Posted by Jarvis, first writing Lisa as a character at the AMB on September 10, 1998 on September 18, 2001 at 10:23:44:
In Reply to: Alright folks... it's time to repost your character's first appearance! posted by Visionary on September 18, 2001 at 09:34:02:
On September 9th Lisa posted this "Call for Jarvis, Butler at large" at the Avengers Message Board:
My dear Jarvis,
In the past few days, I have posted almost 1000 times now
on the AMB, yet still you haven't attacked my soft white underbelly. I find this
lack of witty animosity of your part deeply disturbing. Why should this bother
me? Snakes alive, Man, it's a veritable rite of passage for newbies to this
Board. Do I have to spell out how rejected I feel? Hey, whassamatta, haven't
heard any good "Let's kill all the Lawyers" jokes? Pah, impossible, there are
millions of 'em.
In truth, I suspect that you are being a true gent and
treating me as if I were a lady. PLUUUHHZZZ, my posts should have roundly
disabused you of that flawed notion. So, come on, off with the kid gloves and
let me have it!
--Lisa the Masochist (who digs Jarvis' sense of humor)
Well, Jarvis took up the gauntlet and ran with it... To a general audience, this one makes little sense, and is rather disturbing in a CSFB kind of way. I think at the time Lisa had been engaged in some debate on sexism in comics over at the Avengers Message Board... that might help put things in some context. And of course Wonderman was always the subject of debate back then.
But in any event, on with the show...
Jarvis: Hey,MDN!How are you doing with those electro-shock treatments?
MDN: Good,good,I'm almost completely unaroused by women now.
Pietro: You'd better be...
MDN: Although you're starting to look pretty good...
*Jarvis and Pietro look at each other,shake their heads*
*Lisa walks by*
MDN*transforms into wolf*: AWOOOOOOOOO!!!!WOOGA,AWOOGA!!!!
Jarvis: *sigh*Real subtle.Let me show you how a pro does it.
Lisa: Oh,hi Jarvis.
Jarvis: Hi,Lis.Hey,listen,with GR on vacation,his crypt's empty...whaddaya say?Me,you,champaigne,hot tub...
Lisa: I'm a lawyer.
Jarvis*running away*: AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Pietro: You're a lawyer?Wow,I was wondering why you had that big shark fin sticking out of your back,but I thought maybe you were some sort of Atlantean.
MDN: *panting*H-hi,L-l-lisa.
Lisa: You're cute.
MDN*bursts blood capilaries in his brain*: Ahhhh,at least I die happy!OINK--*
Pietro: Soooo....wanna make out?
Lisa: Sure.
*Several disgusting slurping noises later...*
Pietro: Hey,wanna...
*To keep this message PG-13,the following portion of the script will be blocked out*
Pietro: So,was it good for you,too?
Lisa: It was good,but you do it faster than any other guy,and that's saying something.
Wonder Man: Stand aside!*Pushes Pietro out of the bed*
Pietro: *BLUSHING*Geez,you coulda let me put something ON!
*And...*
Lisa: Ohhhh,Siiiimmmmoooonnnnnn.....*giggle*
Wonder Man: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!THANK GOD FOR VIAGRA!!!!!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Lisa: ohhhhh,yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh.....
People were a little shocked by it all back then...
You went overboard, Jarvis. - Colonel Marvel Animal - 09/10/98
11:02:18 GMT
No,but its more fun that way.:)*nt* - Jarvis -
09/10/98 11:07:24 GMT
Wonder Man strikes again!?! - Fin Fang Foom - 09/10/98 10:57:51 GMT
the horror....the...horror....*nt* - Visionary (who's glad he never asked for it) - 09/10/98 11:01:51 GMT
And finally here's Lisa's reaction from the 10th...
Jarvis & All,
Don't get yer panties in a wad. I asked for it, I got
it. Right in the mush. And it was quite amusing at that. Let it never be said
that feminists have no sense of humor.
On the other hand, I appreciate
everyone worrying about my delicate feelings, but, trust me on this, it's not
necessary; I have none. I am, after all, a lawyer...BTW: Jarvis, I believe my
friend Fred Starr has a subpoena for you...
--Lisa, who hopes WM used, er, protection.