Tales of the Parodyverse

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Subject: Here's my continuation of Dancer's post-Moderator story...





Visionary stood in the doorway to the Lair Mansion, flanked by his two 11 year old children. "So..." he said, looking from the prone and pantsless Daniel Lyle, to the silk robe clad Kerry Shepherdson floating angrily in the biomass of the Manga Shoggoth, to the assembled Lair Legion. "You're all doing what now?"

Hatman sighed. "Protecting national security."

The Regular nodded. "'kay" he replied, taking things in. "From Kerry specifically, or teenagers in general? Not that I'd argue either point."

"MS... you'd better spit out Kerry... this is getting out of hand" Jay suggested.

"Plus you don't know where she's been" Dream chimed in, then caught Vizh's look. "Er... probably at the library. Really."

Kerry spit out bits of Shoggoth goo as she came free and opened her mouth in a snarl to comment.

Visionary raised a hand. "Children present" he interjected quickly, with a nod to the twins.

Kerry snapped her mouth shut, and the remaining goo on her sizzled as it evaporated.

"Al B. picked up some worrisome readings recently..." Jay explained quickly in an effort to keep things from getting out of control again. "EEE was scanning for residual radiation that would indicate the existence of any of the Moderators people in our reality, and Al got a ping."

"Is that what he and Muffy are calling it these days?" Yuki drawled.

Magweed looked confused. "Calling what?"

Visionary sighed. "What part of "children present" didn't you get?"

"Um..." Yuki began. "Weren't you going to a movie tonight?"

"We left early... it wasn't very good, and Maggie doesn't like crowds" Griffin explained. "Besides, Mom has better computer animation than that."

"They got goblins all wrong" Maggie concurred. She gave a worried look to the passed out teen on the floor. "Is Danny okay?"

CSFB rubbed the back of his neck. "That's what we're trying to find out."

Hatman showed the clipboard with the data report to the Regular. "There was concern based on Al's admittedly shaky data that Daniel may be a new manifestation of the Moderator. We need to collect a DNA sample to be sure..."

"Um... A sample of what? Is that why he's in his boxer shorts?" Visionary asked. "See, I knew there had to be a reason, only I had hoped it would be a little less disturbing." He glanced at Kerry in her tiny silk robe suspiciously. "And where did you get that outfit?"

The teenager bit back whatever acid tongued response she had to the Hatty's explanation. "Er... Sarah bought it for me. For Christmas. Or something."

"Hmmmmm" the Regular noted. "That does sound like her." He looked over his adopted little sister critically. "Although maybe she mixed up your size with Maggie's..."

Kerry rolled her eyes. "Anyway, we had just gotten back from volunteering at the Animal Shelter, where we wash the puppies every Thursday night, when these goons jumped us!" she explained. "And we didn't have our full clothes on, because they were dirty and wet, what from cleaning all of the puppies you see, so we had thought we'd slip them into the wash over here at the Mansion..."

"Why not use the machines at the Lighthouse?" Visionary asked.

Kerry started to shrug, but then quickly shot a hand down to hold the bottom of her robe. "Well, ah... you know how the dryer's lint trap is always full of purple fur? It's not energy efficient... and the planet's not getting any healthier, after all."

"I... Well, I suppose that could be true. Rabito does love the spin cycle..."

"But I thought this was the anniversary of some big baseball game you two played in?" Griffin puzzled. "Something about extra innings this year, and how Danny was going to have a perfect night at bat..."

"Well, that's just..." Kerry began and then froze. "Wait... Where did you hear this?" she asked dangerously.

Griffin paused. "Oh! Well, um... I kind of... um..."

"You... Little... TWERP!" Kerry roared, lunging at him. "You've been reading my diary!"

"Only the one under the floorboards beneath your bed!" the boy yelped, turning intangible and choosing to make a break for the kitchen for good measure. "I never touch the one you leave out on your nightstand!"

"You can't stay intangible forever!" the enraged teenager yelled, crashing through the swinging doors after him. "Sometime you have to turn flammable again!"

The Shoggoth watched the exchange with interest. "Usually my biomass has a much more calming affect on people" it argued. "Mostly resulting in quiet gibbering."

Yuki winced as there was a horrible clatter. "Should we be concerned about that?"

Visionary looked up from where he and Hatman were working on lifting the unconscious Danny Lyle. "Hmmm? Oh, well Griffin managed to stay intangible for eleven years, so I think he'll be okay." He paused and a worried look came over his face. "There aren't any gas appliances in there..?"

"No" Hatman assured him as he lifted Danny to the couch. "And we removed all the plutonium from the appliances that NTU made after Kerry and you moved in here a few years back."

Flapjack's horrible visage appeared in the doorway. "The freezer is on fire" he informed them gravely. "So there will be a special midnight buffet served. Cajun Style."

Visionary nodded. "Last time that happened, I got some tin-foiled wrapped leftover rib roast, and I think part of the ice cube tray."

"This sucks!" CSFB noted. "Memories of that damn Moderator thing have us all turned around, questioning who we can trust! I feel like a total hypocrite for being a part of this!"

"You're not going to rage, are you?" Yuki asked. "Only we're still missing Epitome from the last one."

"That's not my fault! And whatever the Moderator did, it's not Danny's either! It was an alternate reality!"

"I met an alternate reality version of myself once" Visionary noted. "He wasn't very impressive."

"We call those "mirrors", Vizh" Yuki offered.

The Regular raised an eyebrow. "Kind of snippy tonight, aren't you?"

The purple haired cyborg shrugged. "Fleabot isn't here, and Kerry's busy nuking the kitchen... Somebody has to supply the barbed comments in these stories."

"Maybe we should take this more seriously" Hatman suggested to his team. "Then again, things can get kind of angsty around here pretty easily these days... so maybe not. Still, we need a resolution to this Daniel Lyle problem if we're to get on with things."

Visionary turned to his daughter. "What do you think, honey? Is he okay?"

Magweed used her godmother's gift to see the true heart of the bound and unconscious teen on the couch. "He tries to appear bad" she told them with a shy smile, "but deep down he's a nice boy."

The Legionnaires looked at one another.

"Okay, but Al is still going to want a DNA sample..." Yuki noted brandishing some scissors. She tapped her lips thoughtfully. "What do you think... is a pinky finger enough DNA?"

"Actually, if we're shearing off anatomy, I'd suggest his... um..." Visionary met his daughter's loving gaze and sighed. "No... no maiming Kerry's boyfriend." He sent the young girl off to find her brother while he turned back to regard the young man in his underwear. "You say you found him and Kerry dressed like this, together?"

The Legion nodded.

"Better taze him a few more times then" Visionary suggested, looking over Al's data. "You know... for science."




Post By
Visionary

Sun Apr 13, 2008 at
01:17:26 am EDT
Posted from U.S. Network
using Mozilla Firefox/Windows XP

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