Tales of the Parodyverse

Just another day at the Moon Public Library


Post By

L!
Sat Oct 04, 2003 at 02:09:07 pm EDT
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In a little library in the countryside of England.

It's a very nice library, was built in 1615, and partially destroyed in 1725, 1835 & 1945. The main part of the library has not been destroyed.

It's getting close to closing time. Mortimer Jenkins checks to see that everyone is out of the library, just so he does not lock anyone in the library, again. Mortimer walks down the main corridor, looking down each row of books.

"Everyone is gone. Oh, no there is one man still reading." Mortimer thinks to himself.

He walks down the row to the man. He is sitting on a stool; he is reading the book ever intently. Ignoring ever thing else around him. Ever so often, he lets out a laugh. On the opposite page, he is reading, there is a piece of paper & he is writing something on it. Mortimer cannot read it, it is in a strange language & Mortimer knows almost all the obscure languages. The man has shoulder length brown hair, glasses & his skin is a bit pale. He is wearing a long brown trench coat, it reaches the ground. On his hands is a pair of gloves; the fingertips of the gloves are cut off exposing his fingers. Mortimer can see that he is wearing a pair of gunmetal black leather boots with dark brown leather straps, on the straps are silver metal clasps. There are three straps & claps on each boot.

"Excuse me, sir. The Library is closing soon. You will need to leave & Come back tomorrow." Mortimer says to the man a bit timmed.

The man takes his piece of paper, closes the book & puts the book back on the shelf.

"Thank you, Mortimer." The man says. He stands up & under his trench coat is a Two-toned blue jumpsuit with gunmetal black leather accents that match his boots.

"How did you know my name?"

"I know a lot of things about you. Mortimer Jenkins, age 45, husband to Martha Jenkins. Father to little Johnny Jenkins, age 6, & Stacey Jenkins, age 15. You have worked here at the Library for the last 25 years. When you were growing up you wanting to be a Fireman."

"Who are you?"

"Here's my card." The man said as he handed Mortimer a card. The card was a bright white & had only three words on it. Lee Bookman, Librarian.

"Where are you a Librarian?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Lee starts to walk down the row, stops, turns back towards Mortimer. "Mortimer, destroy the books on this list."

"Why?"

"Does this library pride it's self on having the most correct books on Earth?"

"Yes, I think all libraries do."

"Then, destroy these books, they are wrong. People are said to be at places where they weren't, People are said to have said things they didn't & other things like that. I'll send you the correct editions after you destroy those books."

Lee starts to walk down the row of books.

"Mr. Bookman. I can't read your list!"

Lee stops walks back to Mortimer.

"I'm sorry. Here, now can you?" Lee said as he touched the page, ran his fingertips over the words & they changed right before Mortimer's eyes from the strange language to English.

"Yes, how did you do that?"

"Magic. Anything else before I leave?"

"What makes your books the right editions? All these books were written over two to three centuries ago. Where you there, so that makes your editions right?" Mortimer said in a condescending tone.

"No, I wasn't there but I did recorded the information on them." Lee said as he turned the corner.

Mortimer ran down the row to catch up with Lee & he was gone. All that was left was the Business card & the list of books. A bit frightened, Mortimer goes collects his things, locks the doors to the Library. Mortimer balls the list up & throws it into the trashcan out side the Library.

He walked to his car & drove home.

Lee was a bit disappointed. He saw the whole thing from a darkened corner in the Library. Lee walked out of the corner into the moonlight after Mortimer has left. Lee took out of his pocket a pager shaped size object. On the front, it had a large round button; on the button is an L. Lee presses the button.

It opens a large six-foot tall rectangular doorway. On one side is the parking lot of the Mortimer's library & on the other side is the Transport Bay at the Lunar Library, as some call it. Other's call it the Moon Public Library. Lee walks trough. Lee is greeted by his friend/butler/security system avatar, A.L.F.RED. After Lee walks through the doorway, it closes.

"Sir, I wish you would tease the Earthlings like that." A.L.F.RED said in a slightly disappointed British accent.

"I don't tease them."

"Listing off the man's family, how long he had worked there & what he wanted to be when he grew up. Changing the text into a language he could understand & seemingly to disappear before his eyes. I call that teasing."

"It's all how you define it, A.L.F.RED. Anything happen while I was gone?" Lee said as they walked out of the Transport Bay's doors. They walk down a corridor towards the main area of the Library.

"No, sir. A Falarkian did get a little mad at one of D.D.'s droids when it fined him/her/it for returning a book late. I had to intervene. The Falarkian is in Holding Cell # Alpha 69-2. I stopped a group of hoodlums from stealing some books."

"What books?"

"Nothing to worry about, sir. Just some space porn. Why do we have that?"

"We catalog all the known written text of the Universe, Space Porn has text in it, so we have it but we don't place it where many can get to it. How did they get to it?"

"They hacked into one of D.D.'s guide ports & got around some of the security measures."

"Is D.D. ok?"

"Yes, sir. No damage done."

Lee & A.L.F.RED walk into the main area of the Library, It's busy. A couple D.D.'s Droids are at the front desk helping people, a couple are at the help desk. Creatures of every shape, color, and size imaginable have been to the Library at sometime.

Lee walks up to what seems to be a computer; it is one of the Library's Guide Ports. It is circular in shape, much like a lot at the Library. It has a keyboard & monitor with a few holographic projectors connected to it, then the computer turns on & Lee is confronted with the holographic image of a blond hair female humanoid who looked to be in her mid-twenties. Her eyes were a bright sky blue. The Holograph image only showed her head & neck, nothing else.

"Hello, D.D." Lee says.

"Hi, Lee. How was your trip?" D.D. said cheerfully. She only has one setting, cheery. No matter what she is talking about, she is cheery with a big smile on her face. That unnerves some people.

