Posted by ag presents a story of walks, talks, life and ......stuff, in on June 14, 2001 at 00:36:32:
Somefire isn't happy. As Japan’s main hero, he has used his nuclear fire that
is his mutant gift to defend his nation. But recently an American has set up
shop here. Her name is Sydney St Sylvain but her super hero name is the Fashion
Fairy.
The front lobby of the Daily Trombone, where a determined Jackie Roberts and
a tag along Jasper Stevens have been waiting for the better part of an
hour. “I’m sorry Mr. Brunsen, but we have no room for the JBH. You’ll have to tell
your friend Amazing Guy that it’s just not possible right now. Not with the
resent breeches in security we’ve been having.”
Back at the Daily Trombone, Jackie has successfully snuck through the office
towards J. James Jerkson’s door. It was working perfectly. A testimonial to
handling things in a quiet, calm manner. Swift and Trickshot take things head
on, thinking that if they make enough noise, things will get done. Not her, no
siree, she was proving that no obstacle can withstand the soft, back door
approach. The Hallow Archeological dig in southeast Asia, where Carl and Shelly Hallow
(aka Pigeonman and Pigeonwoman) are up to their waist in new dinosaur fossils
discoveries; Scott: “No problem Carl. You haven't missed anything. See you when you get
back. Yeah…. Will do. Bye.” ________________________________________
“Hey Scott, I think we might have a place!” Tonya calls after checking her
phone messages. _______________________________________-
Off-Centre Park under the romantic moonlight.
A teen of seventeen years old and a young lady of twenty walk through the
park in the moonlight. Tonya is woken by a sound. She realizes that she had fallen asleep since her
bedroom light is still on. When the sound happens again she realizes it’s the
telephone. -
UnAmazing Tales #32, Time of Rest
Goldeneyed hits Hatman over and over on the head. Hatman blocks two of
the blows, following with a gut punch. Hatman then twirls in mid-air, finishing
with a kick towards Goldeneyed’s midsection but G-Eyed teleports with a yellow
flash and a cheap sound effect. He appears behind Hatman and in an electronic
blur performs a high kick, knocking the weakened Hatman down for the count. The
screen flashes the high score.
“IN YOUR FACE CARROT-MAN!” Swift cheers at his
frustrated gaming partner, Kid Produce.
Swift: “See! Bet you couldn’t beat me
at another round!”
Kid Produce: “I really don’t want to Swift. I just can’t
match your speed at Lair Legion Stomp Out. Sorry.”
Swift: “Look Jasper, I’ll
even let you get a head start!”
Jasper Stevens aka Kid Produce just walks
towards the kitchen of the small two bedroom apartment in the slum section of
GothemMetropolis York. In his jeans and S-Mart tee shirt he looks as super as
any other scrawny teenager.
John Swiftman aka Swift pleads after him while
sitting in his jeans and CrazySurgarFreakTee Shirt, “Hey, come on! I’ll let you
be Donar! Or Finny!”
Tonya Wazooo aka PhantomGhostGirl says as she heads past
the couch, “Give up John. He’s not playing.”
“Hey PGG, I…” Scott Brunsen
begins.
“It’s Tonya, Scott. We’re in our civilian ID’s now, remember?” She
interrupts.
“Oh! Sorry. Tonya, I want to thank you for letting the JBH meet
here until we get a new place.” Scott aka AG (as if I have to tell YOU that)
says before taking a bite from his crunchy peanut butter sandwich.
“No
problem. We had to meet somewhere. Where’s Janeen?”
“At home with the kids.
Our baby sitter was busy. Hey, where's Plantgirl? And what's her real name,
anyway?”
Scott and Tonya look at John, who has always been the closest to the
green garbed heroine called Plantgirl.
“What? Like I know?” John responds, “
I met her a last year when Mental Midget took us over to fight the LL. We tried
to get into the New Battlers and from there we split up. She just showed up
recently, just before the bowling tournament. She’s always been secretive about
her real name and junk like that.”
