).
The Librarian (Lee Bookman) is Librarian at the Lunar Public Library, an institution located on the dark side of Earth’s moon, assisted by artificial intelligence D.D. and the robotic A.L.F.RED. His abilities include being able to absorb and transmit knowledge from any book or database, to translate any written language, and the capacity to survive in outer space.More on Lee Bookman and his Library, the MPL According to D.D., and some notes on previous Librarians
Al B. Harper is a theoretical (and sometimes almost practical) physicist who works from his cabin in upstate Gothametropolis to bring about a better world and accomplish really huge explosions. In pursuit of these goals he has also become the Lair Legion’s scientific advisor. He was previously the fiancée of Miss Framlicker (q.v.), with whom his is a business partner Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises. Al is a slightly nerdy-looking black man with a goatee, and he smokes a bubble pipe. He lives in a cabin in the woods up near Shyminsky Falls in Upstate Gothametropolis.More on Al
Sir Mumphrey Wilton is a genial old English gentleman, the managing director of Wilton Enterprises, and the possessor of a pocketwatch which can manipulate time. Mumph has recently returned to heroics after a thirty year absence, and has hired Asil (q.v.) as his amanuensis. Mumphrey is courteous, stuffy, kindly, decent, and absolutely dependable. He looks to be in his late fifties; he is considerably older, and was a member of the League of Improbable Gentleman, an eighteenth century forerunner of the Lair Legion. Formally he is the Keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity, a minor cosmic office. His late wife was Madge (q.v.). More on Mumph, a few more details, some history of his military career and a guide to Mumphspeak.
Currently Absent Members:
Goldeneyed (Bry Katz) has the ability to transport across time and space, and into other parallel universes. He's a light-hearted hero who does the right thing because with great power comes… etc, but who hasn't quite got it right yet and is misunderstood when he does. In his own adventures he was previously accompanied by his sidekick Frog-Man, who has constant need of his superpower of coming back from the dead. Frog-Man is currently far better known and more popular than G-Eyed himself. G-Eyed's arch-foe is Dr Norm (Enormoidstein), a mad scientist. Goldeneyed is monitored by a mysterious group called The Observing Eye, whose role is to watch over the universe's potentially most powerful beings. He has no memory of his life before the age of 15. G-Eyed works at Lisa's law firm, along with Lisette (q.v.), ex-girlfriend nd mother of his missing child. Recently Bry has also been seeing a lot of schoolteacher Beth Shellett(q.v.). More on G-Eyed
The Sorceress (Whitney Darkness), was bred and trained to be a nature-controlling magic-wielder , a wise woman with gifts of transmutation and other magical abilities. Scion of an ancient line of sorceresses, she is the grand-daughter of the witchHagatha Darkness, granddaughter of Sir Mumphrey Wilton (q.v.), daughter of Xander the Improbable (q.v.), and cousin to the actress Lania(q.v.) and the troublemaking Ruby Weaver(q.v.). She was previously romantically linked with Hatman (q.v).
For a list of the Lair Legion’s Supporting Characters scroll down or go here.
Honorary Members include Amazing Guy (q.v.) and Premiere (q.v., presumed deceased)
Amazing Guy (name unknown at this time), The Protector of the Parodyverse, Amazing Guy answers to Eggo, the Living Waffle. AG is tied to the multiverse as he taps starfield-glowing multiversal energy to fly, gain super strength, project force blasts, create starfield-glowing multiversal energy constructs like fists or bubbles and shield himself, or open portals through space, time and dimensions. When in residence on Earth, he lives in the universe-hopping country town of Littlesmallville with his wife and their super-powered children, the Amazing Bunch.
The Junior Lair Legion is a training programme run by Visionary for new heroes. The current class includes Kerry Shepherdson, Harlagaz, Ham Boy, Fashion Accessory, Glory, and Hacker Nine (all described below, or click here.).
Former members of the Lair Legion include Jarvis (deceased, founder), NTU-150 (founder), spiffy (founder), Fin Fang Foom, the Dark Knight, Banjoooo, Donar, Messenger (expelled), Starseed (ascended), Space Ghost (expelled), DarkHwk (comatose), Rocket Racoon (eaten), Sersi (uni-minded), Exile (off-plane), Troia 215 (now queen of the Amazons), Ziles (offworld), Cressida (on the run) and mr Epitome (resigned). Probationary members who never made it to full membership include The Man Who Wasn't There (transformed and retconned), Magnetic Techbird (deceased), Avatar (deceased), Pegasus (deceased), and Falcon (currently working undercover for SPUD).
For the origins of the Lair Legion, read Lair Legion: Year One.
As of this version of the Who’s Who, we’re subdividing this section into Currently Common Heroes, who seem to be around a lot, and Rare Heroes, whose storylines (and sometimes poster absences) necessitate their relative scarcity.
Currently Common Heroes:
Messenger (Zaurius Angelheart) is the last of an ancient line of fallen angelic envoys (with a postal motif). Equipped with letters which are razor-tipped, exploding, etc., the postman's former wise-cracking acrobat façade fell away after the death of his lover Poisyn to reveal a shadowy and murderous borderline-insane vigilante who was hunted by the law for his serial killings of criminals. Messenger's greatest enemies included Mailman, Disco Hitler, and the Puritan, who are all dead, and the mysterious and diabolical Mr Lucifer. Messenger is currently freelancing for SPUD (q.v). More on the postman
spiffy (Mark Hopkins) has a symbiotic fern from the extradimensional Unhappy Place attached to his head which gives him mysterious, um, fern powers (actually these include the fern’s sudden growth and attack capabilities, energy absorption, and the fern but not spiffy being able to become invisible). spiffy has recently become the President for Life of rogue Pacific rim nation-state Badripoor, a sinkhole of vice and corruption; so his former tenure as omni-mayor of almost everywhere in the USA except Paradopolis, and especially of Gothemetropolis York, has prepared him quite well for it. He even died and spent some time in Hell, Nebraska before being resurrected and was the Hooded Hood’s (q.v.) son, although that seems to be currently retconned. He is currently romantically involved with his secretary Beverly Campbell, a mutate who can make people fail to notice her. A standing joke is that spiffy is responsible for everything. spiffy is associated with the Abandoned Legion (q.v.) and the League of Regulars. More on spiffy
Xander the Improbable, Master of the Mystic Crafts, is the Parodyverse's current sorcerer supreme by default. He operates out of a seedy shop in the Hell's Bathroom ghetto of Paradopolis. He is like a younger, grumpier Obi Wan Kenobi. He tends to shuffle about in dusty red robes, and has a stone hamster familiar (Medusa accident) called Harry. He has recently become magically linked with exiled swanmay Cleone. Xander has an extensive network of occult contacts and seems to know lots of things about what is going on.
ManMan (Joe Pepper) was just a regular guy when he was covered in "experimental chemicals" (McDonalds secret sauce) and he was granted all the superpowers of a man! Along with sentient knife of unknown and ancient origin, Knifey he fights crime in all its forms, no matter what the cost (although the white leather Elvis jumpsuit chafes in the most "intimate" of places). He is probably not currently dating Stacy Gwen and caring for his Aunt April. His most persistent enemy is the bizarreThighmaster (q.v.). More on ManMan
Dead Boy is a walking corpse who currently acts as a special agent for a mysterious government agency which may or may not have actual ties to the government.
Justin Tyme is a time traveller from the year 2462. He has been stuck bouncing from through the various time periods of the Parodyverse. He has been credited as the first inventor of time travel. An older, more experienced Professor Justin Tyme has set up an institute for chronal studies so we know that at some point he will master his device.
Indiana Gnome and Gunther are a pair of mismatched mythological creatures loose in the world today. Indy’s a swashbuckling explorer gnome. Gunther’s a former barbarian warrior transformed into an animated gargoyle.
Alcheman (Michael Wooster) gains his ability to transform into combinations of elements from the tattoos on his arms. The schoolteacher’s eccentric family do not agree with his superhero career choice. Alcheman is methodical, polite, and honourable. How has he survived this long? Alcheman’s Who’s Who
Nitz the Bloody (Shawn Griffon) is the latest in a long line of Priests of Zeku, shamans wielding magic derived from an ancient world-god that takes the form of an ethereal rhinoceros. The magic spells are accessed through spoken words ending in the suffix " Eku ". Nitz has had several misadventures since acquiring his power, including turning his friends into magical freaks, getting romantically involved with a robot, and joining a team of post-human commandos called the Commission ( think the Authority ), devoted to saving the world by ruling it. Nitz currently attends classes at Parodopolis University.
Grace O’ Mercy, the Night Nurse is the greatest asset of the Phantomhawk Memorial Hospital’s Emergency Room, and she works the graveyard shift. She’s also the Parodyverse’s nicest vampire, refusing to drink the blood of the living (even animals) and subsisting on plasma from the hospital’s blood bank until here recent encounter with a powerful master-vampire that may have changed things. Grace’s status quo ante is illustrated in Night Nurse #2: Blood Will Tell.
Semi-Transparent Lad (Ben Hermes) has the power to become mostly invisible, completely invisible when viewed in the right light. Ben currently works at the convenience store, Gulp N' Go in the Ballard District of Goth Haven. More on Semi-Transparent Lad
Jingo Belle (Josephine Simon), PR-spawned US military superhero poster girl. More on Jingo Belle
Artemis (Charlotte Ouk) was a young Cambodian immigrant orphaned by one of Mr. Epitome’s (q.v) old foes. He helped raised the young girl, training her to fight crime. Charlotte and Epitome became estranged at one point and at the age of 16 set off to Paradopolis, using her skills and high tech archery gear to work as a vigilante.
Annabelle and Roland Forsight are two vampires that belong to the Order of Righteous Vampires. They appear to be ages 10 and 12 respectfully but are truly over three hundred years old. They prefer to drink the blood of animals instead of humans. Annabelle is deeply concerned about the safety of mortal children.
Yuki Shiro is a private detective who found herself trapped one day by enemies and lost her human body in a fire. To save her life she was outfitted into a synthetic body with purple hair and eyes designed by Al B. Harper (q.v) and Bautista Enterprises, manufactured by the latter and a Japanese electronics giant who prefers to keep the project secret. Her synthetic cyborg body, containing a titanium alloy skeleton, has an on-board conceptual computer, satellite/radio/cellular transmission equipment, dual kinetic (self-charging) batteries, and electronic themal and optical camouflage. She works frequently with Al B. Harper, who keeps her secret from much of the Lair Legion. The synthetic body gives her accelerated movement and perception, strength greater than a man twice her size, the durability to fall about three stories without injury, and the ability to access the information infrastructure. She has recently become associated with youthful practitioner of Chinese elemental magics Liu Xi Xian. More on Liu Xi Xian and Yuki
Fin Fang Foom (Andrew Dean), the absent leader of the LL, is a dragon, based upon a comics character of the same name. Originally shipwrecked on Earth from the planet Makluos, the original ancient wyrm merged with the consciousness of young Andrew Dean to become the draconic crusader active today. He can shapechange and do all the usual draconic stuff. He uses both a humanoid dragon form and the full wyrm shape, and in the latter he is immensely powerful. He is one of the most professional of the heroes, and one that regularly takes on cases independently of the Legion (often with Dark Knight). Foom takes a lot of stick for his shyness around women, although he has previously been seen often recently in the company of actress and Legion PR agent Lania.
Dark Knight (crime reporter Greg Burch amongst other aliases), is a Batman/Crow type character taken one step further going around hiding in shadowed corners and scaring the crap out of villains after the murder of his one true love by the Crime Clown. His membership of the LL is not public knowledge. DK is a mystery even to the other legionnaires, most of whom regard him with a little awe and some suspicion, especially since he now appears to be clinically dead. He is a good detective. He has a number of bits of indestructible equipment at his disposal, hidden in his Knightcave, including a Knightcar and a Knightjet, but a previous story of events in 2005 indicate he will lose all of these things and his secret identity in an attack from an unknown enemy. The Dark Knight is an alternate future for the person who also became the cosmic office-holder Chronicler of Stories (q.v.); this relationship has yet to be fully defined.
Donar (Donar Jones or Gavan Carstensen) is a Thor variant, the son of Oldman the Big Daddy, husband of Queen Annj and brother of Hoki, God or Goddess of Betrayal and Guile. With his enchanted baseball bat with a nail in it, Mjalcolm, Donar hails from the land of Ausgard, an antipodean version of Asgard. Donar speaks with a mangled Shakespearean speech, like Liefield's Thor if Thor had a broad Australian accent. He is a little more down-to-earth than Marvel's Thunder God, and he is well hard. He has very little patience and less tact, but he would defend his friends to the death. Donar's mother is the Earth-Spirit Gail. Recently he has been reunited with his once love Freyda and discovered they have a son, Harlagaz (q.v). Donar is currently deputing as ruler of Ausgard. More on Donar, Even more on Donar, and Donar’s retirement
NTU-150 (Jamie Bautista) wears high-tech full body (Iron Man style) battle armour to give him mobility after a crippling accident. He is the Lair Legion's technologist. He is polite, caring, and dangerous to be allowed near an arc-welder. There are a number of running jokes about his inventions going wrong or exploding. His lab assistant is the elf Zebulon (q.v), picked up from an early adventure. NTU-150 is currently in semi-retirement until he can find a way to overcome his life-threatening heart condition.
