Back to the Archive.
Aunt Sally rolled through the gates of the park and turned towards Parody Plaza. The crowds followed behind, seething around the heroes, still whooping. More people lined the upper windows of the buildings, hurling down ticker tape and confetti.
"You’re awfully quiet, Vizh," Nats observed. "Still dreaming about your nine green-skinned slave girls?"
"The Capheans?" Visionary shuddered. "No, I was just… I’m not used to being popular. I don’t know how to react when people are cheering for me."
"So you’re completely over the slave-girls in your bedroom?" CSFB! checked. "Already? Boy you work fast."
"It’s not like that," the possibly-fake slave owner explained. "They come from a world culture based upon slavery and ownership, where a slave takes her social status from the master she are owned by. A king's slave girl is accorded much more status and authority than a poor man's slave girl. Not to be owned at all means to be an outcast with no protection in law, no means of support, and prey to any who might want to harm or exploit them."
"So you’re keeping them," Tricky asked, one eyebrow raised.
"No, of course not. It’s just…"
"Why did they come to you anyway?" CSFB! complained. "G-Eyed and me rescued them. We could have kind of shared them out. I mean April is pretty open on the idea of…"
"That was a misunderstanding on their part," Vizh interrupted quickly. "The Librarian arranged for the captives you liberated to be returned home. But these nine rescued girls couldn’t be sent back. They were legally sold, and now under Cephan law they're owned by the LL by right of conquest. So Lee sent them to our Deputy-Leader. Yo was setting up the big gods-battle thing, so of course s/he says ‘Go to be seeing of cute-Visi. He is to be knowing what to doing with you.’ Factor in that yellow coats denote high-status masters on Ceph IX and the girls decided that I must be very important indeed and probably own favoured-slave Yo and the rest of you, and my doom is sealed."
"So you’re gonna keep the slaves," Trickshot repeated. "Only I hear the Manga Shoggoth has some strong views on slavery, an’ he was looking for you."
Visionary winced and went paler. He really didn’t want to be eaten by an elder being.
"And thistles," Kerry Shepherdson went on helpfully. "The master likes to have lots of thistles hidden in his bed. You’d better get onto that right now."
The Cephan slave girls nodded dutifully and added that to the list of chores Visionary’s house-slave was giving them.
"This is cruel," Lindy Wilson objected as the green-skinned women scampered off. "Those girls have been victims, they don’t know any better than what they’re doing, and now they’ve got to…"
"Live with Visionary?" Kerry interjected. "They’re not alone in sharing that pain."
"All the same," Lindy persisted, "It’s not fair to be mean to them."
Hacker Nine watched the Cephans working with fascination. "Didn’t your brother’s girlfriend say you had to be home by nine?" he prompted Lindy.
"I’m not shifting from this house and leaving you here while there’s nine obedient slave-hotties prancing round in their skimpy space-wench costumes," Lindy told him determinedly.
"What?" H9 denied, throwing his hands up. "What did I do?"
"Nothing," answered Lindy. "And it’s staying that way."
Kerry grinned at the exchange. "Young love. Eew."
"What, and you’re not planning a sneak-trip to Badripoor anytime for a little spiff-one-on-one?" Lindy challenged.
"I can easily over-ride the security lockouts on one of the Lairjets," Hacker Nine offered helpfully.
Kerry was considering this when the phone rang. "Dweebo’s residence," she spoke into the mouthpiece. "How can I direct your call in the House of Fake?"
There was a glittering of holo-imagery and Hallie formed up into her physical shape. "Hello Kerry. I just called in because the Shoggoth’s on his way over and Ebony says he’s heard about the Cephans and…"
Zack Zelnitz dived behind the sofa, but it was too late.
"Hacker Nine!" recognised the Lair Legion’s artificial intelligence, locking down her systems from any outside intrusion. "You’re supposed to be dead."
"I had a bit of a stomach ache three days ago," H9 offered. "I think I ate too many of Vizh’s potato chips."
"Visionary?" Hallie blinked. "He’s hiding you here?"
"He totally is," Kerry jumped in. "Because, you know, so many agencies would want to like kill or exploit H9. So he’s secretly sworn Zack into the Juniors, and he’s keeping him safe in the Condo. Yes, that’s it."
"But he doesn’t like to talk about it," Hacker Nine added hastily. "Top secret. Best if you don’t let him know that you know."
That might even have worked if the Manga Shoggoth hadn’t picked that moment to ooze out of the taps in the kitchen and form up. "Hacker Nine!" he bubbled. "You are supposed to be demised!"
"Hey, teach!" Fashion Accessory called out as she and Ham-Boy struggled through the mass to find Visionary, Falcon and Hatman. "Have you seen Harlagaz at all?"
"We think he’s sneaked off again to meet his mystery girlfriend," Ham-Boy confided.
"Don’t mention dating," Hatman shuddered. "At least not around CSFB!"
"I haven’t seen Harlagaz," Visionary admitted. "I saw Glory earlier, with Mr Epitome when he was making his press releases."
"Aw man, we’re never going to scope the Harlababe!" objected Fred Harris.
"We’ll just have to enjoy the party then," FA shrugged, shifting her outfit into something slinky for dirty dancing. She glanced at Ham-Boy. "Don’t think about asking me, because a refusal often offends."
Visionary sighed.
"Good to be back?" Falcon asked him.
"It’ll be nice to sleep in my own bed again," Vizh admitted. "Once I’ve run the minesweeper over it, of course."
Asil jostled her way over to join the possibly fake man. "Welcome back!" she beamed at him. "You were very heroic! I knew you would be. Now everyone will know that you are a Great Man!"
"Well, I hardly ever screamed," Visionary conceded. "That’s pretty good by my standards."
"There is one little problem though," Asil warned him. "Hallie called to warn you."
"About the Shoggoth?"
"Two problems," Asil corrected herself. "The, um the other one’s about Kerry’s houseguest."
Visionary’s face darkened. "Houseguest? I’m going to geld that spiffy with my pruning shears!"
"It’s not spiffy!" Asil told him quickly. "It’s Hacker Nine!"
"That little punk? He’s dead."
"He’s not, and apparently he’s been living in the Condo."
"Ah…" winced FA. "We were meaning to mention that."
Hatman and Falcon watched Visionary run swearing towards the nearest taxi.
"Nice to see him getting’ some exercise," chuckled Falc.
"Hacker Nine’s been living in Vizh’s Condo and dating your little sister," Asil added maliciously.
Hatman watched Falcon flying off after Visionary. "Nice to see them both getting some exercise."