By now the other three members of the JBH
present, Jasper, Jackie Roberts (Jackie Rabbit) and Tom Pymer (Little Guy) are
all listening to the conversation.
Tonya: “About Plantgirl, I feel I should
mention that I’m getting weird vibes about her.”
Tom, at 5 inches tall,
sitting on the kitchen counter top in his turtleneck shirt and Levis: “Vibes?
You have physic powers? Cool!”
Tonya: “No! I’m not DreamCheryl. I’m not THAT
gorgeous! Or stuck up, for that matter.”
“Who?” Everyone asks.
Tonya: “Oh!
It’s been a year since I was trapped here in the 21st century, but I still
sometimes forget. She’s a member of the Lair Legion of Super Heroes that I knew.
Sorry.”
Instant recognition floods through John, Scott, Jackie and Jasper.
Tom is still clueless.
“Tom, Tonya is from the future. The year 3198 AD to be
precise.” Scott explained to the tiny confused guy.
“WOW! So, you know every
thing that’s going to happen?” Tom asked.
Tonya: “HA! I wish. No, I never was
good at history.”
Scott: “Tonya, what kind of vibes? What are you feeling
about her?”
Tonya thinks for a moment, deciding not to reveal everything just
yet, “I don’t know, but we don’t know her or her past. We..”
“ENOUGH!” John
cuts in, “THIS IS CRAP! It’s not fair, talking about her like this! I’m outta
here!”
Before John Swiftman leaves Jackie grabs his arm, tenderly, “John,…….
don’t. We’re your friends. Come on.” She motions for him to sit down.
“All
right. Fine. But if you wanna find out about her, then I’M the one to do it!
Clear?”
Scott: “Clear. We want to accept her into our group. We just don’t
know her.”
An uncomfortable pause.
Scott: “Well, we need to get to
business. I would like to enjoy this quiet Saturday at home for once. Pigeonman
and Pigeonwoman are on an archeological dig in China so they won’t be coming.
Janeen, or MacyMom, is at home so that just leaves us.”
John, Jackie, Jasper,
Tom and Tonya all sit in the small living room. Scott stands in the middle of
the room and continues, “Both Parodopolis and GMY seem pretty quiet, so we have
some time off. I think it’s a perfect time to go HQ hunting. Jasper, do you have
the rest of the day off from S-Mart?”
Jasper, the teen-age grocery manager at
the main Parodyverse grocery/discount store: “Yup. I don’t have to be in till
tomorrow.”
Scott: “Great! Tonya, Jackie and I have Saturdays off and Tom,
what is it you do?”
Tom, munching on a left over KFC corncob that dwarfs him:
“Jackie got me a job at the ASPCA with her. I brush the animals and feed them.
I’m off today too.”
He doesn’t ask John, since the speedster doesn’t have a
job. In fact his lack of income, or desire to obtain employment, as well as his
“crashing” at Tonya’s apartment with no obligatory feelings of paying her back,
is a canker to their minds, but with his resent outbursts, they collectively
feel this is not the time.
Scott: “Good! Ok people. I need volunteers to go
HQ looking. Any takers?”
Tom: “ I’ll go.”
Tonya, looking at the leftover
pizza stains on the carpet caused by John’s pizza binge last night: “Count me
in!”
Jackie: “Actually, I need to check the Daily Trombone for any leads on
the strange hero impersonating my brother. Some reporter is calling himself Jack
Roberts, which pisses me off since my brother past away last year, so his old
job shouldn’t be doing that.”
Jasper: “I’LL GO WITH JACKIE!”
Everyone
stares.
Jasper: “Um, sorry. Didn’t want to spend the day with the parents in
Dullard Corner for another Saturday.” Then thinks to himself, “Nice save doofus!
They don’t need to know about how I feel about Jackie.”
Everyone looks at
John.
John: “What? Oh, all right. I’ll come look for an apartment.”
Scott:
“Ok guys, that’s it. Does anybody have anything to add?”
Silence.
Scott:
“All right then. Let’s go.”
