Premiere Epilogue: Accounting


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The Hooded Hood offers this final accounting for those who like to have their loose ends neatly tied up and those who insist on knowing what happened after
Sat Jul 19, 2003 at 10:07:58 am EST
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Premiere Archive (Previous episodes)
Who's Who in the Technoverse
The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom
Who's Who in the Parodyverse




Premiere Epilogue: Accounting

Lair Legion Case Files
File ATV/7663 – edit 17
Filed by: Hatman

This has been a difficult case to wrap up, perhaps because of the massive ramifications and lengthy period of time it took. It’s even more complex than any of the other various planetary invasions, or even the time Paradopolis went to another planet. But mostly it’s complex because of the emotions and cost we’ve endured, the things we have to live with afterwards.

Let’s start with the loss of life. We had transnuclear strikes on Lincoln, Nebraska, Lubbock, Texas, and Montgomery, Alabama, with a loss of six hundred thousand lives, plus that radioactive mess northwest of Gothametropolis York which will take some time to assess. Factor in Deathspore’s body count in Brazil and the US, the depopulation of Tahiti, and random deaths during occupation of other cities and we’re looking at a civilian casualty count well over two million.

The world’s military forces have also taken major losses of life and materiel. Casualty rates are high, with an estimated third of a million armed forces deaths. They served us well, and they should be remembered with honor.

We’re missing a few superheroes as well. The Abandoned Legion may just have gone into deep cover to avoid some government warrants, or they may be genuine casualties. Some people think they slipped off to Technopolis. Lisa can’t summons them, so wherever they are we can’t do much to help. DK is apparently back on his feet, and the Manga Shoggoth is reassembled, but we’re still putting together a list of minor heroes who may have been lost in the conflict. Not that there’s such a thing as a minor hero, really, especially if they died to save the world from tyranny.

Space Ghost hasn’t been seen since the battle at Paradopolis. We’re starting to think he’s gone.

On the home villains front, ManMan claims to have killed the Hooded Hood while under the Red Watchman’s control. Certainly Herringcarp Asylum seemed pretty much blown up; but as CSFB! says – no body. A few local bad guys who joined the science villains of their own accord got wiped, and some others may face the death penalty. Remarkably, all the inmates of the Safe came back and gave themselves up – said the Hood had ordered them to. So they clearly don’t think he’s dead, or maybe they just think he can still get them. Brrr.

De Brown Streak vanished, of course, as soon as the battle was over. He wasn’t killed, but we can’t have… ah, he did okay I suppose. Chronic walked away free but Pegasus was remanded into Legion custody again pending a determination of her status. Finny said he had an idea about that, but I don’t know what. He spent a long time talking with Falcon.

A lot of our people came back hurt. The LL casualties had a couple of hours on a (non-sabotaged) Technopolitan regenerator, so Exile’s multiple fractures are healing nicely. Finny and Donar are already back on their feet. CSFB! and Ziles will be around in a few more days. Enty needed a refit, but it’s given him a chance to upgrade his armor again. Let the world tremble. Finny’s fretting about the line-up reshuffle so he must be feeling better. I hope he noticed how well Bry took charge when the rest of us were down.

I’ve never seriously considered recommending stress therapy for the team before, but this has been hard on all of us. I… well I had to abandon Whitney to save lots of other people, and then I nearly died, and then I proposed, and then Whitney said no, and… well, there’s stuff to talk about I guess. We need some time apart from the team but we never seem to get it. Ziles witnessed some horrible atrocities and couldn’t do anything to stop them. Nats damn near burned his mind out hoisting a helicarrier telekinetically. Lisa ruled a whole planet and is having a hard time forgetting she’s not in charge here. And Dancer is, well she’s very quiet.

We need to update our rogues gallery files with some of the leftover science villains still on Earth. With Technopolis safely back home we’ve been able to re-establish a small dimensional gate to repatriate many of the captured science police and heroes who were chip-controlled, but some of the Science Villains will stand trial here and face whatever penalties our war crimes courts determine before being extradited.

Pending a proper security and risk assessment here’s brief notes on the Technopolitan bad guys we have in custody:

Biohazard is a living toxic accident, able to create high levels of pollution through some kind of psionic matter manipulation. He may have been human once but now he’s just sentient sludge.

