Tales of the Parodyverse

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Visionary (somewhat), though this one is mostly by AG
Fri Sep 15, 2006 at 11:08:51 pm EDT

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Welcome Home, part two of a constantly expanding collaboration
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Chapter 2



“Okay… we’ve questioned him pretty thoroughly…” Visionary noted, pacing nervously as Hallie watched. They were sequestered in the upstairs library, with the twins waiting just down the hall. “He only got, what? 30-40% of the things he couldn’t possibly know correct? That’s not so bad. It could be a total coincidence…”

“Or it could be that he has no way to process what’s in his head, and it’s all totally randomized in there, waiting for the right trigger to come pouring out” Hallie suggested.

“Maybe he’s just telepathic…” the Regular replied hopefully. “That wouldn’t be so bad… He’d be great at card tricks. I’d support him in a magician’s career… That David Blaine guy wasn’t so bad until he started with the jackass stunts...”

“It’s not mind-reading. Were you thinking of Senator Keane’s home phone number when he came up with that one?”

“Maybe. My mind wanders.”

Hallie rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Vizh, we have to face facts… the most likely explanation is that he somehow absorbed information straight from my database while he was in the virtual womb. All of that expanded memory capacity that I got from the Celestians had to go somewhere. We need to have Al B. run a few tests…”

“No.”

“Vizh…”

“No, Hallie” he said firmly. “The information you had in your databases… How much of that is highly classified? Especially now that it’s wartime?”

She sighed. “Of the stuff I was supposed to know? Lots.” She coughed delicately and flushed. “Of the stuff I wasn’t supposed to know? Even more.”

Visionary sighed, and sat down with his head in his hands. “No” he finally repeated. “He’s my son… and he’s going to have a chance to simply be my son… not some damned security risk that needs to be kept under lock and key.”

“No one would suggest doing that to him…” Hallie argued.

The Regular gave her a level look. “No one?” he asked.





Lair Mansion was in chaos. No Avawarriors had attacked. No villains (lame or serious) had launched their mad schemes. Nothing Earth shattering had occurred during the last twelve hours. The chaotic atmosphere was due to many military officials, heroes from other nations and various important people running to and fro in the mansion.

A child could get lost in a world like that. Two children were feeling like they had. Maggie and Griffin were those two children.

They held hands as they sat on one of the benches in the main foyer, waiting for their father and “mother” to get back to them.

“Wow, look at all these people! They are so different, Maggie!” the little green skinned boy commented with wide eyes.

“Daddy sure knows a lot of people, Griff… He must be very popular.”

“I’m not used to calling him ‘daddy’. I’m not even used to calling you my sister.”

“I feel the same way, brother. That sounds weird.” The little greenish girl replied.

“Griff is fine. I wonder how long it will take for them? I want to explore this house!”

“Just what do we have here?” A strange man asked as he approached. The children instinctively moved closer to each other.

The man had red hair and dark green shades. He wore a dark suit and walked with annoyed purpose. “Who do you kids belong to? Strange green skinned… children should not be running around unsupervised at the United Earth Command Center! Wait until I tell Sir Mumphrey! He should have better control of any aliens who . . .”

“Excuse me sir.” Little Maggie braved a response. “We’re not running around.”

As the flabbergasted man started to bend closer to Maggie, her twin brother got up and stood in front of her. “My sister is right! We were asked to sit here and wait by our daddy! Don’t touch my sister!”

“Touch her? Why on Earth would I want to touch her? Children are filthy, germ laden, unsanitary little things…” He glanced distastefully at Maggie’s wilted arm and the scar down her left body marking her as different. “And that goes for the healthy, non-mutant ones.”

Red eyes darkened in the hall way. A small shape started to move but another held the first back. “Wait. The smelly mortal in green heard it too. Let’s wait, my sister.”

The sound of clapping could be heard. Maggie, Griffin and the rude man all turned to look at who was making the noise. The children simply watched this new arrival with awe but the rude man’s face turned a bright shade of red. The new arrival smiled like the cat that had bagged the canary.

“Bravo! Man, I gotta tell ya, Garrick, here I was convinced that you couldn’t be a bigger ass . . . whoops. Sorry sprouts! I mean a bigger jerk. Then you go an’ shoot off your mouth at Vish’s kids.”

