Tales of the Parodyverse

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Dancer via killer shrike, who made a terrible mistake and should have posted this earlier as per Sarah's request.
Sun Oct 16, 2005 at 12:48:17 am EDT
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Close to Home: The Far Away Epilogue
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Far Away - the Epilogue - Close to Home


    Katarina Allen awoke in clean sheets after sixteen hours of uninterrupted sleep. For a moment she was puzzled because she wasn’t cold and hungry. Then she remembered. She’d been saved.

    She spent a moment taking in the sensations of not being afraid and not having to be ready to run for her life. The bed was so soft and comfortable. There were no foul smells. Even the distant sound of the traffic was reassuring, like an old familiar friend.

    She slid out of the covers and padded to the bathroom. It had plumbing. The cork tiles were warm beneath her toes. Such everyday things had become sinful luxuries, and she loved every minute of it. The shower was the greatest achievement of mankind.

    Katarina decided she could definitely get used to this.

    She warned herself not to. Sir Mumphrey Wilton might be picking up the tab for her temporary stay in the Parodiopolis Hilton but she couldn’t sponge off the Lair Legion for long. And she wasn’t really used to such luxury anyway. She couldn’t normally have afforded even the cheapest room here, let alone the VIP suite they’d lodged her in.

    She towelled herself dry and picked one of the dresses they’d delivered for her. “A care package from a friend of mine,” CrazySugarFreakBoy!’s note had said, but the labels were all St Sylvain originals. Katarina picked the one that looked least like she was about to go onto a catwalk, a rustic peasant-style with a lace-up bodice and a pleasing flare at the calves. She was pretty sure no peasant was ever going to afford something like this. She admired the hand-dyed fabrics with a professional eye.

    The bedside phone was flashing, indicating messages. Kat had not felt up to the argument with the insurance agents yesterday. They were claiming that her shop’s accident cover didn’t include alien teleportation. Dancer had said to leave it with the Legion, and a smart young woman lawyer called Miss Leyton was dealing with it. Perhaps there was some news from her. Or maybe some of the realtors she’d left messages with had called back.

    There was an awful lot of life to put back together after a four month absence. The conversation with Kat’s parents had been difficult and emotional, the more so because they’d been fooled like everyone else by the masquerade and telepathic suspicion-numbing of Gloriana’s cover-up.

    Kat flipped the playback switch.

    It wasn’t the insurance company or the estate agent.

    *Beeep* “Hello. This is… This is Mr Epitome. You knew me as Miles, back on Apocalyspe.”

    Katarina was annoyed by the way her stomach flip-flopped. She reminded herself she was over her stupid hero-worship phase. She wasn’t a scared, lonely victim any more.

    “I… I don’t know how you feel about this idea,” the voice went on awkwardly, “but I… Well, I don’t think I said goodbye very well before. I was a bit… confused. So I was wondering…”

    Kat had never realised that Miles could sound nervous. It was rather sweet.

    “I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tonight at twenty hundred – I mean, eight o’ clock? But only if you want to. Obviously. Not if you’d prefer to put everything behind you. In which case don’t return this call and leave a message.”

    Miles was clearly better at dates that began with him killing pig-dog monsters.



___




    He washed up well, and he fit very nicely into a tuxedo, Kat decided. She was glad she’d bothered to dress nicely, although she doubted there was any item in her new wardrobe that cost less than $200, including the stockings.

    “Hello,” she said, standing at the doorway. She was pleased with the effect she had on him when she’d taken the trouble to pretty up. She’d wanted him to see her just once at her best.

    “Hello,” her date said, smiling faintly. “I brought you something.”

    The roses were nice, and the bouquet was enormous.

    “Do you think you brought enough?” she teased.

    “I felt you deserved rather a lot of flora for that handshake back on Apocalyspe,” Mr Epitome answered. “I brought you this, too.”

    She received the second gift and unwrapped it curiously. Then she burst out laughing. It was a Hershey bar.

    “It has been put to me,” Miles explained, “that I have been… well, De Brown Streak used the phrase ignorant butthead. Then again, De Brown Streak often does.”

    “You seem to feel you owe me an apology,” Kat noted.