Brief interlude
Now, after her reappearance, it appears more Americans are here. The
Lair Legion has arrived, much to his regret.
So here he is, landing in front
of the St Sylvain estate. Fire blazing around him, he knocks on the door.
It
opens to reveal a hunched over…… man dressed in shabby clothes. He’s holding a
video entitled “Nude Amazons on the Warpath.”
“What do ya want? I wuz just
gonna enjoy some video time!” Flapjack, the Legions butler rudely
asks.
Somefire puffs out his thin chest, spouts flame to scare the butler, “I
demand to see Miss St Sylvain! She is contaminating my native soil by bringing
American superheroes here to fight native Japanese monsters, demeaning my honor
as befits a…”
“Huh? Do you speak English?” Flapjack asked, pretending to not
understand the accent.
“I AM SPEAKING ENGLISH! I said my honor demands
that….”
“Huh? Say again?”
“AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!” Flame shoots forth, burning
Sydney’s front bushes. “I-WANT-TO-SEE-MISS- ST SYLVAIN!!! NOW!!”
“OH! Why
didn’t you say so? I’ll go get her.” Responds Flapjack as he closed the door on
Somefire’s nose.
Jackie: “This is ridiculous! I think I’ll talk to the secretary
again.”
She gets up and heads for the desk. Placing her hands down, sternly,
she gives it her best tough voice, “Ahem. Do you know how much longer it’ll
be?”
Really fussy looking stuffed up high collar wearing frumpy secretary:
“No. Mr. Jerkson is very busy. It could be all day mam.”
“Well! Let me tell
you something! I…I’m going to sit right there and wait! And if he doesn't get
here right now I’ll…I’m going to…sit some more!”
She slumps back in her
chair.
Jasper leans over, “She’s tough, huh? You did great! I’m sure she’ll
think twice about having us wait.”
Jackie just looks at the teen.
“Look,”
she whispers in his ear, giving him goose bumps, “We need to get in there! You
cause a distraction while I slip in. ok?”
“Your kidding..” He says loudly,
gaining the secretary's attention, then speaks softly, “Your kidding, right? We
don’t have our costumes. I don’t have my pouch! I cant teleport my vegetables
here to help. I’m powerless! My powers are in that apron and it’s in the wash at
my home!”
“Jasper, it’s just a magical vegetable teleporting apron. The skill
is in you. Come on. Give it a try.”
“O..Ok. Because YOU believe I can do
it.”
Jasper gets up and and walks towards the bathroom, trips and pulls the
secretary's In-box full of papers to the floor.
There he lies, covered in
papers, “OH! Sorry!”
Really fussy looking stuffed up high collar wearing
frumpy secretary: “Hey! You’d better clean that up! Now you’ve set be back for
hours!”
Jackie grabs a clipboard and slips through the door.
Star Trekish Labs, Parodopolis:
Scott responds to Professor
Upuhienee, “It’s all right. We’ll have to try elsewhere.”
Scott Brunsen,
Tonya Wazooo and John Swiftman leave the building and head down the
street.
“Tell me again, why the $%^& we cant just go to these places in
costume?” John asks.
“Watch you language potty mouth. Because the usual
reaction when heroes appear in costume together is to flee for cover. If we
appear as representatives of our friends, then we will get a better reaction.”
Scott explains.
“Yeah, like ‘Sorry, we don’t want you’, right?”
“Oh shut
up John. We’ll find a place.” Tonya interjects.
There's a commotion as the
five-inch Tom Pymer pushes his way to the top of Scott’s pocket.
“KAFF-KAFF!
Do you EVER clean in there????”
“Sorry, but we couldn’t let them put your
unusual height and Little Guy’s height together. Your identity would be
compromised.”
John smirks, “He’s 5 inches tall! Somebody is likely to
tell!”
“Not necessarily! Maybe they’ll think he’s Nats?” Scott tries.
“Uh,
guys, just where are we going?” Tonya wonders.
Scott: “Jeeze. I have no clue!
And it’s getting late.”
Tom, while no one pays him attention: “Hey! I have an
idea!”