Agent Garrick took a double take. He looked at the children a little closer. That’s when he spotted the oversized green sweater with the yellow diamond that Maggie was practically swimming in.

“What? You mean to tell me, Trickshot, that these are Visionary’s kids?” His surprised expression turned to one of smug satisfaction. “Heh. Not really surprising that mixing with alien DNA would result in something like that. He never could... AAK!”

Trickshot grabbed Garrick by the neck then turned to the children. “Hey kid. Little boy, what’s your name?”

“It’s Griffin, sir.”

“Ya don’t need to call me ‘sir’. I’m Trickshot. You two little sprouts can call me Uncle Tricky. Would you do me a favor?”

“LET ME GO! I SWEAR I’LL HAVE MUMMPH MUPPH!” Tricky shoved a tea coaster into the man’s mouth.

“Uh, yes . . . Uncle Tricky?”

“See these little compartments that run throughout my costume? Good. Please open the fourth one up from my belt, on the right side. It’s alright. Yeah, that one. Ok, pull out what’s inside.”

Griffen pulled out a strange purple plastic cylinder. He moved it around in his little fingers with a curious expression. In his eleven years of life he had never seen such a thing before.

“Open it up. Push that little arrow mark right there and . . . yeah, that’s it. Ok, hand it here.”

“What is it Uncle Tricky?”

“Well little girl, it’s my Itching Power Arrow Tip.”

Garrick’s eyes opened wide. “MUUMPH! HULPH!”

Trickshot continued to teach by holding up the arrow tip over the man’s head. “Now, I know you’re both very smart kids. Your dad and mom are smart and I can tell by watching you that you’re both smart too. When someone, like this bozo, starts being rude and acting like the bully he is, just look for things that could help ya get the advantage. Just to put ‘em in his place, ya know? Look here.” Tricky sprinkled the itching powder onto Garrick’s head and let go. The man ran down the corridor, itching and mumbling at the top of his voice. He did not even take the coaster out of his mouth. The sounds of four children laughing filled the room.

Tricky bent down and ruffled Maggie and Griffen’s hair. “You kids be good. I gotta go. Uncle Tricky will teach ya more stuff later.” Trickshot walked away as the kids smiled after him.





“You can’t possibly be serious…” Fleabot grumbled darkly.

“I don’t like it any more than you do” Hatman replied as he walked down the hallway. “I’ve made my feelings known to the government about their proposed treatment of robosapiens… repeatedly.”

The tiny robotic flea leapt after him. “First, unless you’ve got some kind of robotic cap welded to your head permanently, I don’t think you can say you don’t like it any more than I do.”

Jay Boaz sighed. “Granted… but it’s a concern to everyone on the Legion, just the same.”

“Well then, how is it that the team volunteered the mainframe and VR world for this damned experiment anyway?”

“We were trying to derail the alternative suggestion, put forward by the United State’s Security Advisor on such matters…”

“Garrick?” Fleabot growled. “You can’t tell me anybody still takes that man seriously!”

Hatman stepped aside as the man in question came bolting down the hallway, chewing obscenities through a tea cozy, gyrating his shoulders and rubbing at his scalp as if he were attempting to start a camp fire through friction.

Fleabot exchanged a dubious glance with the Lair Legion Chairman as the scratching man disappeared around the other end of the corridor.

“Hey… I’m Canadian” Hatty answered in excuse, holding up his hands. “Look… find me a better alternative… any alternative that will satisfy the US government, and I’ll pitch it. Please.” He paused outside the door to his quarters. “Now, since I’m guessing my 10 o’clock meeting with Garrick has been postponed, I need to catch the first bit of sleep I’ve had since Tuesday.”

The miniscule robot was considering crawling under the door to continue to harangue the LL’s leader when he caught sight of the miserable bird perched upon the pallid bust of Jarvis just above the chamber door.

“Quoth? You’ll never believe what… these… Oh dear…” he trailed off as he looked at her, noting her drab feathers and slumped stance. “Quoth...?” breathed in alarm, his mechanical heart skipping a beat as he took in her appearance. As far as omens went, this one wasn’t subtle… even for the Parodyverse.





