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Post By Earth has twenty-four hours to live in this culture clash presented by... the Hooded Hood. Sat Jul 17, 2004 at 02:18:46 pm EDT |
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#158: Untold Tales of the Lair Legion: The Abhuman War | |
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| #158: Untold Tales of the Lair Legion: The Abhuman War The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom Who's Who in the Parodyverse Where's Where in the Parodyverse “Homo Sapiens, hear now the words of Blackathon Blotagust, King of the Abhumans. For crimes of aggression and treachery against our people, we are now at war with your human race. You have twenty-four hours’ grace to put your affairs in order and make what peace you can with your souls. Thereafter the Abhumans will remove the human stain from the planet Earth and not rest until every last one of you is eradicated. So mote it be!” “This is all your fault, you know,” Trickshot told Nats. “It has to be a nuclear strike option,” Herbert P. Garrick advised the president. “We can blanket-bomb the Himalayas in a joint operation with the Chinese. We know that Great Relief of the Abhumans is up there somewhere and if we throw enough nukes at it…” “We can have a nuclear winter instead’a whatever the hell the Abhumans are gonna do to us,” Dan Drury, head of SPUD spat. “Dumbass.” “Threat assessment?” the President demanded. “The Abhumans are a biogenetically engineered sub-race that diverged from humanity about twenty thousand years or so back, sir” Mr Epitome reported promptly. “They were in hibernation for many centuries until the 1940s, and have barely ventured out of their Tibetan stronghold since. They have advanced metahuman abilities and significant biochemical and genetic technologies. It is conceivable that they could use biological warfare to eliminate humanity.” “Is it too late to just offer to behead Nats?” wondered the President. “Maybe painfully?” “Don’t think we weren’t tempted,” Sir Mumphrey Wilton admitted, “I certainly wanted to chop something off him when I heard what he’d been up to. But we don’t give in to threats, and we don’t give up our people.” “Let’s not forget that Nats hasn’t actually broken any laws here,” Amber St Clair pointed out. “He and Princess Uhunalura married of their own consent in a legal ceremony. It may be a protocol nightmare but he hasn’t actually done anything to deserve execution – or even extradition.” “A protocol nightmare that’s going to get the human race wiped out,” Garrick pointed out. “We’re workin’ on ways of not being wiped out,” Colonel Drury assured the President. “And the UN Security Council’s meeting at four, and the G7 summit at six. I guess they figure a pretty stiff resolution will calm the Abhumans right down.” Amber St Clair winced at the SPUD director’s sarcasm,. But she held her ground. “Am I the only one who thinks it’s kind of romantic?” “How is cute threating board to be doing?” the new deputy leader of the Lair Legion asked as s/he walked into the Meeting Room. “Not so good,” Dancer admitted with a worried frown. “Hey, I thought I fixed that flicker!” objected Al B. Harper. “I was really thinking about the content,” Dancer clarified. “We have lots of unrest because of, y’know, the twenty-four hours to genocide thing from the Abhumans. But if they hadn’t come along we’d probably be invading Badripoor right about now. Epitome was pretty upset about Count Armageddon raiding US prisons for recruits for that super-villain army being massed over there.” “Yeah,” agreed Trickshot. “Who’da thought old starch-shorts could actually get all worked up about somethin’ apart from a star-spangled flag?” “And we’re getting reports of a whole town disappearing over in California,” Dancer went on. “Sunny Valley. Collapsed into some kind of giant pit. We don’t really have time to look into that.” “Is poor CSFB!ing to being better soon?” Yo checked. “He’s outta Phantomhawk Memorial in forty-eight hours,” Trickshot assured them. “Kid heals fast.” The irritating archer shook his head at the wired wonder’s circumstances. “And I thought I had girlfriend troubles!” “We’re getting some weird readings on the long-range cosmological sensors as well,” Al