Posted by AG presents a crossover with Untold Tales (between #79 and #80) featuring the last Amazing Tales to star the JBH! on June 23, 2001 at 02:28:17:
Phantomhawk Memorial Hospital:
She was admitted two nights ago. The mugger had bit her neck, leaving two
small unusual holes on the left side. She also lost a lot of blood. By the time
Jasper Stevens got her there by way of her Carrot mobile (her only car), she had
slipped into a coma. Everyone leaves except the 5 inch Tom Pymer. Meanwhile, at their destination, in the city of WakandyBar, After an amazing meal the heroes are left in the dining hall to discuss
business. The Manga Shoggoth is still off with the Pantser spirits and Flapjack
and Woopsa have taken up the Pantser’s offer to check out the Wakandian Baths.
All that’s left in the great hall are Finny, Troia 215, Trickshot, Hatman,
ManMan, Dancer, Cheryl, M’bitsu (the Pantser's ultimately sensible stepmother,
whom has taken to Cheryl right off the bat), the Pantser and Meggan Foxx,
sitting right beside him. * What is she talking about? Check out.. Finny: “Well, I really thought that as a team..” While progressing down the hall ManMan, Dancer, Troia, Hatman and Trickshot
look at all the beautiful tapestries. Finny wonders where that faint sound of
Motown music is coming from.
The sleek Wakandian craft starts to touch down to the docking bay. As AG, MacyMom, PGG, Swift, Plantgirl and a reluctant Kid Produce follow the
Black Pantser back to his throne room, Produce, Jasper, looks at the now dark
sky and thinks, “I wonder how Jackie is doing?”
The sudden creaking of the window wakes Tom up.
For more on the LL’s trip to the lost city of Vesalia, see the further Untold
Tales of the Lair Legion #80 by HH.
For more on Trickshot’s misgivings watch for a Trickshot mini series sometime
AFTER the world tour. Here’s a hint though, he wont be staying in one place long
enough to remain with the team.
For more on Meggan and T’Chaco’s budding romance...ask Kirk. ;)
For more on Amazing Guy and his leaving the JBH (?), watch this series since
next ish will be ALL on Amazing Guy and family. For more on them and Jackie’s current problem? Watch for JBH#1
Amazing Tales #33, Battle of the Parodyverse All Stars
Jasper had called Tonya Wazooo then and she in turn woke
her roommate, John Swiftman. The call was then placed to the others.
Tom
Pymer, Scott Brunsen and Janeen Brunsen were all there as was Plantgirl, with no
explanation to her earlier whereabouts.
None was asked for since the current
situation was so grave. If not for the hard work and care of the doctors, Jackie
Roberts would have died that night.
But she did not. Now, after two days and
nights, as the JBH in their civilian ID’s kept a rotating vigil, Jackie would
finally wake.
Tonya walks into the comatose Jackie’s room, carrying drinks
to the others waiting.
“Ok, I have a Dr. Pepper for Scott, coffee for John,
Mountain Dew for Janeen, root beer for the kids and Jasper, water for Tom and my
coke. Did I miss anything?” She says while trying to balance the hospital tray
without spilling.
“Here, let me get that for you!” Janeen says while grabbing
several drinks and distributing them.
“Thanks! I swear sometimes I miss the
hover trays of my era!” A relieved Tonya responds.
“Daddy, can we go to
McDoogles after?” A restless Katie asks while sipping her pop.
“Ok honey.
Just keep coloring in your color books and Mommy and I will be done shortly.”
Scott replies.
“He’s still here I see, and still asleep.” Tonya says of the
sleeping Jasper. He has never left the hospital, calling in to work and school.
He didn’t want to leave his teammates side.
A teen girl with some flowers
comes to the hospital room door, “Um, excuse me, but is Jasper Stevens
here?”
Before anyone can tell her of the sleeping teen grocery manager/super
hero, John kicks the teen in the shin.
“YEEOOOUCCHH!!!” Jasper screams,
jumping out of the hospital recliner.
“Jasper! You’re here! Hi! It’s me,
Candy, you know, from Chemistry class and S-Mart. I came to see how you were
doing. I brought flowers for your friend.”
Plantgirl: “Whoa horsy! Going kind
of fast are we?”
Tonya just glares at the green garbed heroine.
