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A first draft attempt at CrazySugarFreakChronology! Sunday, 23-Jan-2000 14:49:33
Immutable dates: In the Time before Time -SacredClownSmilingCoyote! In the Age Undreamt Of, c. 10,000 B.C. – HairyHoneyBerserkerBarbarian! In the Greek Age of Heroes, c. 1250 B.C. – LuckyLustfulDementedDemigod! (Parodysseus Paradoxterix) In the Medieval period, 1189-1199 – BizarreBardJesterJouster! (Nigel Geoffries) In the High Feudal Era of Japan, 1369-1379 – BakaGaijinHanumanRonin! In the Renaissance, 1549-1559 – MerryHereticHarlequinMask! 1729-1739 – JollyJuvenileSpicewineSwashbuckler! (Wesley Valentine) 1879-1889 – LocoQuickdrawSarsaparillaOutlaw! (Jezebel “Jesse” O’Hare) 1899-1909 – EccentricEtherInvestigatorInventor! (Phineas Quimby) 1919-1929 – CacklingCappuccinoHunterHaunter! (Sorenson Ravenscroft) 1939-1949 – CrazySugarJetpackLad! (Terrence “Terry” Lucas) 1959-1969 – CrazySugarSpaceGuardian! (Carter Armstrong) 1979-1989 – InsaneCaffeineRevengeSoldier! (Howard Murdock) Continuity-Relative Dates: 56 Years Before Present (BP) – Louis Laughing Fox is born to Charles Smiling Coyote, a Corporal in the U.S. Army Air Corps. 49 Years BP – Melanie Hastings is born to Commodore Thomas S. Hastings, U.S. Navy (retired), and his wife, Vivian, in Arkham, Massachusetts. 42 Years BP – Olivia Hastings is born to Thomas and Vivian Hastings in Arkham, Massachusetts. 36 Years BP – Thomas Hastings begins sexually abusing his daughter Melanie, who is then only 13 years old. 35 Years BP – Louis Laughing Fox finishes college with the financial aid of the military R.O.T.C. program, and goes on to become an engineer and an officer in the U.S. Air Force. It’s during his time as Captain Louis L. Fox that he first meets Lieutenant Jameson Michael Beckett, a Navy pilot, marking the start of a lifelong friendship. 32 Years BP – Melanie, 17 years old, runs away from home, and moves to Los Angeles, California, where she becomes a strip club dancer, a nude magazine model and an adult film actress to support herself, working under the stage name of “Ginger Spice” ... a moniker which might have inspired the more famous nickname used by a certain British bubble-gum pop music group. 28 Years BP – Melanie, 21 years old, meets Louis at the strip club where she’s working that night, during a farewell from the service party being held in his honor by Jamie, who will himself be discharged from the military not long afterwards. After Louis and Jamie defend Melanie from an assault at the hands of drunken brawlers, it sparks not only an immediate mutual attraction between Louis and Melanie, but it also lays the foundation for an affectionately protective friendship between Melanie and Jamie later on. 24 Years BP – Budding debutante Olivia Hastings, 18 years old, attends her Freshman year at Miskatonic University, and meets exotic Irish import Khrys Constantine, a fellow first-year student her own age. The seemingly mismatched duo soon grows to be a close yet platonic pair, frequently flirting while remaining chaste. 21 Years BP – Khrys leaves Olivia to return to his ancestral family keep, after receiving an urgent summons from his mother. Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove is born to Louis Laughing Fox and Melanie Hastings in Twin Peaks, Washington. Isabel Shapiro is born in Arkham, Massachusetts. Thomas Hastings dies of cirrhosis of the liver, brought on by years of alcohol abuse. 17 Years BP – A daughter is born to Louis Laughing Fox and Melanie Hastings in Twin Peaks, Washington, and is adopted by an upper-middle class family living in the suburbs of Seattle. Her new parents christen her Gwendolyn Leslie, after the infant girl they had lost due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome almost four years ago, who was one of a pair of fraternal twins. Louis and Melanie tell Dream that his unborn baby sister was lost in a miscarriage. Isabel Shapiro’s younger sister is born in Arkham, Massachusetts. 14 Years BP – Louis leaves Melanie and Dream to return to the reservation, and Melanie moves back to Arkham, Massachusetts, to live with Vivian and Olivia, with Dream in tow. Olivia is now a professor of psychology at Miskatonic University, working on her doctorate degree in the same field that she teaches. Melanie returns to the pornography industry, this time working under the stage name “Meggan Foxxx”. Isabel Shapiro’s immigrant Gypsy grandmother dies of natural causes. Isabel and Dream meet for the first time on the playground. 13 Years BP – Khrys Constantine returns to Arkham, Massachusetts, with Jameson Michael Beckett, long since retired from the service himself, in tow as Khrys’ bodyguard and best friend. Olivia discovers that Khrys has become a vampire, and hasn’t aged a day since leaving her. Together with Olivia’s nephew, Dream, and Easton Escher Ellis Wisdom, an associate of Jamie’s, the five form what will come to be called the Commedia Dell’Arte, an unusual group devoted to exploring every aspect of the paranormal and supernatural. 