Banjooooo is king of the Sea Monkeys, those little creatures that are grown from crystal packets which are much advertised in comics and were genetically engineered by the Abhumans millennia ago to guard against the escape of the long-imprisoned Deviates. A former member of the Lair Legion, Banjoooo can grow to around Godzilla size, and also has a number of other abilities which his genetically-pliable form can evolve in line with his reason for being created. He is usually an easy-going fun-loving character, but can get touchy when his royalty isn't acknowledged or when his ego is bruised. He's a bit cocky and is likely to come up with one-liners at friends' expenses. He and spiffy run a detective agency together. He is romantically involved with the human girl Elyse.
Wangmundo is a hairy monster troll of unknown, but ancient, age. His voice is cursed and can kill. Few know he exists. Only Xander, the Hooded Hood, and maybe a few cosmic guys are aware of his presence. He can take on human shape and walk abroad but does so rarely. He lives in the Paradopolis Municipal Library. He's also an expert on magic and transformations, and the like. And he has really big teeth.
dull thud (Davie) and Cressida, the Worm Wonder - well, technically Cressida’s the member and thud’s just along for the ride. dull thud is a sound technician in the musical underground of Paradopolis. His own powers of vertically teleporting and falling any distance without harm are eclipsed by those of Cressida, the matter-rearranging telepathic mutant tapeworm who lives in his stomach and advises him. dull thud has also been an occasional member of Captain Astounding's group of heroes (qv). thud and Cressida are currently making themselves scarce to avoid a summons from ZOXXON Oil who claim intellectual proprietorship of the transmuting tapeworm.More on thuddy
Jack Rabbit (Jack Roberts), has the proportional skills and feet of a rabbit. His principle weapon is his carrot gun. He has a twin sister Jackie Rabbit who was a member of the JBH. (q.v.) More on Jack
Captain Astounding, self-appointed guardian of all those who can be protected by his mighty ability of keeping his hand at about shoulder-height for extended periods of time, has gathered around him a company of similarly powerful individuals; belligerent ninja geriatric-rights activist Granny Fang, the imperturbable calming influence of Sister Marie (aka Nun More Black) , telepathic mutant tapeworm Cressida, with the ability to transform nearby objects into things that rhyme with them, and her host dull thud, emaciated master of vertical teleportation and falling great distances without injury.
Fetish Lad is a Las Vegas-based crimefighter who has previously teamed with ManMan and Trickshot, using his eccentric apparatus and unusual combat skills to tackle vice and corruption.
Niobe was apparently was a scientist at Red Right Hand, an evil science organization, and has bio-energy knives of some sort that protrude from her skin. She's on the run from them after betraying them and escaping from their custody.
Joey Z is an alien from the peaceful, logical, and highly advanced planet Naicluv Prime. After some... trouble... he was sent to Earth where it was hoped he'd be discovered and dissected. Joey possesses many natural abilities, intelligence and knowledge that are common to his species. He has pointy ears that can pick up some of the smallest sounds (a flea on a dog's back) and even most earth radio signals, and to create a psychic link through physical contact. More on Joey Z
Mr Suit, a violent vigilante with a full PR and legal team behind him, using an experimental force-field harness embedded in a sharp business suit to fight his enemies, no matter the collateral damage.
Keiko (Keiko Takashi) is a highly trained assassin hiding out from the Intelligence Agency and trying to get used to a civilian existence. She it human and has no special abilities, but she is expert in hand-to-hand techniques, Ninjitsu (specifically the art of stealth and deception), and can use nearly any type of bladed weapon. She earned "World Class" status as an assassin because of her skill and intelligence. Keiko is not normally a resident of the Parodyverse except under special circumstances, but has previously slipped dimensions due to the manipulations of the Hooded Hood. [Note that poster Jason requests anyone who's unfamiliar with the character to contact him first as the character's primarily for World Class use and he'd like to avoid too much divergence in the character development.] More on Keiko, from Jason’s website
Nihilist (Szandor Anton), was "upgraded from the flaws of humanity" by demon genotype graft by his well-respected businessman father Nicholae Anton. The two have been at odds since. More on the Antons
The Men Team are a trio of unlikely superheroes banded together to fight evil in every form. They are Burly Man, Girly Man, and Multiple Personality Man Most people are so stunned at their appearance, that they laugh at them. This often gives The Men Team the upper hand! More on the Men Team
Michael McKinley, star of the Progeny series and offspring of the late supercriminal Royale, is a codenameless vigilante who has inherited his father's fortune and technology, including a black suit of high-tech armor, complete with taser, grenade launcher, and assorted gadgets, but has been using them to fight crime instead of cause it. He is also a black ops agent for an obscure branch of the government, and his major contact from said agency is a man only known as DuPlis. Michael is also owner of KinLabs and other related companies of his father's, and occasionally partners with the Dark Knight (q.v.) and Messenger (q.v.). He's not afraid to kill to get the job done.
Horizon is a hero from another dimension (Earth RGA), son of one of that universe's premier super heroes, Sun Man. John got his solar based powers from his father, who got his during a science accident. John was transfered over to Parodyverse-Prime by a crazed demigod, after the thought to be destruction of Earth RGA (John still believes it to be destroyed. After quitting as an artist at a Goth Haven newspaper,he was recommended by fellow Earth RGA-er Patriot, to join the JBH (q.v). During a mission with them & a fight with a creature, Horizon became a being of pure light. He currently lives aboard Vessel, the JBH's HQ.
Heroic Groups and Organisations***
The LL Junior Hero Training Program
Visionary is currently tutoring the following young would-be heroes:
Ham-Boy (Fred Harris) can control assorted meat by-products, but not meat in it's natural form, has a Ham Sense, which tells if evil is somewhere around him, and possesses Meat Vision, which makes meat appear when he stares at something long enough. He is from Piney Oaks, Iowa but is currently living in Goth Haven, a city near Paradopolis. He is going to college at Goth Haven University as Fred Harris but also studying as one of the Junior Lair Legion as Ham-Boy. What’s most recognizable about his costume is his cowl that looks like a ham. He drives around on his Ham-Scooter. More on Ham-Boy and his allies and enemies, some more on Ham-Boy, and Who’s Who, Ham-Boy Edition
Kerry Shepherdson is the sixteen-year-old pyromanic troublemaking sister of Sarah (Dancer) Shepherdson (q.v), sent to Paradopolis after burning down her school in Bogall, County Mudd, Ireland. She has become Visionary’s (q.v) ward and lives in his condo. Her ability to cause improbable fires and explosions has only been magnified since she gained some of her sister’s probability powers.
Harlagaz Donarson is the son of Ausgardian hemigod of thunder and the goddess Freyda. Although several centuries old he has the maturity and sensibilities of a teenager coupled with his father’s strength, endurance, and ability to take major blows to the head. He may have some control over weather systems. He is brash, loyal, overconfident, and heroic.
Fashion Accessory (Samantha Bonnington) is a young model gifted by the Hooded Hood with the ability to transmute any fabric to other fabric, and with cut-down powers of a member of the Austernal race of human offshoots (Samantha is fully human though, a California blonde from Beverly Hills). Vain, and self-absorbed she still has a heroic streak that interferes with her social life and she therefore works as part of the Junior Lair Legion.
Glory is a young border collie given super powers by the same energies that created Mr. Epitome (q.v). She has vastly enhanced physical and mental abilities, including above human intelligence. The Mutt of Might is a member of the Office of Paranormal Security and the Junior Lair Legion.
Hacker Nine (Zack Zelnitz) a.k.a. "That Little Punk" (© Visionary 2004) is an urban anarchist from Technopolis, a futuristic city in another dimension. Unlike his peers however, young Zelnitz has few violent tendencies, but rather a mischievous anarchistic streak that expresses itself in social disorder and bizarre artistic creations. Given H9’s ability to interfere with any kind of computer system this can be rather disruptive in a quiet, well-ordered society. Able to hack into any kind of computer system with ease, H9 amused himself and spawned a whole subculture with his acts of artistic outrage. Until recently he was assumed dead, and before that he featured in the ten most wanted lists of international law enforcement agencies. Now he’s under the protection of the Lair Legion and this issue marked the celebration of his joining the team’s junior hero training programme. He’s currently almost dating Lindy Wilson, Falcon’s little sister.
Previously, spiffy (q.v) has also been a member of the Juniors programme. He flunked by becoming President-For-Life of a third world nation-state.
SPUD, the Super-Menace Principal Undercover Directorate is the Parodyverse’s best-known secret organisation, an international UN-backed task force mandated to anticipate and respond to threats of a metahuman, alien or otherwise atypical nature. Operating from their Helicarrier base and outposts across the globe they have jurisdiction during planetary emergencies. And of course there are lots of secret cabals and hidden factions and plots to overthrow the current leadership and so on.
Dan Drury, Agent of SPUD, a tough-talkin' hard-cussin' cigar-chompin' ornery one-eyed sonofab*tch what don't take no crap from no turkey-smoochin' government desk jockeys and gets the job done. His longevity from starting out in World War II leading his Whooping Commandos of Sleazy Company has not yet been explained.
Contessa Natalia Katarina Romanza , is a former Soviet espionage agent turned freelance spy. She married the main reality Parodyverse’s Carl Bastion (Trickshot) as part of an undercover scheme to betray him – but instead fell in love. When Heinrich Zemo (q.v) murdered the hero, the widow was devastated and surrendered to Drury, agreeing to work for SPUD. She has since encountered and has a complicated relationship with the Trickshot from "Earth Tricky" who has joined the Lair Legion.
The Falcon (Joe Wilson) inherited and adapted a flying armour to include razor-sharp wingtips and missile-firing capacity. Drafted as an operative of SPUD, the Super-menace Principal Undercover Directorate (q.v.), he has served as their primary superpowered field operative for several years and is currently assigned to undercover work on their behalf. Due to the manipulations of the villainous Hooded Hood he has now been reunited with his long lost sister Lindy Wilson (Belinda). He has previously acted as a trainer of his own team of heroes and has sometimes been partnered with Pigeon, a young female superheroine. Who’s Who – Falcon Edition
Pigeon (Julia Thompson), is a SPUD trained agent, expert at martial arts and espionage. She has an untutored mutate ability to control marble. She is involved in a tempestuous occasional relationship with Falcon. More on Pigeon and yet more
NTU-150 and Al B. Harper have both done contract technical work for SPUD, and Messenger works as an occasional operative for them these days.
Sentinoids are government-issue mutate-hunting battle robots. However, they’re not averse to blowing apart the occasional non-mutate such as Chronic from time to time as well, so that’s alright.
Office of Paranormal Security (OPS) is the American government agency with the mandate to investigate and prosecute all forms of "metacrime." Key members of the group include Mr. Epitome (q.v), Glory (q.v) , Director Aaron Soames, and Special Agents Lester Dawes and Abby St. Germain
Mr Epitome (Dominic Clancy), the Paragon of Power, a man so devoted to his job he had his own family retconned out of existence, heads the Epitome Division of the Office of Paranormal Security for the mysterious Grey Eminence (q.v). Partnered with his super-powered dog Glory (q.v), the mutt of might, he uses his enhanced physical and mental attributes to protect America from the forces that threaten it. His abilities include x-ray vision and other advanced senses. He is perhaps romantically involved with his former enemy, the puzzle-solving genius The Idiom (q.v). Mr. Epitome has heard the rumours that he is part of a conspiracy and would tell you they are unfounded. Trust him: he's with the government. Who’s Who - Epitome Edition
The League of Regulars (more affectionately known as the LoR), were all originally members of the LL before leaving to make room for the new crowd. This team is very lazy and doesn't answer their hotline, unless of course if Yo is by the phone. They previously operated out of either Visionary's late lamented Condo or Donar's castle. The LoR is Lisa, Visionary, NTU-150, Yo, Donar, spiffy (by law), and (formerly) Cheryl, supported by their friends Asil, Fleabot, and Zebulon.
Fleabot is a robotic flea originally created as part of Baron Zemo’s weapons programme but long since turning his awesome powers of sarcasm and cycnicsm to the rask of observing Visionary. He has useful scientific skills and can occasionally change size.
Zebulon is an elf from Santa’s grotto on secondment to the outside world to find an outlet for his unconventional technical skills. He has worked at the Lair Mansion and with NTU-150.
Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises is a new company based out of the old Sixways firehouse in Gothamatropolis York to exploit the gaps in business and pure research caused by the changes in management of the Interdimensional Transportation Corporation (ITC). The staff of this table-top new venture are Al B. Harper, Miss Framlicker, Amy Aston, and Nats.
Miss Framlicker (Muffy Framlicker, but very few people know her Christian name) was the college fiancée of Al B. Harper before they were torn apart by memory alterations. She has since become somewhat cold and ruthless, channelling her energies into becoming first Operations Manager at ITC then Business Manager at EEE. She remains prickly and defensive on non-work subjects.
Amy Aston is known for her fiery temper and her penchant for working in nothing but overalls. She’s immune to heat. She was formerly known as Amy Racecar before being traumatised by a psionic villain’s attack and leaving her post as the LL's mechanic. Old notes on Racey
The JBH (Just a Bunch of Heroes) is a free-wheeling team of superheroic adventurers founded by Amazing Guy. The membership has changed over time but is mostly of (writer) AG's characters. Some of the more regular JBH members include Amazing Guy, Kid Produce and Jackie Rabbit. They also include a monthly representative from the Lair Legion in their ever-changing line-up.
The Abhumans This long-lived reclusive people dwell in Atticland, the Great Relief, a technologically-advanced city in the Tibetan mountains. They use the Plot-Enhancing Mists originated with that ever-popular Celestian technology to artificially mutate each one of them into a unique super-powered lifeform at puberty. The Abhuman Royal Family is known to consist of:
Brown Blot, the silent and powerful manipulator of gastric energies
Maximess the Manic, a.k.a Maximess the Slightly-Mad, a.k.a. the Expediter, his mind-controlling nasty younger brother
Sylverkrin, of the tangled hair, Brown Blot’s queen
Uhunalura, Sylverkrin’s youngest sister, a health-transferor (exiled) (q.v)
Toadton the amphibiahuman, a water-dwelling hybrid
Krakus, chief of security, whose mighty boots can stomp earthquakes
Garglon, high priest, whose skilled hands can offer fatal Chinese burns
Aphasia, a.k.a. Spandex Lass, Sylverkin’s other sister, now sadly retconned (see The Hooded Hood Chronicles #5: the Death of a Legionnaire (This Issue… Someone Dies))
Other Abhumans include Suresnout, the pig-monster-teleporting-thing, and the Searcher, a kind of scary Abhuman sheriff.
The New Battlers, are a cutting-edge super-team that has eschewed the cliché old expectations of the establishment about saving people or doing good and simply goes out and has a wild time. All of them originally received their powers due to the manipulations of the Hooded Hood. Can you believe they first appeared in UT#5, Sidekick Day? The current membership consists of:
Wyrmlad (Donny Drummond), who possesses dragon-breath and an untamed super-shlong. Wyrmlad is the current leader of the gang.
Wyrmbait (Tina Drummond), Wyrmlad’s twin sister, who can grow dragon-wings, claws, and a tail.
Hat Kid (Ben Grover), overweight food fanatic, has the ability to temporarily transform anything and anyone into a hat of the appropriate kind.
L’il Buttie (real name unrevealed), the well-spoken formalwear-sporting introvert of the group is the inheritor of the Jarvis Cosmic, and can thus fire powerful energy blasts, teleport, and perform a number of other superheroic deeds as the plot requires.
Boy Wonder (Tim Grimson) wears short red pants and a green t-shirt but spends a lot of his time lurking in shadows in girls locker rooms. He has no known super-powers but is a formidable detective and carries many gadgets in his multi-pocketed wonderbelt.
Thunderstroke (Ludo Donger) possesses all the powers and bluster of an Ausgardian hemigod with few of the redeeming qualities like a funny speech pattern or compassion for the weak.
Previous members of the team include Lisette (Laurie Leyton), Fashion Accessory (Samantha Bonnington), and E-Male (apparently deceased).
Lair Legion Supporting Characters***
Lair Legion staff include:
Flapjack (Yeoville Simonise Edric Flapjack) is the Lair Mansion's butler, a mis-shapen and disgusting hunchback formerly in the service of the Hooded Hood and virtually every other master-criminal. His hobbies include lurching, grovelling, sniffing underwear and trying to photograph superheroines showering.Flapjack's CV
Hallie is an artificial intelligence (a heuristic Artificial Life Learning Intelligence Entity) originally created by Dr Ernst Vishnar at the behest of Baron Zemo (q.v) from the engrams of dead computer scientist Helen MacAllistair. She later relocated to LL headquarters where she acts as their occasional resident computer. Using the notorious Movie Gun, she can pass objects and people back and forth between the Parodyverse and the Virtual world. She has recently developed Holographic Emitter Drones that allow her to travel and project hard-light holograms More on Hallie
Amber St Clare, the efficient and aloof government liaison
Asil Ashling is a cloned version of Lisa (q.v) created by the diabolical Dr Moo (q.v) and possesses the ability to become any age. Innocent and devoted to Visionary (q.v), Asil has latterly been serving as Mumphrey's (q.v) amanuensis and is temporarily acting as the LL’s secretary while Mumph leads the team.
Marie Murcheson is a banshee who haunts the Lair Mansion. She rarely manifests (except when G-Eyed is showering) unless supernatural evil threatens her home, and howls all night when a member of the Legion dies (she hiccups all night if they subsequently come back to life).
Other Supporting Characters***
There are far too many incidental characters to list anything like all of them. As a general policy this list only includes the ones that appear in more than one posters’ stories. Apart from the various supporting cast mentioned elsewhere, other people who keep popping up are:
Con Johnstantine is a trenchcoat-swathed smooth talking and mysterious Englishman who appears to have occult connections and a knack of getting people into trouble.
Herbert P. Garrick is the Presidential Advisor on Superheroes and leader of the anti-mutant campaign. He is rabidly opposed to superheroes, so that doesn't help really. "Bad News Herb" is the man who controls the robotic Sentinoids, hero-hunting automatons.
J. James Jerkson is the publisher of the Daily Trombone, the second best selling newspaper in Paradopolis (after the Paradopolis Times). He is a cigar-chomping, hero-hating, self-aggrandising loudmouth.
Commissioner Don Graham is the ageing but honest Paradopolis Chief of Police. He’s the father of Beth Shellett (q.v) and a childhood friend of Reverend Mac Fleetwood.
Reverend Mac Fleetwood is pastor of the Zero Street Mission in Hell's Bathroom, the worst part of Slumtown, in a besieged and battered old mission church run by Fleetwood and his dedicated volunteers (including Hatman and CSFB!). Down by the docks Fleetwood also runs the soup kitchen for Homeless Seamen (with help from volunteers such as Sarah (Dancer) Shepherdson). The Reverend also occasionally offers sanctuary to hunted mutates such as De Brown Streak and those rescued by him.
Lisette (Laurie Leyton) was Bry "Goldeneyed" Katz’ former lover. She concealed her pregnancy by him for fear it would destroy her relationship with him and giving up the child to the Order of the Observing Eye to be raised in another time and place. When G-Eyed finally discovered the truth he was horrified and the subsequent arguments ended their romance. Unhappy and alone, Laurie fell prey to an unscrupulous new lover who got her hooked on drugs, led her to prostitution, and finally arranged for her auctioned death in a video snuff movie. G-Eyed, discovering her plight at the last moment, saved her. He has been helping her recover from her addiction but their relationship remains confusing and painful.
Lania, soap star and actress, and occasionally the Lair Legion’s PR advisor.
Bethany Shellett is a teacher at Hells Bathroom’s St Jude’s Orphanage. The estranged daughter of Commissioner Graham shares an apartment with Lisette (q.v).
Big Thick Eddie is an intellectually and dimensionally challenged bouncer at The Fatal Toilet Bar.
Green-Skinned Caphan Ex-Slave Girls (Deeela, Sayaana, Philaana, Noona, Miiri, Odoona, Losiira, Luuma, and Kaara) rescued from the Slimy Slaver Lovetoad (q.v) and given sanctuary at the Shoggoth’s hidden Lemurian continent. Deeela, Sayaana, and Philaana are triplets. Losiira is the eldest, Luuma the youngest. Conversation on the Caphans
Shazana Pel is an exiled Pigeon-Warrior from the destroyed world of Thonnagar, outcast for allowing her sacred gravity-manipulating Z-allow wristbands to be used by an outsider to save lives. An expert aerial combatant able to channel g-force through metal weapons, Pel is a rough, brutal adversary. She is currently discovering Earth culture and is staying at the Moon Public Library.
The Abyssal Greye is the senior scholar amongst the Ghouls Under Gothametropolis, a scholarly band of undead civic fathers who shuffle beneath the cemetery in their carpet slippers researching from ancient tomes. The Abyssal Greye and the Scholar-Ghouls of Gothametropolis have long dwelled beneath the All Saints Cemetery that occupies much land between the city and Sheldon River. Some of them claim to be founding fathers of Gothametropolis. These undead can integrate the memories and personalities of those whose brains they eat, and over the centuries have carefully preserved a fine selection of great thinkers. The Abyssal Greye is their Dean. The Scholar-Ghouls are some of the least intrusive of the shadow-denizens of the old city, and have even assisted in its defence on occasion, such as during the invasion from Technopolis.
Princess Uhunalura (Uhunalura Amalandriana Excelsior!) is the youngest of the Abhuman royal family, with the ability to shift injuries and illnesses between people. She came to visit Paradopolis with her teleporting war-pig, Suresnout, her first time away from Atticland, the Great Relief, but was permanently exiled because of her dalliance with Nats.
Ebony of Nubilia (Most Holy Ebony) is the current high priestess of the Shoggoth Cult, assisting the Shoggoth by administering his Lemurian sanctuary and finding innocent anime DVDs to slake his awful lusts. More on Ebony
Ruby Waveris a fast-healing, fame-grabbing, fortune-hunting somewhat sleazy distant cousin of Sorceress’ (q.v), and possibly jailbait. She was formerly a secretary at the Lair Mansion before scandal caught up with her. Now she works at the Laundry of Doom More on Ruby
Bernice Teshmaker is an earnest young investigative journalist, a friend of CrazySugarFreakBoy!
Mr Limpqvist Lundqvist was the Manager of the Interdimensional Transportation Corporation (ITC), a very unusual delivery firm founded by Dame Jana, last of the Janus, a race of dimensional guardians from before time. However, since ITC’s board changed and became less benevolent after fiscal difficulties it is unclear whether Lundqvist is still an ITC employee.
Yi is a pure thought being from Yo-Planet. S/he is most often encountered in the Happy Place, being the sworn protector of that plane of existence.
Caveguy is a savage caveguy. He says "Hooga!" a lot. He is Lord of the Savage Park, an Antarctic area of dinosaurs.
Elsqueevio is the Greek god of small waters. He sometimes hangs around with Banjooooo or spiffy. He is enraged by the colour purple and can fight his own weight in beavers.
Woopsa the Rakshasa is the new Supreme Conceptual Entity of Amalgamated Pantheons, Inc, a retirement home for old deities. He is actually an elephant-headed creature of Indian myth and former towel boy.
Chad & Ronnie (Chadwick L. Swiss & Ronald Arnold Gerrimoto Beeslyhuxtoy) are two individuals of a differing point of view then most people (most people would consider them "odd", to put it nicely.) The duo's homebase is an apartment in Parrodiopolis and they have had various adventures around the world. Ronnie owns a hamster, Little Cat, and has a ex-girlfriend, Jane Tarzania. Chad owns an accordion.
Professor Weed Writchards is a brilliant scientist in the fields of robotics, physics, and interdimensional travel, rivaled only by Al B. Harper (q.v) and Dr. Leonard Day-Vincent (see under CSFB! notes) in his genius. He created first the quirky Mechanical Men then later the Robo-Americans who are in existence today. Writchards is part of the team of explorers known as the Four Challengers of the Fantastic Unknown. Until recently they have been trapped in the Negativity Zone. The team consists of his wife Kate Frost Writchards (a.k.a. Mist) , her kid brother Jacky Frost (a.k.a. Frosty) and Weed's best friend from college Brick Laird (a.k.a. Lump) .
The Detonator Hippos are belligerent genetically-engineered lifeforms with the ability to explode ands reform at will. They have old ties to Sir Mumphrey Wilton (q.v). More on the Detonator Hippos
Semi-Retired and Inactive Characters
The Abandoned Legion formerly operated out of Gothametropolis York, across the river from Paradopolis, but mysteriously vanished a couple of years ago. Its previous members were:
Cap, the team's reluctant leader, a triangular-shield wielding crimefighter, who is reserved and sensitive in private life and a combat machine in battle. Cap has a penchant for giving people peanuts.
Paste Pot Pete (um, Peter?), glue-gun wielding adventurer, who may be somewhat unstable after a recent near-death injury. He hasn't spoken since.