Jasper
rubs his sore ankle while responding, “Hey Candy. Guess they’ve been missing me
at work and school, huh? Well I prob..”
“Uhhn..keep it down guys. A gal’s got
to get some sleep.”
Almost everyone: “JACKIE!!!”
Jasper: “How are you can
I get you something how is your neck I thought I’d never see you again are you
ok…”
Tonya: “Slow down Jasper, she just woke up. How are you feeling
Jackie?”
Jackie squints at her friends. Scott, Janeen, Tonya, Tom, Plantgirl
and the Brunsen’s four kids are looking at her expectantly. Jasper is on the
edge of his seat with anticipation. Even John is showing some interest.
She
shields her eyes, “Uh, I'm feeling kind of weak, but I think I’m starting to
feel better. Could someone turn off that light please. Oh, and pull those shades
closed too. The sunlight kind of hurts my eyes. It’s so bright.
Candy and
Janeen do so.
Tonya: “Your eyes must be sensitive from your coma.
Jackie
starts to sit up in bed, “So, what did I miss?”
Scott: “Well, you’ve been out
for two days. We searched for the mugger, but couldn’t find him.”
Jackie:
“That’s ok. He was probably just some weirdo. So, did you find a headquarters
for..” She notices Candy, and realizes she can’t mention that most of these
people are secretly the JBH super hero team.
Scott covers, “For the club you
belong to? Maybe. Some of us are scheduled to travel to WakandyBar to meet with
the Black Pantser today. We are to be honored guests in his nation. We’re going
to ask him for his help.”
Jackie: “Sounds like fun. Wish I was
going.”
Janeen: “Now you just rest Jackie. We’re going to have someone stay
with you. To make sure you’re ok.”
Jasper: “I VOLUNTEER!”
Scott: “Jasper,
you need a break. I’ve already talked to Tom here. He’s taking the
shift.”
Jasper: “But…”
Scott: “No buts! Well Jackie, you need some rest.
The Black Pantser is sending a ship to pick us up in a couple of
hours.”
Jackie: “Ok, but give me a full report, ok?”
Scott: “Ok!”
Two hours later after the
kids are left with the babysitter and Candy has left; Scott, Janeen, Tonya,
John, Jasper and Plantgirl have switched to Amazing Guy, MacyMom,
PhantomGhostGirl, Swift, Kid Produce and..well, Plantgirl.
The long distance
hovercraft picks them up and heads across the sea.
A different
set of heroes has just arrived in their double Decker bus, teleporting to the
main entrance of the capital city.
The are the Lair Legion and they are here
for their own reasons.
A great assembly of Wakandybarian nobles great the
visitors as they leave their bus. At the head of the welcoming party? None other
than the Black Pantser himself, T'Chaco
Black Pantser: “Welcome, my friends!
It has been far too long!”
The big Maulukean dragon known as Fin Fang Foom is
the first to greet the monarch, “Pantser! It has been a while, hasn’t
it?”
Pantser: “About a year since I needed your help during the Reality War
and around a year and a half since your team came to my home.”
Finny: “Now
THAT was a strange case. You invited us here, only to test us in
battle.”
Pantser: “I had to know what kind of heroes’ America had. I needed
to know if I could call you my allies. I am pleased I can. I see your team has
changed over the year!”
Finny: “Yes. Although not all of these guys are
Legionaries. Let me make introductions, this tall proud Amazon is Troia
215.”
“The pleasure is all mine.” The Pantser says as he kisses her hand.
Troia is a bit taken back at this, not accustomed to many gentlemen, “Uh? Ah…
yeah. Whatever.”
Hatman reaches out and grabs the Pantser’s hand, giving it a
firm handshake.
Finny: “I believe you know Hatman.”
Hatman: “Hey T'Chaco,
it’s good to see you again!”
Pantser: “Likewise. I see leadership has done
much for you. When last I saw you, you were young and inexperienced.”
Hatman:
“Yeah. It’s been a long, crazy year.”
Trickshot buts in, “Hey! Are we gonna
jaw all day or are we gonna do what we came to do and get?”
Pantser: “Ah, you
must be Trickshot. I see you received the Vibranium arrowheads you sent
for.”
