Dynamic Donar #51- The Parody Wars: Part 1

Scene…some 5 years into a possible future.

The parodiverse is a much different place to what is was 5 years ago.

There was an apocalypse of untold proportions. Many heroes fell. Few got up.

The landscape is scarred as far as the eye can see. Rubble lies in disarray where once proud buildings stood. The air is still thick with smoke, and with the smell of fire and blood, reminders of the war that has raged on for years.

Among the known remaining heroes are a god, an armoured man and a purple bunny. Not many heroes survived the coming if Him, the destroyer. It was bad enough dealing with the attack of Y2K, once called Millennium Bug. His attack decimated those who weren’t ready. Even those who were fell prey to the hysteria and fear mongering of the technophobic element of society.

Once that battle was fought, the already weakened and divided heroes were no match for the power of Him. Their attacker was not known by any formal name as rumour had it just mentioning His name was enough to invoke His presence, a fate no man, woman or God dared face alone.

The God turns to the Armoured Man, giving him directions for an attack run on a host of six oncoming drones.

The Armoured Man nods in acknowledgment and initiates his cloaking device, a souvenir from a thankful alien entity from his past.

The God and the bunny run across the path of the advancing patrol. Bullets fly; followed by a hail of Green Ausgardite missiles…the Zemods have identified their prey as The Ausgardian, Donar and the Purple thought bunny of Yo. They raise their weapons again, changing from hive mode to independent battle mode.

The six drones are hit with a barrage of debris as Donar topples an adjacent building on them. The bunny bounces over to de-fuse the droids as fast as possible, only to be confronted by two of them fighting free of their bonds. The Armoured one attacks; twisting the head off one like it was a Coke bottle lid.

The other could only wish for such mercy as its limbs are removed forcefully by the angered man.

The droids are not alive, but have been fitted with pain receptors. Their benevolent master felt the gift of pain simulation technology would deter any attempts of cowardice. If it came down to a do or die battle, the fear of pain due to defeat helped hone his army into an efficient extermination force.

The Armoured one holds the twitching agonised torso of his metallic victim aloft

" YOU SEE THIS ZEMO? YOU’RE NEXT! I’LL KILL YOU SLOWLY YOU MISERABLE…"

His defiance fades off into a soft sob "…tina..I’m sorry…"

Donar comes over to aid his one remaining ally.. "Come Jaime..the open ground is far from safe.."

The Present Day:

A new face graces the halls of the Lair. The Chrome Cruiser, apparently a future ally, has arrived to stop someone from doing some thing.

The time leap has given him a slight sense of amnesia. What little info his brain did retain is now halved. Spiffy is amazed that he can remember to breathe let alone save the LL from their impending doom.

The Chromed one, also known as Wayopex, has quite a ravenous hunger. His alien physiology has quite specific needs too. If it isn’t caffeinated, cream filled or cheese flavoured, it’s indigestible.

Visi: "So, Wayo…any more ideas on why you are here?"

Wayo, in between mouthfuls of Cheet-O’s: "Ixnay, bro…I got zilch. I know that there is a dude, who like, totally flips out and takes over, like, everything. And he has a few guys helpin’ him out that, like were heroes, but went totally Van Halen and just knifed their buds."

Visi: "spiff? You’re young. That mean anything to you?"

Spiff: "Sure. Someone is a baddie, and it might be one of us….probably Yo."
Lisa: "You got that from that gobbledegook?"

Spiff: "nah….I read the DD#51 spoilers."

Wayo: "Shyeah dude, kickass!..Well, I gotta go skarf some serious nappage..I am like, more wasted than Marvel’s Bullpen."

Wayopex leaves the room.

Donar: "In all mine lives I hath ne’er seen a stranger ally..Yet his words doth ring true. Tis a likely premise, albeit an upsetting one. What foe could dare confront the power of a God?…( the LL stare at Donar, unamused by his modesty)….and his most valiant allies?"

Yo: "I’m not evil person! I not hurt friends ever. Yo not even like fly swatting!"

Foomy: "Yeah, Yo is the destructive force that destroys the Parodiverse? Right. And Lisa is monogamous."

Tina: "He appears to think it is the truth though. His brain showed no signs of stress…or much else..um..Anyone know what an "arvo" is??"

Donar: "Tis slang for afternoon in mine homeland. He hath knowledge of my future self indeed."

After a lengthy meeting, the possible cause of their apparently inevitable demise is still unknown.

After a short brainstorming session (of which, the male members only barely qualified to join in) a thought is conceived.

Tina: "Yo, as you are a thought being, I would like to run a few ideas past you, OK?"

Darkhwk: " How will that help?"

Tina: " I figure if I can connect all of the LL psionically, and use Yo as the receptor, I may be able to predict the most likely cause of destruction."

NTU: "Heh heh…she’s my girlfriend.."

The LL sit around one table, close their eyes and focus on their inner turmoils. Tina concentrates, taking each thought with her, and channelling them to Yo.

All their eyes focus uniformly on Yo’s transformation.

Yo is surrounded by a sort of green glow that is growing in size."

Tina: "Yo? You ok?"

Yo: "Yes. Me think. Feel sad…feel very sad"

Tina: "It’s OK Yo, it’s just an empathic reaction from our combined emotions"

Yo: "Me…not…feel…safe…"

Tina: "OK, I’ll stop the transfer."

She detaches the psionic link, to no effect…Yo now seems to be hovering within a second entity, that is taking shape around him.

Yo: "Help…mee…."

Donar: "YO!! Let the shell of a God absorb this most vile aberration!!"

Donar leaps forth to absorb the energy that is surrounding his loyal friend.

As the two meet, a psionic shockwave throws everyone back into the wall, like they had stuck their tongues in a light socket.

Their vision slowly returns. It fades in like a bad home movie.

The room is unscathed, yet heroes are strewn like ragdolls.

In one corner, Donar cradles Yo’s damaged form.

At the epicentre of the blast stands a 10-foot Goliath. Similar to Yo in appearance, but with purple skin, a Zorro mask, bunny ears and torn green pants.

The LL prepares to do battle as the figure surveys its surroundings. It speaks.

"Me..no…like lair…"

spiffy: "None of us do…you don’t have to sulk."

"Sulk…Me the Incredible Sulk!!!…Sulk Mash!!!"

The Sulk sets out mashing his way through the wall, and heads toward the centre of town. " Sulk Mash!"

The LL are dumbfounded. Never before have they seen such weirdness. And they have seen Chapter One.

Wayopex awakes with a thought.

A rare occurrence, so he decides the LL should be informed…

"Dudes?? DUDES!!!…I remember sumpthin’ "

Visi: "What is it?"

Wayo: "There was a huge purple dude in the future…mashed stuff up pretty bad…and I remember who is the Lord and like, Evil Master of the future…Nemo!"

Foomy: "Uh…wasn’t he in Moby Dick?"

Lisa "Hey, I read that book back to front…flagrant false advertising of you ask me…Moby dick indeed…"

Spiffy: "I thought that was Ahab?"

Sersi: "Wasn’t he a president?"

Visi: "That was Abraham…I think he means Zemo."

All: "Oh"

Visi: "That’s not a surprise, Wayo. Zemo has been plotting domination since day one…"

Wayo: "Shyeah…but it’s like his wife that ends up doing it for him…her name is Lisa…"

WHAT??

LISA MARRIES ZEMO TO RULE THE WORLD???
I DON’T REMEMBER THAT BIT….

DONAR

*Fastidiously checking his notes.*