De Brown Streak wakes up on a tiger-striped mattress in a plush velvet-lined cell in Professor Pervo’s secret headquarters. He’s being watched by three attentive Nymphobots. He thinks his stories have had worse beginnings.
DBS: “Now if only nobody comes along and rescues me.”
Nymphobots: *giggle*
DBS: “Have I been very naughty? Am I going to be punished?”
Professor Pervo: “Stop that. If you want that kind of adventure you have to pay cash or charge like everybody else!”
DBS is shocked. “You use these poor sweet Nymphobots for… immoral purposes? For immoral earnings?”
The Nymphobots pout.
Professor Pervo: “Well all this equipment’s pretty expensive, you know, and it’s not like there’s many research grants into perfecting android love machines.”
DBS: “You’re kidding right? There’s got to be a huge market.” Smiles at the Nymphobots. “Except that these lovely ladies deserve much, much better than that. It’s only a matter of time before they get smart and sue you for separation maintenance.”
Nymphobot One: “You can do that?”
Nymphobot Two: “How much?”
Professor Pervo, looking worried: “Right, that does it. I’m not even going to dissect you a little first. You’re going straight to your archenemy, Jethro Screwdriver.”
De Brown Streak is surprised but a little bit gratified to learn he’s finally got an archenemy, given that he spent several episodes trying to find one. “Okay, first off, yay, I have an archvillain. And secondly… who?”
Pervo: “Screwdriver, the international supervillain financier.”
DBS: “Are you saying he finances international supervillains? Who does the local ones? Or is he international, kind of like a multi-national corporation? Or is he a financier who’s a supervillain internationally?”
This confuses the Nymphobots, who default to dumb blonde mode and giggle some more. One of them probably does her make-up.
“Stop it!” demands Professor Pervo, his voice getting squeaky with rage. “You know very well what I mean. When the villains need to invest in battle-tanks or power upgrades he underwrites it for a cut of their loot. And now he’s interested in adding you to his portfolio, so he hired the N-Bots and me to catch you. And we did.”
De Brown Streak agrees that he very much enjoyed being captured by the Nymphobots (who giggle again).
Pervo: “You think so, do you? You think my pretties here are only able to give pleasure?”
Nymphobot Three: “We’re only your pretties pending us looking into that maintenance thingie DBS talked about, BTW.”
Pervo: “Now you shall see the downside of three insatiable, tireless, sex goddesses.”
DBS shakes his head. “Sorry man, but the English language just doesn’t work like that. You just can’t use the word ‘downside’ in the same sentence as ‘insatiable, tireless, sex goddesses’. It’s nonsense.”
Pervo: “Bah! You shall see. Take him, my pretties. Grind him down and destroy him! Go! Go! Go!”
De Brown Streak prepares himself for an epic tussle that would make the comics code burst into tears and run home to Frederick Wertham. Professor Pervo leers a bit, does that villainous laugh that second rate baddies do to try and sound more sinister, then goes off to arrange for Screwdriver’s minions to come and collect what’s going to be left of our glorious hero.
The scene intercuts with clock hands ticking, and the sea crashing on the beach, and trains vanishing into tunnels with a whistle, and champagne corks popping and fizzing and all that symbolic stuff. And then Jethro Screwdriver arrives with some minions to take what’s left of DBS away.
Screwdriver: “Well done, Professor. Once we have subjected this mutate speedster to a little bit of mind control he will make a very good pawn in my programme to dominate the world mutate markets.” He turns to those inevitable minions we mentioned earlier. “Roadkill, Blister Pack, Turpulent Man, fetch me the captive.”
Prof. P: “If you can drag my Nymphobots off him!” *wicked laugh*
Screwdriver: “Do you have to make that noise? It’s quite embarrassing.”
Roadkill: “But boss… there’s no-one in this cell!”
Blister Pack: “Hey, this is much nicer than our cells. I really like the mirror ceiling.”
Professor Pervo: No-one in there? Impossible. Where are my Nymphobots?”
De Brown Streak, appearing from behind the baddies: “Oh please. I got rid of them using the oldest trick in the book.”
Turpulent Man: “You asked them to wash your socks?”
DBS: “I suggested that before the ravished me to death they powdered their noses. And of course they all went off together into the bathroom and haven’t come out again yet.”
Screwdriver: “Pervo, you moron! He’s free! You said you had him completely ruined!”
Pervo: “It’s not my fault! Who’d have thought that three beautiful brainless bimbos could be distracted with gossip and make-up in the girl’s bathroom?” Yep, it’s pretty clear that Prof P. had to build three women to get anywhere near the female gender.
De Brown Streak takes pity on him, blurs over there and beats the snot out of him in less than half a second. It had to be done, the guy’s slime. Then DBS stops to say Hi to Screwdriver: “Hey, you must be my archvillain. Pleased to meet you. You’ve been kind of lurking in my subplots for a few episodes now, haven’t you?”
Screwdriver: “This isn’t over yet, Streak! You may have beaten that pathetic mad scientist, but I command an army of the finest supervillain mercenaries on the planet! Get him boys!”
Roadkill, Blister Pack, and Turpulent Man look around them for someone to beat up.
Roadkill: “Um, who boss? I think the hero’s gone.”
Blister Pack: “And he seems to have taken the girls from the bathroom with him.”
Turpulent Man: “We could beat up this mad scientist guy if you like.”
Screwdriver: “Fear not, my minions. He’s here. He’s moving at super-speed evading our senses, waiting for the moment to strike. But it shall be to no avail, for we are too powerful for him. As soon as he reveals himself we shall crush him!”
Screwdriver: “So just wait. He’s planning something, mark my words.”
Screwdriver checks his watch: “No hero can just run off and leave the villains waiting around. It’s not done. He’ll be back.”
Ten minutes later. “Any time now.”
Twenty minutes later. “Soon.”
Thirty minutes later. “Be vigilant.”
An hour later. “Crap.”
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