Tales of the Parodyverse

Post By

The Hooded Hood responds to "Friends with Benefits"
Mon Feb 12, 2007 at 12:28:46 pm EST
Subject
Benefit of Friends
Originally
He let us all down with that, surely.

In Reply To

Visionary
Mon Feb 12, 2007 at 12:00:50 pm EST

<< Prev In Thread
[Reply] [New] [Edit] [Email] [Print] [RSS] [Tales of the Parodyverse]
Next In Thread >>

Benefit of Friends

This story takes place just before Untold Tales #304



    The whispering and shuffling at the door alerted Visionary to two children deciding whether it was safe to come in.

    “Hello?” he called to Magweed and Griffin. “What is it?”

    “Now you’ve done it,” hissed Griffin in worried tones. “He’s noticed us. You don’t have a griffin’s sense of stealth.”

    “I can’t help that,” Magweed told her brother. “Anyway, if you hadn’t wanted to discuss whether it was safe to bother him he’d never have heard us.”

    “If you want to talk to me it’s always safe to bother me,” Visionary assured his offspring. “Come in. Do you need soda?”

    Magweed and Griffin shuffled in. They stood a little uncertainly lined up in front of the fireplace, Griff in his griffin t-shirt and Mags in the oversized diamond-logo jumper that her father had given her when she’d first arrived in the lighthouse from Faerie.

    “I really don’t know what to do now,” Vizh confessed to them. “Unless you’ve set fire to something. If you have, then I’m experienced.”

    “We haven’t set fire to anything,” Griffin confessed. “Should we?”

    “No. No, that’s fine,” Vizh said quickly.

    “Only if you’re missing Aunt Kerry we could make something explode,” offered Magweed thoughtfully. “If it helps.”

    “Helps what?” Vizh frowned. He noticed the children shying back a little and quickly changed his expression. “It’s okay,” he assured them.

    Magweed shook her head. “It isn’t. I got Faerie gifts to see people’s hearts. Yours isn’t okay.”

    “We’re really sorry,” Griff added. “About my godmother Aunt Lisa. And about Aunt or Uncle Yo being missing. I’ve been looking for her but so far I haven’t found her.”

    “Er…” Vizh prevaricated. He mentally tried a whole range of different answers from “Where have you been looking, and how?” through to “I want to kill the Parody Master for taking Lisa from us.” None quite seemed to fit. He settled for another “Er.”

    “We were thinking about how to make you feel better,” Magweed announced. “We thought maybe a cake at first, but this may be more than a one cake solution.”

    “Maybe more than a three cake solution,” Griffin chimed in. “And then there’s cholesterol and E-numbers to worry about.”

    “I… don’t think this is something you can solve for me, kids,” Visionary admitted. “It’s something I have to work through for myself.”

    The children nodded. “But we thought,” Griffin explained, “that maybe you would feel better if you did what you do best.”

    A quick mental scan of possible things that might be left Vizh even more depressed. Lisa and Fleabot were gone but his inner Lisa and Fleabot were working just fine. “So you’ve brought me crullers?”

    “Helping your friends,” Magweed suggested. “That’s what you do best, daddy.”

    Vizh felt his eyes begin to prickle. “You know I really don’t hug you kids enough,” he told them.

    “You really don’t,” Magweed agreed, coming in for an embrace. Vizh dragged Griffin in there too because the boy still wasn’t confident about being a solid person with all the rights that entailed.

    “So who do you think I should help?” Vizh asked them at last.

    Magweed and Griffin exchanged glances. “Sir Mumphrey,” Mags said. “That’s who you should help.”

    “To battle the Parody Master?” Vizh asked. “I’m working on that. This afternoon Citizen Z and I will be tracking down…”

    “Not that,” Griffin denied. “You have to help him stop being so sad.”

    “I what?” Vizh asked, suddenly puzzled.

    “He feels sad all the time,” Magweed explained. “About all the war things, but now mostly about Aunt Lisa. And he keeps it all buttoned up like his waistcoat.”

    “It’s probably a knight thing,” Griffin contributed. “Maybe he keeps his armour underneath his waistcoat so it doesn’t clank, but that also stops his feelings coming out. That’s good for slaying dragons but it’s bad when it makes you sad all the time.”