“He’s a colorful mortal, that Trickshot.” A girl’s voice spoke up from the corridor opposite the one Garrick ran down.

Griffin and Maggie turned to see two other children, one boy and one girl. Both the kids were dressed in old style clothes with crimson cloaks and hoods. They had red hair (the boy’s was short and straight while the girl’s was curly and bushy.) and pale faces.

Maggie and Griffin were not scared, for these were just children. When they looked at the red eyes and the sharp pointy fangs, fear still did not present itself. They had never seen any creature that looked like this in Faerie, so these newcomers only aroused curiosity.

“Hello.” The girl with the bushy hair said as she stuck out her hand. “I’m Emily. This is my brother Draden.”

“Nice to meet you.” Draden nodded.

“We just met with Sir Mumphrey Wilton. He’s a friend of your father. We were just leaving when we saw you two sitting here.” Emily sat next to Maggie on the couch. “Are you children all right?”

“Yes. Our daddy is in a meeting too.” Maggie explained. “He asked us to wait here for him.”

“You poor kids. This place is not really for children.”

“Wait, aren’t you two kids also?” Griffin asked. At eleven years old, Griffin and Maggie were one year older then the age Emily looked. Draden looked one year older then the twins.

“We’re really much older.” Draden replied. “Can I ask a question?”

“Go ahead.” Maggie replied.

“Where did you too come from? Last I heard Visionary didn’t have any kids, but now you two are here. And how come you look, uh, well green?”

“Draden!”

“No Emily, it’s alright. We were born this way but for eleven years we’ve been in Faire. Griffin was invisible, too!”

“So for eleven years you lived there without your parents?”
“Yes. We didn’t know who they were.”

I didn’t even know if I was real! I thought I was a griffin!”

Emily and Draden were surprised. “You poor dears! And now you’re here on Earth and you don’t feel like you fit in.” Maggie and Griffin nodded slowly.

Emily stood up abruptly. “This won’t do. Come. Let’s go talk to your father. He’s a friend of mine.”






“I don’t know what to think…” Hallie admitted wearily. “This internment thing has me turned inside out. This isn’t how we imagined this homecoming, is it?”

“We have some catching up to do” Visionary agreed. “I feel like I’ve wandered into the finale of a big production, and all of lines I memorized are for act two.” He rubbed his palm miserably. “Eleven years” he noted sadly. “We were off by eleven years. I keep asking myself if I should have seen Camellia coming… and now I can’t help but see a big bullseye being painted on Griffin.”

“I sure wouldn’t want to be the government official that tried to go through Jay or Mumphrey to get at Griffin” Hallie noted in consolation.

“And what happens if, down the line, someone we don’t trust implicitly gets to make the decisions about how to handle this?”

Hallie stared out the window for a while in silence. “The breach has to be reported. I can tell Mumphrey that I found a security loophole when we were using the virtual womb… that the opportunity existed for a hacker to get in, and recommend that we change any possibly compromised codes, encryptions, passwords and such. That will at least diffuse some possibility for damage... although I don’t relish explaining how I knew some of the non-LL information to begin with.”

“So until we get a better idea how to handle it, whatever Griffin might have rattling around inside his head stays between you, me and the wall” Visionary decided uncomfortably. “It doesn’t get out, nobody focuses on him, and he finally gets to start living like a regular child.”

“In the middle of an intergalactic war zone” Hallie reminded him.

“It’s all relative” Visionary sighed wearily. “I expected a whole different set of questions with this parenthood thing for my first day. When’s bedtime? How much sugar are they allowed to eat? Did they wash behind their ears?” He shook his head. “Why can’t I just get the usual child-raising questions to deal with?”

There was a knock on the door and Maggie shyly stuck her head in, followed by Griffin and the two undead children with glowing red eyes.

“We’ve met more of your friends! Emily and Draden want to take us for something called “iced cream”…” she informed him eagerly. “May we go? Please? Please?”

“Right…” Visionary noted to himself with a look at the helpful vampire children, there to take his children out for a nighttime snack run. “That’s much better.”






