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J. Jonah Jerkson
Wed Dec 29, 2004 at 04:35:51 pm EST
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The Baroness, Part 20 (partial)
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[I'm posting a partial chapter because I may not have time to return to this before New Years. Also, in UT#92 I found that Sir Mumphrey's butler is named Blenkinsop.]

The Baroness, Part 20
A visit to Sir Mumphrey’s – Part 3

As she approached the long table, laden with silver and candlesticks, Elizabeth Zemo suddenly recalled a Christmas back in New Hampshire, one of the last ones with her grandmother, Fanny Sweetpea Dewdrop . . . Zemo. Grandmother was in her late eighties, and had become an embittered reactionary. “Ought to send all of those kids with those smarmy tattoos into the service, that would teach ‘em how to behave!” was a typical remark. “What this country needs is another Great Depression. Then people would learn to take pride in sweeping the floors,” was another.

At the dinner table, a nine-year-old cousin finally dared to challenge the aged crank. “Grandma, why do you talk so mean to everyone?”

“So they’ll listen to me,” she snapped right back.

The old crone really was the bride for Otto, Elizabeth decided. She just married 40 years too soon. But Grandmother had the right idea for this Christmas party. Just brazen it out; showing any sign that she cared for the opinions of the other guests only invited them to exclude her.

The first opportunity arose as soon as the Baroness took her seat. Across from her was the Pigeon-Warrior who had insinuated herself between Elizabeth and DBS. “You are Shazana Pel,” Elizabeth snapped, glaring at her rival.

“Yes,” the pigeonwoman challenged back.

“I’m the Baroness Elizabeth Zemo.”

“Okay.”

With Shazana showing no visible reaction to Elizabeth’s fierce glare or to the revelation of her identify, the Baroness upped the stakes. “What is your relationship to De Brown Streak?”

Pel considered this. “I can defeat him in combat,” she answered.

Not much of a romantic spark there, Elizabeth considered. Or maybe that’s how they do it on that bird-world of hers. Her thoughts were interrupted by CSFB!, two places away across the table, who leaned in front of Odoona the Caphan to wave his plastic spork at Elizabeth. “Hey! You zapped me with an anti-sugar ray!”

Fool. It was yeast. Better to leave him in the dark, though. “Yes,” she agreed. “Pass the salt.”

“I thought you were Visionary’s neighbor, made homeless by the
Hellraisers?” Temporary Death puzzled.

“I’m Visionary’s ex-neighbor, made homeless by Kerry Shepherdson,” the Baroness replied. “Read all about it in my forthcoming deposition.”

Hacker9, sitting on Elizabeth’s right, interrupted. He had long ago slurped through the soup and had emptied the breadbasket. “Don’t spin your hard drive so much about Kerry, Elizabeth. She may not be the righteous hardware hack that you are, but she has her own cool ‘tude. She’s just as p.o.’d at the world as you are.”

“Better work on that signal-to-noise ratio, Zach,” replied Elizabeth. “And you’ve got it wrong. I’m not p.o.’d at the world – I just want to own it.”

There was a silence that lasted until the footmen cleared the soup bowls and brought the fish course. It was broken by the gathering storm down the table, where the Caphans’ inquiries to Hallie about intimate play with Visionary began traveling up and down the table and brought Odoona into the fray.

“But Visionary was very happy when Miiri thanked him for his
kindnesses,” Odoona noted.

“He what?” yelped Kerry.

“They had sex, apparently,” Elizabeth clarified helpfully, loudly, and distinctly. The general chatter at the far end of the table stopped dead.

“Remember that talk we had on appropriate confidentiality?” Miiri
hissed to her sisters.

“But you said he was very happy with it,” Noona reminded her. “You
said it was quite refreshing to /yekla-sto/ in the /b’rah/ position with
someone who was so /balka-thriss/. Twice.”

“Is that good?” Vizh asked worriedly.

Odoona took the opportunity to obtain some advice from the Baroness. “Lady,” she asked shyly, “it is true that you are a great mistress?”

“I’m nobody’s mistress,” Elizabeth snapped hastily. She then reconsidered. “Oh, you mean, like master? A ruler?”

“Yes, yes. There seem to be so few of you in this world.”

“There are not many who are brave enough and intelligent enough to try, I think.”

“When we asked him about masters and mistresses for us, Master Visionary said that only twisted and evil people wanted to be masters over others. We are confused. What would you suggest?”

The Baroness pondered for a few moments and then replied in a low, purring voice. “Visionary is very subtle and clever, Odoona. He hides his ambitions and pretends to be concerned only with others. He is testing you to see if you and your sisters are worthy of him.”

“Oh, I would never have thought of that! You are so helpful, please tell me more.”

“A powerful master requires powerful love slaves. You must demonstrate to him that you are the most desirable, most sexual, most compelling women he could have. Go to his room tonight, and be sure to take rope, handcuffs and all the other instruments of pain and pleasure. Then,- - -“ Elizabeth leaned over to whisper in Odoona’s ear.

“And don’t stop, even if he commands it?” Odoona questioned a few moments later.

“Definitely not. He is waiting for the women who can force him to become their master.”

Odoona’s eyes went wide. “Ooooh,” she sighed.

Elizabeth indulged in an evil smile. Well, that’s a start on my revenge. Even if he may enjoy some of it. Not to mention shaking up Hallie a little bit more.

After dinner, the Junior Lair Legion found themselves together near the library and compared notes.

“Sucky, just sucky,” Kerry Shephardson complained. “Not a decent piece of fried food or pizza anywhere. I got stuck sitting next to Odoona, who spent half the time flirting and the other half whispering to that old bat Elizabeth Zemo. What’s she doing here anyway?”

“She did help rescue us, you know,” replied Samantha Bonnington. “Not to mention all that stuff she did for the Civil Defense before she came over to see us.”

“You’re just soft on her because she arranged that photo shoot for you,” Kerry snapped back.

“That was just a nice gift, like all the other ones she was handing out,” the Fashion Accessory pouted. “I mean, you’re wearing those rose pearls she gave you.”

“Aaack!” Kerry exclaimed as her hands flew up to release the necklace’s catch. She stuffed the string of pearls into a jeans pocket and chattered, “I just forgot. They don’t look right on me anyway.”

“The Swedish Temperpedic foam dog bed she gave me looks very nice,” Glory said through her translator collar. “Blenkinsop took it up to my room.”

“I don’t get it,” whined Ham-Boy. “What’s an villainess who hates Kerry and blames us for blowing up her house doing giving us gifts? Does she think we’ll leave her alone the next time she tries something evil?”

“That’s right,” Kerry exclaimed, “she’s trying to bribe us. Keep us from defeating her.”

Playing the part of Baroness Elizabeth Zemo von Saxe-Lurkburg-Schreckhausen:

J. Jonah Jerkson
VOICE OF THE PEOPLE



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