Posted by Gav on August 22, 2001 at 00:44:38:
In Reply to: Thank you for the info. I've also received some materials from the Australian Tourist Board! posted by HH on August 21, 2001 at 04:40:29:
ATB: Hello, this is the Australian Tourist Board! How can I help you?
HH: Ahh..yes..I would like some information please. Regarding your bush.
ATB:....Excuse me?
HH: Your woodland areas. NSW?
ATB: Oh. Well, yes we have many areas that would be perfect for bushwalking, or birdspotting..
HH: I'm interested in areas to slay heroes.
ATB: Uh. Heroes?
HH: Yes. Uppity heroes that assume they can defy me. Can you help, or would I be better off going to New Zealand with my bags of money and utilising the bubbling Hot Springs of Rotorua?
ATB: Well, we're not really supposed to mention that there's danger here...against company policy. It took us years of Crocodile Dundee ads just to convince Americans that we weren't Austria.
HH: I am British, and as such your superior. The Queen? Friend of mine. I call her. We chat over scones.
ATB: Well, I wouldn't want to upset the monarchy. Danger hmm? Well, there's Ettamogah, about 20 minutes drive north of Albury. They have a winery, a pub and a sanctuary.
HH:...I said dangerous. With danger. Containing peril. Not safe.
ATB: Well the pub IS based on a cartoon and defies gravity...as do most of the patrons after 20 pots of VB.
HH: I shall consider it. This sanctuary..it has dangerous wildlife?
ATB: Yes, there's wombats, kangaroos, wallabies, kookaburras, koalas..
HH:......that doesnt sound very dangerous. Koalas? COme on..
ATB: Well, if one falls out of a tree asleep and lands on you it could leave a lump. And you could be mistaken for a bag of Food Pellets available at the kiosk for $3.50 and be eaten by a roo.
HH: I doubt that. What of the reptiles?
ATB: There's a blue tongue lizard enclosure?
HH:...They're rather small. I was thinking crocodiles.
ATB: Well, you could choke on a blue tongue lizard if you tried to inhale it?
HH: I doubt ANY of these heroes are daft enough to..well...some of them may not try. But I need all of them smited.
ATB: There's a gift shop. Shoddy T-Shirts with "Where the Hell is Ettamogah?" for $45.
HH: BWAHAHAHA!! Peeerfect.....