B. noted. “I’ve sent the data via HALLIE to the Lunar Public Library to see if D.D. can make any sense of it. I’m kind of hoping it’s not more Resolution-related nastiness.” “Brrr,” shuddered Yo. “Is to be so hoping. But if Al is sending to MPL then where is to being cute-Librarian then?” ~~And I thought you were obsessive about grunge garage band trivia~~ Cressida noted to dull thud. “It’s not an obsession,” dull thud told his telepathic intestine-tapeworm. “It’s a calling. But yeah, the Librarian seems to have brave new definitions of the phrase ‘task-oriented’.” Lee Bookman looked up from his datapad and peered round the pile of casefiles and police logs that stood four feet above his desktop. “Hmm?” he hmmed. ~~HALLIE says you haven’t eaten for twenty-four hours,~~ Cressida pointed out. ~~We were getting worried.~~ “But you took bathroom breaks, right?” thuddy checked. “I don’t need sustenance when I’m working,” the Librarian assured them. “And there’s something bothering me.” “The bathroom break thing?” Lee gestured to the police reports. “The Confiscator. He walked through half the team. He knew the specific control frequencies to EMP Falcon’s gravity harness and weapons package. He knew the exact amplitude to induce artificial epileptic shocks in Epitome. And he had a prepared defence against the Manga Shoggoth! He executed Hacker Nine then absconded with the corpse. That indicates a very accurate intelligence source about us and a high degree of professionalism and skill. But nobody’s ever heard of him before.” “I’ve heard of the Confiscator,” dull thud objected. “You’ve heard of the old Confiscator,” Bookman told him. “That villain died a few months back, burned to death by Third Degree in front of witnesses. This one’s only been around for a couple of weeks, and I can’t find any paper trail on him before that. It’s as if he’s come from nowhere.” ~~A clone? A son? A cloned son? A zombie?~~ speculated Cressida. ~~A cloned zombie son?~~ “I don’t know,” frowned the Librarian. “And I don’t like not knowing.” He gestured to the stack of research files. “So I’m going to find out.” “I don’t know about this,” Visionary fretted. “Wouldn’t it have been better to bring along someone else? Like Dancer? Or Yo? Or anybody on the planet (except CrazySugarFreakBoy! or Flapjack?)” Sam Wilson unlocked the door to his Hell’s Bathroom apartment. “You’re the only guy in the Legion who’s lookin’ after a teenaged girl, Vizh. I figure you have to know how to talk to ‘em.” “Well mostly I say, ‘Put the flame thrower down and back away’.” Falcon turned to the possibly-fake man with a pleading look on his face. “Just try,” he asked. “Please. Lindy won’t talk to me since that thing with Hacker Nine. She blames me for him getting killed. Blames me for not knowing she knew him, I guess. A whole bunch of stuff.” Visionary looked into the untidy apartment. “I’ll try,” he conceded, “but…” “No buts, man. I need this. She’s my little sister, come to me late on after suffering stuff that was my fault back when I was a punk-ass bastard. You know all about it. You were there tied up in the closet when it all went down. It’s important to me that she’s okay, and that me and her are okay with each other.” “I see that,” Vizh agreed, “but I was going to point out that the apartment is empty. She’s not here.” Lindy Wilson’s bags were gone. “Are you going out?” Laurie Leyton panicked. “Bry, you’re not going out are you?” “Actually kid, he is,” Lisa Waltz told her former legal secretary. “I told him to buzz off for a while.” “Lisa!” Laurie, the former superheroine sidekick Lisette, blanched. “I didn’t know you were coming. I didn’t get make-up on or…” “It’s okay,” the first lady of the Lair Legion assured her. “We can get you ready now. I’m taking you out too.” “Out?” gasped Laurie. “Outside?” “Out?” frowned G-Eyed. “Out,” said Lisa firmly. “Look Laurie, Bry’s a great guy, but even he needs an afternoon off looking after you once in a while. So we’re gonna let him go off and do whatever guys do on their afternoons off, and you and me are going shopping.” “Outside?” Lisette repeated. “That’s where the shops are, kiddo,” the amorous advocatrix pointed out. “We’re meeting up with Fashion Accessory and Kerry Shepherdson too, so put a posh frock on.” She gestured to Bry Katz with a get-outta-here-while-you-can wave. “But… why are you here Lisa?” Laurie asked. “What, you thought Bry was the only one who wants to see you better?” Lisa grinned at her. “Honey, the world’s ending. We only have twenty-four hours to max our credit cards.” “Sorry,” said Sorceress. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” “Please do not be alarmed,” said the translucent goo covering her walls and ceiling. “I will flow back together in a short time.” The Manga Shoggoth peeled himself off the furniture and began to roll back into a single glob. “However, it appears that the chthonic portal conjuration was unsuccessful.” Whitney Darkness looked at the wrecked shambles of her room. “You think?” Then she began to cry. “You are leaking,” the Manga Shoggoth noted. “Shall I glue your eyes shut?” “I’m just… it’s too much,” Sorceress sniffed. “Knowing Jay is alive and needing help but that I can’t get to him is almost worse than believing him dead! But he’s trapped in Faerie, and time runs differently there, and all the summonings I can do will bring him back a thousand years into the future.” “That was probably the problem with the interdimensional rift we attempted,” the Shoggoth considered. “It is hard to be precise to the exact millennium.” He looked down at the huddled miserable witch. “I miss the other parts of me as well,” he admitted. Nats had been unpopular before. Causing the destruction of the human race was a new personal best. “How does spiffy stand it?” he wondered. “More practise I guess,” considered dull thud. “So whydoya think Mumph’s called this meeting?” “Could it be ta do with the Abhumans snuffin’ life on the planet?” Trickshot asked sarcastically. “Or has Nats screwed somethin’ else up since then.” “Okay, so things went too far with Uhuna and me,” admitted the flying phenomenon. “But we shouldn’t have let those Addams family rejects just teleport off with her. Who knows what they’re doing to her now?” “She did say she wanted to go with them,” noted Dancer, referring to the acrimonious scenes in the wee small hours that morning which had prefigured Brown Blot’s declaration of war. “Yeah, she said that,” Nats countered. “But what if she was just trying to keep us from fighting her family? Or if she was under mind control? We know Maximess can do that stuff.” ~~That’s a good point~~ Cressida admitted. ~~What if she was saying what she thought was best for us, not for her?~~ “Then she did the right thing,” Mr Epitome argued. “She kept the conflict from escalating, gave us time to calm things down.” “Gave her boyfriend Maximess the Slightly-Mad some time to deploy his gene-bombs around the planet or whatever, you mean,” suggested Al B. Harper. “I’ve got to go over our nanobot antiviral defences again.” “I did some checking on Abhuman technological capabilities and general history,” the Librarian contributed. “Of course ya did,” sighed Trickshot. “What did you discover?” Dancer asked brightly, to offset yet another squabble. “Well, it seems as though Sir Mumphrey has quite a history with these Abhumans. It was he and Lady Marjorie Wilton who brought the race out of their long hibernation back in World War II.” “What?” frowned Epitome. “The files say nothing about this!” “Your files, maybe.” The Librarian didn’t even smirk as he said it. “Mumphrey’s journals for the period form part of the Moon Public Library sealed records section. He got up to some fascinating stuff back in the day. There was this one time, with the Incendiary Hippos…” “The Abhumans,” prompted Nats. “Please?” “I suppose that would be when Mumphrey freed them from the Negativity Zone barrier imposed around them millennia before when they used their Plot-Altering Mists to create Anihillatus, Lord of the Negativity Zone,” the Manga Shoggoth gurgled. “Maximess had convinced the Abhumans to forge a last-gasp weapon against the Deviates to end their ages-long war. But he intended treachery to claim the throne of Atticland from Brown Blot, their rightful ruler. When he was discovered he tried to flee, and was almost out of the Great Relief when the Celestials intervened and punished Abhuman and Deviate alike.” Everyone in the room looked at the elder beast sitting in his bandaged form