The sun had set hours ago. It was evening in the city and all was well. Thanks to the worldwide forced black out, Parodopolis looked eerily dark under the moonlight.

Four young shapes flew under the moon. Two boys and two girls. Emily held Maggie while Draden held Griffin. They were flying over the city, about to land in the S-Mart parking lot.

“Whooohooo!” Griffin punched the air. “This is what it feels like to fly? Wow! I wish I could do this more!”

Draden laughed and his sister smirked. Maggie was smiling from ear to ear. “It’s . . . I don’t have the words!” She exclaimed.

“We felt the same way, three-hundred years ago when we first learned to fly.” Emily replied as she gently landed Maggie in a dark, secluded spot. “There were nights when I couldn’t get Draden to settle down.”

“Me? I was never as bad as Tom! He was giving me a headache with all the zooming around he did!”

Maggie spoke up. “Three-hundred years? But you look younger then me, Emily.”

“Thank you. A girl always likes a complement on her age. Yes, we were turned into what we are now, vampires, that long ago. We’ve seen a lot of history.”

“Cars, planes, trains, computers (those are fun!), dancing clubs (those are funner!), electric lights . . .”

Maggie and Griffin just stared at him. “What? Don’t you know what any of those things are?”

“Draden, how could they? I don’t think Farie has anything like that. I’m sorry, children. My brother can be over enthusiastic. There are a lot of things in this world you’ll learn about.”

“You mean like those?” Griffin pointed to the long rows of shopping carts stacked in a neat orderly column.

“She means like those!” Draden pointed to various cars. The vehicles were parked in drive ways across the street from the S-Mart. There were also a few in the large parking lot.

“What are those? Why are they so dark? What do they do?”

“Well Maggie,” Emily explained, “those things are called cars. They normally move on all those black roads you see. They would be lit up in the front and back so the mortals inside could see where they are going. They use them to travel from place to place.”

“Where do the horses hook to them?” Griffin was curious.

“They can travel without horses.”

Both children’s eyes flew open wide. Emily and Draden laughed. She continued. “Yes, I know. It was a shock for us, too. When the first cars started showing up, I refused to ride in them.”

“I had to push her and bother her over and over. If it weren’t for my pleading and that of her . . .”

“Oh shush you! Anyway, that’s what they normally do.”

“But why don’t they do that now? That sounds fun.”

“Maggie is right. I want to ride in one!”

“I wish you could. The have to be kept off for the same reason this large . . . market we’re about to enter is using torches. A lot of things in this world operate with something called electricity. Your daddy’s friends have told the world not to use the electricity until the war is over. So most stores are using candles instead.”

Emily and Draden led the children to the wide-open entrance of the S-Mart. Normally the automatic doors would open for them, but with all the power shut down they simply need to be pulled open like any other door. Griffin opened the door and looked back. His sister was beside him, but their vampire guides stood still.

“I didn’t think we’d been to this store before.” Emily mused.

“What’s wrong, Emily? Don’t you want to come in?” Maggie asked.

“We do, but there is a slight complication. Excuse me.” Emily walked to the open door and called towards the greeter. “Excuse me, ma’am. Can my brother and I come in and buy some ice-cream?”

The greeter, an elderly woman with a name tag that read ‘Flo’ responded. “Of course. Why are ya asking stupid questions? Kids these days!”

Emily smirked as she led the way. Draden explained to the confused children. “As vampires, we have to be invited in. It’s no big deal. Just a little nuisance.”

Maggie and Griffin did not really pay attention to Draden. They had been surprised at the shear size of the building from the outside, but on the inside it floored them. Everything was new to them. The candy machines by the large windows, the little coin operated rides for kids near the front, the rows of check-out counters, the Sum-Way fast food outlet (currently closed) at the front of the store, even the sheer immensity of the inside made their jaws drop.

They started talking all at once. “What’s that?”

“It’s a kiddie ride. It’s for . . .”

“Can we ride it? What are those?”

“Those are candy machines. The cost . . .”

“What are those boxes up there?”

Draden tried to field Griffin’s question, “That’s called a television. It normally advertises the store’s specials. It’s off right now because . . .”

“What are those?”

