Tales of the Parodyverse

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ag presents another short chapter to get you in the mood for produce! A fact sheet coming shortly.
Sun Apr 09, 2006 at 09:10:44 pm EDT
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Fresh Produce In Season Part Two
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A quiet house nestled deeply within Dullard’s Corner, where an older woman in her sixties is found in the garden.
The taxi pulled up to the white picket fence.
Jasper watched as the old lady knelt in the garden pruning her flowers.
“Well mac? Ya gonna get out of the cab or not?”
“Hm? Oh! Sorry!” Jasper Stevens took a deep breath and climbed out of the cab. He started to walk slowly to the fence.
“HEY! That’s twelve bucks buddy!”
“Whu? Oh!” He fished in his pocket and pulled out a twenty. He handed it to the cabbie.
As the yellow taxi drove off he heard a voice he hadn’t heard in a year.
“Jasper? Jasper is that you? Henry! Come out! Jasper is back!”
He turned around to see his mother rushing to him.

It had been a year since he left. He still remembered rainy night.
The one woman in all the world whom he had ever loved was dead. She had died fighting alongside the other heroes during the Crisis and when they had returned from their mission they had brought her body along with them.
He missed it.
The greatest heroes of time and space. Heroes picked from eight different universes had traveled on that mission and he was left to help calm a rapidly stressed public. He was told to help find out why so many villains were disappearing.
He could not even do that right, as he never discovered the solution. They heroes found that out the day after their return.
Jasper still remembered the scene as if it was happening right in front of him.
Her brother held her cold lifeless body when the heroes appeared.
Jasper moaned and cried like he had never cried before.
It seemed distantly strange to him. She had died before and rose from the dead. She was all better and human again.
Why would her death now be so hard on him?
Then came the funeral and all the sorry well wishes.
He guessed that was when it struck him.
She rose before, how could she be dead now?
The next memory had him at her tomb. He was determined to prove them wrong. She was alive again. Just like before! Maybe her brother would not listen to reason but he knew better!
Sure enough, after moving the lid the discovery that proved him correct!
Her body was missing! She was alive!
But where?
The others thought it was a cruel trick or prank but he knew better.
At last Jasper remembered the last time he was at this house.
His parents could not understand why he had to leave. They knew he was the super hero and member of the JBH known as Kid Produce but why would he drop out of school at seventeen and leave to search the globe on some kind of mission he would not even tell them?
How could he explain it? They would think him a fool like everyone else.
He never found her. The trail got cold and he and his friend found themselves watching an evil Egyptian sorcerer turned ruler in Egypt.
When Trickshot called him he could hardly believe it.
They never got along those brief times they had worked together and now he had called Jasper up and asked for help.
The arrogant archer sounded a certain way that he had never before heard.
Scared.
Oh Trickshot was putting on a face but Jasper could tell.
Trickshot told Jasper about things he never believed could be possible.
That’s when he had decided it was time to return.
The archer said he was going to perform some kind of long shot and may not be at the mansion when he got there but to come anyway.
Jasper could bunk in Trickshot’s room.
That was a month of traveling ago.
Some heroes could fly or teleport. Jasper just had a magic pouch that he could retrieve any kind of produce from. After a couple of years learning how to use these food items as weapons he became pretty good.
At least until she died.
Still, a magic apron can not send a person half way across the globe.
So after a month of traveling by train and boat Jasper Stevens entered Parodopolis.
He could not help but return home. Despite his fear to see his parents after a year of no communication.

“Our baby boy is home!” His mother squeezed his cheeks. His father was there now too and he patted him on the back.
At his age of seventeen Jasper was taller then both of them. He sat in their flowery little kitchen and could not believe he was finally home.
“So… er.. you guys aren’t mad because I never called?”
“Shucks no son!” his dad replied. “We’re just glad you’re here!”
“Oh dear! What have you been eating? Let me make you you’re favorite! Vegetarian soup!”
“Mom! I’m ok! Really! I…” he spied her crock pot as she started to add all sorts of vegetables to the pot. “Well, maybe a bowl.”
KATNUNK! KATHUNCK!
A couple of years as a hero followed by a year in hiding made Jasper jump. “What was that?”
His mom replied calmly as she bustled away in the kitchen. “Oh nothing dear.”
He relaxed. “Sorry. I’m just used to living on the edge.”
“Poor dear.”
His dad smiled as he leaned back in his chair. “Don’t you worry your head son. It’s nothing, really. It’s just a couple of giant Sentinoids.”
“WHAT?” Jasper jumped up, knocking his chair to the floor.
“Yes son. I called them as soon as your taxi arrived.”
“WHAT? Dad! How could you?”
His mom was strangely calm as she continued to make the soup. “We had to dear. A nice man came to our home and gave us these Patriot brands. He told us what to do if you ever show up. Now sit down and have some soup dear.”
“HERO DESIGNATE KID PRODUCE! STEP OUTSIDE AND SURRENDER OR WE WILL DISTROY YOUR HOUSE.”
“Oh dear.”






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Amazing Guy






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