John: “Well, time to quit then. Maybe I can whip Jasper’s butt
again!”
Tonya: “Maybe I’ll give him some pointers.”
Tom, still not being
heard: “Uh guys…”
John: “Like YOU know! What do you know about video
games?”
Tonya: “Your forgetting, not only do I work as a computer programmer,
but also I am from the future. The baby toys in my era are harder then your
games!”
Tom, feeling very insignificant: “Ahem. Excuse me….”
Scott: “I
just think it would be so cool to travel to your time. Think of the
things..”
Tom: “HEY! LOOK! THE ACTION FIGURE WANTS SOMETHING!”
Scott:
“Action figure? Where?”
Tom: “People! Listen! I know where we can make a
headquarters! Follow me!”
John to Tonya, watching Tom jumps on the ground and
run in a westerly direction, “That’s not the caption I would've picked!”
“WHERE THE H #LL IS THAT STUPID &*((&^%$ COPY BOY!!! I
WANTED THOSE REVISIONS AN HOUR AGO!!!!”
Jackie visibly jumps.
“Uh, excuse
me miss, but are you supposed to be here?” Walter O’Mally asks.
Jackie gives
the look of a dear stuck in the path of oncoming headlights.
“Heh. Lost?” He
muses.
Straitening up, Jackie tries to regain her composure, “Oh!
Um..I’m…a..”
Thinks to herself, “Snap out of it!”
She continues, “Heh,
sorry. I’m looking for Jack Roberts. Someone at this paper has been writing
stories as him, but that cant be cause my brother, Jack, is dead.”
Walter
O’Mally laughs a bit, which further serves to confuse and anger Jackie. He then
thinks to him self.
**Note to readers. Followers know O’Mally from the Jack
Rabbit series. He’s the rude reporter whom keeps trying to one up Jack. HE knows
that Jacks alive, as does everybody here at the Daily Trombone, but now he
realizes Jack’s sister doesn’t.**
“Well? Can you point me in the direction of
whoever is taking Jack’s name? Who’s getting credit for his work?”
“Sorry
miss, but you took me off guard. For some reason he thought we’d get away with
it. The man you want is right in there. Non other then our editor in chief. Mr.
J. James Jerkson himself. Would you like me to get him?”
Jerkson’s voice once
again boom’s louder than the common newsroom sounds, “PEOPLE! I DON’T PAY YOU TO
SIT ON YOUR BUTTS!!!! The Planeatary Bugle is beating us in sales!!!!! GET TO
WORK!!!!”
Jackie: “Um, no. I think I’ll… uh…be back.”
With that the Lady
Lupine in her secret ID turns on her heals and storms out. Walter has to hold
his side because of his laughter.
Jasper was amazed at Jackie’s speed as she
exits the Trombone bullpen. Before he knows it they are outside on the
curb.
“I lost my nerve.”
“Hey, I heard that yelling in the foyer. I don’t
blame you.”
“WELL I BLAME ME! My brother’s been gone for a year and I just
cant get over it!!! And now…those bast%^&ds!”
“Jackie, come on. Let’s go
to the Grey Pigeon. They have some great food. It’s just through the park. We’ll
talk, ok?”
“Sniff,….ok.”
“A CAVE??? You want us to meet in a cold, damp cave??”
Who said it?
Wrong. Not John. Scott.
“We have been looking all day, trying all kinds of
secret bases and abandoned headquarters, and our last hope is a cave? Tom, I’m
sorry, but WERE NOT BATMAN!”
“But..but the JLA started in a cave.” Tom
defends.
………
“Ok. I know your just trying to help, but you’ve got to
realize that were NOT the JLA. Heck, as teams go, right now were probably the
Outsiders or something. I WISH we were the JLA, then we’d have a
satellite.”
Tom: “The Watchtower.”
Scott: “Huh?”
Tom: “The JLA don’t
have the satellite anymore. They’re on the moon, in their Watchtower.”
Scott:
“Ugg. NOT the moon. Not in a cave and NOT on the moon.”