"It was ok, another Earth Librarian wouldn't believe me that they need to change their books."

"But, your are not to do that, according to the Code of Non-Interference set up by the Governors in the 53rd IOL Conference."

"I didn't interfere. I only think that they should have the most correct collection of history."

"Oh, that's ok."

"Yeah, I know."

Lee walked away from the Guide Port, it turned off.

Lee walked through the crowd. Lee stopped; someone was tugging on his jacket. He looked down & then was asked in broken English, "Excuse me, Mister. Do you work here?"

Lee was being asked by a small Omapotsuan child. He held a book in one of it's four hands.

"Yes." Lee said in his native language.

"Can you help me?" the child asks now in his native tongue.

"Yes, I can. What do you need?"

"To die." The little boy as he turned in a large man, with four arms, each holding a gun.

"Great, I forgot Omapotsuan's could shape shift. What does he want & I don't think he wants books?" Lee thought to himself.

"Lee Bookman, I am here to bring you in for the cosmic bounty on your head, it says dead or alive, I prefer dead." The Omapotsuan said as he shot a couple bullets Lee's way.

"A.L.F.RED, security measure 24." Lee yelled as he dodged the bullets.

A.L.F.RED walked over to a control panel on the wall & pressed in a couple buttons. All the bookcase retracted into the walls and/or floor of the Library. After the first couple of bullets, there was a huge rush to the Transport Bay to get in their vehicles & leave.

"Bookman, you shouldn't have some back from the dead. " The Omapotsuan said as he scanned the Library for Lee.

"You will not hurt the Master!" A.L.F.RED said in a pissed British tone.

"Be gone, droid!" The Omapotsuan said as he threw A.L.F.RED aside.

"Defense mode!" A.L.F.RED said as he changed his appearance. He now didn't look like a robotic British butler, He now look more like a walking, talking, 8 foot tall, pissed off tank.

"Again, You will not hurt the Master!" A.L.F.RED said as smashed the Omapotsuan under his giant fist.

"A.L.F.RED, take the Omapotsuan outside." Lee said from the second floor balcony.

A giant door opened near the entrance to the library, A.L.F.RED walked out with the Omapotsuan being dragged behind.

"Time to have some fun."

Another Omapotsuan came sneaking up on Lee. He is about the hit him with a heavy book he picked before the bookcase disappeared.

Not even turning around, Lee Said " You don't think I know the Omapotsuan's always fight in two's. Think about this!"

Lee placed his hand on the Omapotsuan's forehead, then the Omapotsuan stops & starts to mumble about something, then falls unconscienous. One of Lee's natural defenses is the ability to transfer knowledge by touch. When transferring lots of information the person may fall unconscienous until they can process the info. Also, most people forget what they were doing when they suddenly learned tons of information all at once. The knowledge goes away after few hours, that is after it is processed thought the mind.

"I hope he likes Lima Beans." Lee said out loud.

"D.D., could you send a couple droids to get this Omapotsuan back to his vehicle! I am going to go downstairs if you need me."

"Yes, Lee." A cheery voice said over the Library's intercom system.

Just before Lee walked down some rod iron steps to the main floor, he walked to a panel & disabled security measure 24; the bookcases reappeared out of the floor and/or walls.

Lee walks down to a sub floor of the Library, it's only open to staff. Lee walks past his quarters, the guest quarters, which almost never get used. He walks pass the Trophy Room, a museum of sort to past Librarians to serve at the Library; it also has Earth Artifacts, etc. Lee finally finds the place he wants to go to, the Arboretum. It contains a lots endangered species of flora & fauna from around the universe in a micro-ecosystem. Also, some are even from Lee's home planet.

Lee likes to come down here when he needs to relax. That doesn't happen very offen.

Twenty Minutes later,

"Lee, A.L.F.RED has returned from his fight & wants to show you something." D.D. says over the intercom system.

"I'll be right there."

A.L.F.RED has reverted back into his normal mode. Lee notices some thing in A.L.F.RED's hand.

"That Omapotsuan won't becoming back. Also did you know that Omapotsuan's can't breath on the moon's surface with out this." He said as he held up an organ of some sort.

"What is it?" Lee asks a bit discussed & but A.L.F.RED being A.L.F.RED, It didn't discuss him that much.

"I don't know. But it was in his chest cavity before I ripped it out. He fought for about a couple more minutes then stopped." A.L.F.RED said, and then dropped the organ to the floor.

"Where is the Omapotsuan now?" Lee asked

"I think still where I left him." A.L.F.RED said then went on to dust some bookcases.

"D.D., could you get a droid to clean up this organ. I don't think anyone wants to see that just laying around on the floor of a Library. Also, could you send some droids to pick up the Omapotsuan & put him with his friend. I am sure the other one hasn't woken up yet."

"Sure, Lee!" D.D. said cheerfully.

"I am going back Earth, I got another Library to check out." Lee said as D.D. giggled abit.

An old Library in the Middle East. It was about closing time. Abdul walks down the main corridor, looking down each row of books. He stops at a row; a man is sitting on a stool. He is reading a book & making a list in some strange forgin language.

"Excuse me, sir. But we are closing soon."

"Thank you. Could you do me a favor?" Lee said

"What?"

"Destroy the books on this list, they are wrong." Lee said as he handed the list, in a language Abdul could understand.

"No, I can't."

"Oh, Ok. Thanks anyway." Lee said as he walked away.

Abdul ran down the row to ask Lee a question but he was gone.

Back at the Moon Public Library,

"Why don't they ever listen to me?" Lee said as he walked back to the main area.

The End.



Writer's Note: Included with this story is what Lee currently looks like.

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