Tricky: “Yeah. I even used one at Techbird’s trail.” Looks BP up and
down, “Heh. It’s funny. In my old reality you were one of the LL. Looked pretty
much the same.”
Pantser: “I will take that as a compliment.”
The dragon
quickly continues, “We have some friends here with us too. You know Cheryl,” BP
kisses another hand, “and let me introduce Dancer,” another kiss, “ManMan,
Flapjack, Woopsa,” all handshakes, although after Flapjack, BP wipes his
hand.
The Pantser then cuts in, “The Manga Shoggoth?? YOU I know! The Pantser
spirits will be most pleased to see you again!”
The Manga Shoggoth bubbles,
“Yes. I presume they are at the usual location?”
Pantser: “Of course! Go on!
They will be most please to see you!”
After the Elder creature sloshes off
the monarch of WakandyBar sees he final member of the troupe, “And whom, prey
tell, is this most ravishing creature?”
He bends down on one knee and kisses
her hand and wrist in a most seductive manner.
“Hon, most call me Meggan
Foxx or Action Figure if they prefer, but you, tall dark and animalistic, can
call me…”
“AHEM!” Finny clears his thought. Behind him are both shocked and
stunned heroes.
The Pantser straightens up, “Ah, most sorry. Ms. Foxx, it
would please me greatly if you would meet me later in my..uh..private rooms.” A
wink “Lair Legion! Come! Let us proceed to the main banquet hall. You must be
famished.”
“So tell me, Foom. What is this important
information I might be able to help you with?” TaChaco asks.
The dragon
begins, “Well TaChaco, as you know the LL are in the midst of a world tour. We
have found that criminals are operating with much more force these days through
out the world. We have also found a name behind it. Peter von Doom. His trail
has led us here of all places.”
The Pantser looks alarmed.
Finny
continues, “Yes. We need to check certain mineral transactions that he has been
doing as part of his master plan, and we figured where better to go than to the
source of Vibratium itself?”
TaChaco responds, “Well, my friends, my home is
your home. I’ll set you up with our Senior Vibratium Mining Engineer and our
Precious Minerals Accountant. They should help you.”
Cheryl: “I’ll look into
that Fin. You guys take a load off. You've all been buzzing around like bees
lately.”*
Untold Tales of the
Lair Legion World Tour #79, The Revenge of the Return of the Creature from the
Land That Time Never Forgave.
Troia: “That's a good
idea Cheryl. Always enjoyed trying out new places.”
ManMan: “I thought you
hated Rome?”
Troia: “Shut up two bit Elvis!”
Hatman: “Hey Finny, it would
be nice to look around.”
Dancer: “Besides, I’m enjoying being served for a
change.”
Everyone except ManMan and Meggan all give her questioning looks.
(ManMan and Meggan both know that Dancer is secretly Sarah Sheperdson, a
waitress from the Bean and Donut Cafe).
Dancer: “Uh, did I say that
aloud?”
Meggan jumps in “Say sexy,” to the Wakandian King, “Why don't you
show me these rooms of yours?”
King TaChaco: “But my guests..”
Meggan:
“Believe me Hon, these kids can take care of themselves.”
M’bitsu: “Go, my
son. It does me good to see you happy once again. I will take Cheryl and
introduce her to the men in charge of engineering and accounting. You have some
fun. You deserve it.”
“If I may be of service, your Majesty, but as
Recreation Specialist I am quite qualified to show the American heroes the
tour.” The young servant at the door requests.
King TaChaco: “Ah! Tuti Fruti!
Yes! If you don't mind Foom?”
Finny, grumbling at his lack of control on
these away missions, “Yeah, fine, I guess.”
Tuti Fruti starts to look panicked as he says,
“I didn’t want to alarm my Majesty since he has had so much stress lately, but
the super villains known as the Purveyors of Peril are arriving. They said
something about finally finding you and demanding you meet them out at the
hovercraft-docking bay.”
The JBH
are pretty even about their visit, all except one.
“I really don’t want to be
here. Jackie is in the hospital because I couldn’t protect her and what do I do?
Go to Africa!” Kid Produce thinks to himself.
“Ok team. Here we are. The
Black Pantser said he would meet us here..”
An explosive arrow rocks the
hovercraft, knocking down its occupants to the ground.