Draden sighed and began anew. Emily turned from her frustrated brother with a smirk to watch little Maggie. The thin, weak little girl had her face pushed against a large machine.

Emily recognized it as one of the games that was filled with stuffed animals. After a coin was put in it, the claw that hung in the middle would move. Whomever paid the currency, operated the claw and got the prize. She and her brother had played a similar one a few times at the local amusement park. There was no challenge to the game for them.

“What is it, Emily? It’s filled with . . . is that my daddy?”

“It’s filled with stuffed little versions of your father and his friends. I wish I could win one for you but the power has been turned off. I promise you, I’ll get you one. For tonight, however, we had better stick to our task. Follow me children.”

Emily led the way down the main action alley. It was nine o’clock and not many people were out. The citywide curfew was still in effect. As they passed the check-out stands on the left and the women’s clothing section on the right, the children asked more questions.

After answering, Draden commented, “It’s ironic that we would be explaining these things to you. See, my sister and I have lived a long time. We came from a time when, like yourselves, there wasn’t anything like all this. It’s really cool what the mortals have done.”

“Cool?”

“Forgive my brother. He loves using modern slang. He thinks it makes him younger. You’re still an old pirate, big brother.”

“At least I understand how to multi-task on the Internet!”

“I do well enough on that stupid infernal machine. I would just rather go outside and play with the night.”

“This is such a strange place.” Maggie commented. “I’m kind of scared. I can’t learn all of this. What if I get lost? What if my daddy thinks I’m stupid because I can’t learn it.”

“You’ll learn Maggie. Don’t worry! I’ll help you.” Her twin brother hugged her.

“Thank you Griff. It’s just so scary.”

Emily placed a hand on her shoulder. “Maggie, it’s all right. You have the best father. He loves you for who you are inside. That will never change. As for your fear about being stupid, cast it out of your mind. You are brilliant. You will do fine. Ah, here we are.”

They were in the frozen food section. Small generators kept the goods frozen, for now. It could be just a matter of days before those generators were shut down too.

Draden opened a glass door and looked in. “What flavor do you children want?”
“Flavor? What do you mean?”

“Hmm. Let’s explain back at your father’s light house. I don’t want to have you children out late. Draden, get the half gallon of chocolate.”

“You torture me, sister! You know how much I wish I could have some.”

“Not a chance. You know our diet. Come on.”



It did not take very long for the vampires to pay for the ice-cream and then exit the store. There were not many people at the front cashier’s stands (only two were open) and after months with no power, the clerk had the manual check-out procedure (with a hand held calculator, no less) down pat.

The cashier stared at Maggie’s limp, scared side for a moment and Griffin was about to speak to her, but Draden transformed his own lips to oversized proportions. The children laughed and the brief tension subsided.

As they held on while Emily and Draden flew them back, Maggie asked Emily, “How did your brother do that thing with his face?”

“Vampires can temporarily change their looks.” Maggie looked sad. “What’s wrong?”

“I wish I could do that.”

“I don’t know, Maggie. True, you’re scarred, but that’s not so bad.”

“What do you mean?”

“You will learn from your scars. We’re all scarred in some way, but after we have mastered those scars, learned from them, we grow to become strong giants. You do have a lot to overcome, little Maggie, but it’s all of those challenges that will lift you higher then those with perfect bodies. Don’t worry. You don’t need to change yourself. You’ll do fine.”

When they landed at the mansion door they found Visionary and Hallie outside already. Emily had never seen Visionary look so relieved. “Did everything go all right? Are you guys ok?” He hugged Maggie as Emily placed him in her arms. Hallie was hugging Griffin.

“Everything was great, daddy! We saw a big market and they had lots of things! They had a glass cage with little stuffed toys of you inside! And there was . . .”

Visionary looked at Emily and mouthed the word ‘thanks’. She winked at him as the flew off.

“Well, they were sure cute, sister. Think they’ll be ok?”

“They’ll be fine. With parents like that, how could they loose? Come on, the night is calling and I’m craving feline!”








To be continued, with more authors and stranger characters yet… And be sure to catch killer shrike's bonus story with Maggie and Griff, "20 Questions", posted under part 1 of "Welcome Home"!






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