on the sofa drinking a slushee. Or mating with it; it was hard to tell. “Well, yes…” admitted the Librarian. “Mumph helped the Abhumans escape from the frikkin’ Celestians?” Trickshot growled. “And he didn’t think to mention this?” “Uhuna said her people held him in great reverence,” Dancer remembered. “What else do you know about the situation that Mumphrey hasn’t seen fit to share with us?” Mr Epitome demanded of Lee Bookman and the Shoggoth. Before anyone could reply the meeting room door slammed open and Falcon stalked in, trailed by Visionary and Lisa. “Damn and blast it!” shouted the SPUD agent. “Why?” “I told you why,” answered Lisa in steely tones. “Because it’s a personal domestic situation, and it would be a breach of ethics. “And you’ve had ethics since when?” demanded Falcon of the amorous advocatrix. “Since you helped prosecute Nats an’ ruined his life so he runs off with Princess Uhuna and dooms the human race? Or before that?” “Since I know enough not to complicate a delicate situation with a heartbroken runaway girl by forcing her back to her brother,” shot back Lisa. “If I summons Lindy to you now she’ll hate you forever. I’ve been a runaway too. I know.” “Oh sure. Look how great you turned out!” shouted Falcon. “I turned out strong enough to deal with a horse’s ass when one’s shouting in my face!” shouted back Lisa. “Hi guys,” Vizh said to the others in the meeting room. “Lindy’s run away and Falc’s a bit upset. And if he doesn’t back off, I think Lisa’s going to hospitalise him and don’t think she can’t.” ~~Everybody needs to calm down~~ Cressida advised. ~~It’s been a tense few days. We all need to chill.~~ “Says the thing that the Abhumans thought was one o’ them,” scowled Trickshot. “Hey, you come after Cressida, ye’ll be coming after me, pal!” dull thud threatened. “Everybody! Everybodying!” called Yo, appearing from the Leader’s office. “All please to be calming down. Do not be making me to having you all sing Kum By Ya with arms linking again.” This dire threat brought the room to silence. Sir Mumphrey Wilton strode in with an approving gaze. “Jolly good. Disciplined and ready for action. Splendid.” Then the sky outside went dark as Paradopolis was covered with a negativity zone barrier. “Do we really have to do this?” Queen Sylverkrin of the Abhumans demanded of the Royal Family. “Doesn’t it seem a little extreme?” “Extreme!” hissed Maximess the Slightly-Mad, her brother in law. “The humans soiled a Royal Princess of Atticland and muddied the gene pool of the whole Abhuman fellowship! You know the sentence for those who threaten the genome!” “Excuse me,” Princess Uhunalura called, shifting in the chains that bound her to the Rack of Recycling. “I’d like to point out for the record that the entire human race didn’t soil me. I was only soiled by Nats, and I really enjoyed being soiled.” “A slut but not as bad as everybody says,” concluded Garglon. “I married him!” Uhuna argued. “A woman who sleeps with her husband is usually more properly termed a wife.” “A woman who lays down with a beast is an abomination!” thundered Maximess. “Oh sure. Because you didn’t do any laying down with beasts in the couple of thousand years we were all holed up behind the Black Dome,” Toadton snorted. “Cough*Frost*cough!” “Excuse me again,” Uhuna insisted. “Nats is not a beast. He’s a human. There’s a big difference between marrying a human and having sex with a cow.” “The cow probably has more prospects than Nats,” Krakus considered. “This is an irrelevant debate,” shouted Maximess. “The law is the law. Uhunalura was gestated to be my wife, according to the findings of the Genetics Priests…” “Who felt you had gone completely loopy and needed some kind of stabilising influence and keeper,” suggested Sylverkrin. “Who felt that the delicate balance of our collective society needed redressing to temper the overwhelming monolithic oppression of our king Brown Blot,” Maximess countered. “And also to try and stop you conquering Atticland every third Tuesday,” noted Toadton. “Just saying.” “But the law is clear,” Krakus admitted. “Uhuna has sought to mix her genes with an outsider, and to mate without the sanction of the Genetics Priesthood. As her intended husband, Maximess is within his rights to demand