“Don’t bother to get
up!” Comes the more relieved to have action then sight seeing dragon.
Amazing
Guy and crew can’t believe their eyes. Before them stand four members of the
Lair Legion plus two other independent heroes. What's wrong is that they look
ready for a fight.
“Hey guys! What's wrong?” AG asks.
“You are wanted for
crimes, have escaped the Safe, and come looking to fight and you want to know
what's wrong? Just give up already!” Hatman says.
The Lair Legion starts to
position themselves. They are facing six very deadly villains; Velcro Vixen,
HeadCase, Suicide Blonde, Gromm, the Living Flatulence, Rottweiler and Anvil
Man, all members of the Purveyors of Peril. Finny just wishes he knew where that
music was coming from.
“Man, when are you turkeys gonna learn you cant match
up to us?” Trickshot asks.
“THAT TARES IT! I’m not taking it from you anymore
BUTTHEAD!” Swift yells as he speeds towards the archer.
Tricky ducks and
rolls, firing a net arrow that catches Swift’s legs, pulling him to the
ground.
“Flatulence my a$$! I netted him anyway!” Tricky exclaims.
“WAIT!
Let’s hold back for a moment!” Amazing Guy shouts just before the dragon’s tail
throws him into a tree.
“Hold back? That’s not like you Anvil Man. Maybe I
hurt you more then I thought last week.” Fin Fang Foom growls.
“Listen,
b%^&*, I'm not taking your crap! Try any of your weird powers and I’ll shove
this spear up our a$$!” Troia warns the Suicide Blonde.
Janeen has no clue
what Troia is talking about. What she does know is that she’d better act fast
before the mad Amazon gets her with that spear.
“Any ideas Knifey?” Joe
(ManMan) Pepper asks his talking knife.
Knifey: “Well, I don't
understand..”
“I know, I know. Your going to say I should get rabies shot
before Rottweiler bites me.”
“I wasn't going to say that. Besides, that's not
Rottweiler. That’s..”
“Whatever.” Then to the canine like villain, “Ok. Nice
doggie.”
The jungle vines squeeze Joe tight as Plantgirl says; “Now you've
done it! Not very smart calling a girl a dog on the first date.”
Hatman
readies himself for the battle, “All right HeadCase. Let’s do this!”
“Who are
you talking about? Here! You need better eyesight. Here's some carrots!”
Kid
Produce throws the razor sharp vegetables at the hated hero, but with his
tornadoes hat he spins them out of the way. “What the crap? Why is he using
carrots?”
Dancer: “Ok. I guess we have to do the whole battle thing. Velcro
Vixen charges Dancer, Dancer dodges and dances, Velcro Vixen smashes into a
tree. Right?”
Totally confused, PhantomGhostGirl phases through the ground.
Dancer just stares.
Finny has started to charge Anvil Man only to be stopped
by a strange colored force field. It holds for a couple of minutes, them winks
out.
Finny: “Where did you get THAT power?”
AG: “Where did that power
go?”
It’s easy enough for Swift to vibrate out of the net. He soon is
speeding around Trickshot, grabbing his arrows and bow from him as if plucking
candy from a baby.
Tricky acts like it too, “Hey! HEY! NO FAIR YOU SON OF A
&&*(^%!!! GIVE ME BACK MY %^%&*$# ARROWS!!”
Swift: “Your not
telling me what to do anymore! I’M SICK OF IT! IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU! ALL THOSE
YEARS! GONE! If it weren't for you I never would have met her! It wouldn't have
hurt cause I never would've fallen for her! GRAAAGGH!” With one dramatic punch
Swift levels Trickshot. Tricky’s out before he hits the ground.
Troia slips
on the milk, falling to the ground. “Milk? You’re turning the floor to milk to
stop me? Maybe Exile is the smarter one! Here!” She jabs her spear towards
Suicide Blonde only to have it suddenly covered in cheese. Her hands slip and
the spear flies.
“Now Troia, are you going to tell me what this is all
about?” MacyMom asks.
Troia reaches for the Moocow Mama.
“Come on Hatman.
Do we HAVE to fight? There's this girl at home and because of me she's hurt. I
need to get back there!”
“You’re bragging that you've hurt some girl? That's
low HeadCase!”
Dancer: “Hold the phone. Something's not right. Velcro Vixen,
when did you get that power?”
