Posted by Since none of you appear to be taking Spaghetti Week seriously enough, here's my contribution to set the ball rolling. I expect the rest of you to follow suit. Now if some other kind person puts at least one spaghetti-related story up by tomorrow I'll do part two (this is meant to be an incentive). Now get to work. Especially if your name is Visionary, ManMan, AG, Finny, Donar, Nats, Exile, G-Eyed, spiffy, Xander, or HH, since you're all badly overdue for a story. on February 27, 2001 at 08:36:40:
Dancer and the Spaghetti Wars Spaghetti Week Special #1 [The scene: Dancer is waitressing at the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar in her secret identity of unemployed dancer Sarah Shepherdson] Sarah: Mr Papadopopolis, did you hear about that big fire that wiped out the Happy Hamburger? I was down there all last night helping Mr Wang clear up the mess, but he is out of business for sure. Mr P: Is bad for him, yes, and with another baby on the way. We send him free souvlaka, yes? Sarah: That’d be great, Mr P. I don’t know how all Mr Wang’s hamburgers could have caught fire all at none in three separate storerooms. [Door opens. Two men in pinstriped Italian suits come in. You know the type. There’s one small, sharp one and one large one whose sleeves are too short for him.] Small Sharp One: Mr Papadopopolis? I have-a da message for you. Big Thick One: Yeah. He have-a da message. Mr P: Aw! And I thought you all forgot. Oh Sarah! How did you even know it was twenty-five years since I first come from the old country and set up my shop here in Paradiopolis. And now you send me a singing monkeygram! Small Sharp One: I don’t-a think you get-a me. I have-a da message you don’t-a refuse-a. Big Thick One: yeah. Don’t a refuse-a. Mr P: What are you talking about? Is it parcel with pay on delivery? Small Sharp One: It-a da message you better lissen to, you dumb cluck-a! There is new big man in dis-a town, and he is-a da Pastafather. And he no-a like-a da competition, see? Big Thick One: Yeah. See? Sarah: They’re extortionists, hoods working for some gang boss, Mr P. Suddenly I understand what happened to the Happy Hamburger. Small Sharp One: Dat’s-a right-a. Suddenly Mr Wang got a lot of well-a done-a hamburger. Big Thick One: Yeah. Hamburger. Mr P: You punks! You think I’m going to be scared off from my family business by two cheap hoodlums? Small Sharp One: It’s-a hard for you to run-a da business with-a da four broken limbs-a. Big Thick One: Er… four? Small Sharp One: Dat-a many fingers. Big Thick One: Ah. Small Sharp One: Anna da horse in-a da bed. Big Thick One: Yeah, horse. Mr P: But I don’t have a horse. Small Sharp One: From now on, you serva-da spahetti and meatballs, and you buy dem from da Pastafather at-a da special price. Otherwise it’s-a for you like Mr Wang. To help-a you remember, we break-a da place up now. Sarah: Excuse me? I couldn’t help but noticing that your Armani suit is a fake. Small Sharp Guy: Eh? Whatta-you saying-a? Sarah (showing where false label peels off): You’ve been ripped off. And I don’t think those shoes are Gucchi either. Small Sharp Guy: Dat bastard-a Fat Tony! I’m-a going to fit-a him for a concrete overcoat. Big Thick Guy: Hey! How come you never buy me clothing? Small Sharp Guy: You a lucky guy, Mr Papadopopolis. I-a gotta go break-a da legs of my tailor, so I let-a you off with a warning dis-a time. But you soon learn if-a you no turn-a your business over to da Pastafather. For now-a… Sarah: Oh please don’t beat up any of the customers to teach us a lesson! Small Sharp Guy: Yeah! We beat-a up da customer to teach-a you da lesson. Bring-a da guy in-a da corner to da back-a alley, Jo Jo. Big Thick guy: Yeah, de back alley. Mr Papadopopolis, watching customer being dragged off: What can we do? Oh this is terrible, Sarah! Terrible! Sarah: Yes. I hadn’t had time to deliver Mr Burch his first coffee of the day and now he’s been dragged into a dark alley by two thugs. What are the chances of him surviving? *winks at readers* [To be continued…]