The Dancer/Finny Valentine Special #2 was made by Finny on 2/15/2003 at 9:22:15 PM.
I want a girl who gets up early
I want a girl who stays up late
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity
Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
With fingernails that shine like justice
And a voice that is dark like tinted glass
She is fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack
She is touring the facilities and picking up slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long, long jacket
--Cake, “Short Skirt, Long Jacket”
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“Okay…explain this to me again.”
The ceiling lights cut out with a distant, fading boom, and white-blue sirens on the equipment started flashing, indicating that the launch platform was live. Personnel scattered. On the platform sat a house-sized black orb, covered with technological ridges and indentations. Directly behind it was a triangular screen, easily twice the size of the orb.
A bald man in civilian clothes was standing behind a transparent shield, in a room overlooking it all. He was lost in the control panel. Next to him was a buzzcut man in dark green utilities, complete with holster, gun, and crossed arms. The bald man smirked, over-pronouncing condescendingly as he went. “In little words: it’s a waste of time to try to ‘convince’ them to do it--men and women far more bloodthirsty than you have tried to break them, and failed.” He gave a slight laugh, and then spoke normally. “Anyway, you don’t want to make those types mad.”
As if offended by the notion that there was someone tougher than him, the military man reared up and snorted. Utilizing his practiced skepticism, he said, “So, what should we do?”
“Simple. We don’t bother with the tricks--they’re too used to them. The way I see it, we have two in three odds of getting an alien/alien hybrid, and one in three odds of getting a human/alien hybrid. We win either way. And there’s only one weapon to use in a situation like this…only one way to keep them from escaping.”
“And that is?”
The screen came alive with wavy static, and the bald man hit a button--the platform catapulted the orb into the portal, which immediately blipped off.
“Isolation.”
The Dancer/Finny Valentine Special #2
House Arrest
Fin Fang Foom’s eyes blinked open, as he was awakened by what felt like the room bouncing. He found himself on the floor, sprawled out. The dragon rolled over and pushed himself up--only to find that someone was on top of him.
Or rather, three someones.
He couldn’t keep himself from yelping. It wasn’t every day that he found himself underneath a blonde, silver-suited alien thief; a dark-haired, pink-and-blue-clad superheroine; and a Zorro impersonator who happened to be female.
Finny struggled to his feet, and checked on them…they were breathing heavily, sleeping. He tried to remember what had happened, how they’d gotten there--after looking at them, looking at himself, and looking at them again, he briefly panicked. Then, he laughed, shaking his head. Habit kicked in, and he began searching for a way out.
The room they were in had a thin layer of light beige carpets, and walls of the same color. It was actually pretty big: there was a slightly-higher level with plush maroon couches, and three steps down was a swimming pool. They’d “landed” on the floor in-between the couches. And there was a door just beyond the pool…
He casually flew over, touching down near the doorway. It led to a large pink bedroom with a side door, which in turn led to a locker-room-esque shower area. The showers were a dead end.
Finny walked by the pool, going back to the girls. He half-considered just punching through a wall, but he wasn’t yet sure what was on the other side. His draconic senses couldn’t get through the outer shell of whatever they were in. Then, he saw--of all things--a window. Except the opaque plastic cover was pulled down.
He retracted it, and was nearly blinded with a psychadelic lightshow. They had to be traveling at a high rate of speed, as everything was blurring by. Outside, there were diamond spirals, liquid eagles, and fourth-dimensional runoff.
The dragon quickly pulled the cover back down, shuddering. Not punching through the wall had probably been a good idea.
He heard some moans, as the girls started to stir. While heading towards them, he saw a small, microwaved-shaped hole in the wall, just behind one of the couches. It was surrounded by circuitry, but he didn’t see a button…
Dancer was the first to wake up. She looked around, noticed Finny, and looked both surprised and scared.
He sighed. “You don’t need to be horrified--nothing happened between us. Except we got kidnapped and stranded in some freaky dimension or something.”
She rolled her eyes, and pointed past him. “I was reacting to that, dummy.”
Finny looked up--text was scrolling across the ceiling. Muttering quietly, he said, “blah blah blah locked in here, blah blah blah universe of no escape, blah bl--mating!?”
He took to the air, scanned the ceiling, and then pulled out a component. The text vanished.
After landing, Finny slipped the junk under one of the couches. He gave Dancer a hard stare. “I never saw that. And you never saw that.”
--------------------
By the time that Ziles and Yo were up and around, they had a pretty clear picture of what had happened. They’d been grabbed from the park, during Dancer and Yo’s attempt at hooking up Finny and Ziles. Dancer and Yo were on one couch, and Finny and Ziles were at opposite ends of another.