Cobra (Christine McBurney), an aggressive, combat-loving ninja martial artist whose instinct is to kill her opponents and whose main weapons are the banana gun and sink plunger. It has been hinted that the Cobra may be the last survivor of the ancient Egyptian Sect of Buto, and may even have inadvertently led to its downfall.
Hunter Victorious(Stephen Bloom), a precocious, brash but talented teenager who may be a new incarnation of the now-deceased Hollywood V (q.v.) and a whole lineage of other mysterious characters through history sharing the same initials. He manifests as yet undefined tactile control over matter and energy.
Former members include Sorceress, Sersi (q.v.) Messenger (q.v.), Banjoooo (q.v) and Hollywood V (q.v.) (the latter is deceased). spiffy was also associated with this team.
Other semi-active or retired characters include:
Space Ghost (David Garett) was tossed out of the Legion because of his drink problem. Usually played for light relief comic drunk these days, Space Ghost's main weapon is his Spank Ray, although he has minor Gaaahhh! abilities under the tutelage of Starseed (q.v.). Space Ghost's unique perspective, including his ability to be ten minutes behind a conversation or to make massive leaps of logic, and the ability to wander off into entirely parallel storylines, are actually important parts of his character. When sober SG is formidable. When drunk his is often pantsless. Space Ghost is also an occasional member of the Scourge of the BZL (q.v.). He has recently been mentioned as one of the Family of the Pointless (q.v.). He has spent many years living in the Lair Legion's broom closet. He has spent many years living in the Lair Legion's broom closet, but has recently retired to London under a secret alias to become a writer.History of Space Ghost Where is S Ghost Now?
Starseed was once archaeologist Manuel. He encountered a Gah! event in a hidden cave and was infused with its power to become the first Gah! master for many generations. An early member of the Lair Legion, he was distinguished by his low tolerance for tomfoolery and his linear professionalism. Strangely he was closest to Space Ghost of all the Legionnaires and taught the pantsless paragon some Gah! abilities. After two apparent deaths from which he returned more powerful each time he left Earth to explore his increased abilities on a galactic level, and recently permanently ascended to be one with the Gah!. There is (or perhaps was, since we haven't heard of them for a while) an order of Gah! Acolytes. There were also followers of the Dark Side of the Gah!, led by the sinister, hissing Dirth Vortex (q.v).
DarkHwk (Zane) has an enchanted amulet which transfers him into a powerful, agile, flying android body with claws and forceblasts. He is a tryer, and he won't give in no matter what. He is sometimes a bit moody and gloomy, and is reluctant to allow even friends like NTU-150 and Yo to get close since the death of his brother. He was an occasional guest at the Lair Mansion and helps out in NTU-150's lab. However, at the moment his humanoid form lies in a coma, and a form similar to his armoured one appears to be on the rampage.More on DarkHwk and
more on DarkHwk's History
Troia 215 is an Amazon school dropout turned secretary/administrator then member of the Lair Legion. She is the daughter of the archvillain the Hooded Hood (q.v.) and the former (now deceased) Amazon queen Rigantona, and the former twin sister of spiffy (q.v.) before that was retconned. She tends to giggle. She has recently ascended to the throne of Amazon Island. She has an alternative-universe self, the evil, continuity-warping Kumari, who may still be alive somewhere in the multiverse. More on the Amazon administrator
Ziles is a beautiful mood-altering alien fugitive previously exiled from her planet Xnylonia for untranslatable crimes. She wears a skin-tight silver suit which somehow conceals her equipment, including Relaxor Crème and other healing and mood-altering unguents, and a range of advanced stealth, sensory and burglary devices. Her robot servant is Roboti. She uses a stealth-equipped space cruiser. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac to Xnylonians. More on Ziles
Cheryl, the Duchess of Lake Superior was Visionary’s wife and the long-suffering Public Relations Officer for the Lair Legion and the LoR, before reluctantly ascending to a higher plane to become the Goddess of HTML.
Baron Heinrich Zemo, a hideously-scarred and therefore masked archcriminal Nazi mastermind, plotted to rule mankind from his well-known secret castle. His wife Heike is frozen in a slab of ice and many of his plots are based around her rejuvenation. He was served by a band of supervillians called the Scourge of the BZL(see below) remain at his beck and call. Many of these characters are also occasional posters or have been at some time. Zemo was also occasionally served by other minions such as his genetically-created son Millenium Bug , the nightmare-haunting Dream Demon, the possessed Kelsey Grammar Hellfrasier and the Nazi scientist Dr Vishnar. Zemo and nearly all of his followers (and even his castle) have mysteriously vanished due to the manipulations of the sinister Hooded Hood. Zemo's wayward artificial daughter Contessa Imke Ilse Zemo (Zemette) was murdered by the Grim Reaper.
The Scourge of Baron Zemo's Lair were a team of super-villains kept on retainer by Zemo. They included Pegasus (qv), the Late Great Donald Blake, The Man Who Wasn't There, Venom, Wonderbooster, Substitute Grim Reaper, Jam, and Uatu. All of these except Pegasus and Uatu have recently disappeared with Zemo due to the Hooded Hood’s intervention. Uatu has returned to his people, the Observers, but the Pegasus remained at large and joined the Lair Legion. More on the Scourge Recently a newer, possibly temporary, version of the Scourge has also been active. More on the New Scourge
Pierson's Porter was an exiled alien from the sinister race of Puppeteers, abandoned on Earth after the death of his master (Pierson) and the collapse of the Puppeteers' plans for the moon. PP, already outcast as an inferior in his own society, became intrigued by humans and armed with a series of high-tech alien gadgets is learning about life on Earth; after his romance with the villainess Dr Moo (q.v.) ended and he had been elected Mayor of Paradopolis he mysteriously vanished into a Hooded Hood retcon. More on PP
The Paradox Stranger is an enigmatic meddler in the affairs of the Parodyverse to the irritation of many cosmic powers. Amongst other things he is responsible for the various imitations of the Lair Legion dotted throughout history. He is currently encased in a shard of null-time to try and keep him out of mischief.
Sersi is an Austernal (an Australian Eternal, a race of advanced super-powered beings, transplanted into the outback). She has the ability to manipulate matter and change one thing into another, as well as being ageless, super-strong, and almost indestructible. More importantly Sersi is a party girl with a keen fashion sense and an opera singer's ego. She is not a person to tick off. In some stories her clothes fall off a lot. Sersi and the Austernals are all currently regenerating in their gestalt Omni-Mind after a recent attack upon them.
Tina Cabanez runs the charitable Bautista Foundation and until recently had telepathic powers.
The Grim Reaper a.k.a. the Enemy is an extradimensional entity chosen by the mysterious Void Spectre to intervene in various realities from infernal invasion by conquering those worlds. He became active in the Parodyverse, based in his lunar fortress, until he too mysteriously vanished into a time loop back to his origins. He should not be confused with the substitute Grim Reaper in the Scourge of the BZL (q.v.) More on Reaper and More on the Reaper’s plots
Exile (Derek Foreman) is a mutant possessing energy-controlling abilities which also give him enhanced strength and speed, and the power of flight. After accidentally temporarily becoming Lord of the Dreary Dimension, a place of exile created by the gods, he was embarrassingly gifted with a tribute slave in the form of the beautiful and brave Valeria of Carfax, actually princess and high priestess of her people. Exile is currently aiding her to help her people adjust to life in the Mythlands after escape from the Dreary Dimension. Goldeneyed's cousin, Exile is another alumni of the Observing Eye. Exile tends to be direct, almost in-your-face in his approach to problems, a good-hearted hothead. He and Goldeneyed share a third evil cousin, the sinister Bambi Bacall, the matter-manipulating Suicide Blonde (q.v) More on Exile
Dynamite Boy, (Jeremy "Jimmy" Wick) had the ability to explode at will , plus his Explosion Sense®, which senses hot dog vendors. His archnemesis is at Dr. Hammond Sterr, who was recently revealed to be a member of the notorious Heckfire Club (q.v.) themselves a front for the extraplanar parasite Hero Feeders (q.v.). He also fought a bunch of telekinetic frogs. His powers have not yet returned after a heroic nuclear level explosion.More on Dynamite Boy, Yet more on DB, and Notes of DB's family.
Balefire (Jeremiah Frost), A child prodigy in electronics and software, who created a brilliant telepathic video-game interface which, when he experimented with it, opened up the full power of his mind. Tapped into a strange cosmic force he dubs "The Power" or "The Source," he developed an ability to fully absorb a human into said cosmic force through enveloping them in flames generated from his hands. He became a regal armoured maniacal super-villain and resided in his birth place of Romania in a high-tech castle, and had his own nameless team of super-villains including Quake, Grrl, Turbo Treesloth, Birthday Bandit, Jean-Pierre, Canadian Nightmare, and the Florist. He was last seen lost in the dimension of Corposant Fire.
Phantom, an as-yet-unexplained apparent avatar of death who has recently begun murdering criminals in Gothametropolis York. More on Phantom
Deathstar Druid has shown up in numerous round robins and cameo appearances. Little is known about him. What we do know is that he was created from Skree tech on the moon, and sent to Earth. He has encountered several heroes, but he has the strange power to be forgotten about. This might be a retcon by the Hooded Hood until DD can join the Parodyverse properly.
Visible Boy (Glenn Ross) is, um, a boy that is visible. He can be visible to some, invisible to others. He has great agility, he's able to slip into any crowd and be lost, he can fly, and he can shoot little spikey lasers that taste like bananas from V on shirt. More on Visible Boy and his cast
Lee O'Callaghan is a hard-boiled former FBI forensics specialist turned private detective who has recently been swept into the world of superhero mysteries. More on Lee
Infrequent Aardvark is a physical manifestation and avatar of the principal of Loonacy which has incarnated in the Parodyverse to rectify a cosmic imbalance. What this means is yet to be revealed.
Shifter is an unexplained character who occasionally appears to use his control of the very strands of reality it self. As a result, his power causes the outline of his very form to shift, blur and waver. This distortion makes him nearly impossible to hit and, even more so, detect. He can "shift" realities. He has not appeared for a considerable time, and his role within the Parodyverse remains nebulous. More on Shifter
Saint, (Kyle Runner) received enhanced physical abilities and the power to merge into smoke, fog, or steam after an accident with a VR program, 100,00+ volts of electricity, and some holo-particles. These days he gets his orders via disconnected telephone from the mysterious Maverick, who works for a yet more mysterious government agency.
The Green Ninja is a recent addition to the crimefighters of Paradopolis and Gothametropolis. Little is yet known about him.
Paris Stavanger is an alien martial arts specialist whose purpose on Earth remains as yet unrevealed. More on Stavenger
Lynx, a vigilante survivor of the mysterious "Project Apothecary" for an American NSA operation. More on Lynx
Currently Dead Characters***
Jarvis, (Tim Butelier) a butler, former leader of the Lair Legion, and currently dead (although it might take a while for a few storylines to catch up with this); a dashing young man trained by aliens in their attempt to breed warrior-slaves on Earth, and imbued with telekinesis, teleportation and other powers. In character he was quick on the uptake, responsible, and heroic, but with a temper and a mean streak if he's irritated. Jarvis the poster got married, and real Jarvis' wife Melissa was dragged into the writings as fictional Jarvis' widow. Melissa gained probability-altering abilities from Galactivac (see below) and was currently apprenticed to the witch Hagatha Darkness, but these powers have now been passed to Dancer and Melissa has retired.
Hollywood V appeared as an old, staff-wielding magus. Acting as both hero and villain at different times he was instrumental in sending spiffy to Hell and later gave up his life to rescue the fern-wielder. HV may have been the Lord of Hell, forced to return to his demesne. A number of equally mysterious HV figures have appeared throughout history, such as Hastings Vernal in the late nineteenth century, and of course Hunter Victorious (qv) in the present.
Rocket Racoon was a racoon with a rocket pack, emissary of the, um, the Racoon People. A swashbuckling racoon, and spent a lot of time trying to get close to Sersi. He was apparently killed and eaten in his last adventure, but keeps popping back for encore performances.
