Posted by Dancer (via HH) continues the tag-team story without end on May 09, 2001 at 12:17:52:
Dancer/Donar Special Edition #5
Troia 215: That probability witch! I’ll kill her. Hoki, Donar’s evil half-sister: It is exactly as I told you, my dear. He cannot be trusted. He would just use you and throw you away as he has so many others. Troia: First ManMan, now Donar. Are all guys deceitful, two-timing no-goods? Hoki: In my experience, nearly all of them, yes. And as you can see, Donar’s the worst of the lot. I just felt I had to warn you as soon as the Enthrallress told me that he was after a mortal woman. Again. What’s this? Tears? No, don’t weep. He’s not worth it. Troia: I’m not crying. I’m not. It’s… it’s an Amazon ritual… it’s… it’s a revenge oath. On Dancer and Donar. Yeah, that’s it. Hoki: No need to be so bitter. Look, I’ll tell you what. I know how you can have your revenge upon my musclebound brother and have a nice date with a handsome man into the bargain. Troia: Yeah? How? Hoki, smiling: Trust me. [The next say, at the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar, where Dancer works in her secret identity of mild-mannered waitress Sarah Shepherdson] Sarah: Hiya Troia. Beautiful morning, huh? Troia: No. Sarah: Something up, Troia? You don’t seem you usual stab-em-all-and-let-Zeus-sort-‘em-out self today. Troia: Men. They’re slime. Sarah: Of course they are. That’s why we fall for them. So is there a particular slime, er, I mean man, who’s making you blue? Troia: Yeah. Donar. Sarah: Really? You mean he hasn’t asked you out yet, er, I mean, what about Donar, Troia? Troia: Asked me out? I thought he was going to, but instead he’s sneaking off with some other bimbo. Sarah, frowning: That doesn’t sound like Donar. I’d have said that he was pretty much a one-woman-at-a-time guy. Troia: Maybe. But I’m not the woman. Anyway, we’ll see how much he loves her when she’s bald. Sarah: Bald? Troia: Yeah, after I rip her scalp off. Sarah: I see. Well maybe you’d better talk to Donar first, hmm? I mean I’d have sworn he had his eye on you. Troia: His eye might be on me, but I know where his hands and other bits are. Nope, this evening I’m going to have a little chat with that bloody Probability Dancer. Sarah: Dancer? You think that she and Donar are… Eeep. [The scene: Donar’s halls in Ausgard] Adora the Enthrallress: Donar, tell me it’s not true. Donar: What, milady? Adora: Tell me that you’re not thinking of shackething up with a mortal wench. Donar: How didst thou knowest? Adora: It’s all over Ausgard. They say your father art furious. So it’s true. Donar: I mightst hast a date with a mortal, perhance, for the nonce. Adora: What a waste, when thou couldst havest me *stretches* Donar: Fair form makes not fair maiden. And I wilt conduct mine own affairs, er, I mean mine own liaisons, er, mine… oh thou knowest what I mean. Now hie thee hence, for I musteth prepare me to return to Middlegard. Adora: This isn’t over you know, Donar. All’s fair in love and wareth. [The scene: the Lair Mansion, that evening] Dancer: Hiya Flapjack. Listen, I need to see Troia urgently. Preferably without her spear. There’s been a terrible misunderstanding. Flapjack: That’s what I said. It was art, not pornography. And I offered her a slice of the income from all the art-lovers visiting the website. Dancer: Er, possibly different misunderstandings, Flapjack. Is she here? Flapjack: Nah. She left earlier on a dinner-date with some handsome guy I haven’t see before. Dancer: What? That’s terrible. Where’s Donar? Flapjack: I think he’s with the guys at the Xenathon. Said it reminded him of someone. Dancer: I’ve got to get him. Now. [Suddenly there is a thunderbolt from the heavens. When Flapjack has put the fire in his eyebrows out, Dancer is gone. Meanwhile, in Ausgard…] Oldman: SO THIS IS THE MORTAL WENCH WHO SEEKS TO SEDUCE MINE SON AND HEIR, AND WHO THREATENS TO CAUSE THE DOWNFALL OF THE REALM ETERNAL! Dancer: Ur…… [The scene: the Bridal Suite of the Parodiopolis Hilton] Troia, giggling: Tee-hee! What was in those drinks, Lucky? They seem to have gone right to my head. Hoki, in male form this time: Oh, just the usual. Rum, gin, brandy, vodka, whisky, tequila, and one of those little paper umbrellas. Oh, and a generous measure of waters from the Enchanted Well of Passion, of course. Troia: Is it hot in here? Do you mind if I take all my clothes off? Hoki: I would fully expect it, little mortal. Allow me to help. Troia: Ohhh… Lucky… hmmm. What are you….? Oh, no. Oh no. Oh. Yes. No. Yes… Definitely yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Hoki: Yes [turns out the light] [Half an hour later] Troia: Ohh. To be continued by Donar – again :-) Sarah would like to thank HH for his plot assistance with the complicated and nasty bits.
[The scene: Donar has just said goodnight to Dancer after the two of them participated in a rehearsal date to prepare Donar to ask out Troia… but in the bushes Troia 215 has seen the farewell and completely misinterpreted the scene]