Finny still looked a bit wobbly. “You don’t wanna look out that window. Uh-uh.” Back on track, he said, “I used my senses on the--on the whatever this is.” He made a wide gesture. “No deathtraps, no spy equipment, nothing. And as far as I can tell, there aren’t any guidance controls for this thing. So, yeah, we’re stuck.”
Ziles’ eyes were glowing pink. “I’m used to always being in a universe with at least some life, but this…we’re all alone. My empathy isn’t picking up anything.” She looked at the others. “Why do you think they kidnapped us?”
Yo--currently a woman, and largely unworried about their plight--spoke up. “Yo is thinking that the Secret Hardcore Alien-Br--”
As quickly as he could, Finny interrupted: “Um, maybe we should all look around!”
Ziles raised an eyebrow. Then, she glanced at Yo.
Finny winced. “Come on, don’t--”
Her jaw dropped. “They want us to breed!? Because Makluans are an endangered species?!”
Dancer and Yo, of course, didn’t look the least bit surprised. Finny stared at the floor. The weight of silence set in on them…
…until Yo shrugged and cheerfully said, “Yo is thinking, good excuse.”
--------------------
“Stop complaining--it could be a lot worse.”
Finny and Dancer were scouring one side of what they were now referring to as “the ship”, while Ziles and Yo were on the other side. They were looking for buttons, hidden panels…pretty much the usual. Ever since finding out about why they’d been kidnapped, Ziles hadn’t said a word to anyone.
Dancer easily remained positive, while Finny, as usual, grumped. She casually commented, “I mean, as prisons go, this isn’t that bad. Couches, a pool, a bed, a big shower…”
“It’s a different kind of torture,” Finny sighed.
She took a step back from the wall. “I’m not finding anything. Are you? How do those draconic senses work, anyway?”
“I don’t advertise--the less people know about my abilities, the better. It’s an effectiveness thing.”
A realization dawned across her features. “Wait, do you--you don’t have x-ray vision, right? Or anything like that?”
“Uh, n--I mean, it’s not--”
She mock-gasped, going into full Finny-teasing mode. “You DO!”
“I don’t!”
“Prove it!”
“…how can I prove it?”
She faced him, put her hands on her hips, and assumed a “give me your best shot” pose. “Look at me.”
“Um…”
“Use your senses and look at me.”
Though he didn’t see how that would prove anything, he did. A few moments passed. He fought to keep his expression from changing--not because he had x-ray vision, but because his appreciation of the female form might be misconstrued as enjoying his alleged x-ray vision.
Finally, he gave in and spoke. “…what, are you wearing a lead bra or something? Am I supposed to say ‘Oh, I can’t see’? Like I said, I don’t have--”
“No, I’m not wearing anything underneath. I figured you’d blush.”
He instantly took his eyes off her and, literally, turned bright red. Though cold-blooded, Makluans have a high (and flame-generating) body-chemistry, which can express itself through shapeshifting--in this case, going from green to crimson.
Dancer nodded, satisfied. “Okay, you don’t have x-ray vision. Just checking.”
He was wide-eyed and barely audible. “That was--it’s not nice to do that to me. You know how I am.”
“Exactly. You make it too easy.” She shrugged. “Anyway, I just thought that it might explain why you’re so shy--if all the women you see are naked…!”
Finny went back to being green and mumbled something incomprehensible.
After once again checking the walls, Dancer took another pause. “Why didn’t you just tell me? What, do you think this is one of those ‘everything is a lie’ illusion things, where I’m trying to get information out of you?”
“No…”
She winked. “Well, I wouldn’t get it out of you like that, anyway.”
His skin reddened, but didn’t go all the way.
She made a “hmph” noise, like she’d expected more of a reaction. “You just need to relax--I’m trying to get you to stop being so uptight, so you and Ziles can…get together. So we can get out of here!”
He was saved from having to say anything by Yo, who told them that s/he and Ziles hadn’t found anything on their side, but there was a closet in the bedroom…
---------------------------
“I don’t like it in here. It’s too…pink.”
The bed was large. The bed was very large. The bed was far larger than it needed to be for one person--even two people--to sleep in, and Finny didn’t want to stand by it. The awkwardness was enhanced by Ziles, who seemed miffed at everyone in the room.
Finny was so distracted, he wasn’t looking at what the others were doing. Dancer told him that “this” was from the closet, and to hold it while they got the rest. Without looking, he stuck out a hand, and then felt lace.
A second later, Finny’s head was stuck in the ceiling, and the (pink) lingerie he’d been holding had fallen to the (pink) floor.
Though muffled, they could make out what he was saying: “I, um, that made me jump.”
