Tales of the Parodyverse

Advice on How To Get a Job from Some Top Parodyverse Pundits


Post By

Helpfully gathered together by HH
Wed Aug 27, 2003 at 07:53:58 am EST


In Reply To
I have this interview for a job kinda out of the blue and I'm quietly flipping out, so prayers or kind thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks. *nt*

Whitney, feeling worrisome
Tue Aug 26, 2003 at 03:06:35 pm EST
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The Parodyverse Guide to Getting a Job


Sorceress: So… any interview tips for me?

Nats: Well, first thing is don't mention if you accidentally started any fires at your last job.

ManMan: Right. Or any food-poisoning incidents.

Space Ghost: Or anything about trout getting stuck in your pants.

G-Eyed *shudders*: But that wasn't a job interview, SG. You said that was recreational.

Ziles: Try to answer all their questions positively and briefly, while checking the room for any small valuable objects and possible escape routes.

Hatman: Be polite. Politeness counts.

Trickshot: If you're nervous just imagine the interviewers are all naked. Specially if they're hot babes.

Flapjack: Or just go naked. That way they get an idea about the real you.

Lisa: This does usually work, I have to admit.

Troia: Not for Flapjack, it doesn’t. *reaches for spear*

ManMan: It’s probably best to try and make a good impression. Don’t mention that the voice in your pants is your talking knife.

De Brown Streak: Never mind that. Go back to the advice about Whitney being naked.

Hatman: * growls *

De Brown Streak: Okay, naked except for a hat.

Amazing Guy: I think it helps to let them know you’re a whole person. Maybe have photos of your kids with you. Except Davie.

Balefire: It also helps to have photographs of *their* families going around in their everyday lives, unaware they're being followed.

Killer Shrike: Yeah, that’s good. And also dropping the severed head of the last guy who had the job on their desk and saying “hire me now”. That always works. Well, nearly always.

Troia: Be honest. Explain up front that you don't do the F word in the office, no matter how much money they offer you. Men can do their own filing.

Visionary: The evidence is pretty much against you there.

Finny: Tell them that you don't need anyone to oversee you or interfere with the artistic integrity of your work. Make clear that if they change what you're doing, you walk. Or eat their pets.

Dancer: Or, on the not terrorising the boss front, maybe make him a nice cup of coffee?

Exile: Also, don't admit you know spiffy.

spiffy: Hey, I happen to have more jobs that all of you put together.

Nats: And how many did you interview for?

Visionary: Nobody interviewed me when they made me leader of the lair Legion. They just stapled a tag onto me. Those staples hurt.

G-Eyed: Good point. You have to avoid stapler rage in interviews too. it leaves a bad impression when people have to have staples removed from their forehead.

Trickshot: Depends on what geeky questions they're asking. Why the hell would anyone need ta know my social security number?

Dark Knight: Its not what they ask you, its what your obsessive-compulsive background check of the interviewers, their company, and all the dirty little schemes they've ever been involved in churns up.

Hatman: But it's okay to wait to arrest them until after you've got the job, right? Oh, I think wearing the right hat to interview matters.

DBS *grins happily*: Yeah, that was my advice.

Librarian: Be sure to take along all your documents and resumes, alphabetically indexed for easy reference. Plus some sandwiches, in case you have to wait.

Nats, G-Eyed, Exile, Trickshot: Hmm. Sandwiches.

Al B. Harper: Don’t get put off when they ask you to explain what work you’ve been doing if their eyes sort of glaze over and they fall of their chairs eventually. It’s not your fault these fools don’t understand your genius. But they will. One day, the whole world will know…!

Dancer: * gives Al coffee *

Pegasus: Just tell these people that they are privileged to have you work beside them, and that they should show proper respect for your superiority or be crushed like the insignificant fleas they are. Also, make good eye contact.

Messenger: Pin them to the desk by their miserable throats, stare down into their pleading eyes, and smile grimly. They’ll give you the job soon enough.

Yo: Yo is to be thinking that maybe is to do that not so nice. Is maybe nice present for cute interviewing people is to be helping...

Lisa: That's what I was saying. And kool whip.

Yo: Yo was thinking perhaps of a bunny.

spiffy: Lisa was thinking like a bunny. Ow! My fern!

Lisa: Freak stapler accident.

Space Ghost: I bet that hurts nearly as much as getting body parts caught in filing cabinets.

Troia, grinning: Yeah!

Finny: Most of all be yourself. Or maybe shapeshift into somebody they’ll like better.

Donar: Yea, and explaineth unto them that any frosting giants which doth burst into their place of worketh hath nothing whatsoe'er to do with thee and art but an unfortunate coincidence, along with any lightning damage.

Ziles: And if you do fluff the interview, go back an hour later and tell them the other one was your evil clone.



NTU-150: Explain that you can fix the photocopier and the kettle if they break, as long as they declare employing you on their insurance claim form.

Donar: And hath enough blast shielding availableth.

Troia: Or unfiled typing.

Nats: It’s best to mention at interview that you have a stomach bug. That way you can dive into the toilets and change into your costume if there’s a supervillain emergency and people don’t think you’re strange. Well, not too strange.

Ziles: You have an unusual definition of strange.

Visionary: I find pleading works pretty good at most interviews. They throw you out quite gently.

Sorceress: So, in summary I use blackmail, bribery, and sexual favours to get a job that allows me to do whatever I like with no interference, without offering any paperwork and with lots of collateral damage. And I take sandwiches with me. Yes?

Finny: Good luck, Whitney.









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