that her genetic material is disassembled and reconstructed from first principles again in the gestation vats.” “Which will kill Uhuna and create a more compliant woman for Maximess a couple of decades from now,” Sylverkrin spat. “So everyone’s a winner,” Maximess noted brightly. “And there’ll be no human race around to corrupt the next one.” “Kill me if you must,” Uhunalura pleaded, “but don’t kill the humans. They really didn’t mean any harm.” “It is within my brother’s rights under our ancient law,” Brown Blot declared, rising from his throne to indicate the discussion was over. “Unless Maximess relents, the humans will die, and our cousin with them.” The King of the Abhumans had spoken. His brother smirked in triumph. “Fascinating,” Al B. Harper enthused as he twiddled knobs on the devices he’d had thud and Nats drag from the laboratory. “That black force-field over the city is a barrier of pure negativity.” “It could easily have been powered by the vibes in this room,” Dancer noted. “There’s no movement in Paradopolis,” reported Falcon, returning from a scouting flight. “Nobody at all on the streets.” “No radio traffic or any other EM transmissions inside the dome,” added HALLIE. “No people in the city at all,” Mr Epitome determined, squinting his eyes to strain his enhanced vision to the maximum. “No living creatures at all.” “They’re there,” the Librarian told them, “but displaced in time. Just like the Abhumans were when they were imprisoned like this, right Sir Mumphrey?” Mumphrey quietly slipped his pocketwatch back into his waistcoat pocket. “Everything inside the perimeter of the field is in stasis,” agreed the eccentric Englishman. “I imagine the Abhumans don’t want us to interfere with their extinction plans, what?” “But we’re not is stasis,” Falcon puzzled. “Why aren’t we in stasis?” Al B. Harper checked his instruments again. “When the barrier was formed a standing wave erupted round the Lair Mansion shielding us from the temporal effect,” he noted. “Absolutely,” approved Mumphrey. “The mansion has all kind of odd defences against cosmic level events, don’t y’know. Comes from Parody Island bein’ the site where the First and Second Celestian Hosts did their business back in the day.” “They what?” gulped Nats. “Here?” “Should we maybe be putting up a plaque?” wondered Yo. “Oh I remember now,” smiled Lisa. “Yeah, I time-travelled there once.” She looked misty for a moment. “That Upchuckk the Uproarious sure had some nice muscles.” “I also recall them using this area,” admitted the Manga Shoggoth. “Yes, that would explain the timespace relative exclusion that exempted you all from the negativity field effect. And of course once excepted you can now move freely within the impenetrable barrier.” “Impenetrable barrier?” Nats worried. “As in not able to penetrate? As in we’re trapped in here while the Abhumans wipe out the world?” “Yo is thinking no,” the pure thought being interjected. “Yo is thinking that is to be the only person ever to be breaking of negativity dome right here inside spooky-barrier, yes?” S/he looked over at Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Actually, yes,” agreed the acting leader of the Lair Legion. “But it’s not me.” It was a seedy, rundown tenement in the bad part of town. “Are you sure this is the right place?” Dancer asked the Librarian. “This is even worse than his last apartment, and that’s saying something.” “Joseph Pepper is listed as living here,” Lee Bookman assured her. “He’s apparently the building manager.” “I didn’t know he was an expert mould farmer,” scowled Falcon. “Can we get on with this?” “Hey, I think this place is pretty nice,” dull thud objected from the lobby. “I wonder if they have any vacancies?” The Librarian indicated the door to ManMan’s apartment. Falcon kicked it off its hinges. “I think it was unlocked,” pointed out Dancer. “Can we get on?” the SPUD agent demanded, glaring at Lisa. “Or is this a breach of ethics too?” “Only breach here is the one you’ve got your head stuck up,” the first lady of the Lair Legion told him. “I summons ManMan!” For a moment she thought it might not work, as the strength sapped out of her and she stumbled. Dancer caught her as she fell, and then the cosmic power cut in to assemble Joe Pepper