    “That does seem to be the consensus, yes. I thought at the least I needed to sit down with you and explain why I am… like I am. If you want to know.”

    “The Hershey bar buys you a little of my attention,” Katarina decided. “So where are we going to go, Mr Epitome?”

    Miles flushed a little. “You don’t have to call me that,” he said.

    “You’d prefer ‘Star-spangled splendour’? ‘Paragon of power’? ‘Exemplary man’?”

    “I’ve had some enthusiastic publicists in my time. How about you call me Dominic? Dominic Clancy.”

    “Dominic?” Kat tested the name in her mouth to see how it felt. “Well, it’s better than Star-spangled splendour.”



___




    Dinner was excellent, at some exclusive steakhouse up past Dullard’s Corner. Dominic had never been there before, but Dancer’s eatery recommendations were invariably great.

    “This is definitely better than pig-dog-goat-thing,” Katarina approved.

    “I think the chef here could probably do wonders even with pig-dog-goat thing,” Dom answered. “Maybe with a light wine sauce?”

    That won another little laugh from Katarina. He liked it when she laughed.

    “How are your team-mates?” the woman checked. “Is CrazySugarFreakBoy!…”

    “He’s recovering from his broken spine with annoying rapidity,” Dominic assured her. “Yuki’s fully repaired already. Hatman had a concussion but he’ll be okay. De Brown Streak’s sweated off his poison with the help from Princess Uhuna. Best not to ask whether she used her healing powers. Trickshot and Al B. are turning bruise purple all over but they’ll be okay.”

    “We buried Yuki…”

    “She’s not mentioned it. She must be fine.” Epitome laid aside his steak knife. “What about you. How are you doing?”

    “Your Princess already moved my bruises away. As for the rest, so far I’m finding I can sleep in soft warm beds and eat gourmet meals without any real hardship.”

    “So you don’t need me to send back to Apocalyspe for that cat food we left behind?”

    But now she was serious. “What was it you really wanted to talk about… Dominic?”

    “Well… Obviously I thought you might like an update on the whole evacuation operations and suchlike. A briefing, so to speak.”

    “I’d be fascinated.”

    Kat’s sarcasm went over her date’s head. “As of 18.40 hours today, Lisa and Granny Grimness has agreed a power-sharing arrangement that enabled the identification and extraction of all those non-natives who want to leave Apocalyspe. The actual transportation’s being accomplished by the Yo-People and the Xnylonians. The Legion has some friends in high places.”

    “Would it surprise you to know I don’t have the first clue who the… whoever it was you said are? No, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”

    “NTU-150 has set up some screening facilities, because a few Skinwalkers and other nasties have tried to slip through the cordon and get to Earth too,” Dominic continued. “Meanwhile the Shoggoth continues to address ongoing criminal justice issues with those who were most responsible for the regime we suffered under. Current projections suggest…”

    “Dominic?” Kat said, laying her hand on his. “Shut up.”

    “What?”

    “Shut up. If you’re not going to say what you took the trouble to ask me out to say then don’t say anything.”

    Dominic looked so bereft Katarina had to take pity on him.

    “You went to all that trouble with the, the lovely phone message and the flowers and the chocolate. You said you wanted to explain yourself.”

    “Did I say that?”

    “You did. So I’ve been looking forward to an explanation. Of something.”

    “Ah.” Dominic swallowed. “Right.”



___




    Off-Central Park by night wasn’t the safest place to be, but after Epitome had hurled the first muggers two hundred yards into the lake word got around pretty fast. And it was beautiful to be there in that dark green space with the fairy lights of the city in the distance.

    “So,” Katarina prompted.

    “So I’m an ass,” Dominic explained. “I’ve come to the conclusion that the more I’m me, the bigger ass I am. I don’t mean to be, I just am.”

    “So far I understood the Xnylonians better,” Katarina admitted.

    They walked along the shoreline of the lake by the light of the moon.

    “Look, I got these powers in a military programme, and I used them on behalf of the American government to fight crime and improve the world,” Mr Epitome explained.

    “I know. I read your website.”