    “So we thought you could help him,” Magweed concluded. “Because he is your friend and that is what friends are for.”

    Vizh was actually rather intimidated by the eccentric Englishman most of the time, but it was impossible not to be the man reflected in the hopeful eyes of his children.

    “Er, right then. I’ll pop along and see what I can do.”

***


    “Samantha, m’dear!” Mumphrey called out as his granddaughter entered the office of the leader of Earth’s combined defence force. “Lovely to see you. But I’m afraid I’ve got an eleven o’clock with the Belgian ambassador.”

    “No you haven’t,” Sam informed him, plumping her schoolbag down on his desk and pulling up a wing-backed chair. “I had Asil make up an ambassador so you’d have a free slot this morning for me.”

    Mumphrey was a little bit appalled that his own kin had to resort to fraud to get to see him. “I’m neglecting you again, aren’t I?” he confessed. “I’m so sorry, Samantha. It’s all this blasted war business, with…”

    “I know,” Sam cut him off. “And honestly I’m as proud as punch that my grandfather’s doing what does against the Parody Master. I wish I could help.”

    “You’re doin’ just fine,” Mumphrey assured her. “Hallie and Ms Shellett tell me you’re well advanced in your studies, something of a prodigy, what?”

    “I’m sorry you keep getting all those legal depositions from Uncle Guthrie, grandfather. If it helps I’ll go back to stay with him and board at St Hilda’s.”

    “Nonsense, m’dear. Can’t let feckless oiks rule our lives, especially legal ones. Don’t give it a moment’s thought.”

    Samantha fiddled with the fountain pen set on her grandfather’s desk. “There is one thing I might be able help you with,” she suggested tentatively. “If you don’t mind. You see, living here in the mansion, watching everything, you can’t help noticing little details. Well, I can’t.”

    “Hmm? Such as?”

    “Such as Visionary,” Samantha noted. “How miserable he is just now.”

    “Visionary?” Sir Mumphrey cast his mind back to the last time he’d seen the possibly fake man. “Well, I know he’s upset over Lisa…”

    “Of course he’s upset. Almost all his friends are hurt or lost or dead. Dancer and Yo and Donar and Fleabot and Quoth and Kerry and the whole of the Juniors. His whole life’s exploded around him. If it wasn’t for Magweed and Griffin forcing him to keep it together, well, I don’t know what he’d do.”

    Sir Mumphrey sipped at his cup of tea. “Good point, Samantha. Dashed good. Been so busy worrying about the big picture that I’ve been missin’ on the smaller stuff.” He looked at the young teenager. “Includin’ you, I suspect.”

    “I can wait,” Sam told him. “I’m keeping busy. If you want to do something good today that doesn’t involve battling cosmic evil then you should have a chat with Vizh. Please.”

    “Absolutely, m’dear,” agreed the eccentric Englishman. “Since you’ve kindly arranged a hole in my schedule I’ll go attend to it now.”

    “Jolly good,” Samantha grinned at him. “Thank you, grandfather.”

***


    Samantha waited until Mumphrey had vanished down the passage then activated the knothole that led to the secret corridor that nobody in the Lair Legion had discovered yet. A narrow flight of curving stairs brought her to a little circular garret room made more cheerful by the addition of some throw rugs and blankets and one rather worn out two-seater sofa. Griffin (who had discovered the place) and Magweed were already waiting.

    “All going according to plan,” Griffin reported with a salute and a big grin. “Dad’s on his way.”

    “So is granddad,” responded Samantha. “Good work, you two.”

    “They will be alright, won’t they?” Magweed worried. “I mean, we don’t know how to help them, but maybe they can help each other?”

    “They’ve both got big hearts,” Sam assured the twins. “The rest just follows on from that.”

***


    “Ah, Visionary. The very chap. Been hopin’ to have a chat.”

    “Sir Mumphrey. Yes. Happy to talk. How are you keeping.”

    “Heading for a constitutional, actually. Thought I’d take a stroll along the sea cliff, get a breath of fresh air away from all this war nonsense. Perhaps you’d care to join me for a constitutional.”

    Visionary thought of the high winds on the wet clifftops. “Sure. Just what I was planning too,” he agreed.

    They left the warmth of the mansion and battled the westerly breeze over towards the Atlantic.

