TITLE: BZL Forever

AUTHOR: Shaper of Worlds

DATE: Monday, 09-Nov-98 18:05:28


 

Note: this story takes place after recent events on the AMB, but uses the status quo, i.e. no evil spiffy, no Banjooooo in space, no Visionary vs. Apostate, or whatever. There is just the status of everyone hale and hearty, nothing more.

 

Chapter One: "Working to Destroy What Others Have Erected"

 

The denizens of Baron Zemo’s Lair, AKA the BZL, AKA the Parodyverse, watched as the evil and malicious Trolls of Doom, who consisted of Jammortus, Paste Pot Prick, BossPlaya, Much Of Byrne, and Uatu, tore down what others had so patiently and painstakingly built over so much time. They totally and irrevocably eradicated anything that even remotely resembled an off-topic post and completely smothered the fun and jovial mood of the once prestigious board. Where there had once been jocund revelry, there was now infinitely morose melancholy.

The Trolls, by some devious device or other, had managed to incapacitate Paradox and The Vision, thus taking control for themselves. The Parodyversians witnessed all this, and were dismayed. What could be done? Nothing, as of yet. All the Parodyversians could do was flee the wrath of the evil trolls, being merely content to lurk about in the shadows.

Jammortus and his cronies basked in the glory of their success.

"My friends, we have defeated our hated enemies, the Parodyversians! They will trouble us no longer! From this moment forward, there shall be NO more parodies or off-topic posts ever AGAIN!" And Jammortus shouted it out loud across the skies so that all the Alvaro boards could hear. And the moderators cowered in fear, for they knew they could not defeat Jammortus now that he had acquired a new and unknown source of power. The Plaid Goblin, Tobin Kennedy, Albert B. Ching, Need Leeds Jr., Bishop, Marvelite, Hollywood V, various and sundry others, and even mighty Alvaro himself were at the mercy of the trolls. Who would save them?

"I bust a cap in yo ass, sucka!" BossPlaya gave out threats of death.

"I can’t believe this! Marvel actually put out this manner of trash! The Avengers must be turning traitor if they’re firing on one another now! And did you see that? In one panel, the tree had 837 leaves, but in the next, it had 900! How do you explain that?" Uatu complained to the posters who had been forced to wear the mantle of subjugation.

Paste Pot Prick attempted the spread his views across the whole world, but his nervous tick kept getting in the way. "Oh, I’m sure. I--*lol*--saw that, but I--*lol* and lol and he--*lol*--h--*lol*."

Such was the troll formerly known as Beast Charming.

And, of course, Much Of Byrne, more commonly known as MOB, was shouting the praises of John Byrne across the whole world for everyone to hear. In reality, however, he was merely content with gazing at Byrne’s picture for hours on end and reveling in his favorite fantasy with himself, Byrne, and a tub of Jello.

For Jammortus, the takeover of the AMB was only the first step; he sought to fully eradicate any trace of his foes from the face of the ‘net. And to bring forth this purpose, he would need help. He sat back on his throne and surveyed the happenings around him.

"Hmmm… I wonder how I might effectively slaughter those who stand in the way of my complete dominance of sigma.net!" he thought about it for a painfully extended amount of time. Finally, after many hours of picking through the two neurons that comprised his brain, Jammortus hit upon a solution. "I have it! We shall send all the BZL’ers’ archenemies against someone else! That way, the Parodyversians will be forced to fight someone with whom they’ve had little experience!"

"But, won’t the villains have little experience fighting someone they’ve never fought before?" Uatu, ever watchful, pointed out.

"Shut up, you!" Jammortus incinerated him. "Now—to set my brilliant plan into action!" And Jammortus began to marshal his forces, gathering around all the archfoes of the denizens of the Parodyverse. "My friends, if you fight someone you’ve never fought before, they will be at a distinct disadvantage! Go now!" And the trolls moved their army against the denizens of the Parodyverse...

Next: Acts of Vengeance

1