    “You did? Ah. Well anyhow, I tried to do what was right. I led a special government task force. I carried out policy. Eventually I joined the Lair Legion, because at the time it seemed expedient. And, well, also because the President ordered me.”

    “I knew you were a soldier,” Kat told him.

    “Then, a few months back, something happened. I don’t know what yet, but fifteen years of my memories and experience were wiped out of my mind. No, not the same thing as the amnesia on Apocalyspe. A different problem.”

    “Because that kind of thing is so common.”

    “Well, yes. Apparently. Anyhow, after that I reverted mentally and physically to how I was fifteen years ago. I’m still adjusting. It’s not easy. Mr Epitome made a lot of enemies in those fifteen years, and they all still hate and blame me, even though I don’t remember them.”

    “That can’t be nice,” Katarina agreed.

    “But the worst part… the worst part, Kat, is that I suspect I did some things that I wouldn’t be proud of. Things I don’t even remember now. Things the me-as-I-am would try to stop the me-as-I-was from doing, maybe. Or maybe not. There’s information he had access to that might have influenced his decisions. I don’t know.”

    “This is a very unusual date. No, don’t stop. I said unusual, not bad. And certainly not boring.”

    “So anyway, I’m trying to do what’s right. I’m trying to serve my nation. I’m trying to find out what happened to my mind. I’m trying to figure out who I can trust.”

    “You can’t trust your friends in the Lair Legion?”

    “Do I have friends in the Lair Legion?”

    Kat nodded. “I think you do. Even if you don’t see it. They backed you up even when they didn’t know who you were.”

    “They backed me up because they didn’t know who I was,” suggested Epitome. “And I’ll tell you, it was kind of nice for a while to be the good guy. I liked it.”

    “You’re not usually the good guy?”

    “Not always. Sometimes I’m the guy who does what has to be done because somebody has to. And there’s a… a gap between me and the Legion. Between me and everybody, really. So that’s why…”

    “That’s why, when you remembered who you were, you suddenly got all distant from me too. Miles was a nice, simple hero. And Dominic is complex, and difficult, and shadowy. Is that it?”

    “Something like that. Dominic’s not nice to know, I think.”

    Katarina paused by the water and turned to look at the man. “Do you have any friends?” she asked. “Close friends?”

    “Well, there’s Glory…”

    “The mutt of might. I’m told she’s very nice. But I mean non-canine friends. Who can you talk to?”

    “In my job, you don’t really talk.”

    “We’re talking now, Dominic. I distinctly heard communication.”

    Dominic skimmed a stone clear across the pond in his frustration. “This is just me trying not to be an ass to you. Because I was. You stopped to help me when I was hurt and alone, and you expected to sacrifice your life to save the Lair Legion. And I let you!”

    There it was. She heard the raw emotion break through in his voice. “Is that what it is?” she asked. “Dominic, I don’t blame you for anything. Not anything. You were kind to me, and you came for me when I was in trouble. You were the hero. You are the hero.”

    “The hero who was willing to kill you. I thought I had, Kat. It made me… I’ve never been that angry, ever. When I thought you were dead. I went insane.”

    She turned from him and shivered a little. “Look, I don’t pretend to understand all that’s happening with you. It’s as alien to me as that place we were in on Apocalyspe. But I don’t regret stopping to tend to you, and I don’t regret going to bed with you. Those were my choices. And I don’t regret setting you loose to save the world either. But…”

    “But?” Dominic was concerned now because there was a crack in Kat’s voice.

    “But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. What’s this evening about, Dominic? Is it like the end of the James Bond movie? You’ve rescued the girl and I’m supposed to go to bed with you again as the reward for your labours? Or is it a gentle goodbye so I don’t feel too cheap for having let you have me when it was cold and dark? Or are you looking for pity, the poor lonely superhero? What’s the scene, Dominic?”

    Dominic Clancy realised that he didn’t know.

    “I’ll go to bed with you, if that’s what you want,” Kat told him. “You deserve it, and I liked the sex we had. If that’s how you want to take your farewells, that’s okay by me. I don’t usually… well, I’m not like that as a rule, but I guess there are different rules for heroes.”

    “I don’t want that, Katarina. Not for those reasons, anyhow. I didn’t want to see you for any other reason than to explain why I’m not, why I can’t be, the person you thought I was on Apocalyspe. That person doesn’t exist.”