PhantomGhostGirl: “Why do you keep calling me
that? That's not my name.”
ManMan was using Knifey to slice vines right and
left, only to have more retie him, “I just don't get it. How is Rottweiler
controlling these plants? And why does he giggle like a schoolgirl?”
Knifey
responds, “I've been trying to TELL you! That's not Rottweiler! It’s..”
“Your
not acting right Anvil Man.” Finny says.
Dancer, after doing a probability
dance to sort out the weirdness, “EVERYONE! GUESS WHAT?”
Not seen till now,
Tuti Fruti, or as he now appears, Slaw, Master of Motown, suddenly realizes the
chances of his power temporarily cutting out just got even. He looks up to find
eleven angry super heroes staring him down.
Slaw, soon to be Master of blues,
as in black and blues: “ULP!”
CRASH-SMASH-RIP-STOMP-CRUNCH-POP!
“AHEM! If
you people are quite finished, we have a lost city of Vesalia to check out.”
Cheryl calmly comments beside the bus.
“I still think it was a rip off! The
girls wouldn't even let us in! I had hours of tape! We could've made some great
movies!” Flapjack complained while getting on the bus.
“Let’s just be glad
they have better morals. I’M glad they did!” Relieved Woopsa said following him
on.
The Manga Shoggoth bubbles at Finny; “The Pantser spirits have told me
much regarding our situation. It truly was good to see them again.”
“Well
team. I guess were off, Vesalia bound. AG, sorry about the misunderstanding.”
Finny apologizes while watching the Wakandybarian police cart away Slaw, Master
of broken bones.
“No problem! It wasn't your fault. Simple Marvel formula for
heroes meeting. I'm just glad it didn't carry on for longer. Talk about your
cliches!”
“All these visitors to my kingdom and I havent had the chance to
pants anyone.” The Black Pantser complains as Dancer and ManMan get on the
bus.
“No one except me jungle-buns!” Meggan Foxx says while grabbing
T’Chaco’s tushie.
“Gang way people! I’m gonna throw up!” Troia complains as
she pushes herself onto the bus.
“Makes me miss Whit. See you later T’Chaco!”
Hatman waves.
Cheryl gets on the bus followed by a yearning
Meggan.
Meggan: “Call me, sexy!”
Pantser: “Sexy!”
Finny calls to the
thoughtful Trickshot, “Hey! Tricky! Let’s go before I throw up!”
“All right,
all right. Hey AG. When this tour is done, we need to talk.” Then thinks to
himself as he gets on the bus, “I can’t shake what Swift said. What the h^// did
I do to that guy? Maybe it’s time to go it solo for awhile. Think some things
through.”
Final good byes are said and the space hopping double Decker bus
takes off. Within it Cheryl says to Finny, “"We checked with the experts here,
and it seems like New Tomorrow industries is buying up as much legal radium as
they can, and maybe some black market stuff from the former Soviet states.
Pretty worrying, huh?"
Hatman asks, "New Tomorrow Industries? Wasn't that
place once used as a front for Peter von Doom's plots way back when?"
"Okay.
We check into that as soon as we sort out this trip to the lost city of Vesalia
that Hatman's got us into." Finny replies.
Cheryl comments, “You have to hand
it to King T’Chaco. His people were very helpful in getting us the
info.”
Meggan retorts, “I DID hand it to King T’Chaco!”
Finny turns
greener and looks for a barf bag. Jay (Hatman) just shakes his head and says,
“Wait till i tell Dream!”
Back at Phantomhawk Memorial Hospital a snoring Tom Pymer doesn't see
Jackie thrashing about in her hospital bed.
Her dreams are dark,
haunting.
A man in a night black cloak.
Watching her.
He’s calling
her.
He wants her.
.
.
.
She craves him.
He looks around. Something
was outside. He knows it.
As he peers through the glass window he doesn't see
the hospital TV remote until it smacks him on the head. (He IS 5 inches
tall!)
A transfixed Jackie puts down the remote and unlocks the
window.
She steps outside through her main floor hospital window to receive a
welcome in a strange accent.
“Welcome my lady!”
To be continued.....but where?
Yup, that's right. This is
the LAST issue with the JBH.
*Certain
bits of dialogue courtesy from HH**