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killer shrike tries his hand at a little "girl talk"
Mon Jul 11, 2005 at 02:11:17 pm EDT
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Mr. Epitome #43
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Mr. Epitome #43


“Raising a Ruckus”


Previously: Laurie Leyton, an associate of the Lair Legion, was outraged by the treatment of a suspected terrorist being held by the United States in Guantanamo Bay. When she was unable to get assistance from either the Legion or Mr. Epitome, Lisette turned to a new team of heroes, the Maverix, for support.


The signal leaving Lair Mansion bounced off a communications satellite high above Earth before streaming downward. It struck a receiver dish half a world away, on the Pacific Rim nation of Badripoor. The stream of data was relayed to a workstation built well below the Presidential Palace, and then was routed even further underground, down to the Earth’s mantle where the party being contacted was mired in her work.

“Hello, Hallie,” Letitia Gahagan said brightly to the pixilated image that appeared on one of her armor’s internal monitors, “How can I help you?”

Hallie’s reception was hardly optimal, due to the interference of several thousand feet of bedrock and the structure of the technology Miss Gahagan was using. It was opaque and oddly faceted, and added to the general distortion, “I’m having a hard time making you out,” she admitted.

The Idiom frowned, “I’m having some problems on this end myself: you’re coming out blue.”

“Yes, well,” the AI matched the other woman’s grimace, “That’s because I am.”

“Oh. Looks nice.”

“I hate it, actually. Can’t wait for it to be fixed.”

Leitia nodded, “Understood. Back when I was in high school I tried something different with my hair. Remember those Pat Benatar razor cuts? Well, maybe you don’t, but you could probably Google some pictures. Anyway, it was months before my hair grew out.”

“OK, that’s… something,” Hallie looked at the perspiration that gave the Idiom’s own pale skin a shiny glow, “Maybe we should do this later: you look busy.”

“No, I’m fine. Wading through molten rock in a suit made of organic diamond is unexpectedly serene.”

Hallie didn’t not detect a single trace of sarcasm in the woman’s claim, ridiculous as it seemed, “So you’re just out for a stroll?”

“Nah,” the woman grinned as she clambered up onto an outcropping above the magma flow, “Surveying for a proposed geothermal power plant President spiffy greenlit. Now why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”

The hologram’s trepidation subroutines compelled her to emulate the act of inhaling slightly. Then Hallie got down to business, “The Lair Legion needs your help in stopping Mr. Epitome.”

*****


“The Legion won’t help,” Lisette told the assembled Maverix, “So we’re on our own.”

“We?” Poise asked from her seat, “I didn’t know you had made the roster, sweetheart.”

Laurie Leyton glared at the statuesque Asian woman with the wild red hair, “I never said I made it, either, sunshine.”

“Lisette can’t be on the team: her chair doesn’t have a plaque with her name on it like ours do,” Elemento pointed out from across the meeting table.

“We’re going to have to set aside more time to practice our inter-team banter,” Jacinth noted drolly in response to the golem’s gag.

Ordnance stood and leaned forward so that the palms of his hands rested flat on the table, “Look, teammate or not, Lisette has come to us for help with a cause we ourselves want addressed. Rodrigo is an American citizen, being held and mistreated at Guantanamo. He hasn’t even been charged with a crime!”

“We know that, Ray, but, is that the best case for us to involve ourselves with? I mean, for our first mission. Maybe we should look into something closer to home, like those civil rights abuses in the Klein Administration.”

“Resound’s got a point, Quicky. Zoxxon’s corporate headquarters are right here in Paradopolis, and no one’s going after them for their price gouging,” Poise gave Lisette a hard glare, “Not even the mighty Lair Legion.”

Laurie could have pointed out the Legion had been busy lately, saving the world from threats like the Necronastycon and the Hellraisers while Poise and the rest of the Maverix were having the IKEA people come in and design their headquarters, but she chose instead to be diplomatic, “Maybe you’re right. Maybe the Lair Legion hasn’t done enough to make the world better. But I thought the point of the Maverix was not to focus on the past.”

“She’s right, and I think she’s right about tackling the Aguillera case first. All the conventional avenues of helping the man have been denied to his supporters. It’s time to look into the unconventional,” Jacinth said.

“Let’s keep in mind what that means,” Elemento said in response, “We’re going up against the feds here: the Justice Department, the CIA, OPS, hell, maybe even the Army, if we take this to its logical outcome.”

“What do you mean?” Resound asked.

“Elemento means if we are to be true to our convictions, we may have to liberate Rodrigo Aguillera,” Ordnance said somberly.

“Commit treason,” Poise rephrased.

“No radical change on the plane of history is possible without crime - Count Hermann Keyserling,” Jacinth quoted.

Elemento surprised the last daughter of the Gem Dynasty by citing Voltaire in counter argument, “It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.”

But it was Ordnance who carried the day with a reference far more topical, “You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you've all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Sure as I know anything, I know this: I aim to misbehave.”

That’s when Lisette should have realized perhaps the Maverix weren’t thinking things through, and were unaware of how serious the stakes would be.