    He was surprised when the woman thumped her fist on his chest. “That’s not true!” she yelled. “It’s not! Miles was you. He was you stripped of all the crap you’ve had to walk through over the years, all the compromises and mistakes and regrets. He’s you as you are deep inside! And he’s noble, and he’s good, and he’s worth being, and he is a hero. And… whatever you do to bury him, he will always be my hero!”

    Dominic was surprised to see her crying. He folded her in his arms automatically.

    “About Miles,” he said, shocked at daring to speak this out loud. “Miles is my real name. Before I had it changed to protect the family I left behind. It’s a long time since I’ve been Miles. Nobody knows about him now.”

    “What happened to your family then? They know.”

    “No. They don’t remember Miles either. Well, not as a family member. I had to leave them behind.”

    Kat looked up at him, her eyes wet. “You must be the loneliest man in the world.”

    “It was nice to forget that, for a while. When I was with you.”

    Miles didn’t like her crying, so he held her closer then and kissed away her tears.



___




    This wasn’t the urgent coupling in the dark of two survivors affirming they were still alive, or of confused and frightened people taking solace in each other before an uncertain tomorrow.

    This was confession, and hope, and compassion. It was gentle and understanding. Maybe it was love. Some things can’t be said in words, but they can be said in kisses, in sighs, in sensitive fingers and slow, wonderful joining.

    Sex as communication. It is a wonderful language when the participants both know how to use their tongues.

    They came together on her bed, man and woman, hero and heroine, soldier and spinner, lost and found, crying and laughing, and in their loving they made their peace, with each other and with themselves.

    And in the happy intimacy afterwards, curled like a pair of spoons, Kat in the hollow of Dominic’s enfolding body, they could finish their conversation.

    “I don’t know for sure, because I may still be traumatised from my awful ordeals,” Kat said, “but I think I might be falling in love.”

    “Who with?” Dom asked her. Then, as she elbowed him he added, “If it’s not me, I’ll rip his head off.”

    “I don’t think I can be a superhero’s mistress,” Kat went on. “I’d never know if you’d come back safe or if you’d be killed by Dr Zarko or whoever.”

    “And don’t forget the hostage thing. Superhero girlfriends are always being kidnapped.”

    “So it wouldn’t work between us. We have nothing in common.”

    “Except we’ve seen each other. Naked. And I don’t just mean undressed.”

    “Except that. That’s an intimacy I may never have with another man, ever. I hope that makes me more than just a footnote in your erotic memoirs?”

    “Most certainly, Katarina,” Dominic admitted. “I don’t know for sure… but I think I might be falling… no, it’s no use. I can’t say it! I’m an ass. I warned you I was. An ass.”

    “I know what you are,” Kat told him. “You’re a hero. And if you ever forget it, come and look into my eyes, and see what’s reflected there.”

    “So… what now?”

    “Well, you could stay the night at least. Protect me from the monsters? And then tomorrow… I think I’m going to look for a new shop.”

    “Where?”

    “I was considering something in Parodiopolis. Sir Mumphrey has offered me a business loan, and there are some nice boutiques over in Medium-Sized Italy.”

    “Parodiopolis is a dangerous place sometimes.”

    “Parodiopolis has all the best heroes, though.” Kat stirred happily in her warm man-nest. “Listen, Miles, Dom, whoever you are. You don’t owe me anything. You don’t ever have to call me again. That would be okay. I would survive. But… if you don’t want to be the loneliest man in the world any more, and you think perhaps you could spare some time from being the paragon of power to take me out for dinner sometimes, then maybe you should stop being an ass for an evening and give me a ring.”

    “It’s not that easy, Kat…”

    “It’s as simple as calling me or not, hero. You just have to figure out who you’re going to be.”

    “I never thought memory loss could be a blessing.”

    “I never thought I’d be Lois Lane.”

    “I don’t know what I’m going to become.”

    “I don’t know what I want you to decide.”

    “I do know I’m glad I met you, Katarina Allen.”

    “Well that’s a start.”

    And the two lovers settled down together, and they went to sleep.








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