Blast Zone can cause detonations on touch, using a localized molecular agitation similar to that employed by Anvil Man (at range). He’s got a bad attitude but his unprofessional behavior makes it easy to take him down.

Brokenface has extendible cybernetic jaws and an “indestructible stomach”. He certainly managed to rip Donar’s arm half off before we took him down.

Dimensionweaver links together any two planes, points, or surfaces, either in the same or different dimensions. She can therefore open a gateway to the heart of a volcano or to the Mythlands, can drop an enemy through a gate beneath their feet into the planet’s core or to the Negativity Zone, and so on. She is highly dangerous.

Dreamripper is a high-end mind-reader specializing in people’s subconscious. She can literally turn your dreams against you. She can use her powers to craft realistic illusions. She once fooled Windblossom into believing her face had been dissected.

Flashfry wields high-energy plasma shapes. Think about the kinds of structures Amazing Guy can form with his energies, but made from searingly hot proto-matter. It’s a good job this guy has a limited imagination.

Fleshcrawler can control people’s skin on touch, either to force them to be his puppets or to restructure it into something more to his somewhat perverted tastes. He’s died at least once and come back from it. This creep is spooky.

Genetwist was a top scientist before one of those inevitable lab accidents. Now he can mess people’s DNA to give them powers or change them however he wants. He’s a cold-hearted researcher with no ethics.

Mood Swing controls emotions around him. He’s shown signs of being able to “program” effects too, such as triggering homicidal mania when certain factors are met even when he’s no longer present. I hate psionics.

Pain Hook can psychically stimulate nerve endings to wrack his victims with agony. I presume he could make them feel other things too, but so far he seems to limit himself to pain.

Razorbarb is survivor of twins with identical powers. He can generate molecule-thick strands of indestructible wire which can tangle and slice. They vanish if he’s rendered unconscious. My assessment is that he’s a punk.

Rimshooter can metamorphose his body into weaponry. I’ve seen him do missile percussion weapons, lasers, gas guns, sonics, and tranquilizer needles. Who knows what else he’s trained for?

Spinoid has a bony razor-sharp carapace and can fire explosive spines from his exo-skeleton. He’s experienced at close-in fighting.

Technovore is a sentient computer program with the metahuman ability to mould technology around it. Inhuman, merciless, and sadistic, Technovore was classified as a Level 10 threat in Technopolis.

Ultraninja is one of the most skilled martial artists I’ve ever seen, enhanced with strength, speed, and endurance, invisible to mechanical detection, and able to merge into shadows through some technique we’ve not been able to identify. He’s a very dangerous opponent, good enough to down Ziles in single combat.

Yellow Fever is the wracked form of a unique metavirus disease-carrier. His virus kills within moments, burning away the flesh and bones of his victims and leaving only a bizarre yellow “ghost” of their nervous system, which then serves him as an additional carrier for his disease. These “fever dreams” last for several hours and can pass through solid material. Yellow Fever was classified as a Level 10 threat in Technopolis.

A number of other science villains are probably destroyed, but no verification is possible. These include Count Armageddon and Thermonuclear Man, who have both been dispersed, and Dischordia and Partial Man, who were sent to Herringcarp Asylum to capture the Hooded Hood. Reality-bending Mad Wendy, another Level 10 threat, has not been seen since the last battle at Paradopolis.

As for Technopolis itself, Starpom Omega – or President Casparov as I suppose we should call him now – reports that rebuilding is moving along well, under the watchful eye of new Science Council Leader Martin Hernandez. In a few days they’ll be shutting down the dimensional gate. Too much of a temptation for Drury and the secret ops boys, I suppose.

They’re thinking of creating a worldwide holiday called Premiere Day.

As for Premiere himself, nobody seems able to find out what finally became of him. Some people think he died battling the Hero Feeders to hold them back so Technopolis could get home. Some people say he’s fighting them still. There’s even a group who believe he’s off somewhere in stasis, sleeping and healing until the day comes of the city’s greatest need. But his legacy seems to be that he’s reminded them all – and us I guess – about what it means to be a hero.

I’m thinking about proposing him for posthumous honorary membership of the Legion.

So here we all are, a little bit more battered, a bit more scarred, but refined through the fire and stronger for what he have endured. Heroes in a world of heroes, where everyone can be a hero. A world won for us by Premiere.

End log.

Note: This story takes place just before Lair Legion: Underground and Untold Tales #104

Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2003 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2003 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.



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