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Post By Dancer (via Visionary) Sat Jul 24, 2004 at 12:45:09 am EDT |
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Why is Dancer a Legionnaire | |
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Whooo, lots to catch up on, so little time online. I hope people don’t mind that I used the time to write this instead of answering all the wonderful stories and things you’ve done. I promise to read them all when I get home. I’m looking forward to it. – Sarah
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Interviewer: So why is Dancer a member of the Lair Legion?
Dancer: I am? Wow, that explains why they gave me the door keys. I’m so proud.
Interviewer: Er, you didn’t know?
Dancer: Oh, of course I did, silly. All you interviewer types of so stuffy. Look, sit down and have a sandwich. Loosen your tie.
Interviewer: My tie?
Dancer: Relax. Sandwich. If it was Lisa you were interviewing you’d be loosening your belt by now. So what did you want to know again?
Interviewer: Er… oh, yeah, why are you in the Lair Legion?
Dancer: Because they’re the good guys, of course. Heroes. Champions. And its everybody’s duty to help the good guys.
Interviewer: So you see yourself as a champion?
Dancer: Me? No, I said they were the champions. I just kind of help out and keep them from forgetting what they’re supposed to do. And break up the fights.
Interviewer: You joined during the infamous lair Legion World Tour…
Dancer: Yeah, that was a fun trip. Well, apart from that bit where I got enslaved and depowered, but Manny helped me with that. He should really join the LL too. There’s plenty of other members with lame powers and defective personalities. He’d fit right in.
Interviewer: What was your motivation in joining, then?
Dancer: They asked me. Also I wanted the LL to stop being like this big oppressive police force and start being more like the fire brigade, helping people when disaster strikes. Or maybe more like the coast guard, rescuing people in trouble. Or social services… or maybe a luandromat…
Interviewer: You’ve clashed with Legion leadership over the direction of the team.
Dancer: Nah. I can’t say I haven’t had to do the old drop-pen-and-bend-over routine once or twice to make Finny forget what he was insisting on, but that’s pretty much it. I just have to keep reminding the guys that everybody has the potential for redemption in them. I think we’d all get along better if we talked and danced more and aimed laser-death rays at Washington less.
Interviewer: So might we one day see Dancer leading the Lair Legion in her own inimitable way?
Dancer: Hey, I already lead the Lair Legion in my own inimitable way, just not by being leader. I can’t see myself ever being big-chair-guy. I get hassled deciding what kind of shampoo to wear, and I get upset of I have to tell somebody off for dropping their cigarette on the floor.
Interviewer: What role do you feel you play in the Lair Legion then?
Dancer: Lauren Bacall.
Interviewer: Er…
Dancer: Oh, alright. That was just wishful thinking. I guess I get to be the bubbly one.
Interviewer: The bubbly one?
Dancer: In the LL, right, you have Lisa, and she’s like the iconic one, and she gets to play lead seductress too. Sorceress gets to be the mysterious one. Yo gets to be the cute funny loveable one. Troia was the feisty one. Sersi was the fun one. Pegasus was the imperious eccentric one. So that leaves me with bubbly. Lisa seduces, Whitney mysteries, Yo cutes and I… bubble.
Interviewer: You bubble.
Dancer: Well, not as much as the Manga Shoggoth when he’s playing the bagpipes but, yeah, I try. Somebody’s got to.
Interviewer: Why?
Dancer: Because otherwise it’s all doom and gloom and tragic post-apocalyptic wasteland heroes with big Liefield frowns and existential angst struggling in weary tedious lives against remorseless forces they can never beat, and stuff. I’m here to say, “Hey guys, smile willya, you done good today.”
Interviewer: Like a cheerleader?
Dancer: Well, like a cheerleader who could actually dance, didn’t wear the stupid fetish outfit that says “I’m a fourteen year old slut who my school has socially approved to be a sex object to encourage tribalistic conflict and perpetuate the cult of superficial appearance,”, and has had a brain implanted, maybe?
Interviewer: …..
Dancer: So that’s why I’m in the LL. To keep them honest, to remind them they’re the good guys, to help them if I can because they are the good guys. Because as Dream always says, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Because it’s the right thing to do. Because the world needs saving. Because I love them.
Interviewer: And any last thoughts on this subject?
Dancer: I don’t know if I’ve had first thoughts yet. Let’s see… Oh yeah, the first time I saw the LL really in action, right? Parodiopolis kidnapped across the universe, city in chaos, aliens attacking, everybody screaming and panicking. And the Legion is just there, fighting these impossible odds, helping people, facing appalling dangers again and again and again because people needed it. Such heroes, such wonderful people, our bravest and our best! They’re silly and flawed and some of them have no dress sense or social skills but they’re also noble and caring and… well they’re heroes, our heroes, for us. Be honest, if you could spend some time amongst them, help them out, be one of them… wouldn’t you?
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