from the many fragments of time his existence was smeared over. With a loud pop he appeared before them, peanut butter jar in hand. “Hey Joe,” smiled Dancer. “Can Knifey come out and play?” “Please,” Uhunalura begged. “Do you have to wipe out the humans?” Maximess the Slightly Mad looked down at the fallen Abhuman princess shackled to the dissection slab. “No,” he admitted. “I just want to.” “They didn’t do anything, Maxi! It was me that, that betrayed you. And you’ve got me. You’re got your revenge. You have the right to dismantle me, to take apart my genetic coding and clone a new, obedient wife. You have permission to cut me up and delete me from the gene pool. Isn’t that enough?” “Oh, I’ll enjoy that,” the evil prince of the Abhumans agreed, “enjoy slicing your pretty flesh into bloody ribbons while you’re still alive and screaming. But I spent more years than I care to remember trapped in the human world, suffered countless setbacks and humiliations because of their impertinent interferences. and it’ll be a pleasure to see those grubby parasites wiped off the face of the planet.” He glared at his fiancée. “You’ve walked amongst them, soiled yourself with their presence. You know how shabby and pathetic they are.” “They have their problems,” Uhuna conceded, “but they also have such promise. They can be awful, absolutely awful… but other times they struggle past their limitations and do things that are breathtakingly heroic and inspiring. Please, Maxi, don’t have them all killed! Do what you want to me, but forgive them.” “Forgive ‘Nats’?” mocked Maximess, raising his fingers to make little speech marks around the name of the hero who had seduced and married his intended bride. “I only wish he was here so I could slaughter him personally, rather than him be another faceless nobody in the mass grave that was once the human race.” Uhuna bit back her tears. She wouldn’t give Maximess the satisfaction of seeing her weep. “I don’t regret anything,” she hissed at her fiancée. “I am glad I will escape you in death!” “Eventually,” qualified Maximess. “It’s going to take some time.” And in the background there was a sudden spray of black energy dots as Suresnout the giant war-pig teleported away. “I’d just like to point out,” Knifey told the assembled heroes, “that the last time I did this there was kind of a backlash in the form of angry Celestian Space Robots and their emissaries. Not that I remember doing this before, but all the same.” “Just break the bubble, please,” Mr Epitome said with a last attempt at patience. “We need to release Paradopolis and get on with saving the world.” “I never even got to finish my breakfast,” complained ManMan as he hammered his sentient blade at the Black Dome. “We have more incoming human aircraft,” Garglon noted casually, watching the skies above Mount Shishapangma on his observation screens. “What nationality this time?” Krakus wondered. “Chinese? Russian? The ones with the stripy flag with the little stars on it?” “No. These are fast passenger carriers with limited weapons capability, and they have a logo with two overlapping Ls on the side.” Maximess almost fell off his chair. “What? Lairjets? The Lair Legion?” He tried to push Garglon aside, which wasn’t easy with an eight-foot man-goat. “How did they manage to get through the Negativity Bubble?” “Funny thing that,” smirked Toadton from another monitor bank across the Hall of Genetics. “What Negativity Bubble? Whole thing’s down, gone like it never was.” “Take them out!” screamed Maximess. “Blow them from the skies. Kill them. Deadify them!” “I’m amazed they only call him the slightly-mad,” Sylverkrin observed. “I demand my rights under the law!” Maximess insisted. “Destroy them!” But suddenly the ground beneath the Hall of Genetics trembled and the massive gelatinous bulk of the Manga Shoggoth smashed through the malachite flooring. “Hello,” he greeted the Abhumans as he swathed them in his ooze. “What a pleasure it is to visit your lovely home.” Sylverkrin hesitated only a moment, and then her long tresses swept out before they could be slimed and flicked the automatic air defences onto full alert. Sophisticated biodrones peeled from the security towers and targeted the three incoming aircraft. The three incoming