Avatar(Al Vaetar) is a biologically-armoured blue-skinned noseless ex-minion of the Parody Master (q.v) wielding an Avatar-Sword and possessing the gifts of flight and intangibility. Effectively a newly self-determining entity, Avatar spent some time with the Lair Legion and slowly learned humanity. He was last seen as the new Dread Lord of the Dreary Dimension, a distant other reality.More on Avatar
Premiere (Victor Brooke), first of the successful first generation of genetically-modified Science Heroes from the alternate dimensional nation-state of Technopolis, gifted with phenomenal strength, speed, endurance, invulnerability, enhanced senses, and thermal projection powers. A whole generation of citizens of the Technoverse has grown up knowing about his exploits. Premiere is nigh-invulnerable, super-strong, super-fast, and has enhanced senses and a thermal blast. Who's Who in the Technoverse
Pegasus (Penny Christopoulos) is a shape-changing legendary immortal creature from the Mythlands. Sometimes an auburn-haired women, sometimes an angel-winged warrior, sometimes a winged centaur and sometimes the mythical beast from which she takes her name, Pegasus can also project comet-like cosmic bolts which gain in power the longer she takes to form them. In her winged forms she can fly, and outside a planetary gravity field she can fly at faster-than-light speeds (she’s immune to vacuum and cold). Proud, passionate, and professional she was previously a mercenary in the villainous Scourge before gaining a Presidential pardon. Pegasus gains her cosmic powers from and serves a mysterious organisation known as the Constellation. She cannot remain in physical form for more than 24 hours at a time, and must spend at least an hour thereafter as a disembodied mass of cosmic energy communing with the Constellation (but she tries to keep this a secret).
The Bog Thing is – or was – a guardian created out of muck and slime to be the guardian of the nexus of Unrealities that is currently located in Florida’s Wookiegetlucky Swamp. It is the Nexus’ presence on Earth that makes Earth the current focal point of this reality, just as it is this reality’s closest current proximity to the core of the Interdimensional vortex that makes it the principal plane. These things have never been explained more fully than that. The Bog Thing is currently destroyed (by permission of his poster-creator) but I suppose he or a replacement might rise again if required. He was an occasional member of the JBH.
Art Corben, former Evil monkey minion, served a probationary sentence as LL intern, had a complicated life dating robot girl Mindy Pyrite(q.v), and was murdered by the Hellraisers (q.v).
Randy Robinson, Art’s friend and fellow minion didn’t have a robot girlfriend, but he did have a collection of ray guns hidden in his closet. He was also was murdered by the Hellraisers (q.v).
Mindy Pyrite, one of the new generation of sentient urban human-looking robots, worked as the LL’s mechanic and dated intern Art Corben. She was also murdered by the Hellraisers (q.v).
The Rogues Gallery***
The Hooded Hood is a resident at Herringcarp Asylum, from which he plans his own domination of the multiverse. The Hood's power it to "retcon", a comics fan's usually derisive term for a comics writer who rewrites or writes off other older stories which don't suit his own artistic vision. Effectively the Hood can make small changes in past continuity to affect the present. The Hood is obsessed with forging the continuity of the Parodyverse into "a single pristine whole" which he controls. He never lies. The cowled crime czar has occasionally used minions, including the Purveyors of Peril (q.v.), and the now-defunct Fearwalker. The Hooded Hood worked his way through a list of major powers he needed to irritate as part of some grand celestial plan for multiversal domination, died to further his goals, got better, and is currently off plotting something complicated and cosmic as usual. The Hood's complicated family includes his disowned son spiffy (q.v) and his daughter Troia 215 (q.v). More on the Hooded Hood and the Purveyors of Peril
Chronic is a confused undead wannabe supervillain or reluctant antihero (depending on who you ask) with an indestructible Satanic telepathic guitar called Steve which reinforces his strong rebellion against any kind of authority. Steve’s sounds can manifest as devastating sonic effects with a supernatural component. Chronic’s strength and healing powers are said to be drug-fuelled. More on Chronic and the Devil’s Music
The diabolical Dr Moo (Daio Waltz), a cow-masked bio-engineer villainess with the ability to control dairy products, is actually Lisa's older sister. Dr Moo has a pet female rat called Davidowicz who has manifested a number of human-like traits including the ability to take photographs and talk.More on Davidowicz
Baroness Von Zemo (Her Excellency Baroness Elizabeth Sweetwater Dewdrop Zemo von Saxe-Lurkburg-Schreckhausen) is the grandniece of the infamous Baron Heinrich von Zemo (q.v.) and the granddaughter of his older brother Baron Ottokar Attila Kublai Tamerlane von Zemo (q.v.) Formerly a mild-mannered graduate student in psychology at the University of Michigan, she is rapidly exploiting the mad-scientific riches of her great-uncle’s papers and hopes to enter the elite stratum of Parodyverse villains as her plans develop. Her principal minion is neophyte villainess Silicone Sally (Sally Reziliant), whose body is now composed of rubber. More on the Baroness and Von Zemo cast summaries
CyberVenom is a mercenary-for-hire with a cybernetic symbiote grafted onto him.
Evil Monkey is, well, this monkey who is really evil. Or at least really annoying.
Canadian Nightmare is a villain from, obviously, Canada, who has many Canada-related powers. He has the combined strength of all Canadians, he can control the minds of all and any Canadian, and he can fly. He dresses himself in the Canadian flag, complete with flag-cape and Maple Leaf mask. He probably also has some beef with Candia.
Non-Poster Master-Planner Type Villains:
Wilbur Parody, founder of Paradopolis and arch-manipulator of the destiny of the Parodyverse. The only being to have ever held all three offices of Shaper of Worlds (q.v.), Chronicler of Stories (q.v.) and Destroyer of Tales (q.v.) he preserved his knowledge in three Books of Prophesy which he later used to prepare the way for his as-yet-unrevealed masterplan for the heroes of the Parodyverse.
Peter von Doom is a villainous amalgam of Dr. Doom and Spider-Man. He's, um, evil, was the LL's first enemy, and is somewhere out there now. Waaay out there. He has previously worked through the New Tomorrow Foundation. He is sometimes served by his minion, The Minion.
Magenta St Evil is a European crimelord with an obsession for transforming things into mid-90’s Image-style comic situation s– such as the time she transformed the LL into the Liefield Legion, a plot so hideous that Dancer (q.v) had to marry ManMan(q.v) to stop her.. She has used her super-science and cosmic connections to try and transform the world into a post-apocalyptic wasteland to better suit her tastes, but has been constantly thwarted by her archenemy Dancer. She was briefly the ruler of Candia.
Kink the Conqueror / Wang the Conqueror, is the purple-clad time-travelling warlord tyrant who keeps on invading contemporary Earth, especially every time there’s a Round Robin story.
Lord Resolution is the personification of an ancient prophesy that the Parodyverse would end in a terrible conflict, the Resolution War, which would resolve some cosmic question for which the Parodyverse had been originally created. Resolution’s close association with the Celestian Space Robots gives him immense powers including the ability to absolutely dominate almost any life form that has been touched by the Space Robots (including the human race). After two defeats and a period as captive of the Dead Lords of Hell (q.v) he has retired from the field to rethink his strategies.
Thighmaster, sovereign ruler of Bovoria, has come within a gnat's wing of greatness on several occasions - ruling the Universe was a particular highlight - but has been thwarted by his arch-nemesis, ManMan, each time. With his faithful manservant, Browning, the Thighmaster continues to plot his way into the annals of villain history!
The Cowled Criminal [MAY NEED UPDATING AFTER CRISIS] (also called the Cowled Crook) is a strange crimson-cloaked archvillain who sits at the end of time plotting revenge upon the Hooded Hood (qv). He has begun circumstances that will lead to the very destruction of the Infinite Parodyverses. He often works through servants, including the shape-stealing Spaced Fandom
Evil Organisations and Corporate Villains:
HERPES (the Hero Elimination Revenge Project Extermination Squad), a bucket-headed band of high-tech criminals who dream of a secret world empire. Their motto is, "Hail HERPES! Apply Penicillin and another rash shall come forth within six weeks!" they are led by Count Wolfgang Fokker, a monocle-wearing Teutonic villain.
Akiko Masamune is Head of the Parodyverse's organised crime cartel, and of the Yakuza mob specifically, Masamune is somewhere between an ally and an adversary of the Lair Legion. Like much of the population of Mangatown, she has large eyes and a small nose. Unlike most anyone, she has a tendency to dress entirely in pink, just because she's powerful enough to do so.
The Lynchpin of Crime (Harry Flask) is the biggest crimelord on the Eastern seaboard in all senses of the word. Above the law he rules the criminal underworld with a pudgy grip of iron. Although he resembles a massive lard bucket he is phenomenally strong and well trained in combat. However he rarely resorts to battle, given the massive legal and financial powers at his disposal and the cadre of enforcers that work for him. His base is a skyscraper towering over Gothametropolis York. Don’t get between him and his food. His current enforcer is Gamona (q.v).
Roni Y. Avis claims to be the innovator of electronic spam, Avis built an empire out of pyramid schemes and other junk mail. A surprisingly lucrative field, Avis quickly became a multi-billionaire largely due to his complete lack of morals. He tends to accidentally poke himself with the steel hook which replaces the hand Zemo once chopped off. While socially inept to the extreme (like most billionaire geeks), Avis has a sly mind for scams and illicit dealings. His buffoonish exterior hides the mind, heart and soul of a truly exploitative weasel.
B.A.L.D., formerly the power-base of the late Erskine Blofish (q.v.) is now becoming the illegal super-weapons supplier for the entire Parodyverse criminal underworld. It is rumoured that they have some strange Machine Organism Designed for Exterminating Meddlers (M.O.D.E.M.) in charge now.
ZOXXON Oil, led by their sinister and scheming CEO Montiver Hole, do all the nasty things expected of big multi-national energy consortiums.
The Word of Logos (Gideon Book) conceals his true identity. Few know him as the philanthropist, sponsor of CrazySugarFreakBoy! and his Global Gangbusters. In actuality Book is the unquestioned master of the Order of Order, and amoral ancient cult dedicated to promoting the rule of Order in the Parodyverse. The Word has the power to command obedience from those with whom he speaks, but is photosensitive to colour so dwells in monochrome surroundings in his penthouse office in Seattle. His daughter Pelopia is the cult’s High Priestess of Logos and principal agent. Founder and CEO of Odyssey Enterprises and its many subsidiaries, Book is sensitive to bright colours, and dwells in seclusion in a monochrome office. CSFB! first gained his Impossibilitium silly suit and equipment during an incident at a Book facility, and Dreamcatcher Foxglove continues to see Book as a mentor and friend. He is unaware that Book is also his archenemy, the Word.
The Grey Eminence, (Aldrich Grey), Texas billionaire and super-patriot, has used his vast economic and political powers to influence United States’ foreign policy for the past fifty years. A remarkably spry 97, Grey’s greatest asset in his quest to protect America’s interests has been the metahuman known as Mr. Epitome (q.v). The Grey Eminence is the creator and secret power behind the Office of Paranormal Security (q.v).
Factor X, (Dr. Gregor Vassilych) the greatest foe Mr. Epitome never faced, former Soviet spymaster used his KGB connections to build himself a profitable practice as a middle-man between different criminal groups. If someone needs an army of cyborg mutants, Factor X would be the man to go to. If a cyborg mutant is looking for work, Factor X would be the man to call. Vassilych is suave, brilliant, and ruthless, so of course he looks like Vincent Price. X’s key advisor is a powerful telepath known as The Mind’s Eye (Nadezhda "Nadya" Prokofiev).
The House of Camellia are dark faeries led by their queen Camellia of the Fey (naturally) who run their business of glamour and drugs from the exclusive waterfront nightclub the Willow, managed by Mr Oxalis. They are sometimes allied with Mahssus, a she-troll under the Englehart Bridge. More on the Fey
Blackbird was Finny’s most persistent and distinctive enemy from the days when there was a regular Fin Fang Foom series. A brilliant criminal mastermind he remains incarcerated in the Safe for reasons of his own.
Rape Ape is more or less what his name implies, and has served a term as a Republican senator. Ask Kirk Boxleitner. More on the Rape Ape
The Little Sisters of Discipline, led by Mother Whipcord, are a devastatingly kinky group of sado-nuns who kidnap children to train in their order. Lisa and Moo are two such alumni. The Order may currently be defunct.
The Purveyors of Peril, a collection of some of the nastiest villains on the planet, who nominally work for the Hooded Hood but also freelance. Their ever-changing membership has variously included VelcroVixen, the appalling Appendage Man (q.v.) Gromm, the Living Flatulence (q.v.) Indigo Impostor, PsychoAcidPervGirl! (q.v.) HeadCase, Huntingjustice Deathmarrow (q.v.) Anvil Man (q.v.), Professor Manyarms, General Roxx-Hoff (q.v), Gamona the Assassin, Onslaughter, Dr Loveray, Savagetooth, Spacewarped, Razor Ballerina, Huntmaster, Expired Warranty, and Suicide Blonde, and others. Deceased members include Partycrasher, Thunderstroke, Rottweiler and the Terrier, Hellfrasier, and Voodoo Vicar. More on the most recent line-up
The League of Losers a.k.a the Frightsome Four are a quartet of mercenary supervillains. They are: English Man the sophisticated but often foolish leader of the group, dressed in a blue suit and bowler and has monocle. Obviously he's English, and carries a cane around that projects a spike from the bottom and an umbrella that projects poison gas. Marker Man wears in orange armour, carries explosive crayons around and likes to colour people with markers (don't ask...). Garbage Burner is a bald fat slob who wears a gray garbage man uniform and hat, and sets things on fire with a set of flame throwers resembling Pyro's (except he doesn't have a silly fire tank on his back). And Dr. Teeth is an insane dentist who uses dentist tools as weapons. He is a total psycho. Teeth dresses in a white lab coat and wears one of those straps with the reflective spheres attached to them on his head.