12 Years BP – College student Lee O’Callaghan attends her first Psychology courses, taught by recently tenured professor Olivia Hastings, Ph.D. Melanie gets reacquainted with Jamie, Louis’ former best friend from their shared term in the service, but despite their mutually acknowledged attraction to one another, the two elect not to pursue any sort of romantic relationship. 7 Years BP – Khrys and Olivia’s relationship moves from “just friends” into a serious romance at last. Vivian Hastings dies of lung cancer, brought on by years of cigarette smoking. Melanie and Dream move back to Washington, to the suburbs of Seattle. Melanie starts working as an exotic dancer at the Deja Vu Showgirls line of strip clubs across the Pacific Northwest. Dream, 14 years old, loses his virginity in a one-night stand to a Deja Vu Showgirls dancer named Geri, who might or might not have been Geri Halliwell, the woman who would go on to become “Ginger Spice” of the Spice Girls. Gwendolyn’s adoptive brother, four years older than her, begins sexually abusing her. Isabel Shapiro’s parents and younger sister are killed on the sidewalk by a hit-and-run driver. 4 Years BP – Isabel, 17 years old, graduates from high school one year early in Arkham, Massachusetts, and commences her first year of courses at Miskatonic University, which she chooses because of its renowned psychology program. Thanks to the credits she accumulated during afternoons and weekends, she starts off her college career with a Sophomore standing. Olivia quickly becomes Isabel’s favorite professor, and despite her own best efforts, Olivia eventually discovers that she’s developed a soft spot for Isabel as well. 3 Years BP – Dream, 18 years old, graduates from high school with honors in Seattle, Washington, and elects to attend the University of Washington, where he meets Andrea Kingston, 20 years old and a Junior, in the library's computer lab. Despite her initial aversion to his immature advances, the two are soon snuggling together beneath her sheets, embroiled in a brief but passionate fling that, in retrospect, both recognize was doomed to failure from the outset. Dream and Andrea part amicably after a few months, but make no effort to keep in contact, and as a result, they gradually drift out of each other’s lives. 2 Years BP – Gwendolyn finds out that she was adopted, and runs away from home to live on the streets of Seattle. She takes on the alias “Cinnamon Rain”, and forms her own all-girl street-punk gang. Dream is reunited with Isabel in college, and they shift gears from schoolyard playmates to hormone-overloaded lovers in virtually no time at all. Khrys proposes to Olivia, and they finally get engaged. 1 Year BP – Khrys Constantine and Olivia Hastings trade wedding rings. Isabel Shapiro dies of a rare heart condition, one which she’d been living with all her life. A heartbroken Dream begins hallucinating that Isabel’s spirit is still visiting him. His grades plummet, and he loses all the academic achievement-based financial aid that had been keeping him in college. Desperate to stay in school, Dream enters the Ulysses Undertakings summer scholarship program, fights Molestro the Mirthless and his Thunder Monkey-Worshipping Brotherhood of Ass-Raping Ninjas Student Loan Collection Agency for the first time, accidentally discovers Impossibilityium and invents his SillySuit in the process, and makes his public debut as CrazySugarFreakBoy! 0 Years BP – Dream joins the Lair Legion. Louis returns from the reservation. Melanie becomes Dream’s superhero sidekick, Action Figure. Doctor Phobia appears from the future. Dream draws up the founding roster for the Goofball Gauntlet by recruiting the ten worst comic book villains of all time, and reforming them into his own team of semi-effective superheroes. Action Figure and Doctor Phobia join the Goofball Gauntlet. Dream faces off against PsychoAcidPervGirl!, whom he learns is his long-lost sister, put up for adoption at birth and sexually abused since puberty. Logos emerges, and assembles all of Dream’s enemies against him, from the Ass-Raping Ninjas to the Crimson Continuity Monitor. Dream is also reunited with Andrea, who reveals that she went to work for Icarus Innovations after graduating from the University of Washington, barely a year and a half ago. And Khrys’ distant relative, Theo Locksley, surfaces to seek out the Commedia Dell’Arte. 7 Years After Present (AP) – Iris Paintbrush Foxfire is born to Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove. 19 Years AP – Iris, 12 years old, discovers the Impossibilityium-based powers she’s inherited from Dream, and takes on the costumed crimefighter identity of HyperActiveLunaticLass! to honor her father’s superhero legacy. 20 Years AP – Iris, 13 years old and almost a full year into her fledgling career as HyperActiveLunaticLass!, travels back in time to meet up with her father, Dream, in the present era. 39 Years AP – The Autobot Transformer nicknamed “Glitch” discovers that she is, in fact, GlitchedGadgetRiotgrrlRobot!, a member of the CrazySugarSuperHero! line. What do you guys think? CrazySugarFreakBoy! |
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