After being pulled down, Finny dusted himself off calmly. “I didn’t see anything suspicious while I was up there, so…”
Yo closed the closet. “Yo is seeing bikinis and underwears for girls, but nothing for Finny.”
“That’s okay, I don’t really need anything.” He checked out the closet. “Nothing hidden.”
Ziles looked into the next room. “What about the showers?”
“I already looked--just harmless plumbing, and a dead end.”
Curious, Ziles took a step in, pointed one of the shower heads away from her, and pulled out the knob. Nothing happened. She tried it again, with the same result.
Dancer “hmmm”d. “Maybe we should try the other ones…” She and Yo went in, and began fiddling with the controls. Finny stayed safely where he was. Then, Dancer said, “Is it hot in here?”
Finny groaned. “C’mon, that isn’t funny.”
“No, really. It felt kind of warm in the rest of the ship, too…”
Yo nodded. “Yo would like to find thermostat and make it less-warm.”
“Maybe it’s just in there.” Finny stuck his head in, testing the air. As he did, the showers simultaneously went off.
After they all said variations of “akgph”, the girls escaped the cold water, pushing Finny out of the way. He’d barely noticed the water--thanks to his invulnerability, temperature didn’t have much effect on him one way or the other.
Ziles found the towels at the bottom of the closet. “We’d better--”
“WHOA whoa whoa let’s not do anything crazy,” Finny said loudly and all at once. Then, quickly changing the subject: “Did I make them tur--did I set off the showers?” He stuck a foot in, and then his whole body. Nothing. “They must only work when all four of…us…”
The dragon blinked, and then quickly left the bedroom.
------------------------
The choice between near-sheer lingerie and white bikinis (of the thong variety) hadn’t been much of a choice. So, Dancer and Yo were in the pool, while Ziles was approaching Finny, who was sitting in a chair with its back to the pool.
Ziles’ voice still had a bit of an angry tinge to it. “What you said about not being able to dry our clothes with your thermal breath--that wasn’t just a story, right?”
He looked genuinely shocked. “Geez, of course not! I wouldn’t--”
“Because other people keep making all my moves for me, when I just want to take my time…”
“I know, I’m the same way.”
She sighed. “I just--it just gets…”
“I know.”
Ziles sat down. “I bet this isn’t fun for you, either.” She smirked. “Well, it’s obviously fun, but you know what I mean.”
He threw up his hands, innocently and helplessly. “Hey, I’m not--I’m not enjoying this. I mean, aside from what I can’t avoid. I’m trying to do the right thing! I’m sitting here and not looking.”
“Must be tough,” she cooed sympathetically--which might have been genuine, and might have been flirting. Finny knew that Ziles was only shy around witnesses. “I read up on the Makluans. Strong mating urges, especially around water…”
The dragon sat up straight, and pushed back against the sofa. “Is there some thing in the air that’s only affecting women? Because Dancer was like this before…”
Ziles sighed. “We might actually like flirting. It’s a natural, healthy thing on your planet--and on mine, too. And no, we don’t need a loveray or a special chemical or whatever to flirt with you, as shocking as that may be.”
Though a shapeshifter, Finny couldn’t quite wrap his mind around that concept.
Yo and Dancer were now lying facedown by the poolside, on towels they’d spread out. They were loudly demanding a superstrength backrub.
Ziles grinned. “I know you. You have this big picture of love with a capital ‘L’ in your head, and you think that you should only express affection if you’re in a long-term relationship. Right?”
“…right…”
“It’s crazy. You’re crazy. How do you get in a long-term relationship? For one thing, you have to express affection. But you don’t want to do that until you’re already in one, except you can’t get in one until you do it. Look, it’s good that it’s meaningful to you, but you have to get more comfortable with flirting…even so you can do it casually. Not all casual flirting is bad--don’t listen to your own ‘extroverts = evil’ speeches.”
“…uhh…”
“Now, I want you to go give them the backrub, and then come back here. Get used to being around skin without freaking out. Because it’ll help us for what we have to do. And I know they won’t steal you away…”
“What do we have to do? I mean, other than figure a way out of here, or wait to be rescued?”
She sighed, and pointed. “Go!”
--------------------
“Let the record show that I’m doing this under extreme duress.”
Dancer and Yo were on blankets about two feet apart, propped up on their elbows. Dancer, in particular, was fighting off laughter. “Any last words?”
“I think Ziles is being mind-controlled. She usually tries to keep other women away from me, but…”
As if on cue--because they actually were on cue, they counted to three--Dancer and Yo unhooked their tops and set them aside. Thankfully, Finny was only able to see their bare backs, which was all that kept him from fainting.