Proctology are a super-villain team consisting at various times of Swingy, Master of the Swinging Arts, the Living Statement!, Pudu Lad, Star-Fish, the undead Mr Ed, Spleen Splitter, spiffy2, The Cactus Chef and Hobo Volvo. They have worked with a variety of patrons including Thighmaster (q.v).
The Outcasts are a band of sinister sewer-dwelling cannibals led by the bizarre Sgt Snail. Other members include The Human Grenade, Oaf, Dung Beetle, the Unpossible Man, The Gunsman, Demon Fish, the Man with Two Chins, Devo, Man-Hamster, and Smellhound. More on the Outcasts
The Destiny Carnival is a sinister interdimensional show that teleports from reality to reality on its equally sinister business of recruiting suitable new attractions for its cruel performances. Known headliners include Colonel Destiny, Dr Loveray, Enormous Irma, Mystic Morgana, the Mirror Murder, Endgame, Hotstuff, and Vasto the Wonder Frog .
Other Non-Poster Villains:
The inconceivable Yurt (Vlastimock Bogoff), was once a humble glorious worker in the People's Potato Collective, Commieslavia, before a radioactive accident gave him the proportional strength and intelligence of a small peasant hut. He's basically a twenty foot high pile of indestructible rocks. The stupider he gets the stronger he gets. More on the Yurt
Onslaughter, the Parodyverse mixture of Doomsday and Onslaught, is a bone-armoured biological killing machine from a distant planet. Immensely strong, almost indestructible, and gifted with powerful psionic abilities, Onslaughter fell to Earth when his Warworld was destroyed by the Parodyverse’s heroes, and has lusted for vengeance ever since.
VelcroVixen (Vicki Vee) is a svelte, supervillainous deputy-leader, known for her fetishwear and athletic abilities. For more details, see the Purveyors of Peril.
Exemplary, formerly agent and enforcer of Edward Gramayre’s faction of the secret Shadow Cabinet, is a confident bastard in a near grey business suit. He controls bio-fields, the aura of organising energy that surrounds all living beings, which means he can use it to hurt people or control them. He can use the same gifts to ramp his own strength and other physical abilities to Epitome-class levels. But of course, Exemplary doesn’t appear in this chapter. He has recently been recruited by The Grey Eminence (q.v) to work with OPS.
Gromm, the Living Flatulence is one of the last surviving Deviates, one of the species created by the cosmic Celestians (see below). He is basically a terrible, powerful, smell, with caustic and toxic properties. Banjoooo and his Sea Monkey race were created to battle him and his comrades. For more details see the Purveyors of Peril entry.
Professor Manyarms was a nuclear scientist before the accident that gave him his additional arms. Now he controls much of the criminal activity on the US East Coast. See Purveyors of Peril entry for more information.
Gamona is the last survivor of an alien race wiped out by Dark Thugos, who trained her from infancy to be the perfect assassin. The mesh tattoos on her body also act as armour plating, making her hard to harm with energy, percussion, and slicing attacks. She is one of the most skilled martial artists on the planet. Abandoned on Earth after Dark Thugos ascended to be Destroyer of Tales, Gamona has found employment as the Lynchpin’s premiere assassin and bodyguard.
PsychoAcidPervGirl! (Gwendolyn "Wendy" Leslie, a.k.a. Cinnamon Raven), CSFB’s! long-lost younger sister, is the front woman for the underground gothic-punk alternative rock band Seduction of the Innocent, the ringleader of the Wicked Pixies girl gang of costumed criminals, and a high school student at the Hestia House private boarding academy for "Girls Gifted by the Graces." Because she aided CSFB! in his accidental discovery of Impossibilitium, she has a cherry red and grape purple Silly Suit of her own, which is fuelled by her excessive ingestion of various and sundry illicit chemical substances, including copious doses of drugs and alcohol.
Pelopia, Priestess of Logos is the daughter of Gideon Book (q.v), the man who is CSFB!’s mentor and secretly his archenemy, the Word (q.v). CSFB! is aware that the Word has a daughter trained to kill him (they’ve met), and that Gideon Book has a daughter (Dream’s never seen her as far as he knows), but has never connected the two. Pelopia is disciplined to have perfect control over her mind, body, and emotions, but still managed to become pregnant by CSFB!
The Idiom (Letitia Gallagher) is a problem-solving genius who has previously fought Mr Epitome on ethical and political grounds and later became his lover. A fugitive from the US criminal system she is currently being harboured in Badripoor.
The Low Evolutionary is a mysterious master geneticist who rules a subterranean kingdom of animal/mutate hybrids all created with his genius. It may be doing him an injustice to list him as a villain, since he is actually an idealist whose ideals often place him in the position of antagonist.
The Bloodreaper, last surviving member of the extradimensional marauder Hellraisers (q.v), is a sadistic super-strong scythe-wielding killing machine has deity level strength, speed, stamina, and invulnerability. Murder makes him stronger, and his scythe drinks the spirit of those he slaughters. He enjoys carnage. It’s his hobby.
Quake is a villain from the future who terrorised the descendants of the Lair Legion before finding his way to our time. Quake is a very tall, muscular man dressed in a black shirt, black pants, black gloves, and black boots and mask. He has glowing eyes. He's super strong, can blast heat and energy beams from his eyes and hands, and can project sonic sound waves at his opponents. He also has a nasty temper and kicked Donar's ass, so he deserves credit!! He was last seen returned to his own uncertain future. He sometimes has a knife throwing, tuxedo wearing henchman called Jack Knife.
Mad Wendy is a world-class psionic from the Technoverse. She has massive reality-warping abilities and can suck people into her own private mental worlds, and a fairy-tale fixation.
The Captor is a professional hunter who has killed hundreds of dangerous animals, including tigers, bears, snakes, and genetically altered mutants. Regarded as the best hunter in the Parodyverse because of his persistence and reputation of never failing to capture his foe in a hunt, sinister by nature, the Captor's trademark weapon is a gun that launches grenades that explode upon hitting their target, unleashing nearly unbreakable black coils that wrap around the target and send electric shocks through it to render it unconscious. To match his name, the Captor dresses in old fashioned hunting attire, including a pith helmet covering his bald head, khaki pants and shirt, and black boots. He has a hunting scar on his cheek.
Anvil Man (Brendan McGillicuddy) is trapped inside indestructible rusting armour which makes him unstoppable. Apart from being strong and untiring, Anvil Man’s most dangerous power is the ability to make inanimate objects explode by looking at them. He can launch grenades and other missiles from his body or simply cause things to explode by concentrating on them for a short while.
Appendage Man (Milton Freebish) is a horribly mutated experiment of the Devil Doctor’s, a writhing mass of limbs and other body parts that can expand and replicate at will to become a massive sprawling
wiggling groping squeezing entity of rage and lust. At full growth he can be hundreds of feet across.
Biohazard is a living toxic accident, able to create high levels of pollution through some kind of psionic matter manipulation. He may have been human once but now he’s just sentient sludge. In his native dimension the Technoverse he depopulated the whole of South America.
Blast Zone (Rupert Yeadon) can cause detonations on touch, using a localized molecular agitation similar to that employed by Anvil Man (at range). The former Technopolitian Science Villain got a bad attitude but his unprofessional behaviour makes it easy to take him down.
Brokenface (Rory Murdoch) has extendible cybernetic jaws and an "indestructible stomach". He once managed to rip Donar’s arm half off before he was taken down. The former Technopolitian science villain enjoys fighting just for the sake of it.
Dimensionweaver (Ulana Oboru) links together any two planes, points, or surfaces, either in the same or different dimensions. She can therefore open a gateway to the heart of a volcano or to the Mythlands, can drop an enemy through a gate beneath their feet into the planet’s core or to the Negativity Zone, and so on. This former Technopolitian Science Villain is highly dangerous, and was last seen being examined by the Manga Shoggoth in his Antarctic lair.
Dreamripper (Drusilla Onassis) is a high-end mind-reader specializing in people’s subconscious. She can literally turn your dreams against you. She can use her powers to craft realistic illusions. The former Science Villain once fooled a victim into believing her face had been dissected.
Expired Warranty (Z. X. Sinclair) is the reanimated corpse of a former computer nerd raised as an undead after killing himself when even a desperate blood hungry vampire wouldn't give him a hickey, He possesses the ability to cause any technology to malfunction simply by admiring it.
Flashfry (Buddy Wahooni) wields high-energy plasma shapes. Think about the kinds of structures Amazing Guy can form with his energies, but made from searingly hot proto-matter. It’s a good job this former Technopolitan Science Villain has a limited imagination.
Fleshcrawler (Nugent Linnerman) is a spooky creep who can control people’s skin on touch, either to force them to be his puppets or to restructure it into something more to his somewhat perverted tastes. This former Technopolitan Science Villain died at least once and come back from it.
Genetwist (Dr Reynard Bouvier) was a top Technopolitan scientist before one of those inevitable lab accidents. Now he can mess people’s DNA to give them powers or change them however he wants. He’s a cold-hearted researcher with no ethics.
HuntingJustice DeathMarrow (Kylytta Bloodwyrm) is a gun and blade-wielding barely-clad macho woman in the Liefield tradition, whose grudge against the Lair Legion in general and Trickshot in particular is derived from not being offered a place in their ranks. She has the usual super-strength, near-invulnerability, healing factor etc, but also has an unlimited supply of razor-toothed cutting weapons despite having nowhere to carry them in her costume (except the thigh pouches) and impossibly vast laser cannons. She is immune to all common sense, and her breasts are immune to gravity.
Huntmaster (real name unknown) has no superhuman powers as such, except for a sixth sense talent where tracking prey is concerned. He's loaded with all kinds of hunter/forester themed weapons, from his quarterstaff to his hunting knife and cross bow, to his pouches of exploding power that knocks out the opposition (read: game) and simple choking dust that gives him a chance to escape. An expert tracker with above average fighting and trapping skills, he can blend into any surroundings with excellent camouflage abilities.
Indigo Impostor (real name forgotten) is a mutate who can take the shape of any humanoid creature he has come into contact with. If the target is a metahuman then the Impostor gains any physical abilities they possess but not any of their more esoteric powers.
Mood Swing (Jaques LeRouge) controls emotions around him. He’s shown signs of being able to "program" effects too, such as triggering homicidal mania when certain factors are met even when he’s no longer present. Another former Technopolitian Science Villain, LeRouge enjoys using his abilities to humiliate and embarrass his victims.
Pain Hook (Gunther Vermold) can psychically stimulate nerve endings to wrack his victims with agony. The former Technopolitan Science Villain could make them feel other things too, but so far he seems to limit himself to pain.
Razor Ballerina (Mindy Kovkolski) was a world-famous ballerina before being kidnapped and tortured by the shadowy villain Fearwalker for the better part of a year. What remains is the soulless cruel monster able to generate razor-sharp blades from beneath her flesh and hurl them at her opponents with amazing dexterity. She can cut through any substance by touching it, making her a bad person to grab hold of. She has been given a specific resistance to being affected by probability alteration, being able to cut to the most likely result in any case.
Razorbarb (Mickey Spiroletti) is a brash arrogant punk kid, survivor of twins with identical powers. The former Technopolitan Science Villain can generate molecule-thick strands of indestructible wire which can tangle and slice. They vanish if he’s rendered unconscious.
Rimshooter (Yasud Al-Kamara) can metamorphose his body into weaponry. The former Technopolitan Science Villain has generated missile percussion weapons, lasers, gas guns, sonics, and tranquilliser needles. Who knows what else he’s trained for?
Spinoid has a bony razor-sharp carapace and can fire explosive spines from his exo-skeleton. He’s experienced at close-in fighting. The former Technopolitan Science villain has no known real name and may not even be of Earth origin.
Ultraninja (real name unknown) is an extremely skilled martial artist, enhanced with strength, speed, and endurance, invisible to mechanical detection, and able to merge into shadows through some technique we’ve not been able to identify. This former Technopolitan Science Villain is a very dangerous opponent, good enough to down Ziles (q.v) in single combat.
Third Degree is an insanely powerful flame-generating mutate punk who enjoys burning people.
Technovore is a sentient computer program with the metahuman ability to mould technology around it. Inhuman, merciless, and sadistic, Technovore was classified as a Level 10 threat in Technopolis.
