Posted by Dancer does her bit for the anniversary by rehashing a long-forgotten subplot. Now if somebody would kindly add a footnote explaining this chapter for the newbies that would be nice ;-) on September 21, 2001 at 11:08:36:
Dancer/Donar Special Anniversary Edition #12
[The Scene: Sarah Shepherdson has just failed yet another audition as a professional dancer, and is wandering through Off-Central Park in a rather depressed and miserable state. You know, a sort of Peter Parker why-does-my-life-suck thing.]
Sarah (thinks): Why does my life suck? If I only told these producers that I was secretly the superhero Dancer then I could get all the star roles I liked. But that wouldn’t count, would it? It would be as bad as using my probability powers to get the job. *sigh*
Rather nice looking handsome man: Hey, careful, miss. You’re walking straight towards the edge of the lake. Are you alright?
Sarah: Huh? Oh, sure. Yes. Just lost in thought. Thanks.
[Their eyes meet. A passing orchestra begins to play.]
Rather nice etc.: You look like you could use a coffee. Can I buy you a cup?
Sarah (thinks): Well, he doesn’t look like an axe-wielding psycho. And just because every other man I’ve ever been attracted to turned out to be pond slime doesn’t mean that this one won’t be absolutely perfect. I mean, sure I’ve made a few bad choices but that doesn’t mean I only pick guys who are just plain poison, right? Right. Besides, he’s kind of cute.
Rather nice etc.: Hello? Coffee? It’s a sure way of helping resolve an internal monologue.
Sarah, smiling: Okay. A coffee. Coffee it is. Coffee is good. Yummy coffee. Er, am I babbling here?
Rather etc.: In a cute sort of way, yeah I guess so.
Sarah: Sorry. It’s been kind of a bad day. Er, I don’t mean you. I mean…
Rather etc, smiling back (teeth glint pearly white).: I understand. Look, I know a little place right in Parody Plaza. I used to go there a few years back with my fiancée. That is, my ex-fiancée. It, uh, didn’t work out.
Sarah: You mean the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar? I work there now, as a waitress.
Rather etc.: We can always go somewhere else.
Sarah: No, that’s fine. Mr Papadopopolis will probably give us free mochas. I’ve got the day off anyway, but it would be nice to see the regulars.
[Rather etc (winces)]
Sarah: Did I say something wrong? Don’t you like mochas?
Rather etc.: No. No, not at all. It’s not that. I’m past that. Past all of that. I can say “Regulars” without wincing. I can say “League”. Hell, I can even say “Legion.” I have to. I HAVE to!
Sarah: Er, that’s good. Well here’s the Diner. Shall we go in? Oh look, there are some of my reg… er usual customers. Grab us a coffee and sit at the table where the girl with the spear’s waiting. I’ll just go and cheer up Mr Dean and Mr Burch and I’ll be right back.
Rather etc. (sits next to Troia 215 and Ziles): Hi.
Troia and Ziles: Hi.
Troia: New in town?
Rather etc.: Not exactly. But it’s a long time since I was in Parodiopolis. I guess I wore out my welcome.
Ziles: Why? What did you do?
Rather etc.: I, well I guess I fell in love. You know, boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girl’s ex-boyfriend and girl’s would-be-boyfriend try to split us up. Boy loses girl. The old story. They broke up the wedding and things just went bad.
Troia: Bummer. Still, at least her boyfriends cared enough about her to turn up. Some people’s dates are twenty minutes late, probably battling grjimpenbeasts in Netherheim or something.
Ziles, hurriedly changing the subject: So what brings you back to the Big Banana now?
Rather etc.: Ah, well that’s the problem. You see I’ve got to get married.
Sarah (returning with coffees): Um, I just said I’d have a cup of java.
Rather etc.: Oh, no, don’t worry. I don’t mean you. I have to marry a superheroine. Or I will die. It’s a prophesy.
Sarah: A… a superheroine? Is this any superheroine or one in particular?
Ziles: You have to marry a superheroine or die? Who says so?
Rather etc.: There’s this witch called Hagatha Darkness…
Ziles, Troia & Sarah: Aah!
Rather etc.: So I need to find a superheroine and convince her to marry me by midnight. I’d hoped to find Lisa, of course, but she’s out of town and anyway like I said it didn’t work out last time so…
Troia: Hang on. You were going to marry Lisa? Our Lisa? Lisa Waltz?
Rather etc.: Sure. It was hot love. But then Jarvis and that big dumb Ausgardian…
Troia: Ausgadian?
Ziles: Uh oh.
Donar, entering the Diner in a hurry and spotting the man sitting next to Troia at the table: THEE???!!!
[Special effects: Thunder, lightning, tempest, hail, hurricane, more lightning, and torrential downpour of frogs]
Rather etc.: Uh oh.
Sarah: I take it you two have already met.
Donar: Takest thy filthy hands off mine girl, thou caitiff felon! Preparest to be smitest back to the foulest corners of Miserablegitheim! Now shalt I rent thee asunder and stampeth on the pieces.
Sarah: Not inside the Diner, big guy. I take it that you’ve met this fellow before?
Donar: Oh aye! I hast met thee before, hast I not… BUBBA!!!???
[to be continued by Donar, even though he doesn’t know it
yet]