Tales of the Parodyverse

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Josh Clement
Fri Jun 10, 2005 at 10:26:12 pm EDT
Subject
The Intermittent Adventures of De Brown Streak #16 - Now With Added Bedroom Scene
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So last time, Visionary dated Pricilla DuBois (secretly De Brown Streak’s secret mutate secret sister, and also secretly a member of the Botherhood of Evil Mutates – Ssssshh!). After the last-line spare toothbrush question it was looking pretty good on the Vizh-has-pulled-meter. But this is Visionary, so of course there are a few problems.

Visionary: “So, ah… here is the Lair Mansion. Where I live. For now. Because my Condo exploded.”

Pricilla: “Yes, I’ve seen it on TV. Your Mansion, that is. I don’t think I’ve seen your Condo.”

Vizh: “Well, it’s not looking at its best right now. The Condo. On account of blowing up when the Hellraisers attacked it.”

Pricilla: “So, are you going to invite me in to your Mansion or not, Visionary?”

Vizh looks even more stricken than usual. “Invite you in, I guess. I mean, I’d like to invite you in, but…”

“But there’s a sentient computer system that logs everybody in and out of the building, and if you sneak me up to your room she’ll know?”

Vizh swallows hard. “Kind of.”

Pricilla: “But you definitely told me you weren’t dating Hallie.”

Vizh: “That’s right.”

Pricilla: “That you’re not dating Hallie or that you told me you’re not dating Hallie?”

Vizh scratches his head. “Um, what was the question again?”

Pricilla sighs, which is an interesting experience to watch when she’s in that tight red bustier. “The question is whether you’re inviting me into you computer-monitored mansion for a drink or calling me a cab home.”

Vizh: “Drink. Really. I’m not scared of Hallie. Or Dancer. Or Lisa. Well, maybe a little scared of Lisa.”

They head up to the front door, where Vizh uses the password to get past the stunulators. “Please don’t evaporate me!”

Hallie blinks in, forming a hologram to chat with the new arrivals. “Well hello Vizh. Did you know there was a woman following you?”

Pricilla: “You must be Hallie. But if you can form a hologrammatic body to look like anyone why did you pick that one?”

Hallie: “I didn’t know you were taking your date to a fancy dress come-as-a-hooker party Vizh.”

Suddenly, there’s a catastrophic data bus cascade problem in the sub-basement, wiping hours of Hallie’s painstaking work. With an angry grown the A.I. blinks out to try and salvage something of it.

Pricilla: “She seemed nice.”

Vizh, worriedly: “Yes. Okay, welcome to the Lair Mansion, unless you’re secretly an alien shapeshifter, an evil clone, a evil vampire, or a disguised Hero Feeder. In which case you probably shouldn’t step through this doorway arch.”

Pricilla steps through the arch. “I’m not secretly any of those things. Now which was was your room?”

Vizh: “Er yes. Let’s take the back stairs…”

Meanwhile, out in a ritzy waterfront apartment overlooking Busiek Bay, De Brown Streak is about to join Inga and Thonga in the hot tub when his comm-card goes off.

Inga: “Your shorts are buzzing, Joshua!”

DBS: “You got that right, babe. Oh, you mean the comm-card. Damn. Hold on a moment while I check how Hatman wants to screw up my life now.”

But it’s not Hatman. It’s Kerry. “DBS! We have a grade one emergency! We need you!”

Suddenly DBS is standing beside Kerry in the Lair Mansion Communications Room. He’s still slightly damp, but at least he remembered to put his pants back on. This time. “What’s the problem? Hellraisers? Elder gods? Lovetoads?”

Kerry shakes her head. “We have an intruder alert, Josh,” she warns the sepia speedster. “I think there’s somebody broken into… mm, looks like the invader’s in Vish’s bedroom.”

“Where’s the rest of the Legion?” De Brown Streak asks. “Not that I need them.”

“Conveniently absent,” Kerry replies. “Except for the Librarian who is on monitor duty. But he’s far too sensible for me to call for this kind of… mission.”

“Don’t worry Kerry. I’ll save Visionary.”

Josh streaks up to Vizh’s room and hammers the door down. “Hold it there, villain!”

Pricilla: “That was pretty much my intention. But not with you watching, you perv!”

Vizh falls out of bed. “Ouch. Wha? What’s happening?”

Josh: “Kerry said you had an intruder in your room!” Then Josh recognised Vizh’s guest as he finally looks at her face. “Pricilla DuBois?”

Pricilla grabs Vizh’s yellow coat and drags it on. “Full marks of observation, gene-traitor. Now is there any chance you could, you know, get the hell out?”

Kerry bursts into the room. “Don’t worry DBS, I called the entire Juniors to back you up and they’ll be here in just a couple of minutes.”

Vizh: “Agh. Excuse me, I think I need to crawl under this bed now. It’s just a standard security check thing.”

Pricilla: “You people are all insane.”

Kerry: “Hey, I know you have to be an evil villain or something. No way would dorkface score on his own. And the sensors show you’re a mutate as well.”

DBS: “Pricilla is a mutate? Why didn’t she tell me?”

Pricilla: “It’s not like we have secret decoder rings or something. I didn’t mention it because it didn’t come up.”

Vizh flinches reflexively. “I’ve been under a lot of strain lately and… oh, yes, you didn’t tell Josh you were his mutate sister.”

DBS: “What?”

Pricilla: “What! You promised you wouldn’t tell him!

Vizh: “What? Tell him wha… oh. Oops.” Crawls further under the bed.

Ham-Boy: “What?”

Harlagaz: “Well met, fair maiden. Ne’er hast yon Visionary’s coat looked so fine.”

Hallie crackles in. “Oh, is it a party? Why did nobody invite me.”

Vizh: “Maybe I can get the Hooded Hood to just retcon this whole day? That’s my only chance now.”

DBS: “My sister? Pricilla, are you my sister?”

Pricilla: “So what if I am? You owe me a huge amount of birthday and Christmas presents, by the way.”

Fashion Accessory: “Is this some kind of pop test? We get called out in the middle of the night and slipped into a parallel universe?

Glory: “Woof!”

Vizh: “Maybe we should all discuss this in the morning? When I can reach my pants.”

DBS: “And that’s another thing. Did you touch my sister? Did you?”

Pricilla: “I bet you’re glad you didn’t score with me now, right Josh?”

Kerry: “Can this scene get more eew?”

Vizh: “Can this scene get worse in any way at all?”

Sir Mumphrey Wilton: “Well now chaps? What’s all the commotion about, hmm?”

Continued…



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