*****


Hallie explained, “The Legion doesn’t need to know Epitome’s power levels or combat tactics, Hatman has those pretty well covered. But, they were hoping you could lend some insight into how Dominic thinks.”

From her crystal diamond chassis the Idiom nodded, “OK. It was awfully cold blooded of Sir Mumphrey to send you on this assignment, though.”

“I volunteered,” the hologram said gravely.

“Ah, well, then, that’s a horse of another color. Do you have any particular questions, or do you want me to exposit free style?”

“Whichever you think is best.”

“Free style it is then,” Letitia paused, “I guess the most important thing to remember when dealing with E is that he’s not a bully, nor is he some type of elitist fascist. He really believes he is representing the will of the people. And he will do whatever it takes not to let them down. I should clarify: when I mean people, I mean them in the abstract, the idea of “the people.” Nixon’s Silent Majority. He has no problem disappointing those people in his life if it helps further his cause, especially if they’re superhuman like us. Luke 12:48: To Whom Much is Given, Much is Expected. And he certainly thinks we’re not giving our all.”

“So the Legion saving the world countless times isn’t enough?” Hallie asked defensively.

“Not for him, no. Its funny, Epitome has a lot in common with guys like the Commission and Fin Fang Foom, the ‘rabble rouser’ types. If they were content to simply go after terrorist cells or rogue nations, he’d leave them be. But it’s when they try to fix the status quo, that’s when he gets his dander up. Because anything that threatens his Establishment weakens him and Dominic always has to operate from a position of strength.”

“That makes him sound like a bully to me.”

“He’s a right wing control freak who wants to save the Parodyverse, and thanks to that dick the Hooded Hood, he thinks he can,” the Idiom’s voice had become uncharacteristically cold, “When I say Dominic’s not a bully, I mean he won’t fold like a bully does. If he believes his cause is just, he won’t stop for anything. Not out of fear, or friendship, or love. But I’m guessing you already knew that.”

“I know.”

Letitia went on, “He cares about people, even the people he disappoints. He just thinks he knows better than everybody else,” she scowled, “Well, maybe that’s going too far: he hopes he knows better. In fact, I’m sure one of the reasons he and I…. well, one of the reasons was he hoped I would tell him he was right. That all the crap he did was appropriate, because if a lefty super genius like myself would agree with him, then what he did had to be acceptable.”

Hallie saw the conversation steering towards a topic that had always concerned her, “One of the things I worried about was that Dominic might have been trying to manipulate me. I mean, I may be no Hacker 9 or Yuki Shiro, but my computer skills could be useful for someone with his agenda.”

“It’s possible,” Letitia agreed, “Buts its much more likely E saw you are someone he could debate with about, well, everything, since you’re connected to the Net. Plus the cute bookworm look you got going for you probably helped. He is a guy, after all.”

“That’s true,” Hallie smiled slightly as she blushed.

“Total Alpha Male.”

“Totally.”

The women were silent for several moments. Letitia finally sighed, “I hope that stuff helps you understand where Dominic is coming from. Heh. If you wanted to be literal, where he’s coming from explains a lot. We weren’t from here originally, you know. The Hood brought us in from an entirely separate reality, so E could help stop the Resolution War. And Zod knows what other reasons. But back there, I think the Rules were different: Causality, the Narrative, all that Meta stuff was, ah, more Singular, if that makes any sense. I’m still crunching the numbers. The point is, Dominic doesn’t realize the distinction, and is fighting to achieve a goal he has no chance in attaining.”

“Maybe if someone could explain that to him he would… back down?” Hallie asked hopefully.

“Maybe,” the Idiom agreed. Though, given Epitome’s nature, it was far more likely that it would be necessary to force the issue for him to understand what was truly going on.

She really had to get to work on that.


Next: “Raising a Ruckus” Concludes, as we get the Maverix versus Mr. Epitome, Mr. Epitome versus Sir Mumphrey, and an ending so shocking I’m not even sure I’m going to do it yet. Out soon.



Footnotes:

The Idiom (Letitia Gahagan) is a problem-solving genius who has previously fought Mr Epitome on ethical and political grounds and later became his lover. A fugitive from the US criminal system she is currently being harboured in Badripoor

The Color of Hallie: Hallie became temporarily blue in hue thanks to a miscalculation in one of Al B. Harper’s experiments. The whole, funny story can be read down the board in “Crossing the Thin Blue Line,” by poster Visionary.

The Klein Administration: Mayor Velma Klein of GothamMetropolis York, is spearheading a very hard-line anti-crime initiative in her city. Metahuman activity of any kind is disallowed there. Klein has ties to Harry Flask, the purported gangster known as the Lynchpin.

Zoxxon Oil: The petrochemical conglomerate has shown record profits recently because the wells of other companies had been contaminated by a formula that turns oil to water. They, and the consumer, have Baroness Elizabeth Von Zemo to thank for that.

Welcome to the Parodyverse, Mr. Epitome, Hope you Survive the Experience: Epitome (and one would believe, most of his cast) was brought to the Parodyverse by the Hooded Hood in Untold Tales #126: Survival. Link: http://www.chillwater.org.uk/HH/untold%20tales%20of%20ll%20126.htm





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