Musk Ox (Bovus 18) is an animal/mutate hybrid bred by eccentric geneticist the Low Evolutionary to possess enormous strength and the ability to generate a powerful strength-sapping pheromone that can affect even Mr. Epitome (q.v). He looks and smells just like his namesake. He has served as a mercenary for such villains as Factor X (q.v) and Count Armageddon (q.v).
Tech Spectre (Henry St. Ides) was an industrial spy with a suit that allowed him to become invisible and intangible. When he was finally captured he was given an offer: work for the Grey Eminence (q.v) or be beaten to death. He’s opted for the former.
The Birthday Bandit is an improbable villain who tries to steal heroes' powers by stealing their birthdays.
Holy Wedlock is the minor cosmic office holder with the ability to cause any two people to become married.
Turbo Treesloth is a rocket-powered Treesloth. Honestly. More details in the Purveyors of Peril entry. He may recently have been eaten by his former teammates.
Argh!Yle, Evillest of Socks claims to be a CrazySugarFreakBoy! villain. I shouldn't be surprised.
Grit, the Granulated Man (Brick Bassalt) was a noted tomb robber who broke a mystical hourglass hidden in one of the lost temples of Egyptian necromancer Ku Ku Ka Chu, granting him the power to transform himself into living sand. First Appearance: Mr. Epitome #14.
Spring Loaded Man (Armand Braithwaite) is a metallic villain whose neck, limbs, and torso have been replaced by powerful coils. He has super strength and the ability to stretch his springs long distances. First Appearance: Welcome to the Lair Legion, Mr. Epitome: Springing Into Action.
Atomic Bumpkin (Nermy Tullis) was an Ozark Mountain Boy who drank moonshine accidentally made from "hard water." This gives him the powers to generate and release massive amounts of heat and radiation. First Appearance: Mr. Epitome/Dancer: Shattered Worlds, Part Three.
Crosshairs is a noted assassin in the Bullseye/Deathstroke vein. He wields a variety of high tech weapons and wears a protective body suit. He came to Paradopolis months back in order to participate in the Contest of Killers, a tournament to determine who the Parodyverse’s Greatest Assassin is now that the Confiscator is dead. First Mention: Mr. Epitome #29
Pudu Lad one of the original line-up of the villain team proctology, was canned after its takeover by the even more villainous Thighmaster. Pudu Lad has, well, the powers of a pudu.
The Florist has the ability to make plants do bad things.
Grrl is a fierce telepathic warrior-woman.
Jean-Pierre possessed the powers of the French nation.
Turbo Treesloth is a rocket-pack powered love mammal.
Uncle Bob is a super-powered over-the-hill drunken party clown.
Krotch is a chat room joke made somewhat-rancid flesh.
Rodney, the Patronising Git, is an English supervillain with the ability to patronise people so much it hurts.
The Skree Empire is a fallen intergalactic militaristic race, led by the fascist Dronon, the Public Accoster, wielder of the Rod of Authority and his fiancée Prime Mistress Oma . They were previously controlled by The Supreme Interference (q.v), a manipulative supercomputer amalgam of the brain patterns of long-dead Skree. Our heroes have also been troubled by Commander Rox-Hoff of the Fifth Skree Armada. The Skree are ancestral enemies of the shape-shifting Skunks.
The Skunk Confederacy, a race of shape-shifting conquerors, including the multi-powered Super-Skunk (a new one, since the last one got mulched). Princess Annar is their figurehead.
The Z’Sox, a race of arachnid assassins commanded by Arbiter S’Trakk.
The Shee-Yar Empire, is a galactic empire founded by an avian civilisation and ruled by an Empress; their high priest is the Eyrie-Father.The Shee-Yar Imperium Guard are super-powered champions of the Parodyverse's other avian-themed galactic civilisation, but the Shee-Yar are now a polyglot empire of many races, of each which contributes a champion to the Imperiators to act as the ultimate enforcers of the Shee-Yar. Gladeater is acknowledged as the strongest of these, and usually serves as their Praetor, or leader.
The Thonnagarians, a fierce race of Pigeonpeople lost their homeworld during the recent Crisis. Their main combat capacities come from their warrior fierceness and the sacred Z-Alloy they use in their artificial wings and wristbands that allows them control over gravity to fly and fight. They are ruled with an iron talon by Ancient Shadara, last survivor of the Great Eyrie. Shazana Pel (q.v) is a warriroress of this race but has been declared zhongla kha, exiled and excommunicate, for her crimes and blasphemy.
The Reptiloids of Frammistat Eight are a vicious merchant race, led by theSlimy Slaver Lovetoad, an intergalactic slaver. His name says it all really. A new Lovetoad is due to be elected after the defeat of the last one during the Transworlds Challenge. The Hierophant is their religious leader, eenowned scholar and archaeologist Dr Blargelslarch is a native of their world but is now exiled to Earth for opposing the current regime.
Anihillatus, Lord of the Negativity Zone, is a bioengineered creature of immense destructive power with an instinctive link to and control of the mysterious otherdimensional Negativity Zone. He rules all the realms from the Queasy Zone to the Blistering Fields, leading armies of marauders in their space-faring Locustships, and dreams of the day he will conquer all the dimensions of the Parodyverse.
The Heralds of Galactivac are the space-bending Crimson Cyclist, the fear-manipulating Undermind Obscura, and the bone-controlling Terrorox. The fourth herald, not part of their current endeavour, is the Probability Dancer (q.v).
Clan Klayhog, nomads from the Eridani cluster, are led by Clan Elder Broto, his son Argo and daughter-in-law Seeress Yesmin. They have recently been joined by self-willed Austernal explorationship ship Aunt Sally.
The Crystaxians are a crystal-based tripedal life form recently displaced from their homeworld and seeking a new life on a barren new world under the guidance of the last of their world’s Matrix Guardian heroes, Selinda Saxmendim.
The Naicluv are a peaceful, logical, and highly advanced race of scientists and philosophers. More on the Naicluv
The Apuffyliptians are brutal survivalists from Dark Thugos’ (q.v) stronghold world. Ruled by the former Tyrant of the Sol Empire and current Destroyer of Tales, Apuffylips is a place of doom and gloom, where nothing nice happens and if anything does, those responsible are tossed into the Fever Blisters of Apuffylips, mile deep lakes of plasma that power the planet’s machinery of destruction. The ruling caste of the planet includes:
Splendiferous Stuart who looks and dresses like a televangelist. Using his awesome powers of persuasion, he has earned the role of ruling as Dark Thugos’s proxy.
Grendlarg the one armed son of Dark Thugos is an insanely powerful brute who has been locked away by the Apuffylipians because he is also insanely insane.
Torkamahda Minister of Torment, was the chief vizier of Dark Thugos and now serves the same role with Splendiferous Stuart, albeit with a lot less toadying.
Kwatrain don’t let the Ren Fest Wear fool you, this Machiavellian assassin type is a dangerous adversary.
Steppenstoat aged uncle to Dark Thugos, the Harrier of a Thousand Worlds has seen better days. With his Galactic Glaive and Ermines of Destruction he seeks to regain past glories by serving Dark Thugos.
Granny Grimess, responsible for training children into the next generation of sadistic Ferret Soldiers and Vengeance Valkyries in her Innocence Factories.
The Hive Mindis an alien hive culture led by their queen, the Honey Bee. More on the Honey Bee
The Broob are a parasitic race of savage insectoids.
The Maxellians are a super-powered race of expansionist adventurers.
The Yellow Flashlight Corps are an ancient intergalactic peacekeeping force. More on the Flashlights
The Cosmic Characters
The Chronicler of Stories is a celestial office bestowed upon one who monitors and records the events of the Parodyverse. The current Chronicler is the erstwhile Dark Knight, and somehow moonlights as him in a way as not yet revealed. The job also seems to involve a lot of talking ravens of destiny.
The Shaper of Worlds was a poster called Carrington, but after his long absence the office was handed to a new, female incumbent once called Jury. The Shaper's role is to initiate new narrative strands in the many parallel timelines of the Parodyverse. She has so far fallen foul of the manipulations of the Hooded Hood (q.v) and the Paradox Stranger (q.v.)
The Destroyer of Stories, is the third cosmic office-holder, charged with bringing all things to an end. The former office-holder, Samhain, fought the Lair Legion on several occasions. After his recent apparent destruction the new office holder is Dark Thugos, Tyrant of the Sol Empire, master of the Entropy Eyebeams, a the craggy-countanced alternate-reality son of the Hooded Hood and brother to the equally-sinister Kumari. After being forced from his original reality, Thugos conquered a sizeable portion of the prime Parodyverse, including the Skree Empire (q.v.) before being killed and recruited as the new Destroyer of Tales. He is served by a cast of thousands of undead, necro-priests, and stormtroopers. He is a worshipper of Death (q.v.) (who doesn't fancy him).
The The Parody Master is one of the Lair Legion’s oldest enemies. In the real old days the LL’s rogues gallery was pretty much Baron Zemo, Peter von Doom, various comic-book creators, Mr T, and the Parody Master, and PM was the one to really watch out for, their first truly serious threat. Something between a renegade primal force and homicidal conqueror, he has pretty much do-anything abilities, limitless endurance and strength, the ability to reorder time and space to his liking, and an infinite army of tough drone Avatar Warriors. His only weakness is that he must manifest by possessing a host body, and sometimes strong-willed hosts have been able to influence his motives and methods and weak hosts have caused him to imperfectly incarnate. His role within the cosmic order remains unexplained, but he has been summoned to uphold the edicts of the Triumverate and the Celestian Space Robots (q.v.). However, he also operates independently, and tends to cruelty and tyranny. The fully-powered Parody Master is a match for really major cosmic forces like the Triumverate (Shaper of Worlds, Chronicler of Stories, Destroyer of Tales), Galactivac, or the Celestian Space Robots. However, his more human motives and sometimes petty villainy leave him more vulnerable to being thwarted than other cosmic beings.
The Celestian Space Robots are mile-high incomprehensible and nigh-omnipotent entities tasked with maintaining the mechanisms of the Parodyverse by their unknown creators. They never speak, but creatures drawing near them may be overwhelmed by the sheer power of their massive thoughts. The entire LL once managed to chip a small dint in one of the Space Robot's boots. Despite this many of the Celestians have recently been put out of action as part of some larger and more sinister plot.
The Family of the Pointless are powerful anthropomorphic representations of fundamental forces in the Parodyverse. They are Coincidence, Lusting, Whinging, Glamour, Death, Temporary Death, and Space Ghost. Common Sense has abandoned his office. The Family have recently withdrawn from all contact with sentient beings in the Parodyverse.
Galactivac, the Living Death that Sucks, is a planet-hoovering, world-cleansing entity of immense power which moves across the galaxy sucking planets bare of all life. Galactivac's heralds include the speed-manipulating Crimson Cyclist, the death-manipulating Terrorox, brain-shredding Undermind Obscura, and the Probability Dancer (see under LL).
The Hero Feeders or Lurkers Behind, are parasites that infest the interdimensional vortex between realities in the Parodyverse, and occasionally break through to prey upon weak narratives, erasing them and the people and events contained in them from reality. In short, they feed on legends and can devour a hero and all memory of them. Some Hero Feeders are mindless instinctive beasts, while others are cunning and subtle. The Hero feeders sometimes creep into the Parodyverse proper, taking on human shapes to indulge in their hedonistic revels. Most recently they have manifested as the Heckfire Club, an exclusive and powerful gentlemans' association in Paradopolis' ritzy Pierce Heights. Inner circle members include Simonides Slaughter, the Black Emperor, Anne Salem, the White Empress, Frederick Scarfe and Professor Hammond Stein. They occasionally harvest heroes from the city they farm. Other Hero Feeders have appeared as transsexual trandimensionals, as gothic vampires, and as galactic estate agents. All modern Hero Feeders are mere shadows of the powerful creatures that once moved through the vortex though. Those terrible beings were spilled out into reality by unwise experiments of the Second Oldest Race, and were only contained by the creation of the Psychostave that Nats once wielded and by a destruction of the Second Oldest Race so complete that even their name is lost.
The King of Stories appears as a burning skeleton on a throne of blood. He claims to be the first Chronicler of Stories and to personify all the dark urges of Chroniclers through time.
The Constellation are a race of energy beings spread across space feeding on stars, whose purpose is to bring about the eventual return of the Fairly Great Old Ones (q.v.). they were formerly Pegasus’ sponsors, but they may now have been destroyed in a war with the Celestian Space Robots.
The Fairly Great Old Ones are entirely alien elder gods who invaded the Parodyverse at the moment of its creation but were eventually sent to "sleep" until "the stars are right" by the intervention of the Celestian Space Robots and Lord Resolution. These ancient beings infiltrated the Parodyverse like a virus and rewrote its rules to become its rulers before being overthrown and made to "sleep" – shorthand for being carved from reality until they were able to reset the laws of physics back to how they need them to be to fully exist. They were overthrown on Earth through the rebellion of their slave race the Shoggoths (see Manga Shoggoth). At least one Fairly Great Old One sleeps on Earth. Shabba’Dhabba’Dhu, the Groper Out of Grossness (q.v) dwells beneath the Lair Mansion in uneasy slumber.