It took him a few minutes to remember how to talk. “Is there lotion or something?”
“Yo was not to be seeing lotion--just towels, underwears, swimsuits…”
“Bare hands, bare skin,” Dancer said. “Natural as can be.”
Finny nodded. “I just realized--maybe I should look for water…I mean, I don’t really need anything, but the rest of you might--”
Dancer looked over her shoulder at him. “Don’t try to get out of it.”
Ziles got their attention. “Hey, that little box-shaped hole…water just appeared in it! I bet if we talk about food, it’ll come too…”
“Maybe I should check that out and make sure it’s safe,” Finny said.
Dancer shook her head. “You can do that from here.”
“It’s, um…it’s safe. Okay.”
Relaxing, Dancer said, “Then what are you waiting for? Let the backrub begin!”
Finny looked around, desperate for an escape. Not because he didn’t like the idea, but because he didn’t know if he could keep from being evil.
Yo realized something. “Which one of us is to be going first?”
Dancer got that look on her face. “That’s a good question--which one of us do you like more?” She winked at Yo.
“Well…um…”
“You like me more, of course! Because of all the times I’ve dropped my pencil and picked it up realllllly slowly.”
“Uhh…”
“No, he is to be liking me more, for when I gave him tour of the Happy Place!”
Dancer did her best to look shocked. “I’ll bet you did! Well? Come on, Finny, tell us!”
“...um, let’s all calm down. I’ll flip a--no, wait, we don’t have any coins.”
Yo sighed. “Finny may go in Earth-alphabetical order--save the best for last.”
Finny nodded weakly and started rubbing Dancer’s back.
A few seconds passed. “…is that a gnat on my back? Rub harder, dragon.”
“I am!”
“Mmm…harder…and deeper…”
He stopped. “That--that isn’t funny!”
She acted like she didn’t know what he was talking about. Then, “Hey now--get your mind out of the gutter. I bet you’re getting all kinds of ideas back there.”
“I’m really not. I’m, um…”
Ziles, of course, walked over just when Dancer told Finny to go lower, and lower, and lower, and mmmmmmmmm oh god yes just right. Ziles’ question was simple but dangerous: “What are we gonna do about sleeping arrangements? There’s two couches, one bed, and four of us…”
Finny immediately volunteered to sleep on the floor.
Dancer considered it. “How about if Yo and I take the couches, and you and Finny take the bed?”
“The floor is--I actually like the floor more. In fact, I love it. I love the floor. Dragons weren’t made for beds.”
Ziles cleared her throat. Finny realized that he’d stopped rubbing, and he then realized where his hands had, exactly, stopped. Dancer giggled and flexed.
Finny stood up, trying to catch his breath. “Okay, Yo’s turn.”
Yo didn’t react quite like Dancer--the thought being simply gave a satisfied smile, which unnerved Finny even more. While he gave Yo a backrub, Dancer turned over--still without a top--and began stretching and writhing around on her towel. “I feel much better.” He actually managed not to look…much, anyway. “Time for my exercises.” Standing behind Finny, she made what he could only describe as “workout noises”, while describing a myriad of poses.
Ziles was sitting at the poolside, looking bored and slightly agitated. “So, about the sleeping arrangements…”
“Y’know, we could be stuck here for a long time,” Dancer said. “I don’t know how long I can go without--”
Finny then proceeded to somehow fall into the pool.
“--without a shower. I mean, since it only works when all four of us are in it.” Dancer had chosen the exact right--or exact wrong, depending on your point of view--moment to cross her arms. “So we have to figure something out.”
“Shower. Right,” Finny gurgled from underwater.
“Maybe we are to be using a bikini as a blindfold for the shy cute-dragon?”
“Ummmmmmmmmmm…”
“We can worry about that in the morning,” Dancer said. “Or whenever we wake up--none of us know what time it is. I don’t think we’ll need blankets, since it’s still pretty warm. I’m just gonna sleep like this.” Dancer walked off, and Yo followed.
Finny peeked out from the pool, to make sure it was safe. “Um, you forgot--you forgot your tops…”
Ziles knelt by the pool. “C’mon, time for bed…”
“Um, wait,” Finny said. “We don’t need to go to bed yet!”
Dancer andYo turned around, and Finny once again submerged himself so he wouldn’t be looking. He heard Dancer ask what he had in mind.
“I don’t know, uh…”
Dancer clapped her hands together. When Ziles told Finny that it was okay to look, the three women were in the pool--Dancer and Yo dangerously close to being above-water. Dancer said, simply, “We can play truth or dare!”
Continued by…Dancer? Ian? I trust Ziles even less than you two, so…
Fin Fang Foom
*flies away*