John: “Your sounding
like Dr. Seuss. I will not build my base on the moon; I will not build my base
on a spoon!”
Tonya: “What's wrong with the moon?”
Scott: “Bad recent
memories.”
Scott’s communication device chirps.
Scott: “Hello?”
Carl: “Scott! It’s Carl. Shelly and I are onto a fascinating
discovery. These fossils will prove dinosaurs and birds are connected! Sorry we
couldn’t be there but my work at the Parodopolis Museum has been suffering
lately. This discovery will put us on the
map!”
___________________________________________________________
Tonya: “Everything going ok?”
Scott: “Yeah.
They’re fine. Lets head back to your place Tonya. Maybe we got a message from
someone.”
The Grey Pigeon;
Jackie and Jasper are just finishing their
dinner.
Jackie: “I should've marched right in there and demanded that he stop
publishing stories as Jack, but I just couldn't Jasper. I...I'm such a
coward.”
Jasper: “No! You’re not! You just needed some time that’s all. Look,
there's this lawyer whose office is right near Tom’s place. Lisa. I think her
name was Lisa something. Go to her tomorrow. She’ll help you stop that
turkey.”
Jackie: “Your right. That’s what I'll do. They’ll listen to a lawyer
better then just some grieving sister. Jasper, your the best! You must drive the
girls crazy at Rocketman High.”
Jasper, shyly: “Well, all I really do at
school is going to class. I mean, there's this kid in one of my classes who's
always nice to me. His name is Shane Jackson. And then there's another guy in
gym named Jeremy Wick who hangs with me during class, but I don't really know
him, or Shane. I keep to my self-all the time. Besides, with my job at S-Mart,
I’m pretty busy.”
Jackie: “Well, to me you’re a Godsend.”
Jasper, starting
to feel very hot and uncomfortable: “Um..ah..that is.... maybe we should head
back to Tonya’s place. It’s dark outside and..”
Jackie, turning around to
look out the window in surprise: “Oh! I lost track of time! Yes, let’s
go.”
They pay for their meals and step outside.
Jackie: “Up for a walk? My
car is a few blocks away. Well cut through Off-Centre Park.”
Jasper: “Sounds
good. Wonder if they found a place?”
“Really? Where?”
Tonya replies with more than the usual
excitement sense she may be soon short one roommate, “The Black Pantser called.
He wants the JBH to come back to WakandyBar! Said he was impressed at our
heroics. Maybe he could help us?”
As he’s putting on his coat, “Great! Now
THAT would be a Godsend. Well guys, I’d better get home. I’ll be at work,
drafting buildings all week. You know my beeper. Page me anytime.”
Tonya and
John wave him good bye, and with Tom gone an hour ago it just leaves
them.
“John, I'm sorry I was so rude today. It’s just that...” she sees that
John Swiftman is sound asleep on the couch.
She covers him with a blanket and
heads for her room and a good book. The day is done and no villains, aliens,
monsters or anything else have wrung their collective heads. All is well.
“You know Jasper; I really don't get to know you very
well. We should do this more often.”
“Well, uh, I guess.”
“What? Don't
tell me you’re too good to do stuff with me? Hahaha”
“NO! Gosh no. Anybody
would be crazy not to..I mean, it should be the other way around..uh, I
mean...”
He’s startled as she tenses up. Standing alert, she looks all
around. At the trees, the path ahead of them, the bushes, everywhere.
“I....
I heard something...”
“The wind?”
“No, my Rabbit hearing can pick
up...”
A shadowy figure steps out of the dark. His deep, black cloak covers
most of his shape. All they can make out are his eyes. His strong, penetrating
eyes.
As Jasper just stands there, the man in the dark walks around the
mesmerized Jackie.
His thick Transylvanian accent is but a whisper in her
ear, “So beautiful. So innocent. This one..will be
mine!”
___________________________________
“Hello?” She groggily asks.
“Tonya? She hurt! She’s hurt bad.
Come to Phantomhawk Hospital. HURRY!!”
“Jasper?”
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