Tales of the Parodyverse

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CrazySugarFreakBoy!
Wed Aug 17, 2005 at 05:09:05 pm EDT
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Great Parodyverse Moments #3: An Untold Native American Folk Tale of Coyote, Spider and Worm
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Great Parodyverse Moments #3: An Untold Native American Folk Tale of Coyote, Spider and Worm

One day, Coyote was wandering along, as he usually did, when he saw Snake trapped in Spider’s Web.

Snake did not like Coyote, because Coyote had tricked Snake into losing his limbs, back when Snake was still Lizard. As a result, whenever he wanted to go someplace, Snake was forced to wriggle around on his belly, a ridiculous sight that amused Coyote greatly.

Still, even though Snake’s hatred for Coyote had grown so much that it dripped from his fangs as poison, there was no one else around, so Snake had no choice but to call out to Coyote for aid.

“Coyote!” Snake cried, his voice so weak he could barely speak. “Help me out, brother. I have been trapped here for so long, without food or drink, that I can barely see you. Get me down from here, and you may ask of me whatever favor you might wish.”

“You are quite funny-looking, brother,” said Coyote. “You cannot see me because your eyes are tiny, and I almost didn’t hear you because your mouth is so little. All of you has become small and pale and soft. As my favor, I think I shall rename you Worm.”

After Worm agreed to this, Coyote set about trying to free Worm from Spider’s Web. Unfortunately for Coyote and Worm, though, Coyote was not nearly as smart as he thought himself, and he soon found himself caught in Spider’s Web alongside Worm.

The jostling of his Web attracted Spider’s attention, and he skittered down along its strands to face Worm and Coyote, drawing a shawl of gray Webbing up around his head and shoulders like a hood, as his eight eyes glowed green and stared at the two trespassers.

“I should not be surprised to find you here, Coyote,” said Spider. “It seems to be in your nature to intrude where you do not belong.”

“What have you done here, grandfather?” said Coyote. “This Web is much bigger than any that you or your kin have spun before.”

“I am widening my horizons,” said Spider. “Outside of my Webs, I am as small and open to attack as any other animal, but as long as my legs dance on these threads I have woven, I remain the master of my realm. I want to explore the world that lies beyond my modest home, but I do not wish to give up the strength and status I have built for myself in this kingdom. So, I have decided to make the whole world a part of my Web, so that all things may share in the perfect patterns of Order.”

“But if you spin everything into the trap of your Webs, we will all surely die,” said Coyote.

“Dead things do not disturb my Web,” said Spider. “It is only living things that bring Chaos to the patterns I have spun. That is why I am going to feed you to my children, Coyote. Your brother there has already shrunk down and wasted away too much from starvation to make any sort of nourishing meal, but your body is still healthy and strong.”

“I will make a deal with you, grandfather,” said Coyote. “If you spare my life, I will get you more food for your young. I will trick Worm into bringing his kin here, where they will be caught on your Web, so that your hatchlings may fill their bellies with them.”

Spider agreed to this, while Worm, who heard Coyote tell his plans to Spider, did not. It was only when Spider had climbed back up the Web that Coyote told Worm that he planned to trick Spider instead.

“You are small and weak, but your kin, the Snakes, are big and strong, like myself,” said Coyote. “The more of us there are to stretch and strain Spider’s Web with our weight, the easier it will be for us to tear away from his bonds.”

Sure enough, as ever more of Worm’s Snake kin wriggled toward Spider’s Web and threw themselves upon it to try and save their brother, the longer and thinner the threads of the Web became, even as the Snakes grew so close to death from lack of food or drink that they became Worms themselves.

Finally, Coyote sensed that the Web was close to breaking, so he twisted himself around and ripped a huge hole in the part of the Web where he had been caught, falling to the ground and landing on his feet. Spider immediately scurried down to see the damage that had been done to his home.

“What have you done here, Coyote?” said Spider. “I cannot raise nor feed my young in such a nursery now. I cannot spin the whole of Creation into my Web of Order now.”

“Coyote!” Worm called out. “I have kept my part of the bargain, brother! Now, you must keep yours! Free me and my kin from our bonds!”

“That’s not going to happen,” said Coyote. “Spider has become a crazy bastard in his old age, but he still has enough power to make my life miserable, if he so chooses. So, I think I will leave you and your Worm kin behind as sacrifices to Spider, to appease him for my laying waste to his plans.”

“You did not have to bring Destruction to my perfect patterns, Coyote,” said Spider. “We could have come to some sort of peace, you and I.”

“You are a dishonest liar, grandfather,” said Coyote. “You use truth to disguise your lies, and this is unfair. Unlike you, I am an honest liar. When I tell lies, I do not need to blur them behind silken screens of carefully woven words of truth, like a weak and cowardly child hiding behind his mother’s dresses. My stories can contain whatever amounts of truth or lies I might wish, because while you might be a more masterful weaver, I will always be the superior talespinner.”

“Coyote!” Worm cried, as his shrunken and limbless body twisted itself against Spider’s Web, which only served to entangle it further in the sticky strands. “I will feast on your innards when you are dead!”

“I feel sorry for you, Coyote,” said Spider. “You have no true friends and no one likes you, because you care about no one other than yourself. Your foolish, selfish acts have brought bad Medicine upon you, but I fear that it is your sons and grandsons, the Wolves and the Foxes, who will bear the burden of it instead.”

“You talk much, but say little that I am actually interested in hearing,” said Coyote. “Goodbye, grandfather. I have enjoyed tricking you.”

Worm was eventually freed from Spider’s Web by Raven, Coyote’s sister, when she found him and swallowed him whole. In gratitude, Worm promised that he and his kin would always to lead the Ravens and Crows to food. Unfortunately, because Worm and his kin had become half-dead things by then, the only food that they could find for the Ravens and Crows were dead or dying things.

Worm did not forget his grudge against Coyote, nor against Spider, whose Webs of Order Worm and Maggot and all their fellow half-dead things dedicated themselves to unraveling from then on, with their Chaos of Destruction. Spider fretted and fussed with his Webs, catching and eating the Maggots after they had become Flies, but he could never stop Order from giving way to Destruction.

As for Coyote, the Creator of Chaos, he simply wandered on, not knowing and not caring about the Chaos he had caused, the Creations he had left in his wake for the rest of the world to discover and deal with, and never learning anything from anything that he did. His sons and his grandsons would pay the price for the Smiling Coyote’s deeds, though, the Wolves and the Foxes. Especially the Laughing Foxes.


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