63.77.180.167 writes:

The scene: Dancer has been blackmailed by Zemo into going to his secret castle to join the Scourge of the BZL, Zemo’s elite super-villain group, and to use her probability powers to help Zemo cure his cryogenically-frozen wife.

Dancer: Hey, I love what you’ve done with this place! I often thought about making my own Bela Lugosi shrine when I was a little girl.

Baron Zemo: Hah! This iss mine ancestral castle. I iss not the home of some demented Translylvanian mass murderer! It iss the home of a demented Teutonic mass murder! Now enter freely and of your own vill.

Dancer: So how come you’ve got a gothic German castle here in South America, Baron?

Zemo: UPS. Now come in and meet the Scourge of the BZL

Dancer: Hokay. But what sort of name is "The Scourge of the Baron Zemo’s Lair"? I mean, it sounds more like a toilet cleanser than a supervillain team.

Jam: That’s what I keep f&cking telling him! It makes us look like f&cking p%ssy little d*ckweed g&*%$$y F*^£$!ling &$%%*bags!

Dancer: Er, sorry. I decoded the letters to confuse the auto-censor up to d*ckweed but I sort of got lost after that. And if you say that again I shall ring up your mother and tell her about you.

Jam (a bit uncertainly): You don’t know my mom’s telephone number. Ha!

Dancer: Do you want to bet that if I pick up the phone and randomly dial a number I won’t get your mom? Remembering that I’m called the Probability Dancer, that is?

Jam: Er… oh shi… drat!

Wonderbooster: Hi babe! What a privilege and a thrill it must be for you to meet me!

Dancer: Hey, I’ve heard of you. Didn’t Jarvis rip your bollocks off and use them as slingshots in an old Hooded Hood story?

Wonderbooster: No. You’re confusing me with an alternate-reality Wonder Man.

Dancer: Good. So if you call me babe again you still have bollocks for me to rip off and use as sligshots.

Wonderbooster: Er…

Jam: That’s what I said.

[The rest of the Scourge enter. According to the list in the Who’s Who, that is Dr Moo, Pegasus, the Man Who Wasn’t There, the substitute Grim Reaper, the late, great Donald Blake, and Venom.]

The Substitute Grim Reaper: Fear me!

Venom: No, fear me!

S-G-R: No, me!

Venom: No, me!

Dancer: Boys, boys, I promise to fear both of you, honest. Believe me, it is pretty scary to meet someone who’s so early-90’s comics as you, Venom, with that tired old psycho costume shtick, thinking that still makes you cutting edge. And GR, it is just as scary to meet someone who uses a scythe to commit crime in an age when firearms have been openly available to the criminal community for about, what, a hundred and fifty years. Is that really attached to your arm? How the heck do you go to the toilet?

[*The Late, Great Donald Blake shudders at some unpleasant memory*]

Pegasus: Are you going to join the Scourge, Dancer? I thought you were a goody.

Dancer: I am being blackmailed by Baron Zemo. Actually, I never figured out why you were here, Pegasus. I can’t remember you ever doing anything villainous.

Pegasus: Well…

Dancer: Unless you count that date with one of Santa’s reindeers. Depending on how that went it could have been illegal in most states.

Pegasus: I’ve done lots of villainous things. I have.

Dancer: What?

The Late, Great Donald Blake: Good question actually. What?

Dr Moo, Wonderbooster, Jam, The Man Who Wasn’t There, Venom, Substitute Grim Reaper etc: Yes, what?

Pegasus: Villainous villainous things. Full of villainy. And stuff.

Dancer: Uh huh. And another thing, what’s the deal with the Man Who Wasn’t There? I thought TMTWT metamorphosed into the Shaper of Worlds or the Chronicler of Stories or one of those confusing celestial beings, after crashing into their opposite number the Man Who Was Always There from the League of Irregulars in that story that Visionary is reposting just now? You shouldn’t be here at all any more, should you, TMTWT?

TMTWT: Hey look, it’s Elvis! [*runs away while everybody looks for the King*]

The diabolical Dr Moo: Moo-hah-hah! I just had to get that in because I haven’t said it for a long time, and to rub in the fact that I have a catch-phrase and you don’t, Dancer!

Dancer: Eat my shorts, Moo!

The Late, Great Donald Blake (raises hand): Er, if she doesn’t want to, I will.

Dancer: You do realise that you are about one word away from having to go to hospital for a stickectomy after a freak enchanted cane accident, don’t you?

Zemo: Well, it iss nice to see all mine Scourge playink so nicely with each other. Now you haff met my team, Dancer, you will prepare yourself for a deadly mission to save mine frozen wife.

Dancer: Okay. But I’ve got to go home first. It’s my night to help in the Gothametropolis Docks soup kitchen.

The diabolical Dr Moo: Ah! You are planning to poison their simple fare and so help eliminate the useless excess population.

Dancer: Not really. Just help with the washing up and maybe pass out some blankets. Sorry. Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ve got to open up the mission tonight.

The Substitute Grim Reaper: You can’t go doing charity work on your first night as a member of the Scourge! It’s… it’s un-villainish! It’s the sort of thing Pegasus would do.

Pegasus: Hey! [* starts fight with S-G-M]

Dancer: I’ll be back tomorrow if you can send a Zemo-jet for me, Heinrich, okay? I promise.

Zemo: Well, I suppose. But don’t make a habit of being kind and considerate to people.

Venom: I am too scary.

[Later, as Sarah Shepherdson unlocks the door to her flat above the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar…]

Dancer: Whew! What a day! Dinner and a movie with the archvillain of the Parodyverse then an encounter with the Scourge of the BZL! Days don’t get much more stressful than this!

Messenger (looming out of the shadows): Wrong! Prepare to die, traitorous witch!

Dancer: Ulp! I bet this is going to be continued!


Dancer. Now go and answer my questions down below in the thread to HH's story