Shabba’Dhabba’Dhu, the Groper Out of Grossness is a loathsome elder thingie that Man Was Notte Meant to Know. Originally attracted in pre-history to the hidden power of the cosmic cube once concealed beneath Parody Island, the thirty-mile wide tentacular being slept when the stars changed (at the time of the Shoggoth uprising) – or at least dozed and watched daytime soaps on cable. It’s worshipped by the albino Morshlock cult, stirs in its sleep occasionally enough to devour the odd sacrifice or redecorate an outlying village with gore and devastation, but mostly just sits there forgotten until the stars are right.
Yog-Frothoth is another of the Fairly Great Old Ones who bear some resemblance to Lovecraftian elder beings of other fictional universes that take themselves more seriously. Yog-Frothoth is one of the few elder beings still to have vestigial elements in the modern and it is believed that he is the gateway through which many others may one day return.
The Faerie Queene has many names, but seems to prefer the name Meg just now. The ruler of the Many Coloured Land (Faerie), she is fey and unpredictable, and has recently had a failed relationship with the villainous Hooded Hood.
Sage Grimpenghast, Master of Ignorance and Teacher of Depeptions is a scholarly lord of one of hell’s domains, rising to prominence in the current abyssal power gap along with some other nasty netherworld types such as Belaziel, Lord of the Moral Wastes, and Vesperine, Lady of Torments.
Currently Dead Villains***
Magnetic Techbird is a mutant terrorist (and, like virtually all the Parodyverse's poster villains, a former Lair Legion candidate) with abilities to control magnetism, create solid-sound constructs via a mechanical vocal carapace, and manipulate technology. He wears a red and purple costume and has long blonde, red, and white hair. MT is really an anti-hero, a rebel without a cause, and is as likely to do good as ill. He is desperately unlucky with women. He is currently presumed dead.More on Magnetic Techbird
Killer Shrike (Simon Maddicks) originated from another reality where he first donned his costume and weapons and used his implanted anti-grav generator to become the mercenary assassin. He has now permanently moved his pony-tail-helmeted act to the Parodyverse. He become entangled in the plots of untrustworthy occultist Con Johnstantine whom he owed a lien debt, then became enmeshed in the plots of the Hooded Hood. He finally died saving lives and was memorialised as a hero.
The Obliterator is a giant alien organic/robot being who has battled the Legion many times. Though he often seems loud, foolish, and oafish, the Obliterator is actually very smart and has knowledge and access to advanced technology, making him a very formidable foe to the Lair Legion and the residents of the Parodyverse. There are indications that the Obliterator is an important, ancient and powerful being of cosmic significance, who was condemned to his current existence after betraying the Celestian Space Robots (q.v.). More on the Obliterator
Erskine Blofish, the bald headed, hamster loving master of the terrorist organisation B.A.L.D. was the one who hired the Confiscator to off Zemo's wife after the two had an unpleasant brush with one another. Blofish later got his head ripped off by Samhain (according to DK it survived) and was thrown into Zemo's castle, later to be rescued by Membraine. Blofish's head was later put on a robot body where it planned and plotted until a final encounter with the Purveyors of Peril, where Suicide Blonde transformed the indestructible adamantium exo-skeleton into tapioca..
Membraine was a green skinned, bald headed, red eyed mutant created by Zemo and some scientist. When Membraine was brought to life, he was very dull witted. Somehow his mind evolved and turned Membraine into a genius. Membraine escaped from Zemo's castle and decided to destroy the human race, and went to Europe to destroy Zemo and his army as he hated his creator for making him look so ugly. Creating an army that resembled himself with a cloning machine he took control of Zemo's empire. Just before he could kill Zemo, however, explosives in his castle went off and he was crushed by stone and Zemo's throne. More on Membraine
Madame Symmetry of Synchroncity, former holder of the cosmic office of Keeper of the Chonometer of Infinity, tyrant of the Spanish Inquisition, and CEO of the Westminster Necropolis Company is a black silk-clad schemer with the wisdom of ages. Her plots usually relate to the manipulation of time, and she is capable of certain time-related effects due to her intimate understanding of how it works. She was spat out of time after her most recent attempt at conquest.
Dirth Vortex, a tattooed, asthma-breathing warlord, worked his mystic plots and leads his acolytes in preparation for some unspecified upcoming event where he intended to be on the winning side. He is currently scattered across the cosmos. Dirth Vortex is a dark-side master of the Gah!, a primal force in the Parodyverse released by practitioners shouting "Gah!" very loudly. He and his disciples have attempted a variety of mystical-type conquests. After this little setback he’s going to need to find a new body before trying again. Dirth Vortex bears no possible resemblance to Darth Vader should Lucasfilm lawyers happen to ask.
The Supreme Interference was the repository of composite brain-patterns of all the finest brains of the Skree Star Empire, before it arranged for the Skree Homeworld to be destroyed by the star-eating Galactivac, the Living Death that Sucks, in an attempt to jump-start Skree evolution once more. Since the Interference’s attempts to rewrite human genetic codes as next-generation Skree were thwarted by the Legion, the computer was imprisoned and isolated here on Earth. It may recently have been wiped for good by the Librarian.
The Deus Et Machina (Hel Rotwang) is the cybernetic leader of the Citizens of Cybernation, a cult dedicated to the improvement of the race through cybernetics.Known in Nazi Germany as Futura, the Woman of Tomorrow, and known today as Deus Et Machina, was a 1920’s political escapee from the Technoverse who settled in the Reich. A robot-supremacist who believed that mankind’s destiny was to improve itself through transplant cybernetics, Rotwang herself was a human-looking cyborg at the time of this story. It was only when she was later forced into the furnaces of a concentration camp when she sought to quit the Fuhrer’s service that her external coverings were burned away leaving the art-deco robot to wreak terrible vengeance on her captors. Deus et Machina’s advanced robotics knowledge probably made possible, directly or indirectly, most of the other androids, cyborgs, and robots manufactured since on Parody Earth.
The Confiscator was a professional assassin. Clad in dark padded battlesuit, strong and usually with concussion grenades strapped across his chest armour, the Confiscator carried a laser pistol with him at all times and had other artillery to work with as well, depending on the importance of the job he took on. His performance level depended on how much he got paid. He was completely covered and hence no one knows what he looked like. His real name and past are also mysteries. Amongst his other achievements, he shot Baron Zemo's wife Heike.
The Apostate is a villain with the power to alter the beliefs of others, the Apostate is a dangerous adversary of the LL, and Visionary and Yo especially. The source of his hatred of Vizh, and his admiration of Cheryl, seems to be the belief that Visionary's life was meant for him. Where he got this idea has yet to be revealed.
Ultizon is the final generation iteration of a sentient computer virus composited from various unpleasant sources and based on the brainwaves of a range of criminal geniuses. Having previously masqueraded in the guise of EDWIN as the Lair Legion’s resident AI, Ultizon is well versed in the strengths and secrets of the Legionnaires and has had access to a range of advanced technologies. He is currently defunct.
The Wilde Hunt was a cosmic force for vengeance that was invoked by any being powerful enough to demand vengeance on a deity. The Wilde Huntsman debuted in Dancer/Donar #7and #8, wherein it was revealed that he was an ancient and cruel force –possibly a cosmic office holder – that could be dispatched by beings of immense power (on that occasion the Ausgardian All-Pappy Oldman) to hunt down and destroy those who had offended them. He could draw upon the power of his summoner to increase his own abilities, which is how he pounded Donar within an inch of his life. The Huntsman and his hounds were destroyed in combat with Pegasus.
The Devil Doctor is an undead Makluan dragon, the geneticist responsible for unlocking the shapeshifting abilities of his people. As such he has engineered in them the vulnerability to be possessed by his undead spirit. After the Makluans refused his rulership he called down Galactivac, the Living Death that Sucks (q.v.) to destroy their world. The Devil Doctor enjoys taking the identity of an inscrutable Oriental mandarin. A genius with chemicals, poisons, and mutations, the Devil Doctor commands a fanatical following of biologically enhanced ninjas, bizarre monsters, and other Fu Manchu trappings. He is responsible for the creation of villains such as Appendage Man and Rottweiler and the Terrier. He is currently off-planet and presumably disembodied, having lost his previous draconic host form in battle with Fin Fang Foom.
Count Armageddon (Count Belasco Medici), once absolute ruler of the independent Pacific basin state of Badripoor, was suffused with and possibly now composed of evil kaos Energy, livid green tendrils that give him massive strength and invulnerability and can corrode souls. Armageddon was originally a science villain from the world of Technopolis.
The Dead Lords of Hell are a coalition of evil extraplanar conceptual entities gathered together by Frightmare using the power of the captive Lord Resolution(q.v.) to pull them from the edge of deserved oblivion. The Hell Lords include Mr Lucifer, Messenger’s oldest foe, Mefrothto, Prince of Fibs, a hated adversary of the Hooded Hood, Blackhurt, Other Prince of Fibs Mefrothto’s son, and Dread Dormaggadon, once ruler of the now-defunct Dreary Dimension.
The Hellraisers were a band of very evil interdimensional marauders:
Sir Lucian, the Chain Knight was a great paladin of light who was corrupted by long torture and evil sorceries to become a thing of torture and evil himself. Appearing as a bloody armoured knight with dozens of living chains growing from his ruptured flesh, Sir Lucian had the gift of binding and breaking of bonds and locks. He even murdered the personification of Death and took her power and authority.
Nosferos the Undying wass a gaunt, pale, bald, ancient elder-vampire, possessing all the legendary abilities of the undead. He could command lesser creatures of the night (and that includes most other undead as well as rats, bats, wolves and slimy things), summon foul weather and famine, smell fear, and hypnotise. He was also an accomplished black magician. The Night Nurse consumed his blood.
Phleglethor the Pestilent was a huge corpulent red-skinned plague-demon with the gift of all diseases. His vast bulk regenerates almost instantly from any wound, and most of his disgusting bodily processes can be used offensively. His effluvia was toxic and flammable, his vomit caustic, his phlegm acidic, and he had a whole range of things he could fart. He could cause any disease at will, and even tailor special illnesses for special occasions.
Maladomini, mistress of pain, was a former Guardian of the Booke of the Law (a cosmic office currently held by Lisa), stripped of her office for dark debauchery and sin. She became a succubus, immune to all harm from men and wielder of a lash that can tear through dimensions.
The Bloodreaper (q.v), the fifth member of the team, remains alive in the Safe.
Hämmerblade is an alternate universe variant of Donar, but with much more nicely coiffured hair. For more details see the Purveyors of Peril entry.
Partycrasher is a renegade Austernal, with the special additional ability of grasping women with his prehensile chest hair. For more details see the Purveyors of Peril entry.
The League of Irregulars or the Anti-League was a force gathered from various realities and lead by the evil Anti-Jarvis, whose ambition was to conquer the multi-verse. Not truly opposites of their Parodyverse counterparts, but merely variations on them. An early challenge for the League of Regulars who became the Lair Legion. More on the League of Irregulars
A number of stories set in other times have been told. Characters from other eras include The Improbable College (16th Century), The League of Improbable Gentlemen (18th Century),
the World War II heroes, the Lair Knights (Arthurian), and the Lair Legion of Super Heroes (the future).
There’s also a potential future group of next-generation superheroes in the year 2020, Prodigy. More on Prodigy
And while we're on bizarre alternative Legions, Space Ghost insists that there is also a Parodyverse 2, where the Lair League, an octogenarian organisation begun in World War II is to the Lair Legion, as the Justice League is to the Justice Society. The Lair League consists of Jarvis-2,Lisa-2, Dr.Chronicler, the Shaper, Sea Monkey, Dragon Man, Space Ghost-2, and many others. More on Space Ghost's Parallel Parodyverses
Having survived all that you might now want to attempt Jarvis' History of the Parodyverse or take a look at the (now in-need-of-updating) plans for the Lair Mansion. Or, if you're in a writing mood, there's always Hatman's list of common cognomens for BZL characters.
Links and More:
Links and Archives
Lair Legion Livingroom chat room
Parodyverse Frequently Asked Questions
Character Summaries from the early Parodyverse.
The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom, containing well over three hundred tales of the Parodyverse and lots of other goodies.
The History of the Parodyverse is Amazing Guy's magnum opus chronology of events since the beginning, and an essential reference tool.
I'd be happy to include more sites and more character information as people tell me about them.
4th January 2005
Contact the Hooded Hood at HH@chillwater.freeserve.co.uk
Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2005 reserved by their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. All rights reserved.