Tales of the Parodyverse

Post By

Dancer via Vizh
Sat Oct 15, 2005 at 10:55:13 pm EDT
Subject
Kerry Shepherdson and the Heart of Darkness #15: “Now go, while I remember that’s a new rug you’re standing on that I don’t want stained.”
[ New ] [ Email ] [ Print ] [ RSS ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]
Next In Thread >>

Kerry Shepherdson and the Heart
of Darkness #15: “Now go, while I remember that’s a new rug you’re standing on
that I don’t want stained.”


Okay, so the first thing to say is for once I’ve got the counting right and this
is #15. It was Vizh’s fault (or maybe spiffy’s, I guess), because he screwed up
by doing a second #10. Not my fault. Vizh’s. Yay!

And having got that out of my system I think we’ll go on to the [Previously].



[Previously: Visionary’s probability arsonist ward, Kerry Shepherdson, was going
to be taken out of Vizh’s care and deported because of certain alleged
pyrotechnic incidents, and because Vizh was being smeared in the press as an
unsuitable guardian. And while Kerry often agrees that he is an unsuitable
guardian on the grounds of him being a retarded dweebo with the fashion sense of
a colourblind smurf and because of certain hunnish practices in the areas of
visiting college football teams and credit card purchases of half track off-road
vehicles, she did not agree that he was a child-molesting pervert or an
international drug smuggler who didn’t pay his taxes. So Kerry ran away.

And being Kerry, she ran away to the Hooded Hood, the cowliest crime czar in the
Parodyverse, and top of the mad plotters league in anyone’s estimation. And they
had a nice chat. And after that, Kerry decided she needed to go and clear Vizh’s
name, using scorched earth techniques if possible.

Meanwhile, Visionary was also having a certain problem with his heart being
infected with loathsome elder darkness by the Nastynomicon, the Book of Rude
Names, which has implanted sinister occult stuff in his chest. Clearly that’s
primo sinister occult stuff, because the wickedy Bogdan Vlastivock, Necromancer
General, and wickedeyer uncle of party-ghoul Urthula Underess, has decided it’s
best to carve the evil out of Vizh with a blunt spork and use it to rule the
world. Or decorate the bathroom of his Willingham lighthouse. Or something.

Vizh and Dancer are out looking for Kerry. Vlastivock is looking for Vizh. Kerry
is looking for trouble. Everybody should look out.

Got the plot now? Great. Let’s get on with The Scene.]



[The Scene: Mangatown, Parodiopolis, where the world’s pinkest crimelord Akiko
Masamune is having her nails done and listening to the reports from her
operatives about the criminal underworld:]

Operative: …and by the time he’s managed to get his shorts off his head
CrazySugarFreakBoy! had already defused the device and the whole plan was
ruined. VelcroVixen was furious.

Akiko: Well she would be. That’s probably why she never wears underwear when
she’s on a mission.

Operative: Also, the rumour is that the Widget is dating that guy who looks like
a kind of dumber version of Elvis. Or else it’s some really weird plot to drive
him insane, given that they’ve been to see Princess Diaries 2 forty-seven times.

Akiko: That is rather sinister. What else?

Operative: Well, we’re getting more news about that incident at the Willow
nightclub last night. Camellia’s livid about it, and she’s blaming Visionary. I
had her operative down here this morning claiming Visionary was part of our clan
and this was a breech of the non-aggression pact. I said I’d talk to you and see
about getting Visionary to chop one of his fingers off.

Akiko: I have other sources informing me of that situation. It looks like
Camellia was the aggressor, from what we’ve been able to piece together so far.

Operative: You haven’t been able to get a clear idea of what went on? All the
people we’ve interviewed have different stories about it. Some say there was a
blue genie, and others spotted some kind of talking hat…

Akiko: My primary informant is a blown-up ghoul called Luminosus. We’re piecing
him back together. Try and get hold of Chiaki. I understand she was there
complicating matters, so she probably knows what really happened. And then check
out the stories that some kind of monster or wild beast got loose during the
excitement. I want to know if we have to brace ourselves for a limited series or
something. And then… What is that extraordinary noise out in the hallway?

Kerry, bursting in: It’s the sound of people finding out that dojos made of
paper are all kinds of fire risk. You’re Akiko Masamune, right? We need to talk.

Akiko: Visionary’s ward. My sources said you were lost.

Kerry: Now I’m found, and so is my zip lighter, so tell me what you know now
before my attention span wanders.

Akiko: I’m quite pleased with your mentor just now for so annoying a rival of
mine, so I won’t have you killed by the seventeen ninjas who are currently
covering you with a variety of weapons from crossbows to mutate suppression
rifles. You get one question, and then you flee for your life.

Kerry: Right. Who’s framing Visionary? All that crap in the papers, the
complaints to the university board, the IRS audit, siccing the social services
on him. Who?

Akiko: I don’t know. No, don’t call me a liar. Then I’d have to have you carved
into briquettes, and things would go downhill from there. I don’t know. I’m
trying to find out. But the false information was co-ordinated from across the
river, in Gothametropolis York, so the only way to find out would be to ask the
crime lord in charge of that territory.

Kerry: That wide load the Lynchpin?

Akiko: That very same wide load. Now go, while I remember that’s a new rug
you’re standing on that I don’t want stained.

Operative, watching with open jaws as Kerry goes: You let her live, mistress?

Akiko: She’s Visionary’s ward, which makes her kind of family. And I know the
trouble Visionary is in because of her, which always cheers me up. I know what
Lisa Waltz is going to have to do to get him out of it, and that cheers me up
even more, and is worse than anything I could do to little Miss Shepherdson. But
mostly, I wanted her to go see the Lynchpin. Life is good sometimes.




To be continued...











pcp0011556209pcs.anapol01.md.comcast.net (69.250.214.83) U.S. Network
Microsoft Internet Explorer 6/Windows 2000 (1 points)
[ New ] [ Email ] [ Print ] [ RSS ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]
Follow-Ups:

Echo™ v3.0 alpha © 2003-2006 Powermad Software
Copyright © 2004-2005 by Mangacool Adventure