    “Been meaning to say how sorry I was about Ms Waltz,” Sir Mumphrey broached. “I know you and she were closer than folks might suspect from all the sniping.”

    “I was going to say the same thing,” Vizh replied. “Well, you and Lisa didn’t snipe so much as… What I mean was you were close in a more horizontal sense for a while. No, I mean it was a different kind of close, even after she left you for the Ho… Er, what you said.”

    “She’s a great loss,” the eccentric Englishman agreed. “Makes one think about what one’s missed. All the opportunities and possibilities.”

    “I’m fairly confident Lisa didn’t miss all that many,” Vizh shuddered.

    “I mean us. You and I, there were times we could have spoken to her, spent time with her, let her know how we felt. Same with our other missing friends. I wish now I’d not been so damned reserved.”

    “I wish the restraining order had been more carefully worded,” Vizh confessed. “But mostly I worry if I’ll never see Kerry or Dancer or any of the others ever again. And like you said, I wish I’d said things and done things.”

    “War’s like that,” Mumphrey mused. “I should have remembered that from all the other times.” He turned abruptly to face Visionary. “What are your intentions towards young Hallie?”

    Vizh stopped short and nearly took a step backwards off the cliff. “Er, what? Where did that come from?”

    “Hallie. What are your intentions towards her? She’s a fine young woman and she doesn’t deserve to be mistreated.”

    “Weren’t we talking about not telling Lisa and Yo…?”

    “Hallie,” insisted Mumph.

    “Well that’s kind of personal,” Visionary objected. “I mean, everyone seems to think we’re some kind of couple but we’ve never… I kissed her once, on a practise date thing ages ago, but we traded the memories of that in Faerie to find Mags.”

    “She’s a wonderful, bright young woman, Visionary,” Mumphrey declared. “I’d hate to see her get hurt.”

    “I’d never hurt her,” Vizh argued, getting cross. “I’d never do anything…”

    “Well that might be the point, mightn’t it?” the old man interrupted. “We hurt people by what we don’t do as well as by what we do. If everyone in the Mansion think you and Hallie are a couple you might want to consider why. And remember that Hallie’s a good deal smarter than you and I combined so if we’re aware of this then she’s already thought it all through.”

    “That’s… not a comforting thought,” worried Visionary.

    “Anyway, all I’m sayin’ is treat her properly, because she’s a real lady and she deserves it. And if you’re at all smarter than Citizen Z thinks you are then you’ll consider seizing the moment and speaking up before it’s too late again.”

    Visionary had a brief vision of Sir Mumphrey and a shotgun. He hurriedly suppressed it. “There’s things I need to consider,” Vizh answered. “Things I have to work out, things I have to do. But I’ll… Hallie and I will have a talk. Soon.”

    “Enough said then. Splendid view from up here, what?”

    “What about you, then?” Visionary demanded, remembering his brief. “You must have racked up enough regrets these last few months to fill even that incredible lifespan of yours. How are you going to sort yourself out?”

    Mumphrey turned aside. “Damn good question,” he admitted. “Not sure I can, to be honest. I’m just runnin’ for the wicket before I’m bowled out. Nothing matters after that.”

    “I think it does,” argued Vizh. “Samantha needs you, no matter how independent and brave and brilliant she is. Asil needs you, now more than ever since she lost Lisa and George. And you have more to give the world than being the crusty martinet who leads the Legion. You can’t just look for one wicket, you have to, um, pick up your stumps and do it all again at Woolygobbo.”

    “What?”

    “You have to be ready for the next umpire lobbed at you down the googly side,” Vizh offered. “Or whatever.”

    Sir Mumphrey snorted and then he chuckled. And then he laughed.

    “Y’know, I’m glad Samantha suggested I had this little chat with you,” he conceded when he’d managed to stop guffawing.

    “Sam? It was Mags and Griff who said…” Vizh responded. “Oh.”

    Mumphrey chortled again. “Seems there’s hope for the next generation after all, what?” he suggested.


Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2007 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2007 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.




Posted from United Kingdom
using Microsoft Internet Explorer 6/Windows 2000
[Reply] [New] [Edit] [Email] [Print] [RSS] [Tales of the Parodyverse]
Follow-Ups:

Echo™ v3.0 beta © 2003-2006 Powermad Software
Copyright © 2004-2006 by Mangacool Adventure