Tales of the Parodyverse

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Dancer via HH
Sat Jun 24, 2006 at 10:42:17 pm EDT
Subject
Untold Tales #275 Mini-Tie-In
Originally
#275: Untold Tales of the Parody War: The Day War Broke Out

In Reply To

The Hooded Hood masochistically launches another new story arc
Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 03:23:10 pm EDT

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It was well past midnight when the telephone rang in the little shingle house in Shreveport, Louisiana. Perhaps that’s why it was answered with a rather gruff “Yeah?” from the grey-haired man who answered it.

“Pa? Dad, is that you?”

“Katarina? Kat!” William Allen reached over and shook his wife. “Gail, it’s Kat!”

“Sorry to call you so late, pa. All the lines are jammed solid with people calling their families. I had to… well, I got a special line,” Katarina Allen explained to her parents. She didn’t go on to tell them that she was sitting in the headquarters monitor room of the Lair Legion, using one of the most secure phone lines on the planet.

“Oh honey, the time doesn’t matter,” Gail Allen called down the receiver. “We’re just glad to hear from you. We were so worried. All of these rumours about the end of the world and you so far away…”

“I’m okay. Honestly. I’m… staying with friends. If they can’t keep me safe nobody can.”

“You’re in Parodiopolis still?” Bill Allen asked. “It said on the news that they were moving more soldiers into Parodiopolis. They think that outer-space fruit might attack there.”

“There are quite a lot of soldiers here, yes,” Kat agreed. “We’re very safe.”

“If there’s quite a lot of soldiers round there you’re not safe at all,” growled Kat’s father protectively. “If you have any bother you tell them that your old man is a retired master sergeant and he still keeps his rifle in good condition. You tell them that.”

“Bill, she’s all grown up now. She can look after herself. Besides, I did okay with a soldier boy.”

“Hmph. I just wish she was nearer home. Why did you have to go move to Parodiopolis in the first place, Kat?”

“Because I needed a change, dad. Needed a break. A new life after… well after everything. And my shop’s doing really well. You wouldn’t believe what some people here would pay for hand-spun lace.”

“You said you were with friends,” Gale Allen probed with the unerring instinct that comes with motherhood. “Do you have friends there you can really rely on? Any special friend?”

Kat couldn’t help the grin on her face. The world might change but her folks didn’t. “It’s the end of the world, ma. Is this really the time for matchmaking?”

“If it’s the end of the world you’re not going to have time to fall in love afterwards, honey.”

“Don’t encourage her,” Bill Allen grumbled. “All those big city slickers are deviants and perverts.”

“Well I am seeing someone actually,” Kat admitted. She’d been waiting for the right time to break it to her parents, but since tomorrow was the deadline for the Parody Master’s invasion, and since it looked like nothing on the planet could stop him, what the hell? “We’ve been dating a few weeks now.”

“And you didn’t tell us?” her mother shrilled. “Katarina!”

“Who is he?” her father demanded. “What does he do?”

“Well it so happens he was a soldier,” Kat said defensively. “His name is Dominic Clancy and he works for the government.”

“Is he showing you proper respect?” Bill Allen demanded. “He’d better be showing you proper respect.”

“He’s just fine, pa. You’d like him. He’s kind and brave and honest just like you. He even likes dogs.”

“My my,” Gail Allen said, “Sounds like you have quite a crush on him, honey. Is it serious?”

“I don’t know,” Kat answered honestly. “But there is nobody else I’d want to be with more at the end of the world. Except you guys, of course.”

“Come home then,” Bill told her. “I know all the commercial flights are booked solid but there must be a way. I can try and pull a few strings at the lodge…”

“I’m staying here, dad. I’m not running away. You didn’t bring me up to run away when my friends need me, did you?”

“Now that’s not fair, young lady…”

“She’s staying there, Bill. With Dominic. But if this isn’t the end of the world after all, you bring him home to meet us, you hear Katarina Allen?”

“If I can, I will. He’s a busy man.”

“There are no men now,” Bill Allen complained. “No heroes.”

“What about the Lair Legion?” Kat asked mischievously. “What about Mr Epitome, for example?”

“Mr Epitome,” Kat’s father considered. “Yes, he’s a real American. I’d salute Mr Epitome. But not that CrazySugarFreakDeviant! or that ball of snot or that cheap floozie lawyer of theirs.”

“So I’m okay if Mr Epitome asks me out then,” Kat checked.

“Wouldn’t Dominic object to that?” Gail teased. “Tell us more about him, darling.”

“I don’t have time, ma. This line is needed for other calls. I just wanted you to know that I’m okay this time. And despite all that’s happening, all the terrible things, I’m happy. And I love you.”

“We love you too, of course,” Gail assured Kat. “Don’t we love her, Bill?”

“Of course we do,” William Allen agreed. “But we’re not so sure about Dominic.”

“Take care, ma and pa,” Kat said. “I’ll call you when I can.”

She put the phone down with a soft little smile, then picked it up again and pushed another button. “Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr President. I’ll put you through to Sir Mumphrey now.”





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