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Post By Silver Aegis Tue Jun 05, 2007 at 03:18:37 pm EDT |
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"Sic Semper Baroness!" Part One | |
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“Welcome back. I’m Owen Slawsgaard and this is “You’ll Eat It And Like It!” . Our next guest also has a movie coming out-“ “Sally, adjust the volume,” Elizabeth Dewdrop Von Zemo commanded from her black onyx marble bathtub with solid gold fixtures. It had been a strenuous day for the Near Absolute Sovereign of Parody Earth, and she was hoping the forthcoming breads and circuses would ease her tension. “- I’m guessing after tonight you won’t be able to fit in that corset again, heh heh. Let’s see what Chef Largessi has prepared for you: Manhattan clam chowder, larded sweetbreads ala Financiere, and for dessert: double chocolate chess pie with a Grand Mariner demiglace.” “But, but- I’m allergic to shellfish!” “Stomach pumps are standing by,” the host assured the waifish thespian, “Now, let’s see if you can beat Miss Portman’s time of eleven minutes and forty three seconds. If not, it’s the Lamprey Pond for you!!” The plasma screen TV went dark for a moment, to be replaced by the wire-frame profile of HAGGIE, “I hate to interrupt your entertainment, O Maleficent One, but you may want to see this: its footage from the Off Central Park book burning.” An amateur cameraman had caught the scene: several uniformed members of the Nationalist Zemocratic Party were bum rushing a man in gray chain mail wielding a shield with thirteen stars ringing its border. “Silver Aegis,” Beth hissed, reflexively squeezing her loofah in impotent rage. It was easy work for the Star Spangled Sensation to defeat the torch wielding disciples of the grad student turned global despot. Then, he climbed the mound of literature that was scheduled for immolation, and started a fire of his own: “People of Parodiopolis, please. I’m not familiar with the works of- ” he scanned the book covers, “Jackie Collins, PJ O’ Roarke, or Clive Cussler, but if I were, and hated what they wrote with every fiber of my being, I would not resort to such grotesque censorship. It’s not our way. We’re Americans; and it’s our duty to resist the call of the Mob, just as it’s our heritage to throw the yoke of the tyrant. I plan to do both, and hope you find it in your hearts to follow me.” And after violently dispatching a squad of Zhutz Ztaffel paratroopers sent to capture him and commandeering their helicopter, the Silver Aegis was gone. “They found the copter abandoned in the Claremont Flats,” HAGGIE reported, “We sent a battalion of ZZ soldiers to the area, but so far, nothing.” “Of course not,” Beth rose wrathfully from her milk bath and allowed her pliable personal assistant to towel her off, “The man’s allegedly battled fascism for decades. This must be old hat for him.” “So it looks like there’s another glitch in the Matrix, huh, boss?” Silicone Sally wrapped the Baroness in her Turkish cotton bathrobe and held up her bath sandals, “What’s the plan?” Elizabeth Zemo tapped her chin with her forefinger thoughtfully, “We make the Silver Aegis come to us by providing him with a target too tempting to ignore.” “Like what?” “We threaten something dear to his sensibilities, his cloying sentimentality for simpler times. Come, Sally, we need to look up something to tear down.” To Be Continued |
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