aircraft popped like soap bubbles as the missiles reached them. Falcon jinked to the side and annihilated the bogies with incendiary fire. “Nice one, HALLIE,” he reported over his radio link as he disengaged the auxiliary projection unit from his flying harness. “They fell for the holograms, lock stop and bioweapon.” There was a flash of teleportation and the rest of the Lair Legion assault group appeared courtesy of Suresnout the Warpig. “Hey, guess what,” Nats called out, hammering into the first of the Abhuman defence force. “The in-laws are coming for dinner!” “So break out the best weapons, suckers,” grinned Trickshot, planting a sneezing powder arrow where it would do the most good. “We’re right in the command centre,” Dancer noted. “Excellent luck, eh?” She glanced over at Nats as he used his telekinetics to clear a way to the main platform. “Go on, Natsy. Go for it. You’re dying to shout it, and it’s time you got a break.” “Really?” asked Bill Read plaintively as he slammed a pair of flying Abhumans into each other then dropped them on the pile. “You mean it?” He took a deep breath and shouted out, “Lair Legion… Line Up!” Next Time: Yo and her companions call on the Hooded Hood. Vizh and the Librarian head for the wedding chapel. CSFB! gets an unexpected hospital visitor. Cressida demands answers from Knifey. Mumphrey and Maximess reminisce about old times. Nats objects to the way people are treating his wife. And of course we get to see the Lair Legion vs the Abhumans in the fight for all the marbles. Coming soon in Untold Tales of the Lair Legion: Abhuman Relations, or Broken Contracts Let the Footnotes Run Free Abuhumans, the Recap: This long-lived reclusive people dwell in Atticland, the Great Relief, a technologically-advanced city in the Tibetan mountains. They use the Plot-Altering Mists originated with Celestian technology, to artificially mutate each one of them at puberty into a unique super-powered lifeform. The current Abhuman Royal Family is known to consist of: King Brown Blot, the silent and powerful manipulator of gastric energies Prince Maximess the Manic, his mind-controlling nasty younger brother Queen Sylverkrin, of the tangled hair, Brown Blot’s queen Princess Uhunalura, Sylverkrin’s youngest sister, a health-transferor Toadton the Amphibiabhuman, a water-dwelling hybrid Krakus the Thunderboot, chief of security, whose mighty boots can stomp earthquakes Garglon, high priest, whose skilled hands can offer fatal Chinese burns Other Abhumans include Suresnout, the pig-monster-teleporting-thing, and the Searcher, a kind of scary Abhuman sheriff. The tale of how the Abhumans were imprisoned by the Celestian Space Robots is told in Sir Mumphrey Wilton and the Lost City of Mystery - Part the Twenty-Eighth: The Abhuman Curse and the Wrath of the Celestians. Their release occurred in Sir Mumphrey Wilton and the Lost City of Mystery - Part the Thirtiesth: Sir Mumphrey Wilton and the Return of the Abhumans. The Threat Board: Count Armageddon’s abduction and corruption of the Idiom from US criminal custody is outlined in Mr Epitome #29. The problems of the former Sunny Valley will be discussed in a Untold Tales #163. CSFB! was hospitalised after his encounter with Pelopia last issue. We’ll be visiting him next time. And the problem on the long-range cosmological sensors? Well, we’ll probably hear some more about that eventually too (say around UT#168 or so). Lair Mansion Defences As Lisa discovered in UT#8 - The Secret History of the Parodyverse: The Most Untold Tale of the Lair Legion of All, Parody Island and the tunnels beneath it are protected by a range of Celestian ordinances. While offering no defence at all against superhuman attack or invasion, they cut in with extreme prejudice against extradimensional and cosmic-level threats. The defences were placed there to protect the Secret of the Parodyverse that was concealed beneath the mansion (see UT#17 - The Final Untold Tale of the Lair Legion: The Judgement of the Celestians), but it has